Blindsided - A Stepbrother Romance Novel (18 page)

“Oh fuck…God, I’m sorry Conrad.”

“Yeah, me too. Jake took some pills these guys gave him. They were playing that stupid fucking game where they all bring what’s in their mother’s medicine cabinet and pour it into a bowl and then take a handful of them at a time. Jake was allergic to Penicillin. He ingested that along with some kind of opiate and some blood pressure pills…they’re not sure exactly which killed him, maybe just the combination.”

“Shit. That’s what worries me so much about Aaron. He’s so impressionable. He knew how pissed I’d be the other night and he smoked that weed anyways. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine. I might just lose my mind if I lost my brother.”

“I’ve barely held onto mine,” he said. He stood up suddenly and said, “Anyways, I see a lot of the same traits in Aaron that I saw in Jake. I’d like to help if I can. Maybe if we get him interested in cars or something we can keep him out of trouble.”

Sam stood up too. She was not only touched that Conrad had shared his story with her; she was overwhelmed that he’d be willing to help Aaron who he didn’t know from anybody. She reached up and hugged him. As soon as she put her arms around him she felt his shoulders and arms stiffen up. She pulled back right away and with embarrassment heating her face she said, “Thank you. I should get ready to take Luke.”

Conrad just nodded and Samantha got out of the kitchen as quickly as she could. She couldn’t figure out why he kept going hot and cold on her. Friday night he was obviously flirting with her and this morning he acted like her touch might burn him. He was making her crazier than she already was.

**

Samantha parked the Mustang close to the main lobby of the hospital. The infusion center was on the second floor according to the pamphlets the oncologist had given Luke. She felt bad every time she looked at his face. She could tell he was doing his best to put on a brave face for her, but the nervousness was apparent in his eyes. She’d spent more than one long night in bed trying to imagine what it would feel like to be told that you’re dying and the only way to possibly prolong it is by putting poison in your veins. It was a lesson in futility. There was no possible way she could imagine it.

She popped the trunk and Luke watched curiously as she pulled a tote bag and a small insulated bag out. “What’s all that?”

“A blanket, a book, some water and juice…oh and a banana and those weird wheat crackers you like so much.”

Luke smiled. “You’re on top of it.”

She shrugged. “I called on Friday and asked what we should bring. You’re going to be here for three hours.”

“You don’t have to stay the whole time, you know. You could go out to the track and watch Conrad and just pick me up when I’m done.”

Sam slammed down the trunk on the car and said, “Come on. You’re not getting rid of me, so stop trying.”

Chuckling softly Luke followed her into the hospital. They took the elevator to the second floor and easily found the infusion center. As soon as they got there Luke was taken back for labs and when he came back out he said, “They said it would be about half an hour, I’m sorry, this’ll probably be longer than three hours. You can…”

“I’m not leaving.”

He shook his head. “You’re a stubborn one, you know that?”

“Hmm, well my mother wasn’t stubborn at all so I wonder where I got it from?”

Sam could see the fondness for her in his eyes and it warmed her heart. “Thank you, Sam.”

“You’re welcome, now that’s it, no more thanking me.”

“I’m stubborn, so I might do it once or twice more,” he said with a grin. “By the way, they want to know if I want a catheter or a port so I don’t have to get stuck every time.”

“They put it in surgically?”

“Yeah, they said it’s an easy procedure though and no hospital time.”

“That might be better, getting poked sucks.”

He nodded. “I guess I’ll tell them yes then. They said they could do it on Friday. This crap is taking up a lot of time I really should be at work.”

“Work can wait,” she said. “You’ll be back at it in no time.” Sam hoped that she sounded more hopeful than she felt. It was hard for her to hope for anything good when so many bad things had already happened in her life…but she was trying.

When Luke was taken to the back Sam went with him. He was placed in a comfortable recliner chair and a nice young nurse put in his IV. The doctor had already covered what kind of medication he was getting and what kind of side effects he could expect. Sam felt queasy as she watched the IV go into his vein but she didn’t turn away. She wanted to experience as much of this with him as she could. Once the infusion was started and the nurse left Samantha covered him with the blanket she brought and sat the drinks and snacks out on the little metal table attached to his chair.

“Do you want something to read?”

“No thanks, maybe I’ll just rest.” He closed his eyes and Sam sat and stared at him. When she first met him she remembered thinking how strong and young he looked. Somehow she’d missed how drawn and pale he’d become over the past few weeks and it made her feel self-involved and ashamed. She imagined how much worse it was probably going to get and a chill ran down her spine and caused her to shudder. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and said, “You can turn on the television if you want. I can’t really rest with you staring at me.”

“Ungrateful,” she said with a smile.

“I’m sorry, have I thanked you for being here?” he was grinning too.

“Hey Luke, did you know Conrad when he lost his brother?”

His smile fell from his face. “No. I met him about a year after. He was still grieving him pretty hard and so was his mom.”

“Is that why she killed herself?”

Luke nodded, “She just couldn’t deal with it. Every time she looked at poor Conrad she was reminded of Jake. She tried hard and for a while things were good…but there’s no way to even begin to fathom the loss of a child unless you’ve experienced it, I guess. It would just hit her hard sometimes all at once and if poor Conrad was around, she’d usually take it out on him. He spent more and more time with his father or in the shop with me. Toward the end they were barely speaking.”

“That’s why he said he killed her that night at the hospital? He blames himself.”

