Always in My Heart (9 page)

Natalie was ready to forgive, no question. But there had to be other ways to parent than to leave your kids in the dark in an effort to protect—

The thought died abruptly. Callie caught herself, and was ashamed. Maybe she ought to be more like Natalie, willing to forgive. Because hadn’t she kept her son in the dark regarding the truth about his father?

No, she hadn’t outright lied to Kwame, but she hadn’t been truthful either. Her son had been left to fill in the blanks, and had assumed that his father was dead.

While Callie could perhaps forgive her mother for keeping her secrets, what she wasn’t yet ready to forgive her for was the bigger crime: abandoning her and her sisters. The fact that she’d been in touch with their aunt for at least a few years meant she could have sent letters for her own daughters, if not called.

She had chosen to stay away.

That was what hurt the most.

And if she was still alive today, yet had stayed away all these years…well, how could her mother explain that in a way that would absolve her guilt?

Yes, Callie had made her share of mistakes. She hadn’t been a perfect parent. But as she pulled Kwame against her body, she knew that she’d done at least one thing right. She had raised a warm and caring young man.

“When do I see Dad again?” Kwame asked.

“Um, I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow?”

“When do we go back to Florida?”

“I haven’t booked our return trip home,” Callie said.

Kwame smiled. “Good.”

“Good?” Callie questioned.

“I want to spend as much time with Dad as possible.”

Callie nodded. “Of course. And you will.”

“Can we call Dad now?” Kwame asked.

“He’s working, remember?”

Kwame frowned slightly.

“Don’t worry. We’ll call him in the morning.”

“Okay.” Kwame rose from the bed. “I’m gonna go back downstairs. I have to finish my game.”

“You do that.”

And as Kwame bounded out of the room, Callie realized her conundrum. She couldn’t simply leave and head back to Florida, go on with her life as she had known it.

Because like it or not, her life once again included Nigel.

And in a way that she would never have anticipated ten years ago.

Ten years ago, she always thought that if she and Nigel were to have children, they would be a married, loving couple.

But life didn’t always work out the way a person planned. Callie knew that better than anyone else.

Chapter 9

T
he next afternoon, the phone rang shortly after Callie and her family had eaten lunch. Callie had her good hand in a sink of soapy water, where she was helping to place the dirty lunch dishes. Natalie, who was closest to the wall phone, answered it.

“Oh, sure,” she said into the receiver. “She’s right here.” Placing the phone against her chest, Natalie said, “Callie, it’s for you.”

“Who is it?”

“Nigel.”

Callie’s heart slammed against her chest. Why was it that she should react this way, simply hearing that he was on the line?

She dried her hands on a dish towel, then walked to the wall where the phone was. She accepted the receiver from Natalie. “Hello?”

“I was wondering if you and Kwame are free this evening,” Nigel said without preamble.

“We don’t have any specific plans.”

“Then how about you come over here? I’d really like to spend more time with my…my son.”

“Sure,” Callie said. She could tell by Nigel’s voice that it was taking some getting used to the idea of being a father which was beyond understandable. “I think he would be happy to do that as well.”

“I have some errands to run, but I’ll be home about five. Is that a good time?”

“As good as any,” Callie said.

“I’ll see you then. I figure we can order a pizza and watch a couple movies.”

Nigel spoke in a somewhat dispassionate tone, and Callie felt uneasy. But it was becoming clear to her just how awkward this would be for her. For her and Nigel to communicate, relate to each other, hang out with their son as a family.

She forced a smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Are you seeing Nigel again today?” Natalie asked as Callie placed the phone on the wall mount.

Callie nodded. “Yeah. He wants us to come over this evening.”

Natalie’s eyes rose, hopeful. But she said nothing.

She didn’t need to. Callie knew that Natalie was ever the romantic, and she clearly had ideas about her and Nigel reconnecting.

Leaving Natalie in the kitchen, Callie headed out the doors to the backyard, where Deanna and Uncle Dave were sitting at the patio table, all drinking tall glasses of lemonade. It was the kind of day for relaxing and having a cookout. Within a couple hours, she had no doubt that someone would fire up the grill.

As if Deanna had read her mind, she said, “It’s such a lovely day, I think we should grill some steaks later. Or burgers. I have the best recipe for barbecue burgers you’ve ever tasted. I was just telling Uncle Dave that I’m planning to head out to the store fairly soon to pick up the ingredients. Maybe we can even have some other family members come over. We can share stories about Auntie Jean.”

