Cat Snips - a Short Story Collection by Cat Johnson (2 page)

“
All right. That’s
better than nothing I suppose. So how long are you girls out for this
year?”

“
Four days this year. I
remember when we first started this all girls spa trip ten years ago.
It used to be a single ‘day of beauty’, now it takes four
days. I figure in another few years, it’ll grow to be a ‘week
of plastic surgery’ instead.”

He laughed. “You girls all
look great.”

“
Thank you, and your tip
just got bigger.” She laughed too. It was good to be away. It
was the second day into the trip with her two best friends and she
was just starting to relax. Sometimes unwinding took awhile, she
supposed.

Gene gave her a pat on the back.
“You’re done. But you know, I think you’re carrying
your stress in your shoulders. Try to relax more when you get home.
That may help.”

“
Thanks, Gene. See you next
year.”

Jeez. Maybe her boyfriend Max was
right when he complained she was too uptight and no fun anymore.
Even Gene could see it,
and he only saw her once a year.

Alone, she donned her robe and
rubber spa shoes and shuffled her way past the treatment rooms and to
the steam room. If anything was certain in life, it was that her
friends could be found either in the steam room or at the bar. But
since it was still early, she was betting on the steam room.

She hung her robe on a hook
outside, wrapped a towel around herself and braved the blast of steam
that hit her in the face when she opened the door. She could just
make out two forms on the benches inside and hear her friends’
voices. “Hey, girls.”

“
Hey, Belinda. How was your
massage?” Donna’s voice came through the haze.

“
Fabulous, as usual.
Although Gene yelled at me for carrying my stress in my shoulders.”
Belinda lay down next to them and closed her eyes, breathing in
deeply the eucalyptus-scented vapor.

“
He yelled at me for
carrying my purse on my shoulder,” Grace added from the upper
bench.

“
Yeah, I got that too. I
talked my way out of it. But any man with hands like that is worth
the lectures.” Belinda sighed.

“
Agreed.” Donna
nodded and took a sip of water from her bottle. “Too bad Gene
is married. You know, one of us should marry a masseuse. It would be
a worthy addition to our group of friends.”

“
It’s going to have
to be one of you two. I’ve already got a boyfriend.”
Although Belinda had to admit, Max didn’t have hands like Gene.
Not that she would know.

Any rubbing that went on in their
relationship seemed to be
her
massaging
him
.
Hmm. She’d have to see about that when she got back.

“
I’ll get right on
that for you. Don’t ever say I’m not willing to take one
for the team.” Grace laughed.

“
And we appreciate that.”
Belinda stretched with a yawn. It didn’t get much better than
this. “So, what were you talking about when I came in?”

“
Grace bought a book on
witchcraft in the gift shop upstairs and is trying to figure out how
best to use it. I think she should do a spell to get rich so we can
buy a beach house with the money and all share it.” Donna
screwed the top off her bottle of water and drank again.

“
But I think I want to put
a curse on my ex-boyfriend so that all of his hair falls out and his
new girlfriend gets really fat,” Grace informed her wickedly
while wiping her face on the corner of her towel.

“
And I think a curse so
that his penis falls off would be better. So anyway, we just haven’t
figured out yet if she wants to be a good witch or a bad witch,”
Donna summed up.

“
I vote for bad,”
Grace added.

Belinda shook her head. “I
don’t know about that. I’m a firm believer in karma and
that anything you do, good or bad, comes back to you threefold. So
even though I don’t believe in witchcraft, as fun as it would
be if it did exist and we could get a beach house, I still wouldn’t
push my luck.”

“
Oh, I definitely believe
in karma.” Donna nodded.
“Remember last year
when Grace wouldn’t let me sing with her at karaoke and then
that weirdo with the ‘Kill Everyone’ tattoo came up and
shared the microphone with her? Karma.”

“
You’re right. That
was the quickest payback I’ve ever seen.” Belinda
laughed.

“
Oh shut up, both of you.”
Grace scowled just as a giant burst of spray came out of the steam
jets and hit her smack in the face. “Ow! That’s hot.”

Belinda watched in shock, then
broke out laughing. “Oh my God. That was karma again.”

“
Yup.” Donna laughed.
“Is it time to go to the bar yet? My contact lenses are
starting to melt onto my eyes.”

“
As long as karma doesn’t
mind, I could use a drink.” Grace sounded distinctly pissy.

It was barely eleven in the
morning. She somehow always came back from these spa trips heavier,
hung-over and exhausted, but Belinda wouldn’t miss it for the
world. She sat up on the bench. “I guess it’s five
o’clock somewhere. Let’s go.”

They changed out of their robes
and, looking far from beautiful after the time spent in the steam
room, went upstairs to the bar and ordered three mimosas.

As the bartender poured champagne
and orange juice into three fluted glasses, Belinda turned on her
cell phone and checked for messages. There weren’t any, but
since she was with her two best friends, that wasn’t too
strange.

She had thought that Max might
call though.

“
I better call Max and
check in. I haven’t talked to him since we first got here.”
It was Saturday, so he should be home in her condo. He had moved in
with her six months ago when he lost his job and was looking for a
new one. And since his new job involved selling software, he traveled
a lot, so it just seemed silly for him to get another apartment when
he was away so much. Besides, living together was one step closer to
getting married, wasn’t it? And Belinda didn’t believe in
that old adage about the free milk and the cow anyway.

She was about to start dialing
when she looked up and saw her friends exchange looks. “What?”

Donna shrugged. “It’s
just that we don’t think you should have to check in with Max.”

“
I don’t have to. I
want to.”

