Compulsive (Liar #1) (14 page)

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White lines blurred and hypnotized me under the headlights of Daniel’s
compact car. If I’d thought standing challenged my inebriated state, sitting in
a moving vehicle trailing up a windy road could have been the catalyst for
unthinkable humiliation. I refocused my attention on his shadowy figure behind
the wheel. “How much longer until we’re there?”

“I’m up Lake County Highway in Calistoga. Should I
crack the window? Are you going to make it?”

“Please. I think some air would help.”

He pressed the buttons to lower both of our windows.
“Better?”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

After a few minutes of silence save for the hum of the
car, I jumped in. “Why did you come tonight, Daniel?” I wasn’t kidding myself
that this headed to something that ended with Daniel and me walking into the
sunset, but the surreal scene of him taking me to his place conjured up wonderful
scenarios in my imagination. Why his house instead of my apartment? Why show up
at the bar when he knew Nathan was on his way? The obvious and most believable
answer was not the one I’d hoped for. Daniel was an incredibly caring and
responsible man who worried about my well-being. But this time, I chose to push
aside reliable Dr. Harrison and focus on delectable Daniel, commanding control
of the car as he shifted. A man behind the wheel, especially Daniel, was more
intoxicating than the martinis I’d downed. I let myself drown in the image of
him taking control of me next.

“That’s a good question.” I caught a quick smile in
the beam of light from an oncoming car before he continued. “I’m sorry I can’t
give you a more definitive answer. You called me, but hung up and then Nathan
called. I figured if he was reaching out to me for help it must be something
serious.”

I turned to the darkness beyond the window, knowing I
owed him an explanation at some point. “I get it. Worry, obligation, a little
liability concerns plagued you.”

His hand landed on top of mine as it rested in my lap.
“Could be all of the above…but it was more than that. I think we both know that
by now.”

My gaze went from our touching hands to search for his
eyes in the dim light. When I found his doing the same, he spun back to the
road and returned his hand to the steering wheel. “The most important thing now
is not why I came, Gray, but why this happened. I hope we’ll be able to talk
about that. It’s why I suggested my place.”

A short time later, we pulled into Daniel’s driveway
and into an almost empty two-car garage. I’d felt more centered the last few
minutes, so I immediately opened the door to get out. As soon as the air and
light hit me, my head floated, sending the area around me to spin. I grabbed
the side of the door, hoping Daniel hadn’t noticed.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, coming around to my
side, watching me like I was a fawn testing her new legs.

“Like I’m riding the Ferris wheel above Woodstock.”

He led me inside as the big door closed behind us. A
strange, familiar sensation came over me as we entered, and I took in the place
Daniel called home. A place that appeared to be the exact mix of masculine
bachelor and modest elegance I’d pictured in my mind.

Stepping down from the tiled entry onto the plush
carpet, my four-inch heels sank, causing me to wobble for the umpteenth time of
the night. Daniel turned and caught me by the elbows, my fingers wrapping
around his firm biceps through his shirt. His confident gaze mesmerized me into
a willing submission that left me speechless and waiting for his lead. Leaning
in as he pulled me closer, he said, “I think you better take those off.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“Your shoes.” He smiled, glancing down at my feet.
“Why don’t you slip them off and leave them by the door? We wouldn’t want you
to fall before we get some coffee into you.”

“Right. Thanks.” I left one hand attached to him and
used the other to reach down and slip off a shoe. My disappointment waned some,
being replaced with the relief of being off those stilts. Just as I clicked the
other heel off, a four-legged brown monster trotted up to me from around the
corner.

“Stay down, Granger,” Daniel said authoritatively,
pointing to the floor next to the dog. He released me and patted the dog’s
head.

“Cute name.”

“Jessie picked it out. She was very much into Harry
Potter when I got him from the pound.”

My heart almost couldn’t take the warm domestic image
of Daniel rescuing a pup, bringing it home, and playing in the yard with his
niece. At the same time, I wondered why he wasn’t married…or if he was divorced
and hadn’t mentioned it. Granger left our side and ran to the back door.

