2 Heroes & Hooligans in Goose Pimple Junction (6 page)

A pig knows enough arithmetic to take the shortest cut through a thicket.

~Southern Proverb

L
enny took his wife and daughter to Slick and Junebug’s Diner for an afternoon snack. After Martha Maye ordered water and Lenny ordered French fries and vanilla milkshakes for himself and his daughter, he got up and walked over to the jukebox. He put two quarters in, and the words to “I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me” came streaming out.

Martha Maye had tried her best to be polite in front of Butterbean, but she knew that’s why Lenny had planned this reunion in front of their daughter, and she was seething on the inside. She told Butterbean to wash her hands, and once their daughter was gone, Martha Maye lit into him.

“I thought I made myself clear on the phone, Lenny. I distinctly remember saying don’t call me, I’ll call you. I don’t know how I could have been any plainer than that.”

“I know, baby, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I was literally going plum nuts not being able to see you and Carrie.”

“No, you always were nuts,” she hissed, looking up and switching to a smile, as Junebug delivered their order to the table.

“Two white cows, one order of frog sticks, and a glass of city juice for the lady. Can I getch’all anything else?” She eyed Lenny suspiciously.

“Thanks, Junebug, that’ll do it.” Martha Maye took a sip from the glass of water.

“How’s your mama and them?” Junebug propped her hands on her hips and looked at Martha Maye.

“Mama and Aunt Ima Jean are doing all right, Junebug. Thanks for asking.”

“You got a new beau?” She motioned with her head at Lenny.

Lenny’s eyes squinted ever so slightly, but he managed a big smile and said, “Naw, she’s got an old husband.”

“Do tell. I thought your mama said you’s divorced, Martha Maye.”

“Not quite,” Martha Maye said through her teeth.

“Name’s Lenny.” He stuck out his hand. “And I’m here to win back my wife’s love.” Junebug gave him a hard stare, ignoring his outstretched hand. He took his hand back and continued.

“I literally must have been dumber’n four o’clock noon to let this woman go.”

“I’d second that.” Junebug’s face showed no sign of buying his charm.

“But I am going to rectify the situation,” Lenny drawled, flashing his best phony smile. Junebug’s glare didn’t soften.

“See that you do, son. Martha Maye is one of our own, and I’ll jerk a knot in your head if you mess with her.”

“Yes, ma’am. I do not want no knot on this here head.” He tapped the top of his head with his index finger.

Junebug harrumphed and left the table, tousling Butterbean’s hair as they passed each other.

“Can Daddy stay with us, Mama?” Butterbean slid back into the booth next to her daddy.

“No, Bean, he cannot stay with us.”

“Aw, why not?” she whined. “I want it to be like it used to be—all of us living together. Please, please, please, Mama?”

“Eat your fries while they’re hot.” Martha Maye pushed a bottle of ketchup toward her daughter.

“So you’re not living with your mama anymore?” Lenny asked.

Martha Maye narrowed her eyes. “How’d you know we were living with Mama?”

“I told him,” Butterbean piped up. She saw her mother’s disapproving look and lowered her head. “Sorry. I forgot I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Aw, Marty, it pains me to hear you felt you had to tell our daughter to keep your whereabouts from me. But I’m here to show you I’m a changed man. We can be a family again, just like Carrie wants. You won’t have to work no more.”

Martha Maye glared at him, and he quickly changed his tune, holding his palms up to quiet her down. “Unless you want to, of course. It’s entirely up to you.”

“Nice of you to allow me to choose how I want to live my life.” She rooted in her purse and then abruptly got up and walked to the jukebox. She slid two quarters in and punched the button for “I’d Rather Pass a Kidney Stone Than Another Night with You.”

Lenny’s mouth was a thin line. “I deserved that,” he said, nodding, when she sat back down at the table. “I was wrong to act the way I did before, but you’ll see, I’ll literally devote the rest of my life making it up to you and Carrie.”

“I’m not moving back, Len. Butterbean and I have a new life here in Goose Pimple Junction.”

“I ain’t asking you to move back.”

“Then how’re you gonna make it up to us?”

“
I’m
moving
here
, baby. I quit my job and already got a new one here in town.”

“A job? In Goose Pimple Junction?” Martha Maye shrieked so loudly the other customers looked over at their table. She lowered her voice to a hiss and leaned across the table. “What do you mean?”

“Just what I said. I am gainfully employed.” He grinned like a possum, raising his chin proudly and puffing out his chest.

“Where, Daddy, where?” Butterbean asked, unable to keep her bottom still in the seat. She tugged at his shirtsleeve.

“Over at Car Country Auto Sales. You’re looking at their newest salesman.”

“Just because your cat had her kittens in the oven doesn’t make them muffins.” Martha Maye stared at her glass of water as she ran her finger down it, wiping the condensation off. She couldn’t look at Lenny.

“What’s that mean, Mama?”

“Means your mama don’t think I can hold down a job as a car salesman. But I’ll show her. You’ll both be proud of me.”

“Where you staying?”

“Got me a room at the Stay A Spell Hotel. Of course if you want me to move in with y’all …”

“I didn’t say that. I thought we’d already covered that subject.”

