Cold Hard Cash: A Story of Erotica (3 page)

The next guy came out with a jackhammer and, literally, started jack-hammering. The thing shook him or he shook it—I wasn’t sure which.
Nicki
leaned over and yelled in my ear, “How’d you like to get jack-hammered by him!”

I laughed so hard I doubled over. But, yeah, that wouldn’t have been a bad thing. Sure, why not? But then I really thought about it. That
would
be nice. I noticed how all the women in the room were acting and they were acting like they wanted that, they wanted to be jack-hammered by this guy or one of his coworkers. The energy was palpable and it kept building and building. I didn’t know what it was or what had happened, but since the show had started there seemed to be this personality change occurring. Every woman in there, ourselves included, was acting different. We were acting wild and totally uninhabited. I’d never danced or laughed or, well, felt this hot in my life. And by hot, I mean, sexy. I felt so sexy and alive, I was almost beside myself.

And the men on the stage were the reason why. They were beyond hot. Sure, it might have been a little sleazy, but who cared? It was fun! It was sexy and it was something I needed. I couldn’t take my eyes off the stage and I never wanted the show to end.

The next Man of Construction came out with a measuring tape, whipped it out and laid it against his leg, nodding knowingly at the crowd. We laughed so hard we had tears streaming down our cheeks. This really was the most fun I’d had in… Well, ever.

I picked up my drink and took a sip.

“I’ll give them this!”
Becca
yelled. “Those guys sure know how to use their tools!”

I did a spit-take.
Nicki
and
Becca
collapsed in laughter as soon as I did it then I started laughing too, then yelled at them to stop as we were missing the show. We turned out attention back to the stage where yet another Man of Construction came out with a, yes, nail gun. A nail gun! For some reason, I’d always wanted one of those things. I used to tell my ex I was going to get one for when I did projects around my house. And he told me I’d shoot myself in the hand and have to go the emergency room.

He was always such a killjoy. I was suddenly glad I was free of him. I smiled to myself, realizing I was over him, I was over my ex! And all it took was a few good looking strippers. Had I known this, I would have been going to all male revues all along.

The nail gun guy pretended to accidently shoot everyone on stage and they fell like flies, then he acted like there was something wrong with the nail gun and started looking at it. Then he pretended to accidently shoot himself and fell down. The stage went dark and a spotlight came on in the middle then fog began to pump in the spotlight and swirl around and then the music died down.

The crowd went quiet for a long for seconds. What was going on? I had to see. I kicked off my heels and with the help of
Becca
and
Nicki
, climbed up onto the table. And there I saw him for the very first time. He came out without any apparatus but he did have a yellow hard hat on, as well, and was carrying a set of blueprints. While his chest was bare, he wore a pair of khakis with his work boots.

I couldn’t believe how quiet the room got. I looked around, wondering why, then turned my attention back at the stage at the latest man. He stood in the middle of the stage with his head down as if he were waiting for his cue. And then he got it

“Cold! Hard! Cash!” the crowd roared. “Cold! Hard! Cash! Cold-Hard-Cash! Cold Hard Cash! Cold Hard Cash!”

“What are they saying?”
Nicki
asked
Becca
, who shrugged.

I was about to tell her but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, this Greek god before my very eyes. His muscles… Oh, his muscles, ripped to perfection and just so delectable. I’d never in my life seen such a man. He had no fat on him whatsoever. But he didn’t look like he’d taken drugs to get that body, either. It looked very natural and strong and just… Yummy.

He looked up just then, glancing at the crowd from beneath his yellow hard hat. And then he and I locked eyes. I mean, I think we did. Yeah, we did. But it was probably just my imagination. Just like everybody else there, I wanted to be the girl in the crowd that he liked best.

“Cold! Hard! Cash!”

I didn’t get why they were chanting this, but it was okay by me. But did it mean that I was supposed to start throwing money at him? I didn’t know Cash was his name or that he was
the
male stripper every woman who loved male strippers knew about and went crazy for. I didn’t know anything about him, of course, but there he was and I knew there was something about him I liked. I mean, I liked the other guys, too, but he was different.

