Color Blind (Able to Love) (9 page)

She relaxed. Maybe it was a stretch of her imagination that this was for her.

“How many of us can say we’ve been an ‘Esther’ for someone. How many of us have called a fast for someone? How many of us can say we have stood in the gap for another soul?”

Annie covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn’t say that she had stood in the gap for Saul and she should have. She bent her head and uttered a prayer to God. Pastor Charleston made an altar call. She craned her neck to see if Saul was coming forward. He remained in his row, but bowed his head in supplication. Cassandra came forward with little Emily clutching her hand.

What about you?

Annie jumped to her feet in obeisance to the voice of God. She approached the altar and raised her hands in prayer. As the service concluded, she made her way through the congregation to greet Cassandra.

“I enjoyed the service so much, I’ll definitely come again.” Her smile was bright and her eyes shone. “I love the way he explained the word so that I could understand.” Annie agreed. “This is how he is every week. Do you want me to introduce you to him?” The longer she could avoid facing Saul the better. She had no idea what she was going to say to him.

Cassandra shook her head. “Next week. I’ve got to get back to my dad. He looks lost over there.”

“Not too lost,” Annie returned. The women were flocking to him like vultures. The church sisters—black and white—were surrounding him, circling him. You would think they had never seen a handsome man before. Her stomach clenched. She didn’t like the attention he was receiving. From where she stood, she heard his bellow of laughter and cut her eyes.

She caught Cassandra’s knowing look but said nothing. Even though jealousy burned a hole in her insides, she would never admit how affected she was.

“Won’t you come over later? I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

“That’s the problem. I don’t think he’d love to see me.”

Cassandra’s face mirrored regret. “I wish I’d never said anything. I’ve never seen my dad so…” Annie looked at Cassandra but she shook her head as if to say, she didn’t have the words.

Was he as miserable as she was? If so, that was a small measure of comfort, because she’d been miserable this past month. So miserable that she passed on going to see her family for Independence Day. Annie wasn’t ready to face her parents’ curiosity and questions.

With her heart in her throat, she went over to Saul. He turned in her direction. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was looking her right in the eyes. She squirmed.

“Dad, look who came over to say hello.”

“How could you leave like that?” he asked, heedless to the onlookers. Saul’s voice rose, “I called and called. You blocked my number.”

Annie gave Cassandra a wide-eyed glare. She couldn’t believe he’d put her on blast like that. “Hello to you too, Saul. How have you been? I’m well.” She grabbed his arm and forced him to walk with her. Under her breath, she dictated, “Thanks for embarrassing me.”

He lacked the decency to apologize. Instead, he griped, “I don’t care how you feel. You didn’t care about my feelings when you disappeared. You left me. Why?”

She drew in a deep breath and held onto her control until they stepped outside the sanctuary. The sun’s glare caught her off guard and she whipped out her sunglasses to shield her eyes from the sun. “You should put on your shades. You still need protection from the sun’s harsh rays,” she grumbled. She was still put out with him.

He reached into his shirt pocket, grabbed his frames and put them on.

“I had a good reason for leaving.” Annie picked up the conversation where they left off.

She saw his eyebrows shoot up and he crossed his arms. “I’m waiting.”

His tone got on her last nerve. “It’s nothing that I want to get into,” Annie said. “How’s Corey working out?”

Thankfully, he followed her conversation shift. She wasn’t about to address the race issue here in public. She didn’t want to touch it at all. How could he be so… backwards?

“He’s quite good, although he’s the size of a gorilla. As you can see, I’m progressing well. My heart is another matter.” He didn’t bother to disguise the hurt he was feeling.

He reached out to find her face. He ran his hand across her cheek. She couldn’t control the goose bumps.

“You feel it, too. Don’t you?” he asked removing his hand.

She shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

He arched an eyebrow. “The attraction between us. Don’t even bother denying it.” He reached out searching the air for her hand.

Annie inhaled, before putting her hand in his. His thumb circled her wrist and she shivered.

Her heart skipped a beat. “What about Macy?” She had to ask.

“She’s gone.”

She took a huge gulp. Gone sounded permanent. Hope sprung. Annie decided to be upfront with her feelings. She rushed out, “Saul, it was hard for me to go without saying goodbye. If it were possible, I think I would’ve died this past month from heartache.”

He took a step towards her. “Then come back. We need to talk. I deserve an explanation. I—I—“

Annie cut him off, afraid of what he might say. “I’ll come by later next week. I promise.”

“Make that first thing in the morning,” he commanded.

Cassandra and Emily spotted them and made their way over to join them. Annie felt relieved at their presence. She excused herself under the premise that Sari was her ride. As she walked away, all Annie could see was Saul’s tortured face. With each step, she tried to remember that she was falling for a man who would most likely revolt at the sight of her.

She approached Sari’s neon green Toyota Camry on leaden feet.

“I was half-expecting to hear that you were leaving with them,” Sari commented.

“I’m going to meet up with him tomorrow. I’ve no idea what I’m going to say.”

“How about the truth?” Sari urged. “Like I suggested when you came home and went straight for the double fudge ice cream.”

“I was a mess,” Annie said, recalling the day she left Saul’s house. After she snatched her belongings from Saul’s house, she’d driven home on autopilot. She wasn’t even sure if she observed the basic traffic rules. All she knew was, she entered her home curled up under her covers and binged on ice cream. It was her way of licking her wounds.

No matter how far blacks had come as a race, for Annie, it ached to know that there were some who would always see her race as inferior. She could recall countless times a cashier would barely want to touch her hand to give her a receipt—looking down his or her nose at her as if she were trash. Humph, she had career. Sometimes she copped an attitude, but most of the time, she just let it slide. Ignorant people were everywhere.

When she met Saul she hadn’t gotten that vibe. He was angry, yes. Ornery, yes. But, not once did she think he could be prejudiced. He had several pictures displayed in his home with a tall black man whom he said was his best friend. She supposed friendship was all right—nothing else. No mixing of the races. She shook her head. How could he turn his back on his daughter for years? And, Emily? She was his grandchild. Who did that?

“I’m afraid to confront him because I’m afraid of what he’ll say,” Annie confessed. She felt like her heart was breaking. How had she done this? How had she put her heart out there again?

Sari removed one hand from the steering wheel to squeeze her hand. “I hate to see you like this, but you can’t outrun your feelings. I tried. When my son died, I thought I would die. I thought the best thing to do was to carry on and wipe out all signs of his existence from my life. Remember, I didn’t even mention his name for almost a year, but I was wrong. Instead, I had to confront the pain and celebrate Lucas’s life by talking about him.”

Sari turned into their complex and pulled into one of the designated parking spots. Annie took her hand to keep her from exiting the car. “That was such a terrible time, Sari. What I’m feeling is insignificant foolishness compared to your reality. You lost a child. I only lost the man I love.”

“Stop. Wait. Did you say
love?
”

Annie bent her head. “Yes, love. There’s no use denying it. It sounds like a cliché but I must have fallen for him the moment I met him.” She turned towards her friend, and entreated, “What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to fight. If you love him, you have to tell him the truth. Tell him and put yourself out there.”

“And face rejection?” She shook her head. “There’s no way I’m going to put myself out there like that. ”

“If you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll regret it. You’ll end up a spinster with those oversized rollers in your hair, who is always scratching her butt.”

Annie laughed at Sari’s Carol Burnett analogy. “Be nice.”

Sari got serious. “God has that man alive for a reason and I can’t help but feel you’re that reason.”

Annie touched her chin. “Granted, God could be calling him but that doesn’t mean he’s for me. I know a lot of Christians who love God but still hold on to their prejudices.”

“Girl, do I need to remind you of Kirk Franklin’s song? It doesn’t matter what color you are, as long your blood runs red. When it comes to interracial dating, people are always going to have a problem with it. Some people will give you bad looks and others will resent you, but if you crack under the pressure then it wasn’t love. Love bears all things, endures all things…” she trailed off and waited for Annie to complete the verse.

“Believes all things,” Annie whispered. “In my head, I know you’re right. I’ve got to believe in God’s power. I’ll put my trust in Him. What God has for me is for me and if Saul’s the one, then no one—not even me can mess with that.”

“Amen! Sometimes, you’ve got to let go and let God,” Sari preached. “Start praying and share God with him. Concentrate on helping him develop a relationship with God. You want a man who is hearing and listening to God, believe me. You do that and let God do the rest. It’ll all work out.”

Annie took Sari’s words to heart. She closeted herself into her room and devoted herself in a time of prayer. At one point, she dropped to her knees. “Lord, here I am standing in the gap for Saul. He’s stubborn and hardheaded but he needs You. I’m thankful that You’ve brought him into my life and I know now that it was for this purpose. Help me be a light to him. Help me be an example and lead him to You. Lord, I love him, but I know nobody can love him like You can. So take his heart and shape it and make him into a vessel to be used by You. I ask all this through the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen.”

When she stood, she smiled.

Chapter Seventeen

“Annie’s coming by tomorrow. So this might mean, I’ll be leaving you soon,” Corey informed him Wednesday morning of the following week.

He hadn’t even gotten the words out fully before Saul walked towards the front door with sure steps. Making his way to the front door, Saul swung it open and said, “It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

“You’re just going to dismiss me like that?”

Saul joked, “Yes. I’m not even going to pretend I’m not happy Annie’s coming back.”

“You might as well shut the door and curb your enthusiasm because I’m not going to leave you here on your own.”

Saul closed the door. “I know. I couldn’t resist.”

To his chagrin, Corey laughed. “I’ve never seen a man so whipped in all my days.”

“I don’t really care for your teasing,” Saul shot back. Then he smiled. “I’m far from whipped but I’m mature enough not to pretend. I want Annie back.”

“Mature? So that’s what they’re calling it now.”

Saul waved him off and made his way to the steps. He ribbed, “Try not to eat me out of house and home before tomorrow morning. I’m going to bed.”

Thursday couldn’t come fast enough.

When Saul made his way downstairs, he heard a tune blasting and smiled at her humming. Annie was back.

He sniffed the air smelling cinnamon. French toast sticks. He licked his lips and said, “You’re here.”

He heard the volume lower and welcomed the sound of her sweet voice. “I couldn’t sleep. Corey left. I tried to tell him to wait until you’d awakened before taking off, but he was confident you wouldn’t mind. I hated just twiddling my thumbs so I started beating eggs…”

He smiled at her chatter. All was right in his world. “Corey was right. I gave him his severance and added a hefty bonus. Since you’re making breakfast, I’ll set the table.”

“Show off,” Annie said. “Let me turn the music up.”

On impulse, he asked, “Can we move this outside? Even though I can’t see the water, it’s soothes me.”

“What a great idea! The day is too beautiful to be cooped up inside. It’s not that hot for July, so we should enjoy it.” With quick speed, she was out the sliding glass door. Saul had done a good job with situating their plates on the patio table.

Saul appreciated the heat of the sun. He leaned back and sighed. He could get used to this—he and Annie sharing relaxing moments out here together. For the first time, his life felt full and rich. He attributed a lot of that to the woman a mere two feet away from him.