A Year of You (22 page)

Curious, she looked up from her hands. Their eyes met. If I was a little more naïve, I might actually believe him when he said he didn’t love me. “Huh?”

“It’s the whole leaving thing,” he said. “I don’t want to get emotionally attached because you’re going to leave, and it’s going to break my heart.”

“Oh. I understand.” Hasn’t he ever heard, ‘Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all’? “We’re still going to be friends, right?” If he said no, it would be a crushing blow.

“Yeah. Yeah.”
Absurd tears filled her eyes, and she looked out the window at the sandy yard.


“Why are you crying?”


“I’m not. I was just scared for a second there.” Might as well let it all out.


“Why?” He used his thumb to brush off a tear that escaped her eye.
“I thought—I thought you were going to tell me last night didn’t mean anything.”
West laughed and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her and snuggling his head into the crook of her neck. “Good God, Mattie. Last night was...I can’t even describe it. You’re my best friend now. And I do mean
mine
. I’m not going to let myself fall head over heels for you, but what’s between us is pretty damn special.”

Although she was vaguely insulted by the fact that he refused to fall in love with her, what his thumb was doing to her nipple was making her forget the slight rather quickly. He knew it, too. He slid his hand under her shirt and grabbed her boob, squeezing it, kneading it.

“West, Jose is going to pop in here any second,” she murmured.
“Nope. Told him I was hanging out here today after the dog thing last night.”


Her stomach dropped to her feet. “I forgot all about that.” Fear rolled in, taking over the place her sense of safety and security had just vacated. West hugged her.


“I’ve got to go bury those dogs before something gets to them,” he said. “I’ll come back in, and we’ll take a shower and figure everything out.”
Feeling empty and uneasy, Mattie nodded, watching him from the porch as he went to the shed near the trailer and got a shovel. He headed for the orange grove.

The orange grove! Elaine!

Mattie shoved her feet into a pair of his ratty old flip-flops and raced after him. He looked surprised when she popped up beside him. “I don’t want to be by myself,” she said.

The grove was a gray desolate place compared to the rest of his beautiful green land. While he dug the hole just beyond the grove, near the woods, she wandered through the rows of trees.

As she neared the center of the grove, she froze.

There it was. The huge old oak tree she’d seen in her dreams. The one little West and little Elaine danced around. Big thick branches reached out toward the ground, some longer than the tree was tall. The drooping middle of one of the branches touched the ground and formed a natural seat, big enough for three or four adults to sit on.

As she got up to it, she saw it had been propped up by two-by-fours. The planks were weathered and split with age. Trailing her fingers over the rough bark, she ducked under the bough and stepped into the cool shadows behind the tree. Instinct pulled her toward the main bole of the tree.

Her breath felt clogged in her chest. Tunnel-vision clouded out everything except for the dark gray bark of the tree ahead of her. Placing both palms on the trunk, she edged her way around until her right hand found the deep grooves in the wood.

A heart. Initials carved in the wood. The bark had grown up around the old cuts, so they were barely legible.

B.W. + E.M.

“I carved that about a year after Elaine disappeared.”


Mattie jumped about a mile into the air. “Crap, West. You scared me.”


“Sorry. Anyway. I got really depressed. Me and Elaine played out here. It was our favorite place. When I was out here, I felt so close to Elaine.” With a sad smile on his face, he touched the heart, traced the outline. “I felt like I was forgetting her.”

He turned around and gazed at Mattie, pensive. “You look...you look like you could be her, Mattie. You really do. There’s just something about you that’s not her.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m just who I am.”

“No. Don’t be. I’m not sure who she would be today. I’m afraid she would be like Emeline. Too proud to mingle with the commoners.”

Mattie snorted with laughter. “Oh my gosh, West, did you just say something negative about Emeline?”

“Shut up,” he joked, punching her shoulder lightly, playfully. “She hates my band anyway.”

“Your music is amazing. I can’t wait to hear your entire band. What’s the name of it, anyway? We’ve been so insane the last few weeks, I’ve never even asked.”

“Whispers Kill. I got a show next Friday night in Flagler.”


“Awesome. I’m invited, right?”


