Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos Book 2) (9 page)

“You mean that?” he asked. His hoarse voice was a rough caress.

“I said it didn’t I?” she replied, praying she hadn’t just put her foot in her mouth.

“Shit, Es. When did you get so damn hardcore? It’s kind of hot.” He hiccupped, and she laughed. “Listen, Es. If you come down here—”

“When.”

“All right, when you come down here, you have to keep it to yourself. The shit I’m in right now… I need to be able to trust you.”

“You can.”

“I know that deep down, but I’ve been guarded so long, I’m a bit rusty at letting down my drawbridge.”

“You’re doing just fine, big man,” she whispered.

“Thanks, Sprite. Here, take down this address.”

Mentally cheering, she took down his address. “I’m throwing on clothes, and then I’ll be on my way.”

“I hope neither of us lives to regret this,” he whispered.

“I can do more than shoot darts and pools. I’m loyal and a damn good listener. My father, rake that he was, taught me to think like a man when necessary. I don’t plan on hanging around to cramp your style. I have a day of work to put in tomorrow night. But I can tell you don’t have your head on straight. I can’t have you out there like this.”

“I never saw this coming, Es. I can’t stop asking myself questions I don’t have the answers to, running fucked up scenarios in my head. She’s my little girl. It was my job to take care of her. I failed her in the worst possible way knowing I’ve continued to do that with each day that passes.” He took a shaky breath.

She climbed out of bed. “Hey, we don’t know anything for sure, right?”

“No, but it’s a gut feeling—”

“Shelve it.” Grabbing a pair of yoga pants from her dresser, she wiggled her way into them and decided to keep the oversized sleep shirt. She wasn’t trying to win any beauty contests. “I’m coming, support. You wait for me and don’t give up, you hear?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good, I’m going to get off here, brew a cup of coffee, and pack a bag. Then I’m on the road.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“If sleep takes you, don’t fight it. But your ass better get up to answer the door for me.”

He laughed, and the sound was heavenly. He was moving away from that dark place she knew all too well.

“I’ll get up. I promise.”

They disconnected, and she rushed through the house like a mad woman, tossing things into the small black suitcase she pulled out from underneath her bed. She was in her car and on the street before she could talk herself out of anything. This wasn’t her normal, rushing off in the middle of the night to places unknown. But she couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She pulled into the motel parking lot as the sky was turning from midnight blue to purple. Killing the engine, she grabbed her bag from the passenger seat and stepped out. There were no lights on in room 306, and she wondered if she’d made the right call. Now that he had time to sober up, would he resent her presence?
Too late to choke now.

She left the car, locking it behind her and walked over to the door, knocking loudly. A few minutes later, the door swung open to reveal a disheveled giant with red-rimmed eyes, and dark circles. He stepped forward and lifted her off the ground. Squealing, she wrapped her arms around his neck to stabilize herself.

He tangled his thick fingers in her hair, and she inhaled his scent. The smell of whiskey, woods, and something pure Xavier hit her.
When did this man become my idea of comfort?
She trailed her fingers through his dark hair, nuzzling his neck.

“Fuck it’s good to see you, Es.” When he placed a kiss on the top of her head, warmth spread through her body. After he set her down, she cupped his cheek. He leaned into her touch and she amazed at the changes that had occurred in the man overnight. Before, he’d always seemed larger than life.

“You don’t look right, Xavier.”

“I feel worse. Come on, let’s get inside.” He pulled her in, glanced around the parking lot, and shut the door.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“You know my story. We got a tip from someone who had information on what happened. There’s a chance my Jocelyn is out there somewhere. I don’t know who has her, what her life has been like, or what she was told about Jade and me.”

His voice cracked. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to believe it, and then I don’t. If I get my hopes up, and it was a lie…” He shook his head and sank to his knees, burying his face in her belly. This was about so much more than the anonymous tip. This was years’ worth of pain finally spilling over.
How long has he kept all of this inside?

“Whatever it is, I’m here for you. I won’t pretend to know what this feels like, but you’re not alone.” She kissed his crown, stroking his hair. “If she’s alive, I know you’ll move heaven and earth to get her back. Once you have her, the love you’ll pour into her will be the thing that truly matters.”

“What if it’s not? How can I ever make up for the ways I let her down? I let both of them down.”

“No, you didn’t. None of this is on you. Bad shit happens that we can’t control. All we can do is pick up after the storm blows through and find a way to keep moving forward. If she’s still out there, it’s a gift. You get a second chance to be a parent. That’s a precious gift, and no one I know deserves it as much as you. You’re incredible. Three months ago you didn’t even know me, and already you’ve worked miracles in my life. A child would be blessed to have you as a father.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“I am.”

He snickered and pulled away. “I look like a pussy all but sobbing all over you.”

“No, you sound like a man who loves his child. Nothing pussy about that.” Their gazes locked, and her mouth went dry.
There is so much beauty inside this man
. He rose, and she tilted her head back to maintain eye contact.

“I can’t believe you came down here.”

“I thought we were supporting,” she said.

“This goes beyond that.”

The air between them grew thick.

She cleared her throat. “Now we sleep. I have to get up in a few hours and drive back, and you need to rest.”

He blinked slowly and nodded his head. “There’s only one bed.”

She peered at the large bed. “I think we can manage.” She toed off her shoes, unzipped her jacket, and tossed it onto a chair. “Come on.” Grabbing his hand she tugged him toward the bed, sensing how lost he was. She slid beneath the covers faking the confidence she didn’t feel. The bed dipped under his weight, and he pulled her body toward his, wrapping his muscular arms around her.

“You’re so damn tiny,” he said.

“No, you’re just super-sized.”

He snickered and rested his chin on top of her head. “Thank you.”

“I’ll always have your back.”

“I’m starting to see that,” he murmured.

Silence settled over them like a blanket and drowsiness sucked her down into the blackness of sleep. It struck her odd that sleeping with him didn’t bother her.

§

She woke slowly. Long arms wrapped around her waist, and a heavy leg pinned her to the bed.
What did I do?
She forced her heavy lids open and took in the hotel room. The previous night returned to her, and she took a deep breath. It was just Snake. Her body relaxed. It’d been so long since she woke to someone else in bed.

Her bladder reminded her why she was awake. She wiggled, trying to loosen his hold, and when he rocked his hips in response to the movement, she felt something long and thick press against her ass.

She bit the inside of her cheek and swallowed back a moan.
Now is not the time to remember how long it’s been since I had sex.
An ache began in her center. She elbowed him gently. “I have to pee.”

He moaned and released her, rolling onto his back. She slipped from the bed and rushed to the bathroom, horrified by the direction her thoughts had begun to travel. The cold seat shocked her into consciousness.
He’s vulnerable. He needs a friend.
Finishing her business, she splashed water on her face, tamed her wild hair, and returned to the room.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, staring at the bearded man nursing a steaming mug of coffee in their bed.

“Better. Embarrassed as fuck. But better.”

“Good.” She peered at the old-school desk clock beside the bed. “It’s eleven. I’ll need to get out of here soon.”

He nodded. “I appreciate you coming down the way you did, Es. It…uh, meant a lot.”

“That’s what best friends are for.”

“Is that what I am?”

“It’s how I see you,” she replied honestly.

“It’s how I see you, too,” he admitted.

She beamed.

“Least I can do is feed you before you go,” Snake said.

“You don’t have to—”

“You’re eating before you leave,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m starting to wonder if you have some food fetish.”

“Only as it pertains to you. I want to fatten you up.”

She laughed. “Why?”

“Because you need it, girl. You were all skin and bones.”

“And now?”

“We’re getting there.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll let it slip since you’re hung-over.”

“And right,” he said.

“Hmmm.”

“This place doesn’t have much in the way of accommodations, but it does have room service thanks to the restaurant it’s connected to. What sounds good?”

“Oatmeal and toast?”

