Between The Sheets (36 page)

Dana thought about her husband's role in all of this and wondered what had led him to the truth. 'Do you know why he left me?' she asked suddenly.

Ed looked at her and nodded. 'He found your letters.'

Dana froze. 'Letters?' she said faintly.

'The ones you wrote to us all and never sent. I wish you had, Dana,' he said with feeling.

'They weren't real letters,' Dana explained. 'I never intended sending them anywhere. I was supposed to destroy them. They were a part of my therapy.'

'Therapy?'

'After Mum died, I was in a bad way too,' she told him. 'Walter persuaded me to talk to someone.'

'Good for Walter,' Ed murmured.

'Dr Corcoran said I should write to you and Dad and tell you exactly how I felt. He said I didn't need to send the letters, but that the act of writing it all down would be therapeutic in itself. So I did.'

'And you wrote to someone else too,' Ed reminded her. 'Your son. Gus read it and thought you had a child stashed somewhere that you hadn't told him about. That's why he left, Dana. He couldn't believe that you'd kept such a huge secret from him.'

She stared at him. 'When did he tell you all this?'

'He contacted me soon after he left you. Walter told him where he'd find me.'

Dana nodded. Of course, Wally had been around when her Father died. He had tried to persuade her to attend the funeral — he was concerned about bad publicity — and when she refused to go, he'd packed her off to the States. Then he'd put a death notice in all the papers and issued a press release saying that, despite their estrangement, Dana was very upset to hear of the death of her father. She was currently in the US promoting her new book.

'Dana?'

She looked up. Ed was looking at her.

'Sorry. So you told Gus about the abortion,' she whispered.

'Yes. I'm sorry if I was wrong. But he was imagining all sorts of things. I thought it was better that he knew the truth.'

Dana shook her head. 'Why didn't he just ask me? Why didn't he tell me he'd found the letters? Ask me about the baby? Why would he talk to you, a total stranger, and not talk to me, his wife?'

'You'll have to ask him that, Dana. And I think you should. But, remember, if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here together now.'

She stared at her brother. 'So I'm supposed to be grateful to him?'

He shrugged and smiled. 'I am.'

Ed retired to bed soon after, and Dana went into her office. She stared at her screen, her fingers poised over the keys, but the words wouldn't come. Maybe there was nothing left to write. She had reached the point in her story where she was getting her life together. She had started her sessions with Dr Corcoran. She had almost finished her third novel. And Walter was in the process of negotiating a bigger, better deal for her next three books. The future was bright. Her world was complete. Her new life was established. Dana O'Carroll was dead. Long live Dana De Lacey.

And, Dana realized, that had been her mistake. She couldn't pretend the past hadn't happened. A day didn't go by that she didn't grieve for her aborted child. Her mother was always with her, and she was often haunted by the terrible things her brother had endured at the hands of their father. And if she'd told her husband, he would have listened. If she'd explained, he would have understood. If she'd told him how her heart ached for her baby, he would have held her while she cried. And, she knew with certainty, he would have made sure that she had reconciled with her brother years ago. If only she'd given Gus the chance. It was too late now, she knew. There was no going back. But, at the very least, Dana owed her husband an explanation.

The next day, Dana and Ed had lunch with Walter. She watched, fascinated, as the two men talked. There was an obvious, if conservative, attraction on both sides. Wally was fifty-two — twelve years Ed's senior — but Dana didn't think that would matter. They were both damaged people who would be sensitive to each other's background. She had thought it unbearably sad that Ed had never had a close relationship in all his adult life. It was such a waste. He had been a lovely boy and, despite everything, he'd turned into a wonderful man. It was a pity she was only just finding that out.

As the wine loosened their tongues and inhibitions, Dana and Ed told Walter some of their story.

'It's very sad,' he said. 'And, forgive me, but I still think you should publish it. The book would fly out of the shops.'

Dana shot her brother a nervous look and noted the lack of surprise on his face. 'Ed?'

'Yes?'

'You knew I was writing my biography, didn't you?' she exclaimed. 'Did Judy tell you?'

'Of course not. I'm sorry, Dana, but I've been reading it,' Ed admitted.

'What?' Dana dropped her knife and fork with a clatter.