“He needs to go out. I’ll just be a minute.”

“No problem.” I shrugged, looking around.

“Make yourself comfortable in the study. It’s that
first door there.” He gestured to a room off to the right. “Can I bring you
back that coffee?”

“That’s the last thing I want. I mean…no, thank you.
I’m fine.”

I wandered toward the room, taking in as much as I
could along the way. Every picture, every knick knack, even the color on the
walls had some sort of meaning to Daniel, and I examined each piece of the
Daniel puzzle as he had done me with my own words.

The study, similar to his office, housed a modest
desk, a smaller window, and bookcase that featured more casual reading instead
of volumes of psychiatric material. Though it was dark, my first instinct sent
me to the window. As suspected, I was met with blackness. A large sheet of
thick paper at the base of the wide sill caught my eye. On the page was an
unfinished drawing of a billowing tree seemingly fighting against the wind
framed by a shadowy sky. I imagined it in the distance beyond the windowpane
before turning my attention to another drawing on a nearby side table. A
penciled sketch of a large dog, likely Granger, with sweet eyes and long ears
drew me in. I stared at it for several seconds before recognition hit me. I
recalled seeing a sketch fall out of Daniel’s bag that time he was with Jessie
at the hospital. That must have been a drawing of her. Another endearing and
sensitive side of Daniel revealed. I wasn’t the only one to keep parts of
myself hidden.

The phone rang in the other room where Daniel was,
kicking me out of my reverie and back to discovery. I moved to the desk as
Daniel said hello after the second ring. I caught a glimpse of his leather case
sitting in the chair, open with files in view. Without hesitation, my hands
flew to the files, pressing by each tab until I saw the one with my name on it.

A jittery hand hovered above the notepad in my file.
Did I really want to see what Daniel thought of me? His professional opinion
about my mental and emotional issues didn’t necessarily define how he felt
about me personally. His voice filtered in from the next room, and I knew I couldn’t
pass up the opportunity. I snatched it quickly out of its spot, my eyes racing
down the first page, which had that puffed-up effect from multiple pages being
turned over. It struck me as odd that he’d used paper without lines on it, and
the writing on the first page stopped halfway down. The words were typical
biographical stuff… boring…nothing telling. I shot a check at the doorway and
back to the pad before I flipped the first page over.

What I saw caused my heart to jump and practically erupt
in my chest. My eyes gaped at the unbelievable image on the page. It was me,
standing in front of the window in Daniel’s office. Confusion poured over me as
my eyes took in every detail of the penciled sketch. Blinking, I flipped to the
next page, my pulse racing with fear he’d walk in any moment. Another image
appeared on the paper, this one a close-up.
Did he do this with every
patient
? The expression on my face portrayed sadness, a touch of longing, perhaps.
I wondered what he thought and felt as he sketched the details of my face. The
only thing I knew for sure was that Daniel had talent, and these drawings were
so beautiful and touching I didn’t know how I’d be able to act like I hadn’t
seen them.

I flipped to the next page to find another sketch of
me sitting on the couch with my arms wrapped around my bent knees. The risk to
keep looking didn’t stop me; the images and their possible meaning sucked me
in. Then, I heard Daniel call Granger, which meant he was probably off the
phone. I heard the back door slide shut. I flipped the pages back to the front
and stuffed the pad back into the file. What if this was all just a crazy
hallucination? What if this was how Daniel got to know his patients? In haste,
I rummaged across a few more files peeking in to see if I could locate any
other sketches. Forms, type written papers, and handwritten notes were the only
things I found.

Heat flushed my skin as I skirted around the desk and
over to the window. I picked up the sketch of the tree and leaned against the
small ledge of the sill as Daniel walked in holding two water bottles.

“We have to get you hydrated.” He offered me a
friendly smile along with a bottle. “Since you turned down the coffee.”

I decided not to be offended at his babying and
accepted the water gratefully. “Thank you.”