“With a side of bacon, and some fruit, check,” Snake said, making her laugh. He had a way of getting you to do what he wanted without being overbearing.
I can see why he’s Vice President.

“Is it okay if I hop in the shower first?” she asked.

“Go for it.”

She grabbed her bag and wheeled into the bathroom. It was amazing how things had developed. What started off as a fluke had blossomed into a genuine relationship she considered vital to her sanity.

Too much food later she was back in her car with Snake draped over its frame.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” she asked eyeing him carefully.

“Right as rain. At least, as much as I can be.”

“And you’ll call me if you aren’t?”

He smiled. “Yeah, Es. I’ll call. I don’t lose my shit too often. So I’m pretty sure I fulfilled my quota for the next year.”

“Smart ass. I worry.”

“You shouldn’t. That’s my job,” he said.

“I think it goes both ways,” she countered.

“Get out of here, and stop arguing with me, Sprite,” he growled and bent in, brushing her cheek with his lips.

Her face tingled and her belly clenched. Things were changing between them.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Snake

He stood in front of the familiar apartment numb. In just a few days his life had once again exploded. His face was numb, and his body was stiff from driving in the frigid weather. He’d spend the past two weeks hunting down Paul Smith, Jacob Sanders, and T.J. Perkins with his brothers. They’d all meet their maker, but not before confirming Hiram’s words to be truth.

Despite the torture, Hiram continued to hold his tongue. The old bastard knew it was the one thing keeping him breathing. How could he let him walk? This man was responsible for everything that happened to his family. How could he not? He ran a shaky hand through his hair. He’d set off on the road to clear his head and somehow ended up in front of Es’s door.

What right do I have to bring her into this? The more she knows the more dangerous it is for her.
There was no one else he could bring this though. He knocked and leaned against the doorframe, suddenly exhausted. He’d been catching sleep in small three to four hour intervals, running on fumes and living off of junk. It all caught up with him now that he slowed down. Es opened the door.

“Oh, Snake.” A frown marred her rosy red lips.
Has she been making out with someone?
Anger that stopped just shy of rage descended. “You don’t look so good. Please come in.”

“You have someone else here?” His voice was low and gravely.

She blinked. “Well yes, but she was just leaving. Isn’t that right, Jole?”

“I’m not so sure I should,” a woman said.

He focused his attention on the older woman who stood with her arms crossed and her gaze full of contempt.

“This is him, right?
Support.
The one who has you working at Rain, and forgetting who you once were.”

“No one is making me do anything,” Es snapped.

“You can’t see it. But I can. I refuse to sit back and remain silent when I’m watching you go down a dangerous path.”

Her sister-in-law was a huffy, haughty bitch with a narrow view of the world. He knew her type. It didn’t bother him when people like her looked down on him. But he’d be damned if let anyone disrespect Es.

“I suggest you stop speaking before you say something you can’t take back. The only thing I’m encouraging Es to do is what makes her happy. You’re so desperate to get her back to where she was before the tornado, you never stop to realize she’ll never be that woman again. You think you’re doing what’s best for her? No, this is about you.”

“You have no—”

“Fuck that. I have every right. I’m being nice right now, but my patience is wearing thin, fast.”

“Are you going to let him talk to me like this?” Jolene asked.

“You’re out of line. I knew this moment would come. I tried my best to put it off for as long as possible.”

“So he’s the most important thing in your life now? Suddenly I’m chopped liver?”

“I never said that—”

“You didn’t have to,” Jole barked.

“I can’t be Estelle Noll again because she doesn’t exist. I’m sorry if that disappoints you. I have to do what makes me feel alive. I spent so long feeling like a zombie. I deserve happiness.”

“I never thought you didn’t. But this, a tattooed bad boy—”

“You know nothing about him,” Es said. Her voice was deep and held the promise of violence. It made his dick jerk. He’d never seen his little one so fierce. The woman, Jole’s, lower lip trembled. He would feel bad for her if she hadn’t come for him incorrectly.

“I don’t know what to say. I think it’s best if I just leave and give us both some time.”