'I'm sorry,' he said again. 'But I discovered it by accident. And when you wouldn't talk to me, I felt it was the only way I'd find out what was going on in your head.'

'I can't believe this,' Dana mumbled.

'He only did it because he cares,' Walter pointed out.

'I know that.' She shot her brother an anxious look. So, what did you think?'

'I thought it was very moving and it made me realize that leaving probably wasn't for the best after all.'

She shook her head. 'No, Ed. Now I know the full extent of what Dad put you through, I'm glad you left. And it probably would have been better if you hadn't come back.'

'Enough of this', Ed said. 'There's no point in either of us beating ourselves up. We need to put the past behind us and be glad that we've found each other again.'

'But publishing the truth might help too,' Wally interjected.

'Walter.' Dana glared.

He shrugged, unrepentant. 'Once an agent, always an agent.'

'It is quite a read,' Ed acknowledged. 'And it's a shame to see all your hard work go to waste.'

'It wasn't wasted,' Dana assured him. 'It's helped me enormously. And I think it will help Gus too.'

Ed looked at her. 'You're going to let him read it?'

She nodded. 'It's only fair.'

'I'm glad.'

'Of course, you could turn it into a novel,' Walter mused. 'If you change a few details here and there, no one would be any the wiser.'

'Wally, shut up and drink your wine,' Dana said, smiling.

Her phone rang and she excused herself when she saw the name that flashed up. 'Sorry, I should take this.'

'Lover boy,' Ed told Walter. 'He's always calling.'

Dana rolled her eyes and walked out of the restaurant. 'Hi, Ryan.'

'Hi, Dana. How are you?'

She sighed as she thought of all the events of the last forty-eight hours. 'Tired.'

'Does that mean I can't take you out tonight?'

'You're home?'

'Just landed. I've missed you.'

Dana closed her eyes at the tenderness in his voice. 'Was it a good trip?'

'You were supposed to say, "I've missed you too."'

She groaned inwardly. 'Of course I have.'

'So, have dinner with me.'

'Could we make it tomorrow evening instead?' Dana asked. 'It's just that I've had a hectic few days and tomorrow morning I'm going to the hospital to get the cast off.'

'Excellent. We can celebrate. Shall we say eight?'

'Perfect.'

'Are you okay, Dana?'

'Yes,' she reassured him. 'Like I said, I'm just tired.'

'I hope you haven't been out gallivanting with other men,' he said lightly.

'No, I've just had lots of visitors. I'll fill you in when I see you.'

'I'll look forward to it. Till tomorrow.'

'Bye, Ryan.'

Dana turned to go back into the restaurant, but stopped when she caught sight of Wally and Ed through the window. Their heads were close together and they were completely engrossed. She knew that she was probably the topic of conversation, but she didn't mind. It was nice to see these two wonderful men enjoying each other's company. It was probably too much to hope that it would grow into anything more. Living in two different countries wasn't an ideal way to start a new romance. But it would be nice even if they were just to become friends. Dana could foresee lots more lunches and dinners in the future, and the thought warmed her heart. It would be like being part of a proper family. She turned and strolled down the street. There was no harm giving them a little more time alone. And she needed some of that too. There was so much to take on board.

In one weekend, she'd had a lifetime's questions answered. Gus deserved the same. She understood now why he'd behaved as he had. Even though he was the only man she'd ever really loved, she'd always held something back. She'd shown him just one side of her, and hadn't even realized she was doing it. She'd destroyed their marriage single-handedly and she had to admit that. She didn't kid herself that doing so would bring him back. Apart from the fact that Gus had another woman, Dana was now a different person to the one he married. And then there was Ryan. Gus was a proud and jealous man. Even if they could get past everything else, could he ever forget that Dana had taken another man into her bed — their bed?

She sighed as she turned to stroll back towards the restaurant. What was she to do about Ryan? They had fallen into an easy, comfortable relationship but Dana knew it would never be more than that, at least not for her. But she sensed Ryan was getting serious and she didn't want to hurt him. It might be time to call it a day. It was such a pity. Ryan had made her laugh at a time when she thought she'd never stop crying. He'd also made her feel desirable and beautiful and that had boosted her ego and confidence enormously. And as for his lovemaking — she smiled — well, he knew what buttons to press. But, strangely, the closer they became, the more she found herself thinking about Gus. She'd even been dreaming of him lately.

