Adultery (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (8 page)

There’s a man in the office who appreciates her, he values her excellent work. He smiles at her and makes her laugh. He says how nice she looks. Their exchanges seem so innocent, so harmless. Then, when pangs of guilt bubble up, she quickly bursts those emotions, rationalizing, “We’re not doing anything wrong!”

She rushes to work early and then stays late, simply because
he is there
. She dresses carefully, as if for a date, holding up outfits before the mirror wondering what
he will think
. Casual lunches along with a crowd become dinners for two late after work. Their time starts lighthearted with laughter, but soon turns serious ... and dangerous.

She waves off every warning, smothers the hint of shame, and ignores the guilt of betrayal. And her justification is classic, “Don’t I deserve to be happy?” Headfirst, she falls into what she calls
love
, but in truth, it’s really a
lie
. The grass is
not
greener on the other side.

Ensnared in an affair, she shuffles between two worlds. In both she pretends to be someone she’s not. She is
not
a single woman
, nor is she
a faithful wife
.

Joy escapes her. Peace eludes her. Juggling all the lies she tells and the lies she believes becomes too much to manage. She calls it off again and again. She’s ready to quit her job, ready to confess her sin, ready to jump off a bridge because she can no longer face the woman she sees in the mirror. No longer does she see a confident woman, only her shameful secret.

Over time, too many lies lead to inconsistent answers that result in feared confrontation. Tearfully, she confesses the truth to her husband. It’s a load off her mind and heart, but it’s still a burden to bear and it’s agony to witness the pain she’s caused. She begs and pleads for his forgiveness. She quits her job and promises it will never happen again. But what can she do with the lingering guilt, the shame that constantly shadows her? Both are constant companions no matter where she tries to hide.

She struggles to believe her husband can forgive and forget. They muddle through the mess she’s made and try to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together again. Grateful that he loves her despite her betrayal, she accepts guilt as the penalty for her sin and carries it with her like a shroud of shame.

Although she has confessed the truth to her husband, she is afraid to confess it to her Lord—even though she’s aware that He
already
knows. How can He ever forgive her? How could He love her after what she’s done?

Repentant, she brings the burden of her brokenness—her guilt and her shame—to the foot of the cross. She leaves it there, only to run back and pick it up again and again, to punish herself again and again.

Then she reads of Jesus’ love and redemption: the woman at the well, the woman who washes Jesus’ feet with her tears, and especially the woman caught in adultery. She identifies with each of these broken, but blessed women. Finally, she realizes that by judging herself, she is placing herself above the authority of her God and her King, the One who asked the woman caught in adultery about her accusers,
“Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
She replies,
“No one, sir,”
and then hears these sweet words from the Lover of her soul, who would sacrifice everything for her:
“Then neither do I condemn
you. ...
Go now and leave your life of sin”
(John 8:9–11). And she does because she has a Savior, and in Him...

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

Can a man have a secret affair and no one get
burned
by it?

“Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being
burned
?”
(Proverbs 6:27)

As a child of
God
, I
belong to Him in body and spirit
. Does being
unfaithful
to my spouse have any effect on my children?

“Has not the one
God
made you? You
belong to him in body and spirit
. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be
unfaithful
to the wife of your youth.”
(Malachi 2:15)

Does
sexual immorality
have any adverse effect on my
body
?

“Flee from
sexual immorality
. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own
body
.”
(1 Corinthians 6:18)

Can a person
be deceived
and
God mocked
, or will an adulterer
reap what he sows
?

“Do not
be deceived: God
cannot be
mocked
. A man
reaps what he sows
.”
(Galatians 6:7)

What consequences occur when a man
sleeps with another man’s wife
and
touches her
?

“So is he who
sleeps with another man’s wife
; no one who
touches her
will go unpunished.”
(Proverbs 6:29)

Can a person discretely
commit adultery
and no one be
destroyed
by it?

“But a man who
commits adultery
has no sense; whoever does so
destroys
himself.”
(Proverbs 6:32)

Are
sexual thoughts evil
? If I keep them
inside
and don’t act on them, can they still
defile
me?

“For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that
evil thoughts
come—
sexual
immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from
inside
and
defile
a person.”
(Mark 7:21–23)

Adultery seems commonplace today, even among Christians.
Will God
still
judge the adulterer
?

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for
God will judge the adulterer
and all the sexually immoral.”
(Hebrews 13:4)

Will God provide
a
way out
when I am
tempted
?

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And
God
is faithful; he will not let you be
tempted
beyond what you can bear. ... he
will
also
provide a way
out.”
(1 Corinthians 10:13)

Is it
God’s will
that I
avoid sexual immorality
?

“It is
God’s will
that you should be sanctified: that you should
avoid sexual immorality
.”
(1 Thessalonians 4:3)

NOTES

1. Merriam-Webster, Inc.,
   Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary
   , Eleventh ed. (Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2003), s.v. “Adultery.”
   
2. J. Strong,
   Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon
   (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2001), #H5003.
   