Grace dug through the bowl of bar
snacks, picking out all the peanuts. “He doesn’t call you
for days when he’s away on business. And then you sit there all
worried about him. You should let him stew for a while and see what
it feels like.”

Belinda rolled her eyes and put
her phone back in her bag. “Fine. I won’t call.” At
least, not in front of them anyway.

Besides, she was sure that
everything was just fine. Max was probably just sitting home watching
TV. And if he wasn’t home, he might be out running. That’s
what he told her he was doing all those times he wasn’t in when
she called his hotel rooms late at night when he was away on
business.
Sometimes
he got insomnia and it helped if he went out. That’s all.
She had nothing to worry
about. She and Max were just fine. Yup, just fine. And that nagging
feeling she always had when they were apart was just her being
insecure and crazy, just like Max said it was.

She took a large swallow of her
mimosa.

Chapter Two

Belinda opened the door to her
condo and dragged in her suitcase. It seemed much heavier and fuller
than when she had left. Well, she had done a bit of shopping while
away.
Her
spa trip was only once a year, after all.

She looked around, surprised at
how quiet it was. It was late Monday evening and Max should be home
from work by now. She closed the door behind her and wandered around,
thinking maybe she would find a note from him. What she did find was
wet towels, dirty laundry, crumbs and Sunday’s newspaper strewn
on the floor, but no note.

Her obsessive-compulsive nature
battled over whether to unpack first or clean up. She opted for the
cleaning and whizzed around like a maniac to get the place in decent
shape before Max got home from work.

Then she threw together a quick
dinner, which she left on the burner on low to keep warm while she
lit some candles.

Since Max still wasn’t
home, she was relieved she had time to unpack and do the laundry too.

She was so busy, she didn’t
notice until she finally sat down for a break exactly how late it had
gotten. It was nearly ten. Now she started to worry. What if he was
in an accident or something? No one would know to call her. She
dialed his cell phone and got no answer.

Frowning, she began to pace. What
should she do now?
She
was about to get out the phonebook and start calling local emergency
rooms when she heard his key in the door.

“
Hi. I’m so glad
you’re home. I was worried.” She ran to him and hugged
him.

He shook his head. “I don’t
know why you worry. You know I’m always working.”

“
I know. It’s just I
couldn’t get you on your cell phone.”

“
It’s on, you must
have dialed wrong.” He shrugged.

She frowned. She didn’t
think so. Whatever. “I made dinner. It’s on the stove.”

“
I ate, thanks. I’m
tired. I’m going to bed.” He kissed her on the forehead
and headed for the bedroom.

She wasn’t sure if she
liked him better before, when he was unemployed and cranky but home
all the time. Or now, employed and cranky but working all the time.
She went into the kitchen, put the food away in the fridge, blew out
the candles and crawled into bed beside him.

She snuggled against his back. “I
missed you.”

“
Missed you too.” The
words were muffled by his pillow.

“
Do you want to…you
know?” She ran her hand around his waist.

“
Now? It’s too late.
Tomorrow.” He gave her hand a squeeze then pushed it away.

She rolled over and punched her
pillow into shape. The most touching she’d gotten in recent
memory was from the masseuse. That was pretty sad. She apparently
didn’t have to worry about Max not wanting to buy the cow
because he was getting the milk for free, since he didn’t even
seem to want the free milk in the first place.

“
Oh, by the way, I leave
tomorrow for a trade show in Denver. I’ll be gone until
Wednesday.” His voice came sleepily through the dark.

And there went tomorrow night’s
milk, down the drain.

“
Okay.” She sighed.
“The laundry is done, so you have clean socks and underwear.”

“
Thanks, babe. You’re
the best.” Then he started snoring.

He hurt…again. Why was he
always waking up in strange places and in pain? This time, however,
was by far the worst. Not the pain, but the cause for it. He leaned
down and licked the area in question. It tasted like alcohol. Damn
them.

By some miracle, he had survived
a millennium, but now he wasn’t sure he wanted to live another
day. He remembered being captured a few days ago. Then being
stretched out on the operating table before the world went black. Oh,
the do-gooders had a lovely word for it—
neutered. Why didn’t
they call it what it really was—castration.

Damn them and damn the witch that
did this to him.

At least she was dead. He had
watched her cottage burn to the ground with her in it. With
Sebastian’s help, it had been easy enough to dump a sleeping
herb into her broth pot one night. Then all they had to do was pull a
burning stick from the hearth as she slept. They had been sure to get
the other cats, who actually were cats, out before the blaze consumed
the cottage and the sleeping witch with it. He had hoped that her
death would reverse whatever spell she had put on them both. It
hadn’t.

Sebastian chose to stay and try
to find his family.

Living as a cat amidst his own
family was not a future he had wanted to explore. Especially since it
seemed he was not only a cat, but also immortal. Poor Sebastian would
have to watch his family die as he lived on forever.

That wasn’t for him.
Instead, he had bounced from city to city. A cat could eat well in a
city and pick up quite a bit of interesting information. It was by
listening inside a pub at a seaside village that he learned of the
New World that had been discovered. A new world had sounded exactly
right for his new life, and he hopped on the first ship bound for
there. Cats were always welcome on ships back then. And as long as
you had acquired a taste for rat, everything was fine.

So here he was, in the New World,
in a cage, and without his balls.

He had accepted the fact long ago
that he was no longer a man, but this—this was unacceptable. If
he must live for eternity as a cat, he would at least like to do it
intact. He peered through the bars of the cage angrily. With the
quick slap of one paw, he overturned the bowl of food next to him.
Did they really think he could eat at a time like this?