Brick Shakespeare: The Comedies—A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Tempest, Much Ado About Nothing, and The Taming of the Shrew (71 page)

FIRST WATCHMAN

This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.

DOGBERRY

Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.

BORACHIO

Master constable,—

DOGBERRY

Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.

SEXTON

What heard you him say else?

SECOND WATCHMAN

Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of

Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

DOGBERRY

Flat burglary as ever was committed.

VERGES

Yea, by mass, that it is.

SEXTON

What else, fellow?

FIRST WATCHMAN

And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

DOGBERRY

O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.

SEXTON

What else?

WATCHMEN

This is all.

SEXTON

And this is more, masters, than you can deny.

Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;

Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.

Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show him their examination.

DOGBERRY

Come, let them be opinioned.

VERGES

Let them be in the hands—

CONRADE

Off, coxcomb!

DOGBERRY

God’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.

Thou naughty varlet!

CONRADE

Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

DOGBERRY

Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.

I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in

Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!

ACT V Scene I (112–324).

W
hile preparations are made to determine Hero’s innocence, Leonato has come unraveled in his anguish. Antonio attempts to console and advise him, but it is to no avail. Don Pedro and Claudio enter the scene, and Leonato berates the men for having “killed” his daughter by weapon of slander. Don Pedro and Claudio are saddened and apologetic but continue to stand by their assertions that Hero was untrue. Just as Benedick comes across the group, Leonato and Antonio storm off.

CLAUDIO

Now, signior, what news?

BENEDICK

Good day, my lord.

DON PEDRO

Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part almost a fray.

CLAUDIO

We had like to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth.