Alpine for You (17 page)

"Marion. Bernice. Jane. Lars. Solvay," said George. "Grab yourselves a chair. Come join us. Maybe we can convince Emily to tell us how she rescued me and my leg today."

Etienne squeezed my knee beneath the table. I flashed him a hopeless smile, then caught sight of the three Dicks and their wives at the next table. They were looking this way, and for whatever reason, they weren't smiling.

"T
he Black Forest is named for the dark pine and fir trees that cover a mountainous region that is one hundred miles long and twenty miles wide. Throughout the centuries, the forest has been the setting for many fairy tales, but in the most recent decades, nearly half the trees in the region have been damaged by acid rain. And the source of much of that toxic rain is from factories in the United States. In Switzerland we are kinder to the environment. We are the most environmentally conscientious nation in the world."

I yawned as I stared out the window at the forest Sonya was describing over the loudspeaker. Two seats ahead of me, Grace Stolee punched a button on Dick's camcorder and aimed it out the window. "Trees," she said. Grace could really cut to the chase.

We were on a day-trip today, heading for a little spa town called Titisee-Neustadt, which was located at the point where Germany, France, and Switzerland converge. We had already stopped for picture taking at the Rhine Falls, which I considered a major water hazard, but since Dick Stolee's toupee didn't fly off his head, I was spared having to fling myself into the raging water to save it.

I didn't have to worry about George Farkas losing his leg today. George wasn't with us.

Nana and I were sitting on the long bench seat at the back of the bus, she at one window and I at the other, with a good six feet of space between us. I eyed the space longingly and thought about a nap. Not a bad idea considering how little sleep I'd gotten last night.

I looked over at Nana to find her snoring quietly with her chin slumped onto her chest. I guess she wasn't too interested in Sonya's dissertation on acid rain, which didn't mean she was antigreen. It just meant she hadn't gotten much sleep last night either.

When Sonya finished her spiel, Wally navigated to the front of the bus and took over the microphone. "You've probably noticed that George Farkas isn't with us this morning. George suffered what we all thought was a major heart attack last night at the Hotel Chateau Gutsch after the bartender presented him with his bill. Emily had the presence of mind to throw him to the floor and begin resuscitation measures, but luckily it only turned out to be a panic attack."

I'd suspected he wasn't having a heart attack when he tried to give my lip a hickey during mouth-to-mouth.

"Emily and her grandmother were kind enough to accompany George in the ambulance to the hospital, and to stay with him until he was released, so let's have a round of applause to show the ladies our appreciation."

Scattered applause. A few whistles.

"George decided to stay at the hotel today to recuperate," Wally continued. "But you have to ask what he's recuperating from? The panic attack or the excitement of Emily's mouth-to-mouth!"

Hoots. Guffaws. Giggles.

Dick Rassmuson stood up and clutched his hands to his chest. "I feel the big one coming on, Emily. I need oxygen. I need mouth-to-mouth!"

"Take an aspirin!" one of the men shouted.

I hunkered down in my seat and began counting the number of days left on our Golden Swiss Triangle tour. I didn't know how much longer I could play the part of the escort extraordinaire. Last night had started out so perfectly. The intimate room. Etienne's kiss. The prospect of getting naked. Hanging out in a hospital waiting room for five hours hadn't been part of the plan. I didn't even get a chance to kiss Etienne good-bye. I'd merely had time to wave to him from inside the ambulance as we drove away. There was
no
justice in the world. With the way I'd looked last night, I should have spent the evening doing something that would have caused me to wake up this morning feeling satisfied and glowing. Instead, I'd broken the heel of my strappy new shoes in an altercation with the hospital's vending machine and I had bags under my eyes. Was I the poster child for today's successful woman, or what?

"We'll be stopping in the town of Titisee-Neustadt for two and a half hours," Wally announced. "There are plenty of places to have lunch along the main street and lots of boutiques and shops in the town center."

It was becoming apparent that a Golden Swiss Triangle tour revolved around driving really long distances to eat lunch and shop. But I didn't mind the drive today. The weather had broken the moment we left Switzerland and crossed the border into Germany, which made me think we would have been wiser to book the Golden Deutschland Triangle Tour. Switzerland might have Alps, but Germany had sunshine.

I rested my head against the window, letting the sun wash over my face, and the next thing I knew, Wally was standing above me, shaking my shoulder. "We're here, Sleeping Beauty. Do you want to join us?"

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "We're here?" I looked down the length of the bus to find it empty. "Where is everyone?"

"Walking down to the lake to board the boat."

"Boat?" Unh-oh. "You never said anything about a boat."

"I did so. About a half hour ago. You must have been sleeping."

"We
can't
board another boat! We can't go anywhere
near
water!"

"It's on the itinerary. We take a one-way boat trip from the southern end of Lake Titisee to the town at the northern end, and the bus meets us there. It's not a long boat ride. Only about ten minutes. Are you coming?" He headed off down the aisle. I chased after him.

"But I didn't bring any dry clothes with me!"

"What makes you think you're going to get wet?"

"When have I been around water on this trip and not gotten wet?"

He stopped for a beat. "Are you wearing a watch?"

"No."

"Then what are you worried about?"

We were the last people to board the boat. Much to my relief, the vessel was a sightseeing boat, enclosed in glass, with no upper deck, so there would be little opportunity for anyone to lose anything overboard. I slid into the first booth with a space and took a deep breath, hoping my knees would eventually stop knocking together. Wally was right. I had nothing to worry about. So why did I feel as if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop?

"I'm having the big one!" Dick Rassmuson yelled out from the stern of the boat. "I need mouth-to-mouth, Emily! You did it for George. You can do it for me!"

I threw him my "Get real" look, then settled in for the journey across the lake.

Sonya began a narration over the boat loudspeaker. "Lake Titisee is named for the Roman general Titus, who once camped here with his troops, but the first authenticated reference to the name is found in documents dating from the year 1111."

The lake was a sparkling gem, with a forest of golden-leaved trees marching from high, steep slopes down to its shore. It was kind of neat to imagine the lake had looked exactly like this two thousand years ago, only without the powerboat.

"How deep is this lake?" Lars Bakke called out to Sonya.

"Why do you need to know that? Are you going scuba diving? There is
no
scuba diving allowed in Lake Titisee."

"How cold's the water?" asked Dick Teig.

"Why don't you stick your head in and find out?" hissed Sonya.

"No!" I leaped out of my seat. "No one sticks anything in the water! Do you hear me? No piggies. No pinkies. No heads. Stay in your seats and don't move a muscle!" Okay, so maybe I was a little over the top, but it seemed to work. No one was moving. That was a good sign. Besides, if Dick Teig stuck his head in the water, we'd be looking at a major tidal wave.

"It's the big one, Emily!" shouted Dick Rassmuson. "I can feel the palpitations. I'm getting short of breath. You better get back here and start puckering up!"

Laughter exploded throughout the cabin. High-pitched giggles. Earsplitting hysteria. I looked from bow to stern. Dick Rassmuson might be a cutup, but he wasn't
that
funny. What in the world was going on? Then I noticed the fingers pointing out the window. I pivoted my head around. A man was wading into the lake near the beach area at the opposite shore. There was nothing noteworthy about that, other than the fact that he was buck naked.

The uproar grew louder. Hoots. Wolf whistles. I guess that meant the men had spotted the naked women lounging on chairs in a glass-fronted building behind the beach. I executed a major eye roll. I'm so glad everyone was being so adult about this. Wally wandered over to my side.

"What's with all the laughter? They've never seen naked people before?"

"I'm sure it's because they've never seen a public beach before. Remember. They're from Iowa."

Sonya's voice came over the loudspeaker again. "Titisee-Neustadt is a spa town. The glass-fronted building you see ahead of you is where people are treated for obesity, asthma, chronic bronchitis, allergies, metabolic diseases, and physical and emotional exhaustion."

"Is that place coed, or do you have to get naked in a room with your own kind?" yelled Dick Rassmuson.

Sonya blew a disgusted breath into the loudspeaker and clicked it off in an obvious snit. I suspected that marked the end of her narration. I heard the engine cut as we neared the shore, and we got jostled a little as the vessel bumped against the rubber tires on the dock. The captain assisted each of us out of the boat and as we followed Wally toward the town center, I breathed a sigh of relief that the excursion across the lake had gone off without incident. All that concern for nothing. I'd become too much of a worrywart. I needed to chill out more.