Es’s shoulder dropped and he could practically see her retreat inward.

“You know where I am if you need anything,” Jole said. She moved to the door, and he stepped out of the way.

“Jolene,” Es began, turning and wrapping her arms around the woman’s body; her shoulders shook, “I love you. You’re my best friend, but what I’m doing now are things I have to do. Please understand that.”

“I’ll try,” Jolene whispered, kissing her cheek before she continued out the door. Es rested her forehead against the surface and sobbed.

Stepping up behind her, he pulled her body flush against his. “Hey, you did nothing wrong.”

“That’s not how it feels,” she whimpered.

He placed an arm above her and curved his body around her, wishing he could protect her from this pain. He pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

“I’m sorry I screwed up your night. It wasn’t my intention.”

“No.” She hiccupped. “This has been a long time coming. The minute she found out I took the job at Rain we were at odds. It’s been so long with only the two of us here. My parents are supportive, but there isn’t much they can do from England.”

“Well now you have me, too,” he said.

She gave a wet laugh. “My support.”

“For as long as you need me.”

“That could be a long time. As you can see, I’m a mess.” She leaned back against him.

“I’m okay with that.”

“I’m sorry. You walked right into a domestic dispute.”

“I’m proud of you. You stuck up for yourself and drew your boundaries like we talked about.”

He pulled back, and she turned, leaning against the door as she peered up at me. “I feel like I can do anything when you’re there backing me.”

“Always will be.”

“You sound so sure.”

“What we have is something special, girl. I know that. I’m not one to trust easily and you earned mine along with my loyalty weeks ago.”

She gripped the edges of his cut. “You know I feel the same way. But you didn’t come here to worry about me.”

“I will always worry about you. I don’t want you to think this is all about what you can do for me.”

She placed a finger on his lips. “You show me that daily.” As she caressed the side of his face he leaned into her gentle touch. “Now tell me what’s got you looking like you’re ready to drop.”

The concern on her face charmed him. For a moment he could think of something more than pain, worry, and stress. Her lips beckoned him, and this time he permitted his desires to outweigh rationale. He pressed his lips to hers, moaning at the softness and the way her body pressed into his. She buried her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer as he tilted his head and traced her lips. When they parted, he slipped his tongue inside; she tasted like chocolate and comfort. Their tongues glided together. Blood rushed to his groin. His pants grew tight.

They surfaced for air, and he gripped the silken strands of her hair, resting his head against hers.

“Shit.”

“Uh huh,” she mumbled.

“I would apologize, but I don’t feel sorry.”

“Good, I’m not either,” she said.

He snickered, the, groaned. He had things to say that couldn’t be put off.

“Let’s go talk on the couch, hot lips.”

“Hot lips?” he snorted.

She winked and slipped from his arms, leading him to the couch. He couldn’t help but admire the sway of her hips as she walked in front of him. They sank onto the cushions.

“Lay,” she instructed, patting her lap.

He scowled.

“You said you trusted me.”

“I do.”

She patted her legs. He growled, but laid his head in her lap. The feel of her nails lightly scratching his scalp as she moved his hair away from his face was soothing.

“Better?” she asked.

“Much.”

“Good, now spill.”

“Jocelyn’s alive. But to get to her I have to let the man who orchestrated everything go.”

“So why isn’t she here with you now?”

“It’s selling out my revenge for her mother for her.”

“A price Jade would pay a million times over.”

“I waited so long for this moment. My twisted heart is having a hard time letting go.”

“Hate, anger, and revenge will never bring true peace. It’ll make you feel good for a while, but that’s the ego speaking. You have to let this go and bring Joc home.”

“And once I get her. What then? Where will she live? What kind of parent can I be to a little girl?”

“I been around enough to know you can get things done on a fast track. You make a home while you’re locating her. Then you let her help you personalize it.”

“God, why do you know all the right shit to say?”

“Might be the years of Child Psych and Child Development required for my degree.”

“Oh my God. I’d forgotten you were a teacher.”

“And I’m here to help you any way you need. You don’t have to do this alone.”