“You’re looking awful good, sugar plum,” Lenny whispered later, patting her backside as they left the diner. “How about I come over after Carrie goes to sleep tonight? I’ll show you just how much I’ve missed you.”

Martha Maye wavered. He did seem intent on trying to be a good husband. Why was she being so cold to him? Maybe it took the shock of her walking out to make him want to change. He’d come all the way to Goose Pimple Junction to find them, he’d gotten a job, and he was so complimentary of her new figure. Not to mention Bean wanting to be with her daddy. She felt his finger caress her cheek, and she saw the pleading look in his dark brown eyes. She let out a deep sigh.

“All right. You can come over.” She cocked her eyebrows at him. “But just to talk.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” he said, patting her hip and leering at her.

After cleaning up the dinner dishes, and while Butterbean did homework, Martha Maye slipped next door to talk to Honey. Armed with sweet tea, they headed to the front porch to sit and talk. The humidity and heat of summer were no more, and the temperature was mild in the early October evening air.

“What’s up, sugar? You look like something’s on your mind.”

Martha Maye plopped down hard on the wicker chair. “It’s my husband. He says he wants me back.”

“Humph. Wanting and hoping don’t get you any toys on Christmas morning.” Honey tucked her legs up under her on the seat.

“He says he’s moved to Goose Pimple and gotten a job over at Big Darryl D’s. He says he’s a changed man.”

“And what do you think?”

“I think that man knows how to be slick as snot on a doorknob, but he did truly come across as a changed man. I used to think there wasn’t a skirt he wouldn’t chase, but he swears he’s only got eyes for me now. And when I think about his temper, I don’t see any sign of it anymore, either.”

“What do you mean, his temper?” Honey’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline.

“Oh, my stars, he used to have a horrible temper. My preacher told me to keep my car keys by the back door in case I needed to make a fast getaway.”

Honey slapped the arm of the chair. “You’re lying like a rug!”

“I wish I were.” Martha Maye shook her head.

“Did he ever hit you?”

“No, but I always expected him to. One time we’d had a fight—over what I can’t remember.” She shook her head, looking down, picturing it in her mind. “I told him I was taking Bean and leaving. He walked to the dresser and swept his arm along the entire top, throwing everything onto the floor. He said I’d leave him over my dead body. I was terrified.”

Honey looked confused. “You’d leave him over
your
dead body?”

“Yeah, sometimes his brain waves fall a little short of the beach, but not this time. He wanted it to sound like a threat, so he said
my
dead body.”

“Jimminy Christmas.” Honey stared at Martha Maye, shaking her head slowly. She pulled her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, her chin resting on her knees. “So what are you going to do? You don’t believe him now, do you?”

“I don’t have any reason not to. He
did
get a job, and he
did
come here looking for us. Those are two steps in the right direction.”

“Do you know for a fact he got a job?”

“Well, no …”

Honey moved closer to Martha Maye. “You be careful, Mart. I don’t know if you should trust him just yet.”

“It’s not like I have to beat men off with a stick, and he says he wants to win me back. That’s the best offer I’ve had.” Wryly, she added, “Other than from a murderous kidnapper.”

“Don’t you sell yourself short, Mart. There will be plenty men interested in you if you give them half a chance. You already got yourself a secret admirer. Don’t settle just to settle.”

“But Honey, he’s Butterbean’s father. Maybe my leaving shook him up. He might have changed.”

“Might? Mites don’t fly this time of year.”

Martha Maye rolled her eyes and Honey continued, “Just do this for me, Mart, go slow and don’t make any rash decisions. ‘Kay?” Honey had been rubbing Martha Maye’s arm, and she gave it a little squeeze when Martha Maye agreed to go slow and to call her if she felt the least little bit threatened.

As Martha Maye crossed the lawn back to her house, Johnny pulled into her driveway.

“Hey, stranger,” Johnny called, getting out of the car. I haven’t seen you in a while. Where you been keeping yourself?”

“Just working, Chief.” Martha Maye stopped next to his car, putting her fingers in her back pockets, thumbs hanging out.

They stood smiling and looking at each other for a long moment. Martha Maye felt like a lot, yet nothing, was said in the look that passed between them.

Johnny broke the silence first, talking in a rush. “Lookit, Martha Maye, I know your divorce isn’t final yet, but I heard Dude’s Steakhouse has great steak and great fried chicken, too. I was wondering if we could go up there sometime.”

Martha Maye didn’t reply right away. She looked down at her feet scuffing in the gravel, squealing to herself on the inside.

In the momentary silence, they heard Dispatcher Teenie White over the air: “Officer Beanblossom, Mizz Odette over on Hidden Ridge Road is reporting a raccoon wandering around her backyard. She’s afraid it’s afflicted with rabies and is gonna get her dog Whitey. Can you run over there and take care of it?”

Hank’s voice came over the speaker: “Sure thing, Teenie. I’m less than a minute away from Hidden Ridge.”

Johnny added, “Together. You ‘n me.”

Martha Maye thought about the talk she’d just had with Honey. She wished she could feel excitement for Lenny like she felt when she saw Johnny. She didn’t feel anything for Lenny except for indifference and maybe a little fear.