Certified Disaster (Beautiful Mess Book 2) (17 page)

“That depends.  Would Bri be invited
this time?”

“Well, I was hoping to keep it a
family
dinner…”

“Mom!  We just talked about this.”

“Okay, okay, of course she’s
invited.  I’ll even let her pick the restaurant.  Happy?”

“Yes.  Well, I gotta run.  Let me
know when you pick a date.”

“I will, sweetie.  I’ll talk to you
soon.”
 
His
mom paused for a moment before adding, “I love you.”

Again, Cole was speechless.  “Alright,
bye,”
was all
he could come up with.  His mom had never been very big with verbal affection. 
Or affection of any kind, really.  It was hard to be affectionate when she was
over three thousand miles away and would rarely call or visit.

But as he walked up to his room, he
began to wonder if she’d been sincere about wanting to change.  He couldn’t
help but hope that maybe she was trying to be the mom he’d needed before, the
mom he’d always wished he’d had.  Time would tell, but he felt himself smiling
as he thought about it.

By the time Thanksgiving arrived,
Cole was
so
ready for a break.  In addition to the intense basketball
practice schedule, he’d had events and mini press conferences to attend.  He
hadn’t had to deal with that last year, but as a starter there was a lot more
expected of him.  He came home exhausted every night, and had to wake right
back up the next day and do it all over again. 

His time with Bri had been cut short
as well, and while she promised that she didn’t mind, he felt like he was
abandoning her.  The fact that she was so understanding and accepting only
served to ratchet up his guilt.  She deserved someone who would be devoted only
to her, someone who could put her first.  He was acutely aware, even if she
wasn’t, that he wasn’t in a position to do that anymore.  He had his coach, and
team, and school all counting on him.  Not to mention his dad back home, and
now his mom, too.  Add on top of that his own dreams and needs, and Bri seemed
to fall somewhere beneath all of that on his priority list.  And that was not
the place she deserved.  He promised himself that once he was done with the
basketball season, he’d put her first.  But the season didn’t end until March
or April, and everyday Bri seemed to fall farther and farther down his list, as
he felt the pressure of expectation mounting on his shoulders.

He was actually very grateful that
she was so supportive about everything, because if he had to deal with a needy,
disgruntled girlfriend on top of it all, he just might crack under the
pressure.  But Bri had been his saving grace through all of this, his sanity,
and he would never be able to fully express to her what that meant to him.

So Cole decided that he was going to
make their Thanksgiving break special.  Knowing that she wanted to spend as
much time with her family as possible, he convinced her to take the whole week
off and fly into California early with him.  Splurging a bit, he got them a
room for two nights at the Wrigley Mansion in Catalina, and they spent two
glorious days together, just the two of them.

Wanting to spend their last morning
in Catalina on the beach, Bri found them a quiet spot on the sand.  As they
cuddled together on the blanket, she gave a contented sigh.

“This has been perfect,”
she smiled up at
him, pure happiness shining in her eyes.  “I wish we could stay here forever,
just like this.”

“Me, too,”
he kissed the top of her head.  “Maybe
one day, we can.”

“One day,”
she agreed.  “But that day is a long
way off.”

“It might happen sooner than you
think,”
he
grinned. “If I go pro, we’ll have enough money to do this whenever we want. 
Our perfect future might not be too far off.”

“Yeah, but it’ll still be another
two and a half years before you’re done with your degree and are drafted.  And
then you’ll be all busy in the NBA, and I’ll be getting my Masters.  It’ll be a
while before we can live like this.”

“I could always decide to enter the
draft sooner,”
he
hedged.

Bri pulled back and gave him a
searching look.

“You aren’t seriously thinking about
going pro before you finish school?”

“I don’t know,”
he shrugged.  “I
could be earning the big bucks while you finish school, start saving for our
future.  I could even buy you a summer home on the beach somewhere.”

“Cole,”
she eyed him pointedly.  “Finishing
your degree has always been the most important thing to you.  Why are you
reconsidering now?”

“I’m not reconsidering.”
 
He shifted
uncomfortably under her scrutiny.  “I’m just keeping my options open.  It’s
like Jordan says, you get a hell of a lot more money as a first round draft
pick than a third.  If I want to go pro, I need to go when I have the most
stock.”