His eyes shifted to his desk and back to me. The
exchange unnerved me because I couldn’t tell if he was nervous about something
or I’d simply read what I emitted myself. After seeing those images, I’d never
be able to look at him the same. “Please…have a seat, and we can talk.”

“This is beautiful.” I’d almost forgotten about the
image I held. “You’ve got a real talent.”

His hands went to his hips. An adorably shy smile
played on his lips before he turned his head to the side. “More like a hobby.”

“You’re being modest. That’s Granger, right?” I
gestured to the other image.

“Yep.”

“It’s amazing.”

“It’s not a big deal, really. Sort of my own therapy,
I guess. I do it to relax…or when something inspires me or when I want to get a
closer, more intimate, look at something.”

Those words sent an electric current to work inside me,
and I was sure my cheeks colored before his eyes. I remained immobilized and
speechless until he reached out and took hold of the paper in my hand. “Like
this one,” he said, breaking the spell. “I’d been watching this tree from my
desk one afternoon, amazed at how it stood its ground against the wind.” He set
in on the desk and turned back to me. “We’re getting sidetracked. I’d like to
talk about tonight.” He pointed his arm toward a chair and looked at me
expectantly.

I folded my arms and shook my head. “No…sorry, I
can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“If you want to talk, it has to be somewhere
different. This is too much like your office, and I didn’t get dragged out of
the Blue Moon for psycho-analysis.”

“It seemed to me you couldn’t get out of there fast
enough.” Then, after a sidelong glance, he added, “But, there’s no reason we
have to talk here.”

I followed him to a cozy, faintly lit living room
where Granger sprawled out on the hearth in front of the fireplace. I passed
Daniel and went through the living room, stopping in front of French doors with
windows on the top half. Unlike the other window, light from the outside
revealed a spacious backyard, and from the position of the house, a likely
spectacular view of rolling hills beyond his property.

“What a gorgeous view you must have.”

“Thank you. What a talent for avoiding discussion you
have.”

“I could get lost in the hills up here.”

“Is that what you were trying to do tonight?” He’d
come up behind me, speaking his words quietly next to my ear.

“In a way, that’s what I’m always trying to do. Tonight
was different, though. I know being with Kevin would have been a huge mistake.”

“Is he dangerous?”

When I didn’t answer right away, he took me by the
shoulders and turned me to face him. “Answer me, Gray. Is he dangerous?”

I couldn’t deny how my body reacted to this side of
Daniel, but I wouldn’t mislead him intentionally. “He could be dangerous, but
Nathan and I know how to handle Kevin. We’ve done it before.”

His hands fell from my shoulders. “Is that what you
were doing tonight?
Handling
Kevin?” The fury in his eyes took me by
surprise.

“It was a coincidence. He showed up; I was there. Old
habits die hard, I guess, and he caught me at a low time…I didn’t want to be
alone on this day.”

Daniel tore his gaze from me, seemingly grappling
between therapist and man. Or, he’d simply been disappointed in me. Either way,
I scrambled to explain. “I realize now how stupid it was…not only because he’s
a complete low life, but also because he wasn’t what I needed.” That was enough
to get Daniel’s attention back to me. “None of what happened tonight was what I
needed. Not the drinking, not Kevin, not even Nathan.”

“I can’t help but think you don’t know what you need,
Gray. Until you face—”

“No. That’s not true.” I took a step toward him,
closing the short distance between us, never taking my focus off him. “What I
needed tonight, I couldn’t have.” I ran my hand up his arm, over his shoulder,
and to the back of his neck.

Daniel’s eyes darkened before panning down to my mouth.
His chest rose and fell prominently between us. My breath caught, and my pulse
raced with anticipation. That moment hung in the air for what seemed like
forever until he reached for my wrist, pulling it from his neck but not letting
it go. “You don’t know what you’re saying right now.”

Frustrated, but keeping myself in check, I said, “I
knew it then…and I know it now.”

“We shouldn’t be talking about this, especially not
now.” Daniel had a tougher than usual time concealing his emotions. “Not after
tonight. You can’t solve your problems like this. You can’t keep trying to
cover your pain with pleasure.”