Black Widow Bride (11 page)

Afterward they dozed for a while. When Rebecca woke, the red digital numbers on Damon’s bedside clock revealed that it was after midnight.

“T.J.” She leaped from the pile of scattered bedclothes.

Damon caught her hand. “He’s still sleeping, I checked. Stay.”

The heat in his eyes, the hoarseness in his voice told her what he intended.

“I can’t.” She looked away. And she felt herself weakening, but guilt ate at her.

“Rebecca, I want you.” His admission caused her to melt. She turned to him. No words were necessary. Before she’d lain down, he fell on her. This time their loving was wild, uncontrolled. There were no barriers between them. No past. No future. Only the present.

Yet she knew that soon a new day would dawn. Tomorrow…tomorrow they would talk. She could delay no longer, she had to tell him the truth.

When the first pale strands of daylight slid into the room Rebecca rose and pulled on her clothes. Damon slept, his breathing deep and rhythmic. Standing beside him, she resisted the urge to kiss the shadowed groove under his jaw and touch the smooth curve of his shoulder. Instead she picked her pendant off his bedstand and, leaving her feet bare, padded to the door, sandals in hand, and quietly shut the door behind her.

Once in her room, she crossed to the adjacent dressing room. The dawn cast a soft pink glow across the walls. T.J. had tossed the bedclothes off and lay on his stomach, his face turned to the door. She bent and brushed a kiss on his brow, whispered “I love you,” then pulled the blankets up to cover him.

She didn’t go to bed immediately but stood at the open window of her room staring at the rosy streaks lightening the darkness, the pendant clutched in her hand. Something in Damon’s eyes had told her that he didn’t care for the pendant. She would not wear it again. It was time to say goodbye to Aaron, to think about the future.

And Damon.

Last night had been the most tender, the most passionate, the most incredible experience of her life.

She’d gone wild in Damon’s arms. She feared she’d revealed too much. How would he react when he next saw her? Oh, God. How was she going to tell him what she knew she had to? He was going to hate her. After last night, she didn’t know how she could go back to that half-life where he despised her.

She turned from the window. Carefully she placed the pendant in the jewel box on her dressing table and closed the lid. The rasp of the hasp sounded so final. Rebecca placed a kiss of her fingertips and let them linger for a moment on the carved lid.

After a brief sojourn to the bathroom, Rebecca donned her nightgown, aware of her body aching in unaccustomed places. A pleasurable ache. Her thoughts shifted to Damon. She could barely believe what had taken place between them.

The passion. The frenzy.

Yet there had been gentleness, too. She slipped between the Egyptian cotton sheets and let herself remember. The first time his touch had been so careful, tender even. So far removed from how he’d treated her in the past. Whether that tenderness would still be there after they talked, she was too scared to even think about.

Tomorrow would come soon enough.

Shrill, childish screams followed by a chilling silence. The door to T.J.’s room stood wide-open and her bedroom door was ajar onto the corridor. She leaped up, the thick mists of sleep falling rapidly away.

“T.J.?”

There was no answer. Fear galvanised her into action. She hurtled into his room. Trains lay scattered across the carpet. Thomas…Henry…Gordon. A wild glance took in T.J.’s favourites. But no T.J.

Terror released a wave of adrenaline, her knees turning to liquid. Rebecca burst out into the corridor, uncaring that she still wore nightclothes.

“T.J.!” Rebecca was yelling now, her voice hoarse with shock. She rushed down the stairs. At the bottom she paused. The large double-height lobby led to the solid carved front door and beyond that lay the road. To the right lay Soula’s rooms, and in the opposite direction another corridor led to the entertainment rooms and the kitchen.

She heard shouts. An adult this time. Coming from outside. It sounded like…Johnny. A swift glance at her watch showed her that it was a little before seven.

She started to run.

A large male form brushed past her. A blur of flesh wearing only a pair of boxers and moving at breakneck speed.

Damon.

Then he was gone, tearing into the lounge as if all the hounds of hell were after him.

Rebecca had a brief recollection of billowing curtains, of the open ranch sliders, and a sick, swirling sense of horror filled her.

“Please, no. Oh, God. T.J.” She burst out onto the deck in time to see Damon disappear under the water, heard the resounding splash. Her shell-shocked gaze swept the deck, the pool.

Where was T.J.?

Johnny was also in the water. Incongruous in his sodden black blazer and limp tie, his thinning hair plastered to his scalp, his eyes worried.

So where was T.J.?

Someone was screaming, an unending, unearthly howl of grief. Johnny held up a hand, beckoning urgently. Only then did Rebecca realise it was her—she was screaming. Wailing. The scream died abruptly. She scurried to the water’s edge.

“Wait,” Johnny shouted. “Don’t jump in. Call the ambulance. Call Dr. Campbell—his number is on the handset. The boss will get the youngster out.”

