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Authors: Jenni Wilder

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BOOK: Beyond Definition
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I was in shock and was unable to do anything but react to his passion instinctively and kiss him back. His desire couldn’t be refused. I wound my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my body, and we became tightly entwined around each other. His lips caressed mine open, and he slowly pushed his tongue into my mouth and stroked mine.

“Get a room!” someone shouted as they passed us on the sidewalk.

I pulled my lips away from Bo’s, and we stared at each other while trying to catch our breath. I didn’t know what to say to him. We were friends! Friends! That’s all! How many countless times had I defended our friendship, only to have been wrong the whole time? How could I have not seen this? It might have just been friendship for me, but apparently it wasn’t for Bo.

“I don't know what to say, Bo.”

Bo's face fell. I think he had been hoping for a more positive reaction to his kiss. “I can’t just be your friend, anymore, Ivy. Not when you finally know. I can't sit on the sidelines any longer and pretend I don't care.”

My chest ached. “So that’s it? Either I love you or I lose you?”

His face looked pained. “I don’t want this to sound like an ultimatum, Ivy. I don’t want to be without you either, but I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it. Watching you go out at night and waiting for you to call me to tell me you’re safe. It eats me up inside knowing you’re with some stranger when I want that to be me. I want to be the one who gets to be close to you, but mostly, I just want to take care of you and be there for you like I always have, and I want you to feel the same way for me.”

I never cried. Things didn’t bother me like they bothered most girls. Even the sappiest romance movie wouldn’t make me cry. But now, as I heard those bittersweet words come out of Bo’s mouth, the tears welled in my eyes.

“Please don’t do this to me, Bo. I can’t—I can’t—” I wanted to tell him I couldn’t lose him. I wanted to tell him I was in love with him too because I was pretty sure I was. Despite my denial, I knew Bo was the best thing to ever happen to me, and loving him should have been the easiest thing in the world. But I hesitated too long, and any glimmer of hope in Bo’s eyes disappeared.

“It’s okay, Ivy. It’ll be okay.” He hugged me close before letting me go, and it felt like something inside me broke. I had just lost my best friend. I knew it. Nothing would be the same from here on out. All because I couldn’t tell him I felt the same way. Didn’t it make sense that I was in love with him? I hated the girls he dated. I needed to be around him whenever possible. He always knew what to say to make me feel better. Why couldn’t I tell him I was in love with him?

Bo sighed. “I’ll take you home.”

“I have to work,” I said woodenly.

“You're not working. I’ll tell Paul you’re sick.”

I nodded. He had just offered me his heart, and I had stomped on it, but here he was, taking care of me again.

Bo drove me home in silence. He didn’t have anything else to say, and I didn’t know what to say to fix this. Especially when I was fighting holding my tears back the entire car ride. I won that battle until he pulled up in front of my aunt and uncle’s house and I realized when he said he was taking me home, he meant my home, not his. I couldn’t hold back my grief any longer, and I did the most selfish thing I had ever done.

With tears running down my cheeks, I threw myself across the center console of Bo’s car. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me,” I repeated as I hugged him close. I had no right asking him to stay with me. Not when I couldn’t tell him I loved him. But I couldn’t stop myself from begging him not to go.

He reached up and unhooked my arms from around his neck and pushed me off him. His eyes were gleaming bright as if he would start crying as well. “Don’t ask me that, Ivy. I will always love you, but I can’t do this anymore.”

I dropped my face into my hands and sobbed. I heard Bo’s car door open and close. Then my door opened, and I looked up to see Bo standing outside the car with his hand out for me. I took it, and he pulled me out of his car and set me upright on the sidewalk in front of my aunt and uncle’s house.

“I never wanted to be the reason for your tears. I want you to be happy but I want to be the one that makes you happy.”

“You do, Bo!” I cried.

“It’s not enough, anymore, Ivy. Neither one of us is happy.”

“I was happy!” I argued out of pure selfishness. If I were a true friend, I would want Bo to do what made him happy but I couldn’t tell him that.

“Were you?” Bo countered, and I froze. What did he mean by that?

“Good-bye, Ivy.” His voice broke.

I offered my lips up to him to kiss out of habit but after a moment waiting, I opened my eyes and saw he had turned away and was getting in his car.

I touched my lips that hurt from his denial and watched him drive away. I collapsed to my knees right there on the sidewalk and sobbed into my hands. I had just lost the most important thing in my life. He had driven away from me. For the first time in my life, Bo had left me. I didn’t know what to do.