3. Strong,
   Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon
   , #G4202.
   
4. Beth Laurence, “Debt and Marriage: When Do I Owe My Spouse’s Debts?” (Berkeley, CA: NOLO, 2013), http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/debt-marriage-owe-spouse-debts-29572.html.
   
5. Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr.,
   Understanding People: Deep Longings for Relationship
   , Ministry Resources Library (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1987), 15–16; Robert S. McGee,
   The Search for Significance
   , 2nd ed. (Houston, TX: Rapha, 1990), 27–30.
   
6. Kay Marshall Strom,
   Helping Women in Crisis: A Handbook for People Helpers
   (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1986), 90-91.
   
7. Strom,
   Helping Women in Crisis
   , 93–96.
   
8. Strom,
   Helping Women in Crisis
   , 90–91.
   
9. Strom,
   Helping Women in Crisis
   , 93–96.
   
10. Van Cleave, Byrd, and Revell,
    Counseling for Substance Abuse and Addiction
    , 83–6; Carolyn Johnson,
    Understanding Alcoholism
    (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1991), 145–50; Christina B. Parker,
    When Someone You Love Drinks Too Much: A Christian Guide to Addiction
    ,
    Codependence, & Recovery
    (New York: Harper & Row, 1990), 55–56.
    
11. Van Cleave, Byrd, and Revell,
    Counseling for Substance Abuse and Addiction
    , 87.
    

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Alcorn, Randy C.
Christians in the Wake of the Sexual Revolution: Recovering Our Sexual Sanity
. A Critical Concern Book. Portland, OR: Multnomah, 1985.

Carder, Dave, and Duncan Jaenicke.
Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
. Rev. and expanded ed. Chicago: Moody, 1995.

Carter, Les.
The Prodigal Spouse
. Minirth-Meier Series. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1990.

Harley, Willard F., Jr., and Jennifer Harley Chalmers.
Surviving an Affair
. Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1998.

Hunt, June.
Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook.
Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2008.

Hunt, June.
Hope for Your Heart: Finding Strength in Life’s Storms
. Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011.

Hunt, June.
How to Deal with Difficult Relationships: Bridging the Gaps that Separate People
. Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 2012.

Hunt, June.
How to Defeat Harmful Habits: Freedom from Six Addictive Behaviors.
Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 2011.

Hunt, June.
How to Forgive . . . When You Don’t Feel Like It.
Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2007.

Hunt, June.
How to Handle Your Emotions.
Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2008.

Hunt, June.
Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes.
Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2008.

Lutzer, Erwin W.
Living with Your Passions
. Wheaton, IL: Victor, 1983.

Mylander, Charles.
Running the Red Lights: Putting the Brakes on Sexual Temptation
. Regal: Ventura, CA, 1986.

Neal, Connie.
Holding on to Heaven While Your Friend Goes Through Hell
. Nashville: Word, 1999.

Peterson, J. Allan.
The Myth of the Greener Grass
. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1983.

Rainey, Dennis.
Lonely Husbands, Lonely Wives: Rekindling Intimacy in Every Marriage
. Dallas: Word, 1989.

Strom, Kay Marshall.
Helping Women in Crisis: A Handbook for People Helpers
. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1986.

Virkler, Henry A.
Broken Promises
. Contemporary Christian Counseling, ed. Gary R. Collins. Dallas: Word, 1992.

West, Kari.
Dare to Trust Dare to Hope Again: Living with Losses of the Heart
. Colorado Springs, CO: Faithful Woman, 2002.

Winebrenner, Jan, and Debra Frazier.
When a Leader Falls What Happens to Everyone Else?
Minneapolis, MN: Bethany, 1993.

June Hunt’s HOPE FOR THE HEART booklets are biblically-based, and full of practical advice that is relevant, spiritually-fulfilling and wholesome. Each topic presents scriptural truths and examples of real-life situations to help readers relate and integrate June’s counseling guidance into their own lives. Practical for individuals from all walks of life, this new booklet series invites readers into invaluable restoration, emotional health, and spiritual freedom.

HOPE FOR THE HEART TITLES

Adultery (ISBN 9781596366848)

Alcohol and Drug Abuse (ISBN 9781596366596)

Anger (ISBN 9781596366411)

Codependency (ISBN 9781596366510)

Conflict Resolution (ISBN 9781596366473)

Confrontation (ISBN 9781596366886)

Considering Marriage (ISBN 9781596366763)

Decision Making (ISBN 9781596366541)

Depression (ISBN 9781596366497)

Domestic Violence (ISBN 9781596366824)

Fear (ISBN 9781596366701)

Forgiveness (ISBN 9781596366435)

Gambling (ISBN 9781596366862)

Grief (ISBN 9781596366572)

Guilt (ISBN 9781596366961)

Hope (ISBN 9781596366558)

Loneliness (ISBN 9781596366909)

Manipulation (ISBN 9781596366749)

Parenting (ISBN 9781596366725)

Rejection (ISBN 9781596366787)

Self-Worth (ISBN 9781596366695)

Sexual Integrity (ISBN 9781596366947)

Success Through Failure (ISBN 9781596366923)

Suicide Prevention (ISBN 9781596366800)

Verbal & Emotional Abuse (ISBN 9781596366459)