“Yeah. But only if I can introduce you as my groupie.”


Mattie rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. She sobered up after a moment. “Did you get the dogs all taken care of?”


“Yeah. Ended up loading them into the back of my truck and driving them out here.”


“I’m sorry about them, West.”


“I’d rather it be them than you. And Scruffy looks like he’s doing okay. He was the only one I was really worried about. Anyway. You ready to go inside?”

“Yeah.”

Mattie cast one last look at the tree and followed West toward the trailer. That tree...there was something about it. Even the leaves seemed to beckon her back.

***

“Ruth Ellen, did Mr. McKendrick love Elaine?”

Ruth Ellen licked her dry lips. “I’m not sure, Evelyn. Until Emeline was born, I believed he did. Justine took to Emeline instantly. She wouldn’t even hold Elaine when she was an infant.”

“That woman’s not right,” Mattie said.


“Brant told me about the incident the other evening.”
Mattie flushed, then realized Ruth Ellen was talking about the assault, not the one thing on her mind--West in bed. “It wasn’t a big deal,” Mattie said.

“Evelyn Claire, you were attacked in your own home.”

“I know. I was there.”


“Do you know who did it?”


“Yes.” The room was silent for a long moment. “There’s nothing I can do,” she continued. “In November I’ll get K his money, and he’ll leave me alone.”


“He’ll want more. You can’t escape a man like that.”


“I can. I will. If he doesn’t know how much I have, then he’ll leave me alone.”
Ruth Ellen raised her eyebrows skeptically.

“When December comes, are you staying or are you going back to Atlanta?”


Mattie went cold inside. It wasn’t something she wanted to think about. Especially not when her body was raw and sore from West, and her thoughts wandered back to the hours spent in bed with him.

She didn’t want to think about leaving him, not when he spent every moment he could hard against her, loving her body even if he refused to love her. It hurt too much.

“I don’t know yet.” She stared down at her hands, twisting the heirloom engagement ring around her finger until it hurt. “I guess it really depends on who wants me to stay.”

“With all the money you’ll have, West would be stupid to let you leave,” Ruth Ellen said with a smirk. Stabbed to the core by the comment, Mattie hated the woman for that moment.

“West cares about more than money.”

“I’m sure he does. You’re an attractive woman. If you’re anything like your mother, you let him do anything he wants to that pretty little body of yours and you love it.”

“Whatever’s between us isn’t about sex,” Mattie said, fighting back tears.

“Evelyn, I can look in your eyes and see your mother at your age. You and she have more in common than you know.” Ruth Ellen’s eyes blazed and her mouth curled into a half-sneer. “You’re just like me, in some respects. Hidden inside that submissive façade is a ruthless woman.”

“Did she ever want me? Even for a minute?” Mattie asked, meeting Ruth Ellen’s glare. “Why did she keep Elaine and not me?”

“She didn’t want you. I wouldn’t have let her keep you even if she had. You were—and would have been—an inconvenience.”

Mattie’s stomach clenched and she closed her eyes against the cramp. “Did she ever think about me?”

“Not for a second. Within a year of sending you away, she was married and pregnant with Elaine. Elaine was the one she was meant to have. I bonded with her before she was even born. You were an accident. If I hadn’t been so worried about the stigma an abortion would put on my family, Karen would have gotten rid of you. She was twenty-four when you were born. James had only just begun to talk about marriage.”

“Who’s my father?”


Ruth Ellen frowned. “She was with several men at the time you were conceived, so she says.”


“Is there any chance Mr. McKendrick is my father?”
Ruth Ellen laughed.

“Of course. His chances are equal with four other men, three of which Karen barely knew.”


Mattie closed her eyes, but her tears traced paths down her cheeks anyway. “She never wanted me at all?”


“Why do you ask questions that you know the answers to? Evelyn, listen to me. It was nothing personal.”
Nothing personal. Mattie took a deep breath, imagining the air she sucked into her lungs pushing down all the hurt. When she had the upper hand on her emotions, she looked back up at her cold-hearted grandmother.

“My name’s Mattie, Ruth Ellen. I’m not Evelyn. Not anymore.” Her control grew shaky. “West is probably waiting for me downstairs.”


