Adventures of a Cat-Whiskered Girl (14 page)

"Yes, the Wolluf is the scariest thing in the whole valley," Joe said. "By the way, its name is Max."

"Max?" Molly asked.

"Max."

"That's a funny name for something so scary."

"I doubt you will think it's funny when you see it."

"By the way, I am not Elizabeth Van Vreemdeling," I said. "My name is Audrey, and I come from another plane of existence."

"How adorable. She doesn't know who she is," Uncle Bernard said.

"I certainly do know who I am," I said. "And I never heard of Elizabeth Van Vreemdeling until the other day."

"Then how do you account for the fact that you are she?" Uncle Bernard asked.

"I don't know that I have to account for it," I said. "First, I am not she, have no recollection of being her, never heard of her, and besides, she lived a long time ago."

"So did we," Uncle Bernard said. "And yet here we are, us."

"But, I assume you have always been you," I said.

"More or less," Uncle Bernard said. "But then, all of us are any number of people as we go along, if you'd care to think about it. I mean, once you were a baby, quite different from the girl you are now, and later you will be an adult, also different. Can you remember being a little baby?"

"No."

"But you do not deny you ever were such a thing as a baby, do you?"

"Well, no."

"Why not, since you don't have any recollection of being one?"

"Because everyone starts out as one."

"And how do you know that is so?"

"How do I know everyone starts out as a baby?"

"Yes. What makes you think that is so?"

"Observation?"

"Oh, so you have observed every single person starting out as a little infant and growing up to be a child, an adolescent, and an adult?"

"No, not
personally
observed."

"Then why do you think it is true?"

"Because everyone knows it."

"So, you believe it because there is a consensus of opinion about it."

"Yes."

"Excellent," Uncle Bernard said. "Everyone who believes Audrey here is Elizabeth Van Vreemdeling, raise your paw."

All the trolls raised their hands, Helen called from the kitchen, "I believe it," and I saw that Molly had raised her hand too.

"It seems we have a consensus of opinion," Uncle Bernard said.

"That is not proof," I said. "You could all be wrong. I might just look a lot like her."

"You have a point," Uncle Bernard said. "Nothing is ever definite, but you have to admit there is more of a possibility that you are Elizabeth than you previously thought."

"Maybe a tiny bit more," I said. "But I am far from convinced."

"What would convince you?"

"Nothing I can think of, unless I suddenly remembered being Elizabeth, which I do not."

Molly said, "You all say that Elizabeth Van Vreemdeling had a different reaction to the Wolluf from everyone else. I would be interested in seeing if Audrey does too, besides being interested in seeing the Wolluf."

"Well, it's before breakfast, but I suppose we could call him if you think you want to see him on an
empty stomach," Uncle Bernard said. "And as I think about it, that might be the best way."

"You can just call him and he will come?"

"Yes, but we tend not to."

"All right. You asked for it," Joe said. He put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. "Max!" he shouted.

I noticed all the trolls were shading their eyes with their hands. Molly looked excited. I braced myself for something ghastly. I heard the scrabbling of claws and the thumping of paws. I heard raspy panting.

And then...

The puppy, the one I had been playing with earlier, came bounding into the room. He headed straight for me. I sank to my knees and hugged and petted him. He put his paws on my shoulders and licked my face. At first I thought I was protecting him from the Wolluf, and then I realized that nothing else was about to enter the room.

While this was happening, the trolls were moaning and groaning.

"Oh, lordy, how terrible! How frightening! How unbearable!"

Molly was saying similar things, but she wasn't groaning. She was clapping her hands, and jumping up and down.

"What is all this? What is so horrible? What are you seeing that you find so unpleasant?" I asked the trolls.

"Unpleasant? Painful is more like it," the trolls said.

"Molly, what are you seeing?"

"Oh, it is bad," Molly said. "I mean, it is scary. I'm not seeing anything. It's like there is nothing to see. There's ... there's a hole in reality. It is like absolute darkness—only it is so dark, it's bright. It's like looking at the sun, if the sun were the source of all darkness."

"And it pulses. And coruscates. And flashes blackness," the trolls said. "It is like staring into the pit of hell. As often as we see it, it never gets easier."

"I would rather be stuffed in a garbage can and thrown down a well than look at this," Joe said.

"I would rather be put through an industrial olive-pitting machine than look at this," Fay said.

