Damaged (3 page)

“What about with Jamal, Ja’qui, and Jayson?”

“Man, he spoils them boys,” she said, shaking her head. “They can never do anything wrong in his eyes. As long as they doing
good on the team or whatever, he never has anything to say about anything they do.”

“Hmm,” I said, sitting down at the desk. I held my head up with my hand and flipped through a
Seventeen
magazine.

“I’m going downstairs to get a snack. You want me to sneak you something?”

I shook my head. She was always snacking. No wonder she was so chubby. I can’t think about eating. My stomach felt funny like
there was butterflies with wings on fire.

“All right then. I’ll see you later,” she said, walking out.

I stayed in the room flipping through a couple of the magazines that was on the desk until I heard the boys come in from football
practice. Jayson poked his head in the door before he went to the room he shared with Ja’qui.

“Ooh, I heard you smashed youngin’s head in,” he said, laughing. “You goin’ get it!”

“For real, Jayson? What he goin’ do?”

“Probably give you a whipping, punish you for like two months, no dessert and no TV. You’ll see.”

“Dag,” I mumbled, leaning back in the chair and crossing my arms over my chest.

“Nah, don’t worry, shawty. He don’t get down like that. He’ll probably just make you read a couple lines outta the Bible or
make you say you’re sorry in front of everybody at church Sunday.”

My eyes popped wide open. “What? I’m not talking in front of everybody.”

“You’re getting off easy,” he said, smiling.

I guessed Jayson was right. I breathed a deep breath and rubbed my forehead.

“I’ll catch you later.”

T
he hours seemed to crawl by before I heard Mr. Big finally come home. Everyone was called to dinner, and I made my way out
of the room and down the stairs. I can hear Mr. Big’s voice before I reached the dining room, deep and loud like our preacher’s.
My stomach flipped over a few times. I can’t tell if he knew what happened or not. I slid into an empty seat and fixed my
plate. Jamal and Ja’qui had already started telling him about the seventy-six-yard catch that Ja’qui caught during football
practice. Mr. Big was all smiles as he listened to the details. I sat pushing the peas around to the edge of my plate, then
Jayson kicked me under the table. I looked up and wondered why he was smiling so hard. But then he made a fist and mouthed
the words “Go, champ.” I rolled my eyes and looked back at my plate.

“What’s that, Jayson?” Mr. Big asked.

“Oh nothing, sir.”

Danica shot me a look from across the table, and then I looked down.

“No. I know exactly what you’re talking about, but I want Camille to tell me. What happened today at school, young lady?”

I took a deep breath and said, “I got into a fight. With a girl who been picking on me since my first day.”

“A fight? Is that ladylike, for a young girl to be fighting like she ain’t got no sense or no home training?”

“No, sir.”

“So, why didn’t you just walk away? Or why didn’t you go tell a teacher if there was a problem?”

I shrugged my shoulders and played with the macaroni and cheese on my plate. Mrs. Brinkley got up from the table and went
to the kitchen with the empty bowl of peas.

“I can’t hear you!”

“I don’t know, sir.”

“Well, since you don’t know, go to your room and take some time to think about it. Now!”

I got up and backed away from the table. I went upstairs and climbed up on my bed and lied down. It wasn’t long before I fell
asleep. A couple of hours had passed and the room had become dark with night. I could hear the laughter from everyone downstairs
watching TV together. They sounded like a big happy family and I wanted to be down there, too. I rolled over and looked up
at the ceiling.

Suddenly, my bedroom door opened, and even though it was dark, I knew it was Mr. Big holding a bag. I sat up. My heart was
beating so hard, I thought he could hear it.

“I got you a present, Camille,” he said before sitting the bag on the desk and closing the door shut with his other hand.
The lock clicked and my heart jumped in my throat. It thumped harder and louder.

“This gift is just for you. I bought it on the way home after I found out what happened in school today. Now, I know you don’t
have much, but little by little you’ll start getting some nice things that’ll make you feel better, and maybe you’ll start
feeling more like a part of this family.”

Mr. Big took a step closer, and then he put his huge hand on my knee. “Now, the Lord says in the Bible, you must honor thy
mother and thy father, don’t it?”

I shivered. All of a sudden I felt real cold and wanted to pull the blanket up over my whole body.

