Breeze of Life (8 page)

“Can I go shopping?” I finally asked, bouncing on the balls of my feet with childish enthusiasm.

“What’s with women and shopping?” he teased as he pulled out his wallet and opened it.

“Don’t insult me in front of your friends. I’m not one of your hoochie skanks.” Chantelle was back by now and still scowling like a spoilt princess who had lost her tiara. I looked her way to make sure she had heard my remark. Yep, the daggers shooting from her eyes confirmed she had heard every word. There was absolutely no need to mention Harper had already filled my account with his money.

“Hell, Harper, I think I’m in love with your girl,” Marz said with longing in his voice.

“Well, rein it in, Marz, she’s all mine,” Harper growled and it sent a shiver of satisfaction through my body. I knew I was playing with fire now. The comfortable banter and flirting that had been established was dangerous territory. Harper didn’t need encouragement and I didn’t need the possible heartache. I couldn’t allow our friendship to transcend the beautiful partnership it had become. I couldn’t afford to give my heart completely to Harper. It would only end up hurting one or both of us.

“I’ll go with you,” Lacey called out from behind me. “I need some girl time. Hanging out here all day makes me feel like I’m drowning in testosterone.” 

“Want me to pick you up something to eat?” I asked Harper, trying desperately to keep things casual.

“You really have to ask?” he laughed. No, I didn’t. Harper was always hungry. As I turned to leave, his hand brushed my arm with gentle affection. His ocean blue eyes latched on to mine and I suddenly found myself trapped in their loving intensity. This is not casual Bree, I chastised myself. Not one little bit and my inner woman rattled the closed and locked door within me, demanding to be let out. Hell No!

I somehow managed to tear my gaze from his and walk away. Lacey was already standing at the front door. “You’re going to totally emasculate me in front of the boys and leave without giving me a kiss?” Harper asked from behind me. He had tried to make the question casual, but I could hear the mischief in his voice, the teasing, and the hope. I could flip him off and walk away, the line of friendship would be uncrossed and intact. The playful side of me which had lain dormant for so long suddenly wanted to come out and play though. And why the hell shouldn’t it? I had lived in a dark cave of sorrow for so long I deserved some fun in my life.  Turning, I strolled back towards Harper adding a little swing to my hips. Once in front of him, Marz rolled his chair back a little to give me enough room to nudge my way between his knees.  With as much grace as I could muster, I placed my hands on the back of Harper’s chair, caging him in with my arms. My eyes dropped to his lips which he in turn licked with eager anticipation. The playfulness in Harper’s eyes was gone, anticipation and a little surprise left in its wake.  Slowly, I leant forward and just as I noticed his eyes flutter shut I moved ever so slightly to one side, pressing a quick chaste kiss to the spot beside his lips.

“I’ll see you in a bit!” I tried not to breathe hard and heavy, betraying the calamity I felt in my heart.

“Don’t worry, Somerville,” I heard Yoshi call out as I walked away, leaving Harper apparently speechless. “As soon as Marz’s gun hits your skin, your hard-on will disappear faster than a virgin on prom night.” The tattoo shop burst into laughter and I couldn’t help the satisfied grin that fell easily on my face. Smiling had seemed so difficult only a few days ago. Now, it felt easy and right. Gradually, some resemblance to the old Bree was finding its way back. My soul was being repaired, my sorrow fading and the darkness gradually becoming lighter.

Chapter 7

Epic Camp Adventure

Spending the night in a tent; usually involves wind, rain, leaking tents and general discomfort

Lacey and I wandered with lazy intent from one shop to another; Lacey oohing and ahhing over jewelry, me gushing over handmade clothes. I brought an ankle-length wrap skirt, a pair of fisherman pants and a t-shirt with a tree of life motif on the front, fitting considering the tattoo Harper was currently getting back at the studio.  I couldn’t help but buy two leather friendship bands. One beaded with amber, the other onyx.  I wondered if Harper would think it was a lame gesture, then I wondered why I cared. I never had in the past and, believe me when I say, I have done plenty of lame stuff with Harper. Spending an entire day at a second-hand book sale at the convention center - lame. Dragging him to see
The Smurfs
in 3D—lame. Sneaking out at three in the morning to egg Sean’s Honda Civic parked outside his house—lame. Though he never once complained. In fact, he seemed genuinely happy to be there with me each and every time I insisted on doing something lame.

