Authors: Jordan Marie
Tags: #romance, #MC, #Fiction
“Believe me gorgeous, I’ve seen you and I’m not going to give up until you let me all the way in.”
My breath stops. I know it’s a game for him, a chase. Just once though, I think I might like a man to look at me and see the real me. I don’t think anyone has, except maybe Ray. I even manage to keep most of my shit hidden from Nic. I do wonder what Crusher would think of the
me. It doesn’t matter. Crusher makes me
. I can’t be weak again. I have to get rid of him. I have to find some reason to make him leave me alone so I am off his radar. The thought makes me sad.
“Hey D-Man, you got company!” I call out, trying to ignore the way my palms are sweating. I definitely need to medicate, if I’m going to survive tonight.
“Yo! Dragon, we got trouble man,” Crusher adds, as Nicole and Dragon come down the stairs. Dragon is carrying Nicole yet again, the man sure seems to like to cart her around.
“I can walk you know.” Nicole grumbles, but the flush on her face tells me that she likes his attention.
Dragon waits until they get to the bottom of the stairs to let her down. Then he takes her by the hand, walking over to where we’re standing. It’s as if he can’t stand to be away from her touch.
“Sorry man, didn’t mean to interrupt. Hey Darlin’,” Crush tells Nicole. I can’t help but notice how he takes in every detail of Nicole’s body, and my stomach turns. This is just another reason why I can’t even contemplate letting Crusher anywhere near me. He’s eye fucking Nicole, after feeding me lines about wanting me.
He’s wearing a black muscle shirt and showing off his gorgeous ink. He really is too beautiful to believe. Nicole and Dragon start bickering and it pulls my attention away from Crusher, which is good—since he’s still panting after Nicole.
“Hey,” Nicole mutters, as Dragon yanks her to his side.
“Quit checking Crush out before I have to kill him,” Dragon complains.
I listen to Dragon’s words and I can’t help but be annoyed with all three of them. I walk off into the kitchen pretending to be uninterested. In reality it’s time I take some pills.
“Hey boss? Man, we got shit going on. Need you out at Pussy’s now.”
“OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE A PLACE CALLED PUSSY’S!?!?!?!”
“It’s a strip joint. That’s where I was a couple nights ago, Nic. Some hot looking women there.” I supply without looking over my shoulder.
“Of course it’s a strip joint! Dear Lord, I bet you even picked out the name, didn’t you, Dragon?”
“Shut it, Mama.”
I tune them out after that. Those two fuss, fight, and then fuck. I’ve only seen it up close twice, but I know the drill.
I grab a wine cooler and find the cabinet I stash my meds in. Nicole has never mentioned them. I don’t know if she has investigated to see what I’m taking or if she just figures she knows and lets it slide.
I’m sitting at the table, trying to calm my heart and vaguely listening to the conversation in the living room. What I hear, doesn’t help my anxiety. Crusher is telling Dragon about some woman named Jess who was beaten. Dragon’s reply hits my stomach…sour.
“Pissed off man?” Dragon asks.
Is there any other kind?
I sit there and replay Dragon’s question in my mind and it pisses me off that he says it so
. Is this the shit he deals with every day in his world?
Is that why he sets off my warning bells?
“That’s just it, Boss…she had a note taped to her chest.” Crush reaches inside his jacket pocket and hands Dragon a piece of folded white paper.
Dragon opens the paper and you can see it’s covered with blood. My panic inches up another notch as I swallow down a large drink of the wine cooler. This woman they are discussing…was beaten… beaten and bloody. Was she dying…or dead? Why is Crusher here telling Dragon? Shouldn’t he be at the hospital? Did anyone call the police? Is this Jess some dirty little secret they are going to keep hidden?
I tune them out again, but not by choice. My head is full of memories. Of my last beating, of the injuries that are too many to count. How I was hidden and chained like a dog. If not for Ms. Martens….my hand shakes at her memory…at all the memories. I can’t be around Dragon and his men.
I can’t be around Crusher
. I don’t want to be around men who can act so calmly about a woman being hurt. I don’t want to be around men who come to each other to talk about things instead of calling from a hospital or calling the cops!
I force my attention back on the three in the room and stand up. I need to get out of the house. It feels like air is being withheld from me.
I need to breathe
. I look up at Crusher and he looks over my body again. This time I don’t feel excitement though. No, this time it is
I feel. Time for kick-ass Dani to come out and give the world a fuck you. I grab a bottle of vodka, stuff it in the inside pocket of my leather jacket, carefully hiding what I’m doing behind the opened refrigerator door.
Nicole has this idea that going to counseling will help me. It’s making things worse. It’s bringing up all the shit I’ve fought to bury. One of their main rules is to not use alcohol to deal with your problems.
They don’t live in my brain. I need the alcohol. So, I hide how bad my drinking has become from Nicole.
I hide a lot from her
. I couldn’t handle it if she knew how pathetic I truly am. I go to stand in the far corner, watching everyone and waiting for my chance to escape. Dragon lays a kiss on Nicole that
melts my panties. What would it be like to have a man so crazy into you that he sets you on fire just saying goodbye? I immediately look at Crusher, because I’m stupid. I assumed he would be watching Dragon and Nic play tonsil hockey, but his eyes are glued on me. There’s a heat in those dark eyes that…if I had been a
person, I might have investigated. I am not a different person though, and all I can see right now when I look at either of them is how they dealt with a woman who was beaten and hurt. Worse, neither one of them seem in a hurry to go check on her—
. They are more concerned with what happened instead of her and what she’s going through now…
. So I give him a look that conveys my distaste for him and study my nails instead. When they finally leave, I look up at my friend and there’s so much I want to warn her about, but the words are frozen.