He nodded again. “He blames himself for all of it. I thank God that he’s as strong as he is. I’m not sure a weaker man could come out the other side of all of that. I think Conrad is still battling it, but I have faith he’ll make it.”

Luke closed his eyes again and Sam let him rest. While she sat there she thought about her life and how bad it had been and then she thought about Conrad’s. If she could trade places with him, she wouldn’t. He has to carry those demons around inside of him and she wondered how he was able to do that and still function as well as he did. It gave her a renewed sense of respect for him and to her chagrin, it only added to the feelings piling up inside of her where he was concerned…and that just pissed her off.

Aaron couldn’t stop smiling and he couldn’t stop talking. If Sam hadn’t known he was with Conrad all day she may have accused him of being on something.

“He took that track so fast that I swear to God the car was like a fucking blur…”

“Language.” Sam was making dinner as he sat on the stool in the kitchen and talked a mile a minute. She’d dropped Luke off at noon and gone into work until three. When she got back home Luke was in the shop working on one of his cars. She thought about telling him he should be resting, but she could actually see in his face that what he was doing was more relaxing to him than sitting in a recliner and watching television or reading could ever be. She left him alone and went inside to shower and then started dinner. By four Aaron was home. She tried hard to hide her disappointment that Conrad had just dropped him off and left, but Aaron was so excited that he probably wouldn’t have noticed anyways.

“He said I could go back out there with him on Wednesday. He said I might even be able to drive the car one of these days.”

“I’m glad you had fun. Speaking of driving, I guess we should get you into a driving school so you can work on getting your license.”

His face lit up. Sam loved seeing him happy. He’d been unhappy for so much of his life that Sam actually thought he’d forgotten how to smile there for a while. “Really?”

“Yeah, but it’s not cheap so you’ll have to help pay for it. If you stay out of trouble between now and then I’ll pay for half.” Aaron displayed a rare show of affection by hugging his sister tightly. When he let her go he was still smiling.

“Thanks Sam. You’re the best!”

She laughed, “That’s not what you were saying on Friday night.”

He waved her off with his palm. “We’re past that.” He reached for one of the cucumber slices she’d just put into a bowl and she smacked his hand.

“Look at your hand, it’s all greasy. Go clean up before dinner.”

“You sound like an old woman sometimes.”

“Go!” He started out of the kitchen and stopped in the doorway and said,

“Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You really are the best.” She smiled as she watched him disappear down the hallway. It’s amazing how quickly life could change. She just hoped that the bad times were far behind them.

**

Conrad took Luke for his treatment on Tuesday. When he got there to pick him up, Sam had already left for work. On Wednesday when he picked up Aaron to go to the track, she was in the shower and he missed her again. By Thursday he felt like he’d lose his mind if he didn’t see her. When he dropped Luke off at home that afternoon he decided he’d go by the parts store just to see how things were going.

He was greeted by Mike the counter guy when he walked in and as soon as Aaron saw him he started asking if they were going out to the track on Friday.

“I’m going to take tomorrow off actually. They have races out there tomorrow night and they won’t let me use the track.” Aaron looked crushed and Conrad felt bad so he said, “Maybe I can take you to sign up for those driving classes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we’ll have to get Luke to sign the permission and insurance forms, but I think they’ll let me do the rest. I’m your step-brother, right?” As soon as he said that he saw Sam. She was coming out of the back room lugging a big box and the feelings he had when he looked at her were anything but step-brotherly. He was also a little pissed at the other guys who were all just standing around and not helping her. “I’ll talk to you more about this later, Aaron, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Hey Sam, let me help you with that.” She rolled her eyes and gripped the box tighter.

“I got it.”

“Seriously, let me help. That thing is as big as you are.”

“I’ve threatened to kick every man in this place’s ass more than once for acting like I can’t do the same job as they can. You want some of this?” That explained why they were all keeping their distance. Conrad smiled and plucked the box out of her hands.
Damn did he want some of that.
“Hey!”

“I’m not scared of you,” he said. “Where do you want it at?”

“Over by that display in front,” she said, still glaring at him. He carried it over and sat it down next to the display case. “So what are you doing here? I thought you took a leave of absence.”

“Yeah, I just stopped by to see how things were going. You look tired, Sam.”

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not over-working yourself are you? Are you sleeping at night?”

“Are you my father?”

He raised his eyebrows. “I thought I was your friend.”

“You’re what you want to be to me when you want to be it,” she said. She bent over to cut open one of the boxes.

“What does that mean?”

Standing up and sticking the box cutter down in her pants pocket she said, “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.”

“No, it’s really not.”

“Well, when I first got here you acted like you wanted to be my friend. Then, you wanted to have sex with me and then you wanted no part of me. Then…”

“Okay, I get it.”

“See, self-explanatory.”

“Sam, it’s just so fucking complicated.”

“Yeah, it is. It’s hard to figure out from one day to the next which Conrad is going to show up. Way too fucking complicated, and I’m way too overwhelmed with everything else going on to worry about it.”

“I’m sorry Sam. I never meant to complicate your life. I can take Luke more if you need me to…”

“No! This isn’t about Luke. I’m fine. I’d like to finish this before I go home though.” She started taking the shiny chrome mufflers out of the bubble wrap they came in and setting them up on the shelves.

“Let Aaron do that and come with me.” Conrad wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he knew that he had to figure this thing out with Sam before it drove him crazy.

“Um…no, I don’t get off for another two hours.”

“I’m the district manager; I can give you the rest of the afternoon off.”

“For what?”