"I would rather be trampled to death by a hundred elephants than look at this," Phil said.

"I would rather die, be reborn as a skunk, and then be stepped on by a moose than look at this," Helen shouted from the kitchen.

"What are you seeing?" Molly asked me.

"Cute puppy," I said.

"Cute cute, or horrifying and diabolically cute?"

"Regular cute," I said. "He likes me. What happens if I wrap him in my sweater?" I put my sweater around the puppy and held him.

"A little better," Uncle Bernard said. "Still scary, but better."

"Would you like to take Max out on the veranda while we have our breakfast?" Helen asked. "Molly can bring yours outside to you."

"I'm not sure I can eat," Joe said.

I shared my Danish pastries with Max. He wasn't interested in the split-pea soup. Neither was I.

"This is confusing," I said to Max. "Do you think I might actually be Elizabeth Van Vreemdeling?"

"Obviously you're Elizabeth," Max said.

"You can talk! How is it you can talk?" I asked.

"I'm the Wolluf," Max said.

"And you too think I am Elizabeth."

"Not think—know," Max said. "I'm the Wolluf. I'm never wrong about things like this."

"Is that why Chicken Nancy arranged for me to come here, so you could tell me I am Elizabeth Van Vreemdeling? Which I still do not believe, by the way."

"I would imagine she wanted you to meet me because I am the only one who can guide you where you have to go," Max said.

"And where do I have to go?" I asked the Wolluf.

"Let's leave that for later," Max said. "Are you ready to take a little trip with me?"

Molly had come out onto the veranda.

"Can Molly come along?" I asked.

"I see no reason why not," the Wolluf said.

"We going somewhere?" Molly asked.

"Max wants to guide me," I said. "Are you up for it? Is he still looking terrifying to you?"

"Pretty terrifying—but I am learning to deal with it," Molly said. "These Hudson River trolls may be four hundred years old and know a lot, but they don't have nerve like a Catskill Mountain dwerg."

"Good girl," Max said. "I don't do it on purpose, you know."

"It talks," Molly said.

"I was about to mention that," I said.

"So what do we do first?"

"First we get off the island and ashore. You girls strong swimmers?"

"Not with these currents," I said. "Besides, I think I see Harold the giant making his way upstream. He can take us across."

Molly leaned in through the open door and called to the trolls, "We're going soon. Would it be all right with you if we took the Wolluf away with us?"

"All right?" the trolls answered all at once. "We would love it, and be grateful forever."

"In that case, we'll be pushing off with Harold before long," Molly said. "Thanks for the breakfast and the bed and the klabiash game and everything."

"Would you mind if we didn't come out to see you off?" Uncle Bernard said. "It's just that looking at the Wolluf one last time might make us sad."

"Or sick," Molly said. "Do you have a big bag of some kind?"

"Like how big?"

"Big enough for a large puppy, I guess," Molly said.

"How about a Spanish-American War knapsack? We have one of those for carrying firewood."

"Toss it out here, and we'll try it for size," Molly said. To Max she said, "What do you think? Can you fit in this?"

"I think so," Max said. "What's the idea?"

"It's so Harold the giant doesn't jump out of the boat when we put you in," Molly said.

"Oh! Good thinking," Max said.

Harold was working his way closer.

"Come get us off this island!" I shouted to him.

"Fershlugginer currents!" Harold shouted. "I'm doing the best I can."

On the third try, Harold managed to get the coracle up against the dock.

"Be careful with this," Molly said as we handed down the Wolluf.

"What is it?" Harold asked.

"Talking knapsack. Don't open it."

The trolls had stuck their arms out various windows and were waving handkerchiefs.

"Goodbye, trolls! Thanks for everything!" we shouted, and stepped into the boat.

Harold pushed out into the current. "So what's in the bag?" he asked.

"Would you believe ... the Wolluf?" Max asked.

"Holy pineapple!" Harold said.

"Do you mean to tell me you caught the Wolluf?" Harold asked.

"Not caught," Max said. "I can bust out of this rucksack anytime I want."

"We just thought it would be better not to distract you," Molly said.

"I'm fairly distracted," Harold said. "You do realize that the Wolluf is the most terrifying and powerful supernatural thing in the whole valley, do you not?"

"Ha! And that is without half trying," Max said from inside the bag.