Shaking with reaction, she ran blindly back to the lobby, snatched up the cordless phone and dialled 111 with fumbling fingers. “Hurry, hurry,” she prayed, and dry sobs of relief racked her when the operator came on the line.

Rebecca gave the details and the location in a blur. Her fingers shook as she punched out the next number. Dr. Campbell’s receptionist promised to send him immediately. Rebecca rushed out onto the deck again, dropping the handset at the sight of Damon emerging from the water, T.J. struggling in his arms.

T.J. Her baby was alive! Her vision blurred. She scrubbed at her eyes and her hands came away wet. She tore across to where Damon was laying T.J. down on the terra-cotta pavers. T.J. was retching and then the screaming started—the most welcome sound Rebecca had ever heard.

“I’m here, baby.” Rebecca fell to her knees. A tear plopped onto T.J.’s pale skin, mingling with rivulets of water from the pool. “Thank God.”

“T.J. Oh, T.J., I am so sorry.”

The ambulance and Dr. Campbell had been and gone. T.J. lay on the couch, asleep, exhausted from the toll the shock and the crying jag had taken on his system. Rebecca hunched over her son, her back tense and shaking, her anguish palpable. From time to time she stroked T.J. with hands that trembled, as if to assure herself he was alive.

Rebecca who never cried.

Coming to a decision, Damon strode to her. Without giving her an opportunity to resist, he swept her into his arms. Crossing to the sofa opposite the one T.J. occupied, he lowered himself, fitting Rebecca into his lap.

“Dr. Campbell says he’s fine.”

“I know, but I can’t seem to stop. When I think what might have happened…God!” Her whole body started to shake.

Holding her, he rocked her. “Don’t think. It achieves nothing.”

She drew a deep, heaving breath and buried her face in his chest, into the black T-shirt he’d hurriedly shrugged on after Dr. Campbell had checked T.J. out.

He braced himself for more tears. “Hush, you’ll make yourself ill.”

No tears came, but the tremors grew worse. “You don’t understand. I nearly lost him.”

He did understand. How to tell her? He hated the helplessness that swamped him. Nothing he could say, do, would take away her pain. In silent sympathy he tightened his arms around her and said inadequately, “He’ll be fine.”

She sniffed against his chest. “It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s mine. I should have thought about that door.” Damon stared bleakly over her head. Last night he’d plotted the seduction of the woman he held in his arms. He’d been so intent on her, on his pleasure, that he’d forgotten about the blasted sliders. After he’d promised Rebecca they would remain locked at all times, he’d let her down. Rebecca’s son had paid for his carelessness.

Nearly with his life.

“It should never have happened,” she choked.

“It won’t happen again.” He went cold as he relived those horrible moments.

“I mean—” she lifted her woebegone face “—it wouldn’t have happened if I’d been a better mother.”

The immaculate mask had been torn away. Still clad in her nightie, her hair tangled, her eyes red-rimmed from crying, she had never looked more vulnerable nor more beautiful.

He brushed his lips across her smooth brow. “Don’t blame yourself. If anyone is at fault, it’s me for assuming that it would be simple to keep the sliders closed—after all, they latch automatically. I know better now. And I know that you couldn’t possibly be a better mother.”

She hiccupped. “I’m a terrible mother. I’m a total failure as a mother, I always knew I would be. I’ve failed—”

“Rebecca.” He gave her a shake. “Listen to me! No one can doubt your commitment to T.J. You’re patient, loving. What more could a child want?”

But instead of calming her, his praise simply made her sob, her dark eyes spilling tears that wrenched his heart.

“I don’t deserve T.J.”

“You know, if you’d asked me four years ago what kind of mother I thought you’d be, I would have said appalling. Selfish. But I’ve watched you with T.J. You’ve astounded me. You’ve impressed me. I admire your patience. Even when he’s being downright difficult, you always do the right thing.”

“I’m not a natural mother.”

“You could have fooled me.” With a gentle hand, he stroked her hair.

But the gesture did little to calm her. Instead she only cried harder. “You don’t understand!”

“Try me.”

“No. I can’t.” She sat up in his lap, shaking her head wildly so that her long hair whipped around her tear-drenched face. “There are things…things I haven’t told you. Things you should’ve known before we…before we slept together.”

“Shush. Don’t worry about that now.”

“I must.” Her teeth were clattering. “Ignoring it won’t make it go away. I’m so scared—”

He yanked her back against his chest, so close that he could feel her hot breath against his chest. He scanned her uptilted features, concerned about the misery, the guilt he read there. “Stop this. You’ll make yourself ill!”

Remorse flashed across her face, making her look even more wretched. “And then what good will I be to T.J.?”

“That can’t be self-pity I hear, is it? Come on, buckle up.”

She gave him a watery smile. “You mean buck up.”

He shrugged. “Whatever.”

