Born Hard Again: Book Three of the Future Remembered Chronicles (2 page)

"Blessed we were, by the return of our savior!  Let us go to him!"

I'm right here!
I screamed in my head.

"We must bring him the body of the false prophet!"

Uh oh
, I thought to myself.

A deep thrumming came from hidden machinery in the walls and the nearest iron door opened like a huge metallic mouth at the sight of our pitiful troupe of adventurers.  A seam had opened up horizontally across the lower third of the thick metal gate.  The bottom three feet of the iron barrier sank into the ground, exposing darkness beyond.

"
Ka-leem-bo!  Ka-leem-bo!
" came the repeated monotonous cheer.

My eye was clearing slightly.  Some girls put their arms behind their arched backs and stretched gloriously, while others dropped into splits and lunges and worked their limber legs back and forth.  I supposed that this wasn't such a bad sight to see if it would be my last vision in life.

The leader cleared her throat and the chant ceased.  "Tri-Delts, each disciple must now prove her worth to enter the chamber of purity!  As our savior's body was torn asunder by Directive 34 and then restored by our faith, and a surgipod, but mostly our faith, so must we risk our own taut bodies so that our souls may be restored.  Let us begin!  Alphabetical order ladies, you know the drill.  First Adrienne, then Betty, then Bianca.  Hurry up, bitches!"

A line formed up and a lovely brunette stepped to the three-foot-high entryway, leaned impossibly far back while balancing on her heels, and gracefully shuffled underneath the doorway.  Looking at her contort her lithe body, I felt the relentless pressure from my compression-cock start to ease as the huge phallus straightened out.

"Yay Adrienne!" called some of the young ladies.  "Woop woop!"

Adrienne disappeared through the gate and another girl stepped up.  "You got this, Betty!" they encouraged.  Betty leaned as far back as she could as she went under the door but her large breasts brushed up against the top of the entryway.

BZZZZZZT!
  An electric spark cracked in the air as a blinding blue light sizzled across her nipples.

"Ow!  Fuck!" Betty yelled, limply dropping to the floor.  Other girls backed away from her in horror.

"She is unworthy!"  "Cast her aside!"  "Basic bitch!" came a chorus of shouts.

"Silence!" yelled the elder.  "Judge not, lest you be haters.  Only our savior can offer redemption through His healing light.  The one true prophet of Kalimbo Jesus, the only one who has returned from beyond the dead...  Limbozer!"

One by one, I watched as the girls stepped up to the low clearance beneath the giant metal door, bent backward and sauntered their way through.  When it was my turn, I was roughly hefted underneath the partially opened gate like a sack of potatoes.   Bits of my mangled body broke off of me and pitter-pattered to the ground as I was clumsily grasped on the other side of the opening by several of the sisters.

I was inside what looked like a plush nightclub.  The mirrored flooring, clearly the centerpiece of the structure, was vast and impeccable.  Rich velvet seamlessly covered the furniture as well as the tall walls, making it hard to tell where one stopped and the other started.  The ceilings were absurdly high and pointy, casting a cathedral-like feeling over everything.

In what must have been a DJ booth, I saw something familiar, and something very strange. 

"Limbozer!" I gasped, mutely.  While I recognized the legendary performer immediately, something was clearly amiss. 

He was encased in what looked like a very uncomfortable, rigid iron suit.  His face was ludicrously framed by, and protruding from, the metal outfit.  Beside him stood a tall yet squatly muscular man wearing thick glasses.

Marcus' corpse and I were summarily brought before the both of them.

"Lord Limbozer," the leader of the dance troupe addressed the man in the metal suit.  "We have done as foretold."

There was a moment of silence and I could see Limbozer craning his neck, minimally, to get a better look at me.  He was still a very handsome man, even though his face was the only part of his natural form still visible in the heavy suit that covered him.

I put every ounce of my being into expressing an appropriate greeting towards Limbozer, who appeared to be the decider of my fate.  One word could change my destiny, if I could just summon the strength to expel a meaningful vocalization from my broken ribs through my raw, burning throat.