“Damn, Nic girl. You might have a problem,” I lamely say and I know she doesn’t understand why I said that. I can’t find the courage to have a serious talk, so I laugh it off.
We decided to
spend the day shopping, hanging out and getting away from men in general. It was Nic’s idea and I agreed, as long as I didn’t have to watch some totally lame romantic sappy-crap movie. Nic loves them, but to me they’re stupid. I know better than anyone, that those movies are garbage.
There are no happy endings
It’s been a pretty good day and I have a great buzz going on.
I’m actually pretty fucking drunk and I don’t really give a damn because my brain isn’t bombarding me with images of the past. Screw what the counselors are saying. I’ll take tonight’s feeling over the constant fear and pain I’ve been dealing with.
“Seriously Dani, what kind of twisted freak could come up with this in their head?” Nic asks.
“Quit your bitching, girl. Your ass made me watch four fucking hours of Julia Freaking Roberts. Thought I was going to go into barf mode on that last one. I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blah, blah, blah,” I respond and it’s not really a lie. I hate that damn movie. It makes you
to believe in fairytales.
“Shhh…” the lady behind us says, and it’s only because I’m drunk and took a second happy pill on top of that shit, that I’m able to not slap the shit out of her. She should consider herself lucky.
The nightmares have been so bad lately, I don’t think I’ve managed an hour’s sleep. Last night I woke up after dreaming about the last time Michael beat me and I swore he was standing over me, swinging Ms. Marten’s head back and forth like a pendulum. I can’t believe I moved closer to Michael. I should be in Mexico or something. The problem is, that’s not where Nic is, that’s not where Ray is and I’m terrified of being on my own.
I’m still weak
Nic thinks I have this hard shell around me. She thinks I’m a party girl, going to strip joints and getting laid every night. What would she say if she knew the truth? I go to the strip joints to watch the dancers. I need to be good at my job, learn the dances because if I go on the run, completely on my own, I will need to get a job quickly, that pays in cash and has great tips.
I don’t get laid every night. I haven’t had sex since Michael.
I don’t even want sex
. I’m afraid I may never want it again. I bullshit my way around men and then find some way to bow out. It’s worked so far, but it pisses me off. The whole world around me is having sex. I’m young damn it, even if I do feel like I’m eighty. I should be having sex. I picture Crusher immediately.
I take another drink of water. I wonder if Nicole knows I laced it with vodka after we left the concession area. Good thing she’s driving.
“Amante’ Nicole, is that you?”
I look over to see yet another, sexy-off-his-ass man looking at Nicole like he wants to eat her alive. Hell, if I still had an ego, this town would crush it.
“Well fuck me Nic, did you start a freaking harem when we moved?” I ask, when it doesn’t appear the latest Nicole victim is going to move along.
“No, just finding I’m in the wrong place, at the wrong time, way too much since we moved,” Nicole answers, and boy could I give her a high-five on that one.
“Do you people mind? We’re trying to watch a movie here.” Ms. Huffy-phone-woman demands.
“Mamacita, does Dragon know you are in my town?” The man asks Nicole.
I tilt my head to the side to watch him for a minute.
“Your town? Odd, you don’t look like a mayor.”
He looks over at me and flashes a smile. It does nothing for me, but he
“Yes well, appearances can be deceiving. Can they not, querida?” he asks. I start to respond, interested. Does he and the people with him have
Could they protect me from Michael?
If I’m right and Dragon and Crusher are just as dangerous, could they protect me and Nic?
He’s speaking Spanish…could he help me make it to Mexico? I could pay him…I have the money from Michael that I’ve barely touched…
“You want to go?” Nicole asks, grabbing my attention again. I don’t really want to…but hell, I could use another water. Actually it is more vodka than water.
Before we can leave, the guy fixes it so Nicole can’t get out. I look away, still wondering how to get in with his club. If they could offer Nic and I safety, or better yet, if they could help us get away…
Nic doesn’t understand
. She hasn’t dealt with men like Michael or Dragon.
. I need to look out for her.
“Excuse me, I was going to the restroom,” I hear Nicole respond.
“No you weren’t, querida. You were ditching me, but I am not ready to let you escape.”
“Dear Lord Nic, can’t you find any normal men?” I interject, my eyes glued on the movie scree, but in my mind I am making plans.
“Apparently not,” she sighs.
“Skull baby, I thought you and I had a date? The woman who came in with, apparently
? That sounds mean.
Mean enough to kill the Devil?
Maybe not, but he seems to have firepower with him. Hell, there’s at least ten with him now. Some giant of a man picks a woman up, lifting her over the top of the seat and into the next aisle. He repeats the action until he clears a whole row for his buddies. I laugh out loud as women go running out of the theater.
I throw popcorn at the man in question. He’s big and apparently doesn’t talk much, but I do notice how
he was with each woman as he moved them. I may be drunk, but I take this as a
“What’s your name, big boy?” I ask as the popcorn bounces off his head.
“Why you asking?” He asks and his voice is hoarse like he doesn’t use it much.
“I want to know whose name I’m calling out tonight,” I say only half joking. Maybe if I have sex it will loosen Michael’s hold on me?
“That’s Beast,” Skull says helpfully, while the big guy turns back around ignoring me.
“You’re shitting me? Well fuck my ass and pull my hair, I think I’m going to be his Beauty at least for a night or two. Yo! Beast! Turn back around here and let me see those baby blues.”
“They’re brown.” Some man beside Beast joins in.
“Well hell, I don’t care, can’t see them anyway, I just want to look at him some more.” Beast keeps ignoring me and that kind of ticks me off.
Now, normally I run from men, but whether it’s the alcohol and narcotics in my system, or just the lure of being safe,
I don’t know
. Before I can question myself any further, I climb down in the man’s lap beside Beast. I would have sat in Beast’s, but he’s making that impossible.