I stayed there, not being able to get up from the sidewalk, and I waited for Bo to come back. I wasn’t out there long before Aunt Suzy found me. She brought a blanket and wrapped me up, even though it wasn’t cold outside. She helped me into the house and put me to bed, despite it being the early afternoon. I didn’t even care.

Chapter Seven

 

The next few weeks were the worst in my life. I couldn’t remember what my life had been like with my mother, but I was sure this was worse. I hadn’t seen or heard from Bo in twelve days. Everyday I thought it would get better, but it didn’t. The worst part about it was because he had been such an integral part of my life, everything I looked at reminded me of him. Aunt Suzy made me soup for lunch, and I burst into tears ’cause it was Bo’s favorite. I took a shower and ended up sobbing because I smelled the body wash he had left in my shower. I couldn’t even go for a run without thinking of Bo. He had been the one to encourage me to start running when I was still just “Sticks” to most people.

I struggled through school, my thoughts always returning to Bo. Kammy had stopped trying to make small talk with me between classes.

I had fired up the old car Uncle Paul had given me since I no longer had Bo to give me a ride to school, and then I cried for ten minutes when I couldn’t find a parking spot anywhere near my classes.

I started to realize I wasn’t the strong, independent woman I thought I was. I never realized how much I relied on Bo. He had been the one that made me feel like I could do anything. I missed him so much. Why couldn’t I just tell him I was in love with him too? Anything that caused a person this much misery had to be love.

I sat at work staring at my textbook. Not reading it but wondering what Bo was doing right now. His car was never in front of his store when I was at work. He had changed his work schedule so it no longer reflected mine. Apparently, if I didn’t love him, we couldn’t even be at work at the same time. He was no longer on the other side of the shared brick wall if I needed him.

Good thing I don’t fucking need him then,
I thought to myself, knowing it was a lie.

“You need to get drunk.” I heard Axel say, and I looked up, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

“What?”

“You need to get drunk and laid. I can help you with both those.”

“Fuck off, Axel,” I said without any emotion behind my statement.

“Come on. When a girl gets dumped, they say the best way to get over a guy is to get under a guy.” He gave me a perverted smirk and lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

“I didn’t get dumped.” I said as I returned my attention to my textbook and realized I hadn’t read a single word on the page.

“Well, that might not have been the exact word Bo used, but—”

“You talked to Bo?” I said, snapping my head back up to meet Axel’s gaze. I was desperate for any information about him. I knew he was friends with the security guys, but I never thought he’d talk to Axel. “How is he? What did he say?”

“He didn’t say much. Kind of hard to talk when you’re getting a lap dance. But he seemed fine and dandy,” Axel said with a glimmer of evil in his eyes.

My head whipped to the other security guys. “YOU TOOK HIM TO A STRIP CLUB?!” I screeched at them.

They all started to back away and held their hands up defensively, and I lost it. Here I was, moping around, crying my eyes out, feeling sorry for both him and me, missing him like crazy, and he’s at a fucking strip club! What the hell! Apparently he didn’t miss me like I missed him!

I stormed to my locker, grabbed my things, and pulled my phone out to dial Kammy.

“What’s up, bitch? Finally stop being pathetic?”

“We’re going out. Tonight.” I informed her, ignoring her insult.

“Hell yeah! You seriously need some action. We’ll find you someone to help you get over Bo.”

“Whatever. Just pick me up at my house in an hour.” I hung up and turned to leave, only to find every security guy and my cousin watching me with a concerned look except Axel, who looked excited.

“Ivy, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out tonight,” Jaxson said while approaching me slowly.

“Hell yes, it is!” Axel said and rubbed his hands together. “She needs someone to get her mind off Bo. Where are we going?”

“Dude, it’s Ivy. Not cool,” my cousin said to him.

I ignored both of them and pushed past them, heading for the door, only to be blocked by two of my uncle’s bouncers. They looked uncomfortable but determined.

“Let me through!” I shouted at them.

They crossed their arms in a way that would have been intimidating if I hadn't known they were softies at heart. They looked to my cousin who took one step and grabbed me from behind.

“Ivy! We have customers!”

“THEN LET ME THROUGH!”

I was suddenly airborne as Jaxson picked me up and attempted to carry me into the office. I screamed and flailed my arms and legs, fighting against him.

I saw several customers looking away from us, as if they were trying not to make it obvious they were watching my tempter tantrum.