“So you’re listening to Jordan now?”
she replied
incredulously.  She pulled out of his arms, distancing herself.  “Since when do
you care about what he thinks?  You’ve never wanted to follow his path.  You’ve
always had your own.”

“I’m not listening to Jordan,”
he defended, his
anger rising.  “This isn’t about him, it’s about you.  I just want to give you
everything you deserve, everything you’ve ever wanted.  If I get drafted, I can
make that happen.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want us
to be able to build our life together any way we want to.”

Her eyes widened with shock.  “You’ve
thought about that?  About us, you know…
getting married?”
she asked weakly.

“Of course,”
he smiled, pulling her back into his
side.  “I think about it all the time.”
 
Fear and panic crossed her face, and he tightened his arm around her.  “Not
right now or anything, but somewhere down the road, yes, I want to marry you. 
Does that scare you?”
 

It scared him, though he tried not
to let her see.  This was the first time they’d talked about the M word.  Even
though that was truly how he felt, it was a little surreal actually saying it
out loud.

“Um, a little,”
she admitted.  “Not
that that isn’t what I want…
eventually.  But right now the thought of getting married makes my
stomach bottom out, and I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“Well, don’t worry,”
he laughed.  “It’s
not like I’m going to propose tomorrow, or next month, or even year from now.  To
be honest, it makes me kind of queasy, too.  So we both have a lot of time to
get used to the idea.  But that doesn’t mean that I can’t start thinking about
it.”

“Wow.  Who would’ve thought that
play-boy Cole would ever even consider settling down.”
 
She smiled teasingly up at him. 

“Yeah, yeah, I was a man-whore, I
get it,”
he
teased back.  “Lucky for me, I found a perfect, beautiful girl who knocked some
sense into me, and got me to change my ways.”

“It wasn’t easy, either,”
she smiled up into
his eyes.  “But seriously, Cole.  You don’t have to worry about giving me
everything I’ve ever wanted, because I already have it.  I have you, and that’s
all I’ll ever need.  Okay?”

“Okay,”
he agreed.

“So don’t give up school for me. 
Don’t feel you have to do anything for me.  This is your life, and you need to
do what’s best for you, too.  Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t,”
he promised.

Before he knew it, Cole was back at
Duke getting ready for basketball season to start.  As their first game loomed
ever closer, he felt a kind of pressure he’d never felt before.  He was used to
being the star, carrying the team on his more than capable shoulders.  But
playing at this level, with the national scrutiny, was a whole new burden he
hadn’t been prepared for.  He finally understood why Jordan had struggled last
year.  The pressure, the expectation for greatness, was almost overwhelming,
and it came from every direction he turned.  From his coach and teammates,
everyone on campus, his family and friends, heck, even from his professors.  And
worst of all, it came from the national media. 

All of the sports shows had been
talking about Duke’s brilliant starting lineup, and speculating about the
season they expected the Blue Devils to have.  It was giving him an ulcer.  He
couldn’t take any more speculation or predictions.  There was already talk
about Duke possibly winning the National Championship this year, and the season
hadn’t even started yet.  It was crazy.  He finally realized just how big a
deal Duke basketball was, and he was right at the center of it.

A few days before the first
pre-season game, the basketball team hosted a media day.  Writers and reporters
from campus and local media were invited to come interview the team and
coaches.  Cole hadn’t gotten to participate last year, only the starters had
been allowed to go, and the amount of people who showed up overwhelmed him.  He
swore half the state was there.  He spent hours doing interview after
interview, answering panel questions, and doing photo shoots.  By the end of
the day he was mentally and emotionally drained.  Having to think about
everything he said, trying to make sure he didn’t say anything stupid,
embarrassing, or offensive, exhausted his already overtaxed brain.  By the time
he got home, he was done.  He had to cancel his plans with Bri that night, and
while he felt really bad about it, they hadn’t seen each other much since
Thanksgiving, he was just too tired.  He got home, went straight to bed, and
didn’t wake up until late the next day.   

The day of their first game arrived,
and Cole woke up a writhing mass of nerves, which only intensified the closer
he got to tip off.  All of the pressure he’d felt for the past couple months
was nothing compared to having to face all those expectations head on.  It was
show time.  There would be millions of eyes watching him, judging him,
analyzing every move he made and tracking every mistake.

As he walked to the stadium alone,
his anxiety mounted with each step.  Everything that could go wrong that night
kept looping through his head, all of the ways he could screw up and embarrass
himself.  His throat constricted, and he was suddenly unable to breathe.  He
was having a full blown panic attack, and he needed someone to talk him down…
fast.  His feet
automatically carried him to Bri’s dorm, and by the time she opened the door he
was a panting, heaving mess.

Her eyes widened with worry at his
distraught state, and she quickly let him in.

“Cole, what’s wrong?”
 
She led him to the
couch and sat him down.

“I can’t…
I can’t do this,”
he managed between
shallow breaths.  “The game tonight…
I can’t go out there.”

“Oh, baby,”
she smiled, “it’s alright.  You’ll be
fine.  But first,”
she
forced his head down between his knees.  “Try to take some deep breaths.  You’re
going to pass out.”

Nodding, he tried to do as she
said.  She rubbed his back soothingly, and after a few tense minutes, he felt
his breathing evening out.  When he was steady enough, he sat up slowly. 

“That’s better.”
 
Bri’s smile was
full of worry and concern.  “Now, tell me what’s gotten you so worked up.”

Feeling embarrassed and self-conscious,
he began.  “I just…
I
don’t know if I can play tonight.  There’s so much expectation to win, so much
pressure to be great.  There’ll be so many people watching and judging, I don’t
know if I can handle it.  I don’t…”
he trailed off, unable to finish his thought.

“You don’t want to let them all
down,”
she
finished for him sagely.

Relieved that he didn’t have to
voice his fear aloud, he nodded.

“Coleston,”
she hugged him tightly.  “You aren’t
going to let anybody down.”

“But what if I suck?  What if I
screw up and throw the whole game away.  What if I ruin our whole season?”

“So what?”
she pulled back and met his eyes.  “So
what if you guys lose tonight?  So what if you never win another game again? 
It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter, that’s the
problem.  It matters to a lot of people,”
he insisted.

“But not to the people that love
you, not to me.  You could be the worst player in the history of the game, but
the people who matter won’t care.  We will always love you, no matter what, and
that’s all you need to remember.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

“It’s not that easy.  I can’t just
ignore all the expectations riding on my shoulders.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve
had those expectations on your shoulders.  You handled it before, you can do it
now.”

“How?  How can I handle it when the
very thought almost paralyzes me?”
he pleaded, desperate for an answer.

“Back in high school, your team had
a lot of expectations on them.  You guys were the favorites to win state, and
you did.  How did you handle it back then?”

“It wasn’t as big a deal back then. 
It was just another game.  The national press wasn’t breathing down my neck,
watching and scrutinizing everything I did.  I could just go out and play.  I
didn’t have to worry about making an idiot of myself on national television.”

“Okay,”
she nodded.  “But, you played with the
media watching all last year.  How is this any different?”

“They didn’t pay any attention to me
last year.  I was practically a nobody.  That’s not the case anymore.  They
know who I am, and they’re watching me.”

She thought for a moment.

“If you didn’t have the media there
watching, would tonight’s game be any different than any other game you’ve played
before?  Would you still feel the pressure you do right now?”

“Well, no, I guess not,”
he conceded.

“Can you see the cameras from the
court when you play?”

“Not really.  Just the two camera
guys under the baskets.  And I only think about them if I’m flying out of
bounds down there.”

“So, pretend they aren’t there.  Don’t
think about the cameras, or the sports analysts, or anything else.  Just
pretend you’re back in our high school gym, playing just another game.”

“I don’t know, Bri.”
 
He eyed her
skeptically.  “It’s not something you can just ignore.”

“Then forget about them.  For all
you know, they didn’t even show up to broadcast the game.  Maybe they got stuck
in traffic, or they missed their plane, or they were all incinerated in a massive
ESPN-specific explosion.”
 
She grinned, and he felt the corner of his lip twitch.  “Whatever the
reason, they didn’t show up, and they aren’t there,”
she shrugged.

He paused a moment and thought about
it. 

“Plus, I’ll make sure I’m cheering
next to your bench tonight.  If you start to panic, just find me and pretend I’m
watching you from the stands like I used to.  I’ll even give you a victory kiss
for each point you score,”
she smiled, nudging his shoulder.  “You can do this, Cole.  I know you
can.  You aren’t going to choke, or throw away the whole season.”