'Dana?'

She looked up and saw that Ed was waving at her from the door of the restaurant. She hurried back to him. 'Sorry, just needed a breath of air.'

'We were getting worried about you. You're not cross with me, are you? For reading the book, I mean.'

She shook her head. 'No.'

'You made me cry,' he confided.

'I'm sorry. It must have brought back some painful memories.'

'It did. But I cried when I read about you going to London. And then for him to send you away ...'

Dana felt the tears well up. 'It was probably as well that he did. It would have been impossible for us to live in peace together after that. Conall O'Carroll had finally realized that his darling princess was just an ordinary little girl after all.'

A tear rolled down her cheek and he gently wiped it away. 'There's nothing ordinary about you, little sister.'

Dana tucked her arm through his. 'We should go in. Poor Wally will think we're very rude.'

'I think we're past formalities like that.'

'You like him?' she asked.

Ed shot her a look. 'Don't even go there.'

'I don't know what you mean.' She grinned at him and led the way back to their table. 'Sorry, Wally. Did you think we'd got lost?'

'Yes and I had to order a stiff drink to console myself.' Walter raised his brandy balloon in a silent toast.

She laughed. 'Good man.'

'So how's lover boy?' Ed asked, as they settled back down.

Her smile faded. 'Eager.'

'Isn't that a good thing?' Walter asked.

'It should be,' she agreed.

'She still loves Gus,' Ed told him.

Dana scowled. 'How would you know?'

'It's obvious,' Ed said with a shrug.

'It is,' Walter confirmed.

Dana groaned. 'I hope it isn't to him. I feel pathetic enough as it is.'

'Why would it be?' Ed reasoned. 'You're dating an attractive man.'

'Not for much longer. I've decided to finish with Ryan.'

Walter stared at her. 'Oh, Dana, why? I thought you said he was great.'

'He is. But I'm still too raw for a heavy relationship, and I get the feeling that's the way this is heading.'

Walter shook his head. 'The path of true love never does run smooth, does it?'

'It did for me,' Dana said. 'I just blew it.'

'Don't be too hard on yourself,' her brother said. 'It's not your fault you turned out like that.'

'I can't blame everything on Dad. You turned out remarkably normal despite everything he did to you.'

'I feel like we're discussing a film and I've only seen the trailer,' Walter complained.

Dana laughed. 'You'll have to wait for the book!'

The agent pulled a face. 'Don't tease me. It's cruel.'

'If you're publishing, I'll want my cut,' Ed warned her.

Dana shuddered. 'I couldn't do it. You've no idea what it would be like, Ed. I'd have to do interviews to promote the book. And can you imagine the interest? The great Conall O'Carroll, a bully and a tyrant?'

Walter took out his handkerchief and patted his brow. 'Oh, my, I'm seeing serious pound signs.'

'Wally! This is my life — our lives.' Dana gestured to Ed. 'We're the ones who'd have to live with the fallout.'

Ed shrugged. 'If it would help you, I'd cope.'

'And you think we'd feel better if we told the world about our problems? Do you want revenge? Is that it?' Dana asked.

'No,' Ed assured her. 'I'm past that stage. I just want peace. And you back in my life.'

'I think I should go,' Wally said, pushing back his chair.

'No! No, Wally, please. I'm sorry. We shouldn't be excluding you like this.'

'It's the booze,' Ed told him. 'It gets us talking. I'm sorry, Walter. You take us out for this lovely lunch and we end up boring you with all this family stuff.'

'Boring is the last word I'd use,' Walter replied. 'Sad, maybe. I remember the first time I met Dana. It was shortly after your mother died and she had signed her first contract. It should have been an exciting time of her life but she was miserable. That was natural, of course. Most people are devastated when they lose a parent. But Dana's misery was deeper and it worried me in one so young. And she seemed so alone in the world. I'm sorry,' he added hurriedly when Ed grimaced, 'I'm not making any judgements.'

Ed nodded. 'That's okay. I'm so glad that you persuaded her to see a doctor.'