Considering Jaxson probably had a good hundred pounds of muscle on me, my resistance against him was futile. He dropped me on the couch in my uncle's office and slammed the door behind us.

He bent over me and pointed his finger in my face. “I will lock you in this office for the rest of the fucking night if you don’t calm down!”

“SCREW YOU, JAXSON! LET ME OUT OF HERE!”

“NO! Not until you calm the fuck down. You are causing a scene, and we have customers!”

I fumed on the couch. “What the hell is your problem?”

“I’m not letting you go out tonight. You’re hurt and vulnerable and easy pickings for a guy looking for trouble.”

“So it’s okay for Bo to go out but not me?” I asked, sounding like a spoiled brat.

“It’s different, Ivy, and you know it.”

I stood up and got right up in Jaxson's face. “I’m going out with Kammy and you can’t stop me!”

“WATCH ME!” he shouted, as he walked out of the office and slammed the door behind him. I immediately ran to it and tried the handle, but it wouldn’t move, and the door refused to open.

What the hell had he done? I had no idea you could lock this office from the outside. I pulled the handle harder, still with no effect, and screamed with frustration. I kicked it several times before I heard Jaxson holler through the door, “If you break this door, you’re going to have to answer to Dad!”

“IF I BREAK THIS DOOR YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PRAY I DON’T CASTRATE YOU!”

I heard the security guys laughing and I kicked the door a few more times, making it rattle, but the only result was a sore foot.

Dammit! Surely Uncle Paul wouldn’t let Jaxson keep me locked up in here all night. But if I called him, I’d have to explain why he locked me in here in the first place, and I didn’t want to go through that. I knew he would side with Jaxson.

I had told Aunt Suzy what had happened with Bo, of course, but the only thing Uncle Paul asked me was if I was okay and if he needed to beat anyone. I’m sure my aunt had filled him in on the details though, but I still didn’t want him to know I wanted to go out tonight and find someone to get Bo off my mind.

I paced the office with my arms crossed over my chest, looking around for a way out. I had spent a great amount of time in here during my life, but I never thought about having to escape from it.

There was one window to the outside, and it would be easy enough to pop the screen. The security system shouldn’t be a problem either since it was usually disabled while a manager was here. Usually either Jaxson or my uncle. The problem was the ten-foot drop to the sidewalk once I got out. Manageable, though. If I landed right, it shouldn’t hurt too much.
If
I landed right.

The absolute only other option out of this office was an air-conditioner vent in the wall. I could pop the metal vent cover off and shimmy through the duct that connected to the bathroom next to the office. But even if I escaped the office and made it to the bathroom, I’d still have to get out of the building without my cousin or any of the security guys seeing me.

I shook my head at the ridiculousness of this situation. I had to become a fucking ninja in order to escape. This seriously was my life now.

I debated my options and decided the window was the best. It was one of those windows that slid to the left and right instead of up and down. I could easily fit through it and perch on the ledge before making the jump to the sidewalk.

I slid the window open, and with a screwdriver my uncle had stashed in his desk, I popped the screen out without letting it fall to the sidewalk. I set it on the floor and leaned it against the wall before looking out the window to make sure no one was watching or walking below. I braced my hands on the side of the open window and stepped up, balancing on the ledge.

Letting one foot dangle out the window, I rested my butt on the ledge before kicking my other foot out and letting it hang down. All I would need to do now was to push off the ledge, and I would be free. I looked down at the sidewalk ten feet below me and silently thanked the stars that I had not worn heels today.

It’s not that far, just relax, you can do it,
I told myself in a pep talk. I had inhaled a deep breath and braced my muscles to push me off when I heard the door open behind me. I turned and saw Jaxson staring at me in shock.

“Ivy! What the fuck are you doing?!” he exclaimed from where he stood in the doorframe.

I exhaled, turned back to the outside and pushed off the ledge.

Pain shot up both my legs as my feet hit the concrete, but I had managed to land in a crouched position. The shock of the landing quickly receded, and I stood up and took a few steps to assure I hadn’t hurt myself.

“IVY!” Jaxson hollered down from the open window. “GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!”

I looked up and flipped my middle finger at him before running to my car. I jumped in as several of the security guys flowed out of the store and watched me as I took off down the street, free from their overprotection. The last thing I saw in my rearview mirror was my cousin with his cell phone to his ear, shaking his head at me.

Screw you, buddy,
I thought. I can take care of myself.

BOOK: Beyond Definition
8.55Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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