“Oh, that sounds like a very nice idea,” Callie said, knowing it might especially help to perk up Uncle Dave’s spirits. “But I just spoke with Nigel. He was suggesting that Kwame and I come over this evening.”

“Tell him to come on over here,” Deanna said. “He can join us. The more the merrier.”

Callie thought about that, and had no objection to it. But she knew that in the early stage of bonding, it was probably best for Kwame to spend time with Nigel alone. She wasn’t certain that Nigel would be ready for any family get-togethers as of yet.

“It’s probably best for another day,” Callie said. “In fact, I can suggest it to Nigel. It can be something we work toward.”

“We can plan the cookout for another day,” Deanna suggested. “If you and Kwame won’t be here—”

“No, don’t put it off. Call the family. See if they’re free to stop by. It’s a great idea, isn’t it, Uncle Dave?”

“Your Auntie Jean always loved filling this house with food and people.”

“There you go,” Callie said, aware that she sounded a little too chipper.

Deanna approached her, said in a whisper, “Are you okay?”

No, I’m not okay. I feel as if I’m in the twilight zone.
But she said, “Yeah, sure. I’m perfectly fine.”

But the truth was, Callie wasn’t fine. Because the very idea of seeing Nigel again had her stomach tickling with nerves.

It was uncomfortable, seeing Nigel like this, being amicable, when at one time they had hardly been able to see each other without ripping off their clothes.

But this was her own fault. She was the one who had created this awkward circumstance by not being honest.

She had no choice but to deal with the discomfort.

* * *

Nigel opened the door, took one look at Callie and found his gut clenching. Dear God in heaven, what was she trying to do to him?

As much as he had told himself not to think about her, that he would deal with her only because it was necessary in order to forge a relationship with his son, seeing her now made it clear he could hardly forget her. In fact, he wondered if she had dressed to get his attention, because she was undeniably hot.

She was wearing a low-cut sundress that hung to the ground, showing off cleavage he didn’t remember her having as well as a figure that had become more womanly. The glittery flip-flops she wore highlighted just how pretty her feet were. Feet with high arches he had used to enjoy rubbing.

“Hi,” Callie said, in a faint voice that Nigel was sure held suggestive overtones.

She had done her makeup. Nigel wasn’t even seeing the bandage or the sling. All he was seeing was one sexy woman.

Nigel cleared his throat. “Hi. Glad you could make it.”

Kwame stepped forward and placed his arms around his waist. “Hi, Dad.”

Hi, Dad.
Those words hit him, hit him hard. This moment was so surreal.

Kwame released him, and Nigel walked into the house. Callie and Kwame followed him into the living room.

“Do you like pizza?” Nigel asked.

“I love pizza,” Kwame responded, his eyes lighting up.

Nigel looked from him to Callie. He almost expected her to protest. He wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she was a militant mom. The type who would be quick to point out that a pizza loaded with fattening toppings wasn’t good for her son. The kind of mother who would balk at daycare workers or dental hygienists offering her son a lollipop.

But Callie said nothing, just stood there with that sexy dress that Nigel couldn’t help wondering if she had put on for his benefit.

He had to wrench his gaze away from her. He shouldn’t be feeling any sort of sexual attraction to her. Clearly he was suffering from a bout of insanity.

“What do you like on your pizza?” Nigel asked Kwame.

“Pepperoni.”

“Pepperoni, of course. Everybody’s favorite.”

“I like mushrooms, too,” Kwame pointed out.

“And black olives,” Callie chimed in.

Nigel looked at her. He was suddenly struck with a profound feeling. One he couldn’t quite place. One beyond the obvious physical attraction he was feeling for her.

Because here he was, with the woman who had left him years ago, and they were doing what an ordinary family would do on any given evening.

Ordering pizza.

And yet there was nothing ordinary about them. The situation was unusual, to say the obvious.

At least he was glad to know that she wasn’t too overly protective of Kwame and what he ate. Because one of the things that Nigel wanted to do was take Kwame to an amusement park and buy him one of those giant waffles smothered with ice cream and strawberries. As a child, Nigel’s parents had always said no to him having that kind of a treat when they were out, and he’d always known that when he became a father he would do the exact opposite.

Callie met his eyes, then she glanced away. And again, Nigel felt that rush of attraction for her. He wondered what she was thinking.

Nigel started toward the table that held the phone. “So, a pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and olives. And what about anchovies, Kwame? Do you like those?”

