Beyond Definition (5 page)

Chapter Six

I spent the rest of the weekend with Bo. We went to see his stupid zombie movie which actually ended up being really good. On Sunday we hung out in his shop, and I watched him finish a sleeve for one of his regular customers.

Sunday evening we lazed around his apartment. He watched TV while I finished my homework before we crawled in to bed and slept in each other’s arms.

On Monday morning, he kissed me good-bye like always when he dropped me off at school before making me promise to text him if things got bad at work with Axel there.

I was dreading going to work today. Well, that wasn’t completely true. I was dying to see if prison had changed Axel. I wanted to see if he was still drop-dead irresistible. Chances are he wouldn’t remember me, and that was fine. No matter how sexy he was, I wasn’t going to sleep with him or even flirt with him.

So when I walked into work after Kammy dropped me off from school, it was with a sense of dread. I scanned the store looking for Axel. I didn’t know what time he was supposed to report for duty, so I quickly stashed my things in my locker and found a customer to help.

I was in the middle of a transaction when I heard Jaxson and another person laughing as they stepped out of the office. I tried not to watch them as my cousin introduced Axel to the rest of the security team, but it was hard not to. Axel was one of those charismatic people everyone is drawn to. He simply attracted attention, and my attention was fixed on his sexy muscles. Clearly he must have worked out while in prison because he looked even bigger than I remembered.

My inner fifteen-year-old swooned as he bent over to pick up some papers he dropped. And when he stood up, it was almost like he could sense I was checking him out because he turned, and his gorgeous green eyes locked on mine. His mouth turned up into a sexy confident smirk, and his eyes raked over me from head to toe.

Holy hell. He was checking me out. I tried to contain the girlie squeely feeling that bubbled up inside my chest, and I mentally berated myself.
Pull it together, for Christ’s sake. You’re not a fifteen-year-old, innocent, doe-eyed child with a damn schoolgirl crush anymore.

I finished the deal with the customer I was helping and fled to the back storage room, hating myself for reacting to Axel’s heated gaze. I was a smart, determined, independent woman, dammit. I could
not
be reacting to this man like this. I had to get back out to the customers before someone noticed my absence. But instead of returning to the shop, I hid between two shelves full of pawned items waiting for their owners to claim them and called Bo.

He answered on the first ring. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to talk.”

“Liar.”

I laughed. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Need me to come over?” he asked. He must have already been at his shop.

I sighed. “No… I’m a big girl.”

Bo didn’t reply. He was probably wondering why I called if I didn't want him to come over.

“You wanna watch that new show tonight?” I asked him, changing subjects. I had told him about the TV show my aunt introduced me to.

“Sure. We can stream it,” he said, referring to his movie-streaming program.

“Sweet.”

“Better be as good as you and your aunt say.”

“Hey, if I can sit through your dumb zombie movies and TV shows, you can watch this,” I teased.

“You know you like my zombie fetish.”

“Oh, it’s a fetish now, is it?” I asked with a laugh. “I thought it was just an unnatural obsession.”

“No, definitely a fetish.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Well, maybe I should dress as a zombie for Halloween this year.” I meant to tease him, but the moment the words were out of my mouth I realized what it sounded like I was implying.

Bo paused for a second before answering. “We could both go as zombies. They’re doing a zombie pub crawl at the Village.”

“That actually sounds kind of awesome,” I admitted, relieved he didn’t say anything about my stupid comment. In my mind, it had sounded as if I wanted to dress as a zombie so Bo would have a fetish for me.

“Fuck yeah. It’s more than just ‘kind of awesome,’ Ivy. This is serious zombie drinking business. I’m talking full-on-zombie mode. Blood, brains, and booze. What could be better?”

I laughed. “You are obsessed.”

He laughed in return. “Well, whatever you want to call it, I say it rocks.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes to myself.

“All right, I’ll see you later?” he asked, wrapping up the call.

“Yeah, I’ll be over in a few hours.”

“Cool. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I hit ‘end call’ and slid my phone into my back pocket of my jean shorts, smiling to myself. No matter what mood I was in, Bo could always make me feel better.

I took a deep breath and walked back into the front of the store, ready to face Axel. I opened the door and just about ran into him, my cousin, and another bouncer.

“Jesus, Ivy. Watch where you’re going,” Jaxson said to me.

Axel took a step back and scanned my face. “Sticks?!” he exclaimed. “Holy shit. It is you.”

I groaned internally. Sticks was my nickname growing up. Long and lanky. It made perfect sense. I didn’t mind when my family called me by it, but it was entirely different when the man I had fantasized about for so long did it.

“Sticks? Really? No one’s called me that in years, Axel,” I said stubbornly.

“I can fucking see why not. Damn, you grew up.” His tongue was practically hanging out of his mouth as he stared at my body.

I don’t care who you are, when a man like Axel loses his shit over you, you get excited. It felt so good to have him practically panting like a dog over me. Knowing I was going to have nothing to do with him made it even better. Let him lust after me from a distance, like I had to do for him for so long.

I rolled my eyes in a huge exaggerated manner, letting him know he was wasting his time. “That does tend to happen,” I said and started walking away. I could feel his eyes burning holes on my ass.

“This job just got ten times better.” I heard him say to my cousin.

“Don’t even waste your time, bro,” the other bouncer said to Axel as I found a customer to help, satisfied he had noticed me and been attracted. Not because I wanted him to be attracted to me, but because it felt damn good to turn him down.