"Unnngh," I wheezed.

Fuck!
  How was I going to get out of this?  I was freezing and could barely even think straight, not to mention nearly every bone in my body was broken.

Limbozer stared at me, then stared off into the distance.  His lower lip started to tremble.

"Why?  Why?" he screamed.  "Why won't you stalkers just leave me the fuck alone!  You god damn girls should have just let me die in peace!"  His face scrunched up with emotion and he struggled inside of his suit.

"Bro!" the barrel-chested man beside him whispered loudly.  "Just wait it out man, we'll get out of here in a few days tops, dude."  He pointed a finger at Limbozer's body, flexed his enormous arm while pointing, and then looked at his arm for a second as he flexed it back and forth.

"Oh yeah bro," he shook his head and continued pointing, "Don't break the surgipod connections in there, they're all that's keeping you alive after that spider-plastic-surgery thing kicked your head off, and remember what your other bodyguards sacrificed to get you fixed up.  Don't let 'em die for nuthin'."

"A few days?!" Limbozer exclaimed.  "We've been here for fucking weeks!  They fucking killed Jeff!  And this god damn fucking suit just got hot as hell for no reason, it's burning the shit out of me!  The god damn screen won't go into power saver mode!  God dammit Broman, the battery in it isn't going to last for even a few hours!"

"My Lord!" interjected the cheerleader-leader.  She gave him a pointed look.  "Your disciples do not want you taking your name in vain.  They.  Do.  Not."

"God dammit!" said Limbozer.  "I'm not your fucking pet, Makayla, I signed that photograph, you got a god damn limited edition limbo laser, what else do --"  Limbozer's complaint was cut off as the suit extended a sheath of metal over his mouth.  His beautiful bright blue eyes were still dreamy, even as they twitched in panic.

"Yes Lord, you're right, silence is purity and purity is salvation," Makayla said, poking at a compute-pad.  Broman looked at Limbozer nervously and took a protective stance but stayed silent.

At the sight of the compute-pad I thought of how Marcus could probably hack it just by blinking at it, if he were in my position. 
Oh Marcus...
  I would have choked back a sob if the air weren't leaking out of my sucking chest wounds.  I was at least able to move my eye and saw his body next to mine, his frozen fingers locked at odd angles in a permanent gang sign.

Oh TK...
my somber thoughts continued.  Wait, where were TK and Sienna?  I knew they'd been brought down into the warm pit with us but I didn't see them get carried under the limbo gate.  Not that I could see much.  I wondered if one of my eyes had gotten popped like a tiny wet balloon.

"SISTERS!" Makayla announced.  "We have done His bidding.  We have brought the false prophet.  Let us spread the word far and wide that there is only one true God and He is Limbozer, Kalimbo Jesus!  Gimme an L!"

"L!" came the rallying cry.

"Gimme an I!"

"I!" the girls responded as one.

"Gimme an M!"

The shrill cries were giving me a really bad headache.  Or maybe my head was just hurting because my skull was fractured and the numbness from the cold had worn off.  I tried to block out the feminine squeals.

"Liiiimbozer!  He's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!  Yay!" Makayla concluded, kicking up into the air and clapping and thrusting her fists out high.  "Okay so, like, we're going to spread the holy word with a bake sale.  Priscilla, you make the cookies.  Adrienne you can handle the mini-cheesecakes.  Broman, what are you going to bake to spread the word of Limbozer?"

Broman clenched his jaw and made eye contact with the mute Limbozer, then shook his head.  "I don't bake," he said, puffing out his heavily-muscled chest.

"Aww, come on!  Everybody needs to chip in, and you've known Limbozer the longest!" one of the girls implored.

"I'll give you a protein shake instead," Broman muttered.

"Hmmm, that gives me an idea," Makayla said slyly.  "Frosh pledges, at-ten-SHUN!"

Five girls snapped to attention and saluted.

"Pledges, do you swear to always follow the will of Limbozer?" the elder cheerleader asked.

"We solemnly swear, on our lives and our pom-poms and our lip gloss," the five pledges intoned in unison.  "We are only basic bitches but travel the path of Limbozer to become bad bitches."