Ruth Ellen opened her newspaper, dismissing Mattie.
In the elevator to the ground level she felt her resolve crumbling, the dams of her emotions springing leaks left and right. When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open with a rush of cold, sanitizer-scented air, she plowed through the family waiting to enter and hurried for the ornate front door. Once she was outside, she stepped to the side of the main walkway and raised her face to the sky.

It’s nothing personal. She just didn’t want you
.

Mattie breathed deeply, struggling for control of herself once more.
I could have handled it better if she hated me. If she couldn’t stand the sight of me, it would be okay.
It sank in slowly: the only reason she had been summoned was to avenge an old hurt. There was no mushy-gushy, opened-arms family reunion waiting. Even when the DNA results were revealed that she was a blood relation, she wouldn’t be welcomed.

The grief wrapped around her heart like a vice, squeezing tighter with every breath. She wanted West and his strong arms, broad shoulders, and kind eyes. Nothing seemed more freeing than blurting out the whole truth. The burden was too much to carry alone.

You know if you tell him, he’s going to turn against you. He’s not a fan of the whole lying thing.

Ruth Ellen’s revenge obsession wasn’t going to do anything but get Mattie hurt.

Not as bad as K might hurt Molly, though.

West could help. West would figure out a way to escape K, and to keep Molly safe.

Mattie shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. No. He’d get mad because she lied, and go right back to hating her.

The warm fall breeze blew the scent of car exhaust into her face. Somewhere behind her a kid was crying and a woman was arguing with a man. Traffic sped by on the busy road in front of the ornate main gate of the nursing home.

Mattie glanced at her watch, more than ready to go home. Where was West? He was supposed to be waiting for her.

He’s probably with Emeline. Why not? It was the perfect opportunity. The plan was to meet back at the facility in an hour. Plenty of time for...whatever went on between those two.

Shaking, angry, and broken inside, Mattie dug out her cell phone and punched his number in.

The ring-back tone played in her ear until his answering machine picked up. “Screw you,” she muttered after she hung up.

The sun beat down on her back. After a few minutes of standing on the curb of the circular drive, she retreated to the benches sheltered by a decorative overhang. Lots of bright tropical flowers bloomed in a riot of color and scents. Mattie snatched a hibiscus blossom off the bush and spun the stem between her fingers.

She never cared, one way or the other. Mattie felt her breath pinch tight in her chest. “Stop it, stop it!” she ordered herself softly.

Her mother dumped her on a maid, who hated her. K only used her. West only wanted her because she was available.

Emeline hated her. Her own grandmother only wanted her around because she could pass as a McKendrick.

Use me, abuse me, throw me away
.

She wondered if Karen would have rejected her if she had the choice. Maybe if Karen had survived the cancer that had eaten away her brain, Mattie could have convinced her to accept her.

No, you couldn’t force anyone to feel something they just didn’t
. From the stories Emeline told, Karen was as cold-hearted as Ruth Ellen. It ran in the family. Everybody so far was unrealistically, primetime-soap-opera icy.

She wished there was a place she could just curl up and go to sleep forever. The hibiscus bloom turned into a pulpy piece of tissue between her fingers. Trying to call West again just got her another half-dozen empty rings in her ear.

An hour later he still hadn’t shown up. It was nearly five in the afternoon. Dusk fell, shading the day in blue and lavender tones. Mattie tried to call him again, for the fifteenth time.

The voicemail picked up. Mattie reined in the urge to throw the phone.
Fine.
If he was too busy fooling around with Emeline, then she would just call a cab. A nice receptionist let her use the phone at the front desk. Within ten minutes, a white sedan with a taxi sign on top pulled into the circular loop.

As she headed for the car, Mattie dialed Emeline’s number. Her sister answered on the third ring, breathless and laughing.
Please, please, please let it just be me being insecure. He’s not there. He’s on a job. He’s rehearsing. He’s…

“Have you seen West?” Mattie asked, hoping against hope Em would say no.

Her high hopes were dashed when Mattie heard him laughing in the background. The sound conjured her favorite times with him, sprawled out comfortably on a couch or the bed, watching TV, beer in hand.