The next two weeks went by in a blur. Bo and I spent more time together than usual. I had ignored three requests from Kammy to go out with her. I couldn’t explain it, but it just didn’t seem appealing to me anymore. I was still feeling disgusted with myself over screwing a married man, and the more I analyzed it, the more I realized the club-hopping, man-hunting girl wasn’t who I wanted to be.

Kammy was getting increasingly frustrated with my refusals to go out with her, so when she texted me while Bo and I were eating a late lunch together before I went to work, I sighed loudly and threw my phone in my purse.

“What’s that about?” Bo asked from across the table of the fast-food burrito place where we were eating. 

I rolled my eyes. “Kammy doesn’t take no for an answer very well.”

He sucked on his soda straw. “What are you saying no to?”

I sighed again and picked at my burrito. “She wants me to go out with her tonight.”

“And you don’t want to?” he asked through a mouthful of food.

I chewed and shook my head.

“Why not?” Bo asked.

I shrugged but remained silent.

“Is it because of Axel?” he asked quietly while looking down.

“Axel?” I repeated with disgust. “What does he have to do with anything?”

Bo took several deep breaths and stared at me with eyebrows stitched together in confusion. “I heard—” He paused and cleared his throat. “I heard—” He tried again.

“What did you hear, Bo?” I said, angrily. I could already tell I wasn’t going to like this.

He closed his eyes. “I heard he’s been telling people you and him have been…”

“We’ve been what? Just tell me, Bo. I need to know how mad to be right now.”

“He said you’ve been ‘very helpful’ with his new job,” Bo said with a disgusted look.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’ve hardly talked to him.” That was true. We didn’t work together every day, and other than asking me out a few times, we didn’t talk much. What would we have in common to discuss?

Bo sighed. “You wouldn't need to talk to do what he said you've done with him... if you know what I mean.”

“He said we're hooking up?!”

“He was bragging to the guys. One of them told me.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Why would he do that?”

Bo shrugged. “Apparently, hot girls don’t turn him down often.”

I fumed in my seat, debating silently the best form of revenge against this lying, conniving jackass.

“So it’s not true?” Bo asked quietly, looking uncomfortable.

My head snapped to meet his eyes. “I can’t believe you would ask me that.”

Bo gave me a look of disbelief, and that was all I could take. I stood up from the booth and stormed out of the restaurant, soda in hand. I wasn't sure who I was more pissed at. Axel for spreading rumors we were fucking around, or Bo for believing the rumors. Fucking dickheads. Both of them.

I couldn't believe Bo really thought I would mess around with Axel. Despite repeatedly saying I wasn’t, deep down he thought I was a slut, and that hurt.

“Ivy, wait,” Bo called from behind me. He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. “Don’t walk away from me.”

“Why shouldn’t I? It’s obvious you think I’m some slut who would bang any guy that looks at her.”

“Not any guy,” Bo said quietly.

“What?” I said, not sure I heard him right.

“Ivy… I’m sorry.” He pulled me closer to him. “I’m sorry I thought what I heard about you and Axel was true. I know how crazy you were over him in middle school, and I just assumed the moment he noticed how—how beautiful you are, you’d fall for him again.”

“That hurts, Bo. I can’t believe you’d think I’d just spread my legs the minute I had the opportunity. I know I haven’t exactly been a saint, but I told you I didn’t want him anymore.”

Bo’s nostrils flared, and his brows furrowed. “So you wanted every guy you’ve ever screwed? You really wanted every single one of them?” His voice was thick with anger.

“Bo!” I cried and stepped back from him. I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. He was making me feel cheap and dirty.

Regret immediately filled his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Oh, don’t stop now!” I shouted. “Tell me how you really feel! So what if I had screwed Axel in the backroom at work? Why do you care?”

“BECAUSE I WISH IT WAS ME!” he shouted at me before he could stop himself.

I wrenched my arm free from his hand and stared him down.

He was breathing hard, and his eyes looked frantic. I felt shock go through my body as I realized what he meant.

He took several deep breaths “I wish it was me,” he said quietly. “Every guy you're with—I wish it was me. I’m in love with you, Ivy. I think I always have been, and I can't handle the thought of you with him or any other guy.”

His eyes searched my face, but I couldn’t tell what he saw there. I didn’t know what my expression was right now. I couldn’t feel anything other than shock.

“This is never the way I imagined telling you but I obviously can’t hide it any longer. I hate it when you go out with Kammy. I get insanely jealous when I think about you going to some goddamn stranger’s hotel room, and I wanted to literally beat Axel’s face in when I heard you and him…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I'm in love with you, and I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

I was in disbelief. We were standing on a busy sidewalk with people bustling past us, and he was confessing his love for me. My aunt had been right. Bo looked miserable right now. I could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but for the most part he looked resigned and defeated, as if he knew confessing to me was a bad thing.

“Wh—wh—” I stammered, trying to think of the best question to ask. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I told you every day, Ivy. I told you every day I loved you. You just didn’t hear what I really meant.”

“I thought you meant as friends.”

“No. When I told you I loved you, I meant it with my whole heart. You’re the only girl I have ever loved, and I’ll love you forever no matter what.”

“Bo…you’re my best friend.”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to be your best friend. I want to be your everything.”

He grabbed the back of my head with his hand and brought his mouth down to mine. He hesitated briefly, but before I could react, he was kissing me.

This was not one of our friendly kisses. This kiss was a message. Bo was trying to tell me in one kiss how much he loved me. He kissed me like he was starving man and this was his first meal in days.