Rebecca made a valiant effort to pull herself together. Pulling away, she perched on the edge of his lap and examined him. “Whatever? You’re always so formal I sometimes forget that you only arrived here in New Zealand when you were—what—eight? Nine?”

“Ten,” he corrected, looking surprised at the change of subject. “My father saw New Zealand as a land of opportunity. When I arrived, neither Savvas nor I could speak any English. Where were you when you were ten, Rebecca?”

“With the Austins. They were one of the better foster families I stayed with.” But that was when she’d been parted from James. The Austins had two daughters and didn’t want to foster boys. They hadn’t minded taking two girls into care. The other girl had been Fliss. Poor shell-shocked Fliss who had recently lost her parents in a freak boating accident. Separated from James for the first time in her life, Rebecca had shared Fliss’s bewildered sense of loss. It had been natural that the two of them had clung to each other.

“How many foster homes did you stay in?”

“Altogether? Four,” she said bleakly.

He pulled her back into his arms. “You know, T.J. is very fortunate to have you for a mother.”

“No, I’m the lucky one. It’s easy to love him.” She glanced up at him as she spoke and her eyes were luminous with profound emotion, and for an instant Damon felt a pang of envy at her bond of love with the child. He pushed it aside.

His voice rough with emotion, he said, “You’re a wonderful mother. I’ve watched you. Never think you’re a failure as a mother.”

Wonder lit her eyes. “Thank you, Damon. That means a lot to me. More than you could ever know, because my mother abandoned James and me, and we never knew who fathered us.”

“You’re not your mother. You’ve done wonders. He’s a son to be proud of.” He brushed a kiss across the top of her head. It didn’t matter who her parents were. But it explained her fierce determination to be independent. Every word he’d spoken was true. She had surprised him. At first he’d assumed the mothering thing was all an elaborate act. An empty charade. But slowly he’d seen the depth of her love for T.J., and for some reason the bond between them highlighted the emptiness of his own life. He’d enjoyed the trip to Goat Island, the visit to the zoo. Much to his astonishment, Damon found he wanted to be included in the intimate moments of warmth they shared, to be part of the unbreakable bond.

Rebecca stayed close to T.J. all day.

Damon had carried him upstairs to his room and he’d slept until well after midday. When T.J. finally awoke, he’d been tearful and told Rebecca emphatically that he never, ever wanted to swim ever again.

Hugging his shivering body, Rebecca hoped that it would be a temporary aversion and made a mental note to arrange him a course of swimming lessons after a little time had elapsed. Then they’d settled down to play with the brightly painted trains on the wooden tracks.

Several hours later a light rap at the door caused them both to raise their heads. The door swung open. Damon stood there looking oddly hesitant. “Dr. Campbell just rang. The hospital is discharging my mother tomorrow morning.”

“You must be thrilled.” Rebecca gave up trying to manoeuvre Gordon through the signal crossing and sat back on her heels. “Is she strong enough?”

He shrugged. “Dr. Campbell thinks she’s fine. He also wanted to check on T.J. I told him that T.J. had eaten, that you were with him. You’re welcome to phone him later if you’re worried about anything.” Damon’s assessing glance flickered over T.J. “May I come in?”

“Want to play trains?” T.J. invited, blissfully unaware of the growing tension.

“May I?”

T.J. nodded enthusiastically. “The green train is Henry. The black engine is Diesel. He’s being naughty today.”

Damon squatted on the floor. “Naughty? Why? What did he do?”

Rebecca waited, heart pounding under her throat.

T.J. didn’t look up. “He fell in the duck pond.”

Damon went white. “T.J.—”

“He did it on purpose because he wanted to swim.”

Rebecca drew a cautious breath. “Maybe Diesel needs a couple of swimming lessons?”

“No.” T.J. was adamant. “Diesel never wants to swim again.”

Damon shot Rebecca a helpless glance over T.J.’s head.

“Diesel loves to swim, just like you do. Lessons will help him swim better,” Rebecca said calmly.

“What if he’s scared?”

Damon pushed the Chinese Dragon along the track. “It’s fine to be scared, T.J. Everyone gets scared sometimes.”

“Not you—you’re a man. A big growed-up man. You don’t get scared,” T.J. replied with childish logic.

Rebecca fought the smile that threatened to break out across her face at the observation. Damon was a man, every muscled inch of him.

“Even me,” Damon said emphatically. “I get scared, too. I’ve been very scared because my mother has been ill. And I was scared this morning, too.”

“I scared, too,” T.J. said. Wide round eyes looked up at the man crouched beside him.

“Nothing wrong with that, son.”

Rebecca sagged. Watching Damon with T.J., she couldn’t believe how well he’d handled that. She’d been treading on eggshells all day, terrified of bringing up the subject, yet knowing that it would be healthier for T.J. to discuss it rather than let it fester.

Gratitude filled her—and something more. Something that made her throat thicken, a warm sweet feeling with a bitter edge that made tears threaten.

Dear God, how she loved this man.