Finally, Lacey and I sat on the balcony of a pub overlooking the parkland and beach before us. It was a bustle of activity with people laughing and relaxing under the bright summer sun. It was then I noticed my absent sorrow. There was no weight on my shoulders, no sorrow eating at my soul. I had no doubt it would be back, but I enjoyed this carefree moment.

“I’m glad I finally got a chance to meet you. Harper always talks about you when he comes in. I was beginning to think he had made you up.” I laughed at Lacey as she took a sip from her glass of wine.

“I’m surprised he talked about me. I always assumed I was his dirty little secret.”

“No, you are far from that. I always got the impression he was protecting you from something, his crazy life maybe, but he is definitely very fond of you.” I shrugged. Of course he was, we’d been best friends for thirteen years. “He looks at you like he wants to eat you,” Lacey added with a sly grin.

“Good lord, Lacey, Harper does not want to eat me.” My laugh was nervous.

“Oh sweetheart, Harper wants to do many things with you, and eat you is up there high on his list.” I was blushing furiously. I couldn’t believe Martha Stewart was being so…so dirty! “Question is, do you want that too?”

“Lacey, Harper and I have been friends forever, but that’s all there is, friendship. Nothing more, nothing less.”

She chuckled. “You didn’t answer me.” I knew I hadn’t, and I wouldn’t, because what I wanted and what would happen were two very different things. “Honey, you and Harper have built a relationship like it should be built, friendship first. You have a strong foundation. All you have to ask yourself is, do you want to take the next step?” Of course I did, but I wouldn’t.

“You’re thinking too hard, sweetheart. If you overthink it, you will complicate it. Relationships are complicated enough without adding unnecessary stress to them, and life is too short for that sort of crap. You don’t want to spend too long thinking about it only to discover when you’re finally ready to take the step, the opportunity has passed.” Thankfully our meals arrived which broke the deep and meaningful conversation that was causing more of those ‘Harper’ feelings and emotions to churn within me.

I grabbed a bottle of water and some hot chips as we made our way back to the tattoo studio. Harper was finished and paying the bill. I had no idea how much the afternoon had cost him, but no doubt it was expensive. Harper never had a problem spending money though.

“So, do I get to see?” I asked as Harper grabbed the hot chips from me like a starved animal.

“Later.” He nudged me towards the door. “I told the boys we were going to go crash down at the camp grounds. They’re going to come down for a few drinks,” Harper explained.

“We’re camping?” I balked. Yoshi laughed loudly from the back of the shop as he cleaned up his station.

“You’re a braver woman than my wife, she hates camping.”

“So do I!” I growled.

“Come on, we’ve had some epic camping adventures and this one’s going to be just as epic, even more so.” I shook my head at Harper’s pathetic attempt to win me over on the whole camping idea. I stood stubbornly still, my feet rooted to the ground, my angry gaze settled on Harper’s eyes that twinkled with amusement.

“No, all of our camping adventures have epically sucked, in fact, the last time our tent collapsed in the middle of a storm, I was stung by a blue bottle and I got a flat tire. I swore I would never go camping again!” Harper took my hand dragging me forward.

“That was just bad luck. There are no storms around tonight, the weather is perfect, we’ve got my car and it never breaks down, and if a blue bottle stings you I promise to pee on it.” Before I could protest with all the outrage I could muster, Harper pulled me out the door. “See you tonight,” he called out over his shoulder. The guys all responded with a positive grunt and shout and I realized it was highly unlikely I would get out of Harper’s planned camping adventure.

True to his word, Harper had filled the back of the car with all our camping needs except for cooking and eating utensils. We picked up some fish and chips, and a few beers then headed for the camp sites. Harper, of course being Harper, managed to wrangle an unavailable spot right on the ocean front and had the large tent up in no time at all. He laid down a foam mattress and our sleeping-bags, carefully arranging our backpacks to one side. I knew he was making it orderly and comfortable for my benefit, perhaps an attempt to smooth over my angst at having to camp. Harper built a fire within a small rock pit and, as the sun began to sink, he sat down and pulled me to his side. Talk was casual and comfortable, just like old times and when Harper asked me what I bought in town, I remembered the friendship bracelets. Rummaging through a bag I pulled them out and sat down at his side once again. He grinned as I carefully tied the onyx stoned leather bracelet around his wrist and then he helped me tie the amber stoned bracelet around mine. We held them up together until I finally began to laugh.

