Can I See You Again? (31 page)

I realize he and I have no lengthy history, no shared past. No comfort of the common.

His body, his mind, his soul—
all of him
—is new and obscure. Unknown.

But this no longer frightens me.

I no longer crave safety of the familiar.

I no longer yearn for the past.

I let myself go, lost in Nixon's kiss.

It's time to make new
history.

Don't miss Allison Morgan's funny and endearing debut novel

The Someday Jar

Turn the page for a special excerpt . . .

Available now from
Berkley!

Don't panic, Lanie.

Don't freak out.

Don't shove your hand into the paper shredder. It won't fit.

Sifting through the contracts piled high on my desk—I swear twelve trees are chopped down each time a house is sold—checking the trash can and digging through my purse, I find nothing. Nothing!

How is this possible? I'm twenty-seven years old with dental floss, multivitamins, and spare staples in my desk drawer. I have no past due library books or expired tags on my car. I never litter. Never chew with my mouth open. I lift heavy things with my legs, not back. A responsible adult by any account. Yet, someway, somehow, I've carelessly gone and lost the single most important thing I
shouldn't
lose. My engagement ring.

“Lanie?” Evan, my fiancé, calls from his office.

Crap.

“Just a minute.” I push my chair aside and search underneath the desk, finding no more than a few paper clips and a
fuzz ball. Apparently, the maid has gotten a bit lax with the vacuuming. Oh right, that's me.

“Where are you?” he calls, sounding closer this time.

Quick to stand, I bonk my shoulder on the desk and hear the silver picture frame of the two of us from last year's Realtor Awards ceremony fall over.

“Oh, there you are.” Evan strides toward me in his crisp Armani button-down shirt and creased pants, with a smooth gait that only good breeding spawns—his mom's a tenured English professor at Stanford and his dad's a venture capitalist. Evan is smiling, the same smile that garnered him a number six spot on last month's most-attractive-businessmen poll in the
Arizona Republic
. More than his Ken-doll good looks and crackerjack genes, Evan's a proven asset in the real estate community. He's respected and admired.

And he's mine.

But great. Just great. I've gone and lost his token of love.

Obviously, I could ask him to help me search, but what would I say?
Hey, funny thing, I've misplaced my ring. You know the one—diamond-encrusted platinum band, passed from generation to generation. Wasn't it your great-grandmother's?

As a perfectly timed distraction, the office door swings open and in walks my dear old friend, Hollis Murphy.

He's decked in his usual navy blue, one-piece jumper. The matching belt droops around his waist. He smooths his thin white hair with a finger comb, and his cheeks and nose, laced with a few broken capillaries, flush pink.

My whole world just got brighter.

“Hollis, what a nice surprise.” I slide around the desk and open my arms for a hug.

His skin is cool and clammy, he smells of too much cologne, and staleness heavies his breath, but I don't care. I love this old man.

We met several years ago, when I crashed my shopping cart into the side of Hollis's truck. In my defense,
People
had just released the Sexiest Man Alive issue and a shirtless Ryan Reynolds, along with each one of his gloriously defined abs, was pictured on page thirty-seven. Who wouldn't be distracted? Besides, it was only a scrape. Okay, dent. But Hollis was forgiving and we've been friends ever since.

He grasps my hand and says, “Zookeeper chokes to death eating an animal cracker.”

Nearly every time we talk, Hollis rattles off a peculiar obituary. It's a sick ritual and I'll likely rot in hell for making light of someone else's misfortune. Still, I can't help but chuckle. “That's awful.”

“Good one, don't you think? My Bevy clipped it out.”

“How is Mrs. Murphy?”

“A slice of heaven. Today is our fifty-fourth wedding anniversary.”

“Congratulations!” I say, making a mental note:
Send Murphys wine.
“Any special plans?”

“She's making meatballs tonight. My favorite.”

“Sounds perfect. When will you bring Bevy by? In all this time, I still can't believe we've never met. I'd sure love to meet her.”

“She says the same about you, but I swear that woman never has any free time. She's busier than the tooth fairy at a crackhead's house.”

Evan approaches, extending his hand. “Mr. Murphy, it's nice to see you.”

“Likewise.”

“To what do we owe this honor?” Evan asks.