He sucked in a deep breath.
Maybe that’s what I needed to hear.
“Do you think I can do this without screwing her up?”

“I know you can,” she said.

Her unwavering faith humbled him. He closed his eyes, breathed in her scent, and meditated on her words.

“I could rent a house, get her enrolled in school, and get a sitter for those times when I can’t be home.”

“Yes, you can,” she agreed.

“What do I do when I find her and she doesn’t know who the hell I am?” he asked.

“You remember you have the rest of your lives to remind her.”

He nodded.
It’s decided.
“And you’ll help?” He hated the tentative tone of his voice. Asking for help chaffed him, but he had a child expert right here. He’d be a fool not to take advantage of that.

“Every step of the way.”

“I’ll need a house in a good school district or close to a private school. I know how crowded public schools are, and I want to give her the best chance possible.”

“What else?” she asked.

“I want a girl friendly space that will bring her comfort and allow her to remember her mother.”

“You should hire an interior designer—”

“No. I won’t trust just anyone with this. I want you, Es.”

She paused.

He swallowed. It was a lot to ask of someone who avoided children like the plague.

“O-okay. You’ve made up your mind, then?” she asked.

“You were right. I’m a father first. Jade would always put Jocelyn before anything else. I’m just reeling right now. I hoped before she was still alive. Now it’s a fact and I need to get my shit together. I have a little girl out there who needs me. Whether she knows it or not. God, she could be going through fucking anything, Es.”

“Hey, we don’t know that. Did he say anything about the arrangement?”

“Just that he sold her. I can’t see that being something any upstanding citizen would be a part of,” Snake whispered.

“You’d be surprised. Legal adoptions are lengthy, pricey, and at times near impossible to get approved.”

She’s being kind. I’ll let her think she’s easing my mind, but I expect the worse. Money can buy counseling. I can’t go back in time, but I can look to the future and prepare.
Those men were hate mongers, and like attracted like. The thought of any of their kin or acquaintances rearing his child turned his stomach.

“Hmmm,” he said.

“Tonight you rest. Tomorrow you go back and make things right, yes?”

“I think that’s the best way to do things,” he said as his eyes grew heavy.

“You tell me what you need and it’s done.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my very best friend.” He felt a feather-light brush against his lips before he let the blackness take him.

§

Estelle

How did I get myself into this?

“Sign here and here please,” the small man with grey hair, and dark eyes that didn’t seem to miss a thing said. Jim Arbuckle was one of the top lawyers in Cincinnati. She knew because she’d seen his name fly around high-profile cases. How the Wild Ones could afford him, she didn’t know.

She gave her signature and made a mental promise to throat chop Snake the next time she saw him. He’d left her early telling her he’d be contacting her to get the ball rolling. She hadn’t known that would mean signing power of attorney papers to give her the right to sign his name while he was off searching for Jocelyn. Kali sat beside her in the clubroom offices.

“Excellent. I’ll make a copy. Keep this on you when you’re doing any sort of business transactions and refer people to me if you have any problems.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Arbuckle.”

“It’s what they pay me to do.”

She watched slightly dazed as he made a copy, handed it to her, packed up, and walked out.

“What the hell did you do to Snake? Is your pussy made of gold?”

“What? No. We’ve never even done that.”

“So your mouth is magical?” Kali said.

“Jesus, Kali, no. He wants me to look for some property.”

“He gave you the power to fuck his shit up if you want to.”

“I would never do that.”

“Clearly he knows that. Look, it’s not like any of these men to do this. Why are you different?” Kali asked.

Irritation loosened her tongue. “I get that you’re the den mother here, but I’ve had enough of your shit. I can’t speak for any of these other men, but I can tell you what Xavier and I share is real and potent. I was lucky to find him and I’m not about to let him down because you want to ride my ass. You need to step back.”

Kali nodded. “Good girl.”

“Excuse me?” Estelle snapped, exasperated.

“I’ve been trying to see how far you’d let me push you for weeks. You’ll need a strong backbone to stay around here.”