Wally stopped in the middle of the pedestrian walkway with instructions. "Those of you who are interested in seeing how cuckoo clocks are made can see a demonstration with me in five minutes. The rest of you can explore the town and meet the bus in the parking lot at the end of this road at two o'clock."

I didn't want to know how cuckoo clocks were made. If I got curious, I could dismantle one of the clocks Bernice had stockpiled in my room. She'd never miss it. I did want to do some shopping, I wanted to eat, and I wanted to keep tabs on the Teigs, Rassmusons, Stolees, and Bernice. If they had any surprises planned, I wanted to be three steps ahead of them.

"Bernice and me are goin' to that cuckoo clock demonstration." Nana tugged on my sleeve to make sure I heard. "The place is probably gonna be really crowded, but we'll try to wrestle our way down front so we'll be
in full view
of everythin' and you won't have to worry 'bout us missin' nothin'." She waggled her eyebrows in an overstated gesture which I took to mean,
There's safety in numbers, dear. Don't worry about me.
And she was right, of course. She wasn't a child. I couldn't tether her to my wrist to appease my anxiety.

"You gonna be all right on your own?" she asked me.

I gave her a thumbs-up and patted the pocket that contained my Swiss Army knife. "I'll be fine." But the cuckoo clock business reminded me that I hadn't heard a word about the disposition of Andy's body. Had they shipped him back to Iowa already or was he going to fly back with the rest of us? I made a mental note to ask Etienne. It would give me the perfect excuse to call him. Maybe he'd have the fingerprint results on Shirley Angowski's camera bag today. I hoped so. All these unanswered questions were making me as cuckoo as some of the clocks around here.

The streets and sidewalks were crowded with tourists eating ice-cream cones, pushing baby strollers, and toting shopping bags. Most of our group followed Wally to the cuckoo demonstration, but the Rassmusons, Teigs, Stolees, and Jane Hanson ventured off down the street toward the spa, so that's where I ventured, too. I'd never tailed anyone before, but it was pretty much a no-brainer. All I had to do was mingle with the crowd and stay far enough behind them so I wasn't being too obvious.

They wandered into a couple of shops specializing in wine, cheese, and sausage. I got hungry smelling sausage fumes, so I bought an ice cream and sat on a bench on the opposite side of the road. When they reappeared, they caught my eye, waved, and continued down the road. I was a little concerned about the wave. Were they feigning friendliness or were they on to me? Whatever. I headed down the road behind them.

Near the Spa they detoured into another shop. When I got close enough, I saw that it was a cafeteria-type eatery, which meant, they were going to be in there for a long time. I gnawed on my cone, wondering what to do. Should I go in there after them, or should I look for a pair of shoes to replace the ones I'd ruined last night? Hmm. The ice cream hadn't filled me up. Maybe I should have some Black Forest cake to top it off. That sounded good. And if they accused me of following them, I could tell them it was a free country. I thought about that for a moment. Germany was free. Wasn't it? I entered the cafeteria, promising myself I'd brush up on international politics when I got back to Iowa.

I grabbed a tray and wandered around the many colorful food islands, having no idea what much of the food was since it was labeled in German. No pizza. No spaghetti. No fried chicken. No Iowa pork chops. They did have serve-yourself soft-serve ice cream with sprinkles, and cherries, and nuts, but since I'd already been the ice-cream route, I loaded my tray with some other awesome-looking desserts and headed for the cashier.

The Dicks et al had pushed two tables together and were digging into their food when I passed them on my way to an empty table. Dick Stolee looked up at me with his hideously deformed zucchini nose. Ouch. He was making the Elephant Man look good. "Are you following us?" he asked.

I smiled nervously. "Of course I'm following you."

"Why?"

"Because you're stopping at all the places where I want to stop. Would you rather have me get ahead of you? Then you can follow me."

Lucille and Helen exchanged glances as if they wished they'd thought of the idea. Dick narrowed his gaze at me. "Just don't get too close," he warned.

I smiled again. "Enjoy your meal."

I kept my eye on their table as I plowed through my plates of pastry. They sampled each other's food a lot and took turns snapping pictures of each other at the table. Dick Stolee wandered around the food islands with his camcorder and came back with a tray of coffee for everyone. They drank, talked, laughed, and drank some more. Then Jane and Grace disappeared for several minutes and returned with a tray of ice cream sundaes.