"And like, let's just say, if there were to be a bad bitch contest, who would be in first place?" Makayla queried with a smile.

"You, oh great one!" they answered.

"That's right.  Pledge Betty!" said Makayla.  "Step forward."  The large-breasted dancer took a step away from the other pledges, wincing as she rubbed parts that were still sensitive from her electric shock at the gate.

"Yes, oh great one?" Betty asked warily.

"You failed at the most basic test of our faith.  You must follow Limbozer's will to be redeemed," Makayla said.  Betty stared rapturously over Makayla's shoulder at Limbozer, still looking wild-eyed behind his steel muzzle.  Makayla continued, "And His will is that you must be hazed."

"Hazed?  But I was just tazed!" Betty wailed.  "Will it be...  will it be a cunt punting?"

"No," the leader responded.  "No, you must do as you did at the frat party last week."  She pointed at me meaningfully with a long red fingernail.  "But with him, and his tiny diseased dick!"

"Nooo!" Betty yelped.

But she obediently kneeled by my wilted, frigid member and started doing her thing before I could even comprehend what was going on.  I thought for sure my dick would have fallen off already as a shriveled, blackened, frostbitten nub, but it had partially thawed in the warm air and I was rewarded with an agonizing feeling of pins and needles and teeth.

"Eww!  Like, half of it is like, crunchy!" Betty whined, and then soldiered on.

I looked around for help with my one working eye.  Broman winced as he watched what was going on.  I made eye contact with him, pleading.

"Bro!  Gay!" he yelped, looking away.

Everything is terrible
, I thought.  I didn't know it was even possible, but this sex act was terrible too.  It felt like sandpaper being rubbed on my privates, if the sandpaper was made out of lava and thumbtacks and incisors.

I was mortified by my body being used as some prop in a sex initiation ritual, but I mostly felt shame that this was happening just a few hours after TK had passed. 
Oh TK...
I thought. 
I'm sorry for getting head, it means nothing to me, not like when I impregnated your skull!

"Preston!" came a thought in my head, unbidden.  "Preston Chesticles!  I almost died out there and you're just getting your dick sucked?!"

"TK!?" I thought, as loudly as I could think.  "You're alive?  But how?"  My true love's telepathic link was active!  She was out there somewhere, and alive!

"I was frozen solid but then I thawed out I guess.  My legs are still frozen.  Ow.  Yep, frozen.  What's going on?  Where are we?  Who is that tramp giving out blowjobs?  Is it Blue?!?" TK thought to me.

"TK, you're confused, you're not thinking straight.  Blue got turned inside-out up there, remember?  You killed her!" I replied.

"Oh, right.  Sorry, I think parts of my brain are still frozen or something.  So wait, you're not actually cheating on me right now?" TK asked uncertainly.

I tried to keep my internal thoughts quiet so TK couldn't hear them.  "Uhh, yeah that's right babe," I thought to her.  "Hey heal up your legs and limbo on in here.  Or break them off, maybe the limbo would be easier.  But anyway I think getting so cold on those ice sheets might have helped cryo-freeze all of us, me and Marcus too.  If you can heal, then maybe we can!  There's a surgipod suit thing!  C'mon!"

"And Ralph?  Can we save our baby boy too?" TK asked.

"Uhh, sure?  Whatever babe, just hurry up and get here!"  We didn't have time for this!  I felt like my dick was going to fall off any second now.

"And Alphonso?" TK continued.

"Who the fuck is Alphonso?  Oh, right.  Maybe.  You're still topless, right?  Can you get an outfit like these other girls have, and act like one of them?"

"It's so cold, I can't feel my chest," TK responded.  "Not sure how quickly I can get in there, Preston.  I'm trying!  Unnnghh!"

I wished I could pyrokinetically transfer to her the blazing fire that was my flayed wiener.  Never had I so badly wanted to severely injure a beautiful woman touching my privates.

Makayla put her compute-pad down, smiling as she watched my suffering.  A light blinked on it and Limbozer's suit retracted its mask.