The Nazareth song
Hair of the Dog
started playing. Swear to God! I hadn’t heard that song in years.

“What are they saying?!”
Becca
asked our friend at the next table.

“That’s Cold Hard Cash, lady!” she screeched, saying it like she was ready to throw down. “He’s the man!”

“Show some respect!” her cohort snipped. “He’s playing the supervisor! Cold Hard Cash! He’s the boss!”

Oh, that was his name, his stage name—Cold Hard Cash. That was cool. I
kinda
liked it.

“Whatever,”
Becca
said and turned her eyes back to the stage.

Cold Hard Cash stepped forward and then turned around. As soon as he did that, all the other men jumped up and got into position and then the show started. The Men of Construction were now doing what they did best and that was giving the ladies a show. They began to dance to the music and then, all at once, they leaned down and pulled their pants off in one fell swoop. I’d never seen such a creative use of Velcro before. Now they were standing there showing everyone their quite stylish black boxer briefs, which were very short. But that wasn’t what everyone was paying attention to. They were all staring at what the men were packing and what they were packing was jaw-dropping good. Every eye in the crowd was on the enormous bulges that were being prominently, and quite proudly, displayed. I couldn’t take my eyes off them, either. They were so big!

“Thank God they don’t have banana hammocks!”
Nicki
yelled, laughing.

I laughed and kept my eyes on the stage, fascinated that not only were they good dancers but they were actually dancing to a Nazareth song, which, in and of itself, was quite a feat. Cold Hard Cash walked across the stage and jerked his head at each of the other men as if he were giving them their lunch breaks. One by one, they stepped off the stage and into the crowd of waiting women. If I were them, I might have been a little scared as the women were almost at a fever pitch. They were getting hot and horny. But how could they not? Those bulges were something else! I mean, were they real? Were all the Men of Construction packing? If so, I wanted to see more and by more I mean, I wanted them to drop
trou
.

Yeah, I did.

There were plenty of men to go around, but still there was a shortage. Women were vying for their attention, waving dollar bills in the air and yelling at them to come to their tables. Each guy had about ten or so women all over him as they stopped and gave quick lap dances and pecks on the cheek. The women were beside themselves and started pushing dollar bills into their
undies
. It was insane! I saw women grabbing asses and pushing out their chests and wiggling their boobs at the men. One woman literally took one of the men’s hands and placed it on her boob, making him squeeze it. I’d never seen anything like it before in my life.

“Somebody’s horny!”
Becca
laughed.

I nodded. That was true, me included. There was so much sexual aggression—on the women’s part—it was almost surreal.

But it was so fun.
Nicki
,
Becca
and I laughed at what we were seeing and danced like crazy. I stopped for a moment to look up and locked eyes with Cold Hard Cash. Wow. And then… Then I noticed something unusual. Cold Hard Cash was headed my way!

No way. But maybe he wanted to speak to the ladies at the next table. They certainly seemed to be hardcore fans. But no. He came to our table—I back in my seat by then—and grabbed my hand, pulling me close to him and started dancing very dirty which was fine by me. He felt good being so close to me and he started nuzzling my hair, then running his head up and down my body. I was almost beside myself and slightly embarrassed. But then again, how are you supposed to feel in this type of situation? I didn’t know so I held on for the ride. And the ride entailed him putting his big hands on my body and even on my ass. Was he even supposed to be doing this? Was it legal? I didn’t know and I really didn’t care. It felt
good.
I swear, I could have thrown him down on that table and climbed on top of him. I wanted to. I don’t know why I had this change occur, but it was like this new person had taken over. But then I realized it was the atmosphere; the Hard Working Men were doing just that—working each and every one of us, almost to a froth. I knew there were plenty of husbands and boyfriends gonna get laid tonight. I just wished I had someone whose bones I could jump.

Then he was done with me. He continued to hold onto me, placing his hand on the small of my back. My face was so hot I knew it showed, even in the darkened room.
Becca
and
Nicki
watched and laughed their asses off at us.