“Come here,” he said, turning my body toward him. My legs dangled off the bunk bed and he took his rough hands and started
rubbing them up and down the curve of my legs. “You are so pretty. Anybody ever tell you that?”

My mouth felt like it had cotton in it, and I couldn’t say anything. I shook my head.

“You want to know what gift I bought you?” He went back over to the desk and took out two pair of jeans and three shirts.
I couldn’t see them in the dark, but I could smell the new fabric scent in the air. I ain’t have new clothes since last Christmas,
when Nana bought me a sweat suit and some underclothes. I put one of the shirts up to my nose and breathed in the smell. The
stiff fabric felt nice in my hands. No one had ever worn this before. It wasn’t hand-me-downs or from the thrift store like
all the other stuff I had.

“You like it?” Mr. Big asked. “I can get you nice stuff all the time. Just like I do with Danica. All you have to do is be
a good girl and real quiet.”

I was scared as I listened to him, but I didn’t want to let go of the clothes.

“Now, what I do for you got to be secret. You understand? No one can know, or I’ll have to stop buying you nice things. You
hear?”

I held on to the new shirt as Mr. Big pulled my body to the edge of the bed. I almost fainted when he pulled my sweatpants
and my panties down and threw them on the floor behind him. I let him push me back on the bed and then I closed my eyes real
tight as his cool lips touched my private part. He put my legs up on his shoulders and licked me. It felt like he was trying
to kiss me down there, his tongue was doing weird things. I cried silent tears as he moaned. Just when I thought he was done,
he put one of his fingers in me, sending a sharp pain down there. He pushed it in and out like a Q-tip. I cried aloud, and
then I heard him unzip his pants. I ain’t know what to do, but I knew Danica ain’t cry when she was with him, so I wiped my
face and waited for whatever was going to happen next. But nothing happened. I could hear his watch shaking against his wrist
real fast. He moaned loud twice and then I could hear him zip his pants up.

“Sweet,” he said. “Like fruit.” And then he wiped his mouth, put his finger to his lips reminding me to be quiet, and then
he unlocked the door.

I lied in the bed crying, before I finally wiped my face with one of my new shirts.

FEBRUARY 2002

W
e was piled up in Mr. Big’s 1996 Nissan Quest headed down I-95 South to Richmond, Virginia. There was a big function with
our sister church that Mrs. Brinkley couldn’t stop talking about for weeks. She made sure everybody had on brand-new clothes
and all the boys had fresh haircuts. Me and Danica was even sent to a hair shop on North Capitol Street, where I was finally
allowed to get my first perm.

When the car slowed down out the blue, Mr. Big yelled out with an attitude, “Jesus H. Christ! We ran out of gas! The light
must be broken.”

He stopped the car on the side of the highway. The sign in front of us had the words
CAROLINE COUNTY
on it. I had never been this far away from D.C. before, and it felt real strange. Like I couldn’t breathe or something. Mrs.
Brinkley moved around in her seat, looking like she wanted to say something, but she held her tongue as usual.

“Jamal and Jayson, we’re gonna have to take a walk,” Mr. Big said.

“Why Ja’qui not going?” Jamal asked, sounding heated.

“Boy, just because you almost out of school don’t make you grown! Who you think you are, asking me questions? Now get out
the car!” Mr. Big shouted. “Rochelle, Ja’qui gonna stay here with y’all while we go find a gas station. One can’t be far,
since I haven’t seen one for miles. We’ll be right back.”

“Ja’qui always has been your favorite,” Jamal grumbled, shoving the side door open.

My eyebrows shot up, and I pinched Danica. Nobody ever talked back to Mr. Big before. Jamal was sure gonna get it. He stuffed
his hands in his coat pockets and waited for Jayson to get out the car, too. But Mr. Big ain’t do nothing but give him the
eye. I couldn’t believe it.

Danica shook her head and said, “Wow.”

As soon as they left and started walking up the highway, Mrs. Brinkley turned the talk radio station to a gospel station.

“I bet we’ll be here all day,” she said, irritated. “I cannot believe that man didn’t make sure we had enough gas before we
got all the way out here.”

Danica made a face at me, and I shrugged. Ja’qui laughed and rubbed the back of his head. We was surprised she was complaining
about Mr. Big. She never, ever said anything. Sometimes, I seen her roll her eyes when he wasn’t looking, or leave the table
or the living room after he