“I feel like a ten-year-old again.” Harper wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“You certainly don’t look like a ten-year-old anymore. How do your new eyebrows feel, baby girl?” I wiggled my brows a little.

“Sore actually.”

“You want some pain-killers, maybe some of that cream Lacey gave you?” Harper asked with a sincerity that wrapped itself around my heart making me feel all warm and fuzzy.

“No, I’m good, it’s not really that bad. And thank you Harper. What you did today, that was kinda huge.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal.

“Anything for my Breeze.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, snapping a quick picture of the two of us.

“For Mia?” Harper asked. I nodded.

“And George. I want to show them my new eyebrows.”

“Well ain’t this all romantic and cozy!” I recognized Marz’s voice as he approached from behind us. “I kinda feel like an ass for breaking up this little party.” He sat down beside Harper and they bumped fists.

“You’re not breaking up anything,” I said nervously. I don’t know why I was nervous, it’s not like Harper and I had been making out or anything. Perhaps a small part of me would like to have been making out, but we weren’t, and wouldn’t. Keep telling yourself that Bree! Yoshi and a petite Asian girl with a very big and round tummy stood beside Marz.

“Bree, this is Riah, Riah, Bree,” Yoshi introduced us. My eyes unconsciously fell to Riah’s large round belly, so beautiful and smooth. I wanted to reach out and touch it, absorbing the beauty of life growing within, life that I may never produce. A lump of regret and sadness filled my throat and I glance away taking deep reassuring breaths to regain my composure. Having children had never been a serious thought for me, I was still only twenty-two after all. It was something that I just assumed would happen one day. Now, well now my future was fickle and the poison that had fought off my cancer had more than likely stolen my ability to have children. Riah struggled to lower herself to the ground and I chastised the men for making her do so. I immediately sent Harper in search of a chair. He pilfered one from a camp site a few tents down with a little sweet-talking, and an invitation to join us. Lacey and her husband, an enormous and loud man named Eric joined the growing gathering, and, much to my horror, Chantelle and her crew of skank tanks turned up. Harper gave me a reassuring smile when I glared daggers in the buxom blonde’s direction. Soon we had quite an ensemble of people from all walks of life sitting around the fire laughing and telling stories of epic fail camping trips. It seemed I had more to tell than most. The gathering was fun, everyone laughed, and the mood was light. It was always like this with Harper though, people were drawn to him, he was like a magnet drawing everyone in with his charm and easy going nature. On the tour he had gained a reputation as a womanizing bad boy. I had heard the gossip and stories, and I tried incredibly hard to ignore them. Here under the star lit skies of Australia though, this was the real Harper Somerville. My eyes were drawn to the flickering fire that tried desperately to reach for the skies. The magnificent colors and twisted, licking flames sucked me into a thoughtless relaxed state, until a tap on my shoulder drew away my attention. Harper lowered himself to my side, guitar in hand.

The silent invitation to play seemed to garner everyone’s attention. Even though my eyes were glued on the beautiful guitar, I knew the eyes of the guests around us were watching me curiously. I shuffled nervously. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and take the damn thing. I wanted to sing, I wanted to lose myself in the music that had brought me so much happiness over the years. I was nervous though, skittish even. Playing had never made me nervous before, I loved it, lived for it. Now my insides churned with anxious butterflies dying to be let free.

“It’s been a while. My fingers are a bit soft,” I whispered. The calluses that had worn their way into my fingers had disappeared long ago.

“Now is as good a time as ever to turn those baby soft fingers into instruments of brute force and strength.” Harper urged the guitar forward into my lap. I chuckled as my hands reverently felt the familiar instrument, tracing the lines painted under the perfectly varnished timber finish. As I gave the strings a gentle strum, my eyes fluttered shut. It was like sinking into a familiar feeling of harmony. In this moment, I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I had given this up? Because one day it would be gone forever and that wasn’t fair. I squeezed my eyes shut as I checked the tune of each chord. Life wasn’t fair, but it was still life. I was still breathing, my heart still beat, the world moved forward while I battled to accept my fate. I needed to find a way to embrace here and now, worry about tomorrow once I reached it. It seemed so easy, it should have been easy, but it wasn’t.