The boy’s grimace was instantaneous. “Ewww! No way!”

Nigel grinned. He didn’t like anchovies, either. He had simply been messing with Kwame, trying to create a fun moment. He remembered all too well how, when he had been young, his parents had always ordered anchovies on their pizza. It had ruined every pizza for him.

It wasn’t that Nigel had had the worst upbringing, but he’d always been mindful when he was a kid that there were things he would do differently when he became a dad. He had looked forward to being a father, but just hadn’t met anyone he wanted to father a child with.

Except for Callie.

As Nigel’s hand reached for the receiver, he swallowed. A lump had lodged in his throat. In so many ways, this was what he’d always wanted. A family. And with this woman.

Yet Callie had taken it away from him.

She could come here looking sexy and sweet and oh-so-tempting, but that wouldn’t erase her betrayal.

Nigel knew he couldn’t hang on to the past, that for the sake of getting to know his son he had to put aside his feelings of hurt and betrayal.

He lifted the receiver, but didn’t punch in the number for the pizza establishment. Instead, he was wondering if Callie had ever loved him the way he had loved her. Because if she had, how could she have deceived him like this?

Nigel’s stomach twisted with the thought, and he remembered vividly those nights when she had first left, the anxiety he’d felt as he’d lain in bed. How desperately he’d wished that she would call him, allow them to work things out.

But she never had.

Nigel expelled a breath. He didn’t want to go there. He didn’t want to take a mental trip down memory lane to a place that held only bad memories. So he made the call, ordered an extra large pizza and some sodas.

Then he made his way back to the living room. “What about a movie, bud?” he asked Kwame.

“That’d be awesome. I love your TV.”

Nigel looked toward the forty-two-inch flat-screen television. “If you like that, wait until you see the basement.”

“What’s in the basement?”

“Come see.”

Nigel led the way across the living room, and opened the door that led to the basement. Moments later, they were all downstairs. Beyond the basement living room was another door that Nigel opened. And when Kwame stepped into that room, he said, “Wow!”

“A home theater?” Callie asked, also sounding impressed.

Kwame surged forward. “Look at all these movies! There must be two hundred in here!”

“Three hundred twenty and counting,” Nigel said. “This home theater was my one splurge when I finished renovating this place. Sixty-inch television, awesome surround sound. It’s pretty impressive.”

“That’s for sure!” Kwame commented.

“As you can see, I love my movies.” Nigel gestured to the built-in shelving filled with DVD cases. “But it’s always nicer to watch movies with someone, rather than alone.”

“Have you watched all of them?” Kwame asked.

“A lot, but not all.”

Callie moved toward him, a smile on her face. “You really did a magnificent job with the renovations. You did this all yourself?”

Nigel nodded, his breath catching in his throat. The multicolored pattern on her dress—purple, red and pink swirls—looked outstanding against her dark skin. And that smile…it radiated from the inside out, the way it had when she used to smile at him ten years ago.

“Yes I did,” Nigel told her.

“It’s lovely, Nigel. Truly lovely.”

And for some insane reason, it pleased him to know that she liked the work he had done here.

Then, regaining his wits, he turned away from her, needing to break the spell that seemed to come over him whenever he looked into her eyes. Because he didn’t want to remember that fiery young woman he had loved. Remembering the woman he’d loved would only lead him to remembering how hurt he’d been when she had left.

“Pizza and a movie in this home theater,” Callie said, moving toward one of the built-in shelves. “That’ll be an awesome night, won’t it, Kwame?”

“For sure.”

Nigel walked to a shelf on the opposite wall and began to peruse his extensive DVD collection. He was looking for something that Kwame might like. He had hundreds of movies, but not a lot that would be appropriate for a nine-year-old. He hadn’t had a child, so hadn’t stocked up on kid movies, but that would have to change. He would go out with Kwame and pick out a number of movies.

“If you don’t see a movie you like here, I’ve also got a subscription to Netflix, so we can order one to watch if you like.”

“Oh,
Iron Man
!” Kwame exclaimed. “I want to see this.”

Looking at his son, seeing his excitement, all the work he had put into this place suddenly meant even more to him. He felt an overwhelming sense of joy that he was able to make his son happy by providing him the experience of a home theater.

“Is
Iron Man
okay?” Nigel asked Callie.

“It’s fine. He’s already seen it, and loved it.”

“And then we can watch the second one,” Kwame added.