“You’re the most beautiful woman in here,” he whispered in my ear.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I said loudly.

“No,” he replied. “I don’t.”

I blushed again and said, “Well, you should.”

He grinned and said, “Touché.”

Then he twirled me around and set his sights on
Nicki
. They danced but I noticed he didn’t put the moves on her that he had on me and that made me feel really, really good. Maybe he did like me. Just a little. Another Hard Working Man then showed up and took
Becca’s
hand and they danced. And, yet another Hard Working Man showed up and he got behind me, shoving himself right up on me in a very aggressive way. Cold Hard Cash gave him a look and he moved away from me and on to our friends at the next table who seemed more than pleased that he’d decided to give them his attention.

I didn’t know what to do next so I grabbed my drink, then glanced at Cold Hard Cash who was walking back over towards me. Without a second thought, I grabbed a twenty out of my clutch and held it up, waving it at him and grinning like a fool. He grinned back, came over to me, took the twenty and then shoved it down into my bra. I nearly fell over.
Becca
and
Nicki
woohooed
, shaking their fists in the air.

“Why’d you do that?” I asked.

“Because I ought to be tipping you,” he said and then gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before turning and disappearing into the waiting and wanting crowd.

I turned to
Becca
and
Nicki
who grinned at me and yelled, “
Woohooo
!”

Yeah,
woohooo
!

But the show wasn’t over yet. The Hard Working Men were now making their way back to the stage. We watched with rapt attention as they got on, turned their backs to us and then, with one quick tug, pulled off their black
undies
. A line of bare asses stared at the crowd. The women went ballistic and started chanting, “Turn around! Turn around! Turn around!”

We got into it, each of us joining in and chanting, “Turn around! Turn around! Turn around!”

And then they did! And each of them had an enormous dong with just a little white sock covering it from the world.

“Holy fucking shit!”
Nicki
yelled. “I can’t believe they pulled a full
monty
!”

“They didn’t!”
Becca
yelled over the crowd. “That’s a banana hammock!”

“No!” I corrected. “That was a sock!”

And, boy, wouldn’t I have loved to see what that sock was hiding.
Booyah
!

* * * * *

Naturally after that, we did what all self respecting women would do and went out for drinks. There are a lot of bars in South Beach, so we found a nice place right away and ordered some martinis. After we were almost loaded to the point we couldn’t walk,
Becca
got her appetite back and forced us to find somewhere to eat. Luckily, there was a diner close to our hotel and we walked there, laughing about the show, telling each other we were coming back soon.

At the diner, we practically dove into our bacon, eggs and big stacks of pancakes. Ah, I was either so drunk I didn’t care or the food was so delicious that it just melted in my mouth. I don’t think any of us said a thing until about half the food was gone.

“Well, the Men of Construction certainly know how to please women,”
Nicki
said finally and dabbed her mouth with a napkin. “They’re good looking and ready to do some work around the house, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, all women love to see a man working,”
Becca
said and grinned.

“Especially in the bedroom,” I said with a raised brow.

“Oh, my God, you’re worse than those women who were sitting next to us,”
Nicki
said. “Girl, you
gotta
get laid.”

“And soon,” I agreed.

“Like tonight, right?”
Becca
said and pointed at my plate. “You gonna eat that last piece of bacon?”

“Have at it,” I said and pushed the plate way. “There goes my diet.”

“Like you need to diet,”
Nicki
scoffed.

I shrugged and asked, “What time is it?”

“Almost two in the a.m.,”
Becca
said and looked around me towards the cash register, then her mouth dropped open. She said excitedly, “Oh, my God, is that Cold Hard Cash?”

I looked over my shoulder to get a look. I couldn’t believe it.
Becca
was right. It really was him. He was speaking to the night manager from across the counter. I noticed that he was dressed casually, almost like a surfer, in a slightly too big for him t-shirt, cut-off khakis and beat-up leather flip-flops. He looked very cool, even with his clothes on. Then he glanced our way, did a double-take and broke out into a big grin. I couldn’t help but grin back.