Hollis fishes in his pocket and pulls out a candy cane, his favorite treat that he carries year-round. He offers it to me. “Just came by to give Lanie-Lou something sweet.” He eyes me, waiting for my answer.

“Because every woman deserves a candy cane.”

“That's right.” He squeezes my arm and says, “Everything good?”

“Everything's great, thank you.”
Except for the fact that I can't find my ring.
I quickly scan the carpet.

“All right,” Hollis says. “I'm off.”

“Good to see you,” Evan says.

“Give Mrs. Murphy my best,” I say, walking Hollis outside.

“I already gave her my best this morning,” he chuckles, and then he drives away.

Evan waits for me beside my desk. He holds out his open palm. “Look what I have.”

Damn. He found it first.

I step toward him, conjuring up a witty explanation like,
Silly little bastard, that ring must have legs
, but words escape me as I stare into his hand.

He doesn't hold my ring. He doesn't hold the symbol of my future. He holds a piece of my past. My Someday Jar.

“My God.” I try to hide the tremor in my fingers as I reach for the glass crock. Nostalgia surges through me like a desert flash flood and all at once I smell my dad's cologne masking his one-a-day cigarette habit and hear his voice, usually light and high-spirited, pivot adamant and stern when he said a dozen years earlier, “This jar is for your goals and aspirations, Lanie. None too big. None too small.”

“Where did you find this?” My voice is no steadier than my hands.

“In a box at the bottom of my office closet. Found your ASU graduation cap, too. Maybe you can wear that to bed later?” He teases, but he must see the focus in my eyes because he strokes my arm. “What is it?”

I lean against my desk, my body heavy with sentiment. “This is my Someday Jar. A gift from my dad. God, I haven't
seen it in years.” The last time I held this, I wore bubble-gum-flavored lip gloss and braces dotted my teeth. With the jar close to my ear, I give it a little shake and listen to the slips of paper tumble inside.

“What's in there?”

“Fortunes.”

“Fortunes?”

“Yeah. Every year for my birthday Dad took me to the Golden Lantern, a Chinese restaurant in Mesa.” I half smile, remembering the dome-shaped chandeliers covered with crushed red velvet and dangling tassels decorating the dining room. “They had this wall with dozens of fortunes pinned to it. Dad plucked a handful of slips, flipped them to the blank side, and said, ‘Write your own fortunes, Lanie. Create your own path.'”

I remember scribbling
Learn something new
on the first slip, thrilled with his nod of acceptance as I tucked the goal into the jar.

Now, as I rub my thumb along the nicks in the glass, a lump forms in my throat. “Dad made me promise that I'd empty the jar. He made me promise I'd claim my own stake in the world, fulfill my desires and dreams. He made me promise I'd do this . . . before I got married.” I'd forgotten that last part until just now.

Evan tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Your dad was never afraid to throw caution to the wind, was he?”

“No, he definitely wasn't,” I whisper, staring at the jar.

“You okay?”

I shake my head to clear it and force a little laugh. “I'm fine. It's just an old piece of glass that brings back a lot of memories, I guess.”

Evan pulls me close and holds me for a minute.

Though it serves no purpose but longing and regret, I let my mind wander to my childhood days with Dad. The days
when pancakes were dinner, chocolate cake was breakfast, and jokes and laughter filled our bellies in between. I hate to admit it, but I wonder what Dad would think of me now, so different from the carefree teenager he knew. Would he be proud of the woman I've become or disappointed by my structured life? Worse yet, indifferent?

Evan steps back and says, “Listen, I don't mean to rush this moment for you, but I'm in a tight spot and sure could use a favor.”

I blink away tears foolhardily forming in my eyes. “Yes, of course. What is it?”

“Can you pick up Weston Campbell from Sky Harbor Airport, executive terminal? He's flying in from Los Angeles.”

“A new client?”

“No, a business associate of my parents turned family friend. You've never met him?”

“The name doesn't sound familiar.”

“Well, anyway, he's going to lend me a hand with an upcoming project.”

“How will I spot him? I have no idea what he looks like.” For some reason, the name Weston Campbell evokes an image of a wirehaired and well-fed Irish farmer stabbing bales of hay with whiskey breath spewing from his toothless grin. I should work on being less judgmental, but honestly, where's the fun in that?

“No problem recognizing him.” Evan aims his phone's camera in my direction. “Smile.”

“Wait.” I set the jar on my desk and comb through my shoulder-length brown hair, fluffing the bangs that hover over my Irish green eyes, thankful I wore my favorite sleeveless dress cinched above the waist with a ridiculously cute Michael Kors belt. “Okay, go.”

He snaps a photo of me.

Dang.
I think my eyes were closed.

“This is Lanie Howard.” He punches at the keys. “There, I forwarded your picture to him. All you have to do is stand outside the security gates and he'll find you. The executive terminal isn't very big.” Evan slides into his jacket and steps toward the leather-framed mirror hanging on the wall to study his reflection. He swivels his head side to side and checks for any budding “parasites,” as he called the two gray hairs discovered earlier this year on his thirtieth birthday. “I'd go myself, but Weston changed his flight and I've got that 1031 Exchange lecture tonight.”

“What time is Weston arriving?”

“Six.” Evan spins around and catches me peeking at the clock. “I know, the Cardinals game. Maybe you'll miss the first half, but you'll be home in time to catch the rest. I'll make it up to you tomorrow.” He winks. “You'll take care of Weston for me?”

Waiting in a stuffy airport is the last thing I feel like doing, especially if it means missing a Monday Night Football game. But Evan's in a pinch and business outweighs pleasure, so I hide my discontent with a smile and reply, “Sure.”

“Great. Weston's staying at the Biltmore. Just drop him there.” Evan slips his hands around my waist and pulls me toward him again, my Someday Jar wedged between us. His lips brush my neck and he whispers, “I'm such a lucky man.”

After his quick kiss, I watch his Mercedes drive away, then slump into my chair. With the tip of my forefinger, I trace the jar, top to bottom, following a crack. “Promise me you'll explore life,” Dad had said with narrowed eyes and hands clasped around mine. “Promise me you'll color outside the lines.”

Now, here I am, a grown woman, many years later, wondering if I should twist off the cork. Reach beyond my comfort zone and tackle my ambitions, challenge myself like I vowed.
Should I color outside the lines?

My inbox chimes with an e-mail, jarring my thoughts to the present. Glancing toward the computer and spotting the lotion bottle, I'm reminded why I took my ring off—for age-defying, triple-moisture smooth hands—and see the jewel behind the knocked-over frame.

Thank God.
With relief, I slip the ring on my finger and decide that my future is what deserves my attention, not the painful reminder of days behind. I tap the jar's brittle cork and drop the keepsake into my purse.
Those days are gone.

An hour later, I lock the office and head toward my car, juggling an armful of files and a ringing cell phone.

“Hey,” says Kit, my best friend of countless years. She's chewing on something, odds are a papaya granola bar, as she lives off those things, admitting they taste like cardboard, but loves the fact that they can double as a kickstand for her son's bike, should the need arise. “Want to catch the game and share a plate of greasy potato skins?”

“God, I'd love to, but I'm on my way to pick up a colleague of Evan's, then hurrying home to catch what I can of the second half with a mound of paperwork piled on my lap. Dammit,” I say as much to myself as her, “I need to swing by Nordstrom's. Evan's out of shaving cream.”

The judgment in her silence is deafening.

“What?” I ask.

“I'm just wondering what happened to my nutty BFF who used to hustle pool tables and dance on the bar after a couple drinks. Has she been eaten alive by the responsibility monster?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

She chews another bite, then says with confidence, “The Vine, Labor Day weekend, senior year. You danced on the bar in that denim miniskirt. The bartender's arm was sticky from your sloshing lemon-drop martini. He was pissed.”

I can't help but laugh. “Next time we'll grab drinks.”

Kit sighs. “Okay. Just promise me that cheeky girl I've known since grade school is still in there.”

“She's there.”
Somewhere.
“I've been busy.”
For three years.
“Did I tell you? We have nineteen listings in escrow right now. Evan Carter Realty is poised to rank number two in residential sales this quarter, in all of Phoenix. Evan's worked really hard.”

“
You've
worked really hard. Come out and play sometime.”

“I will.”

“Swear?”

“Swear.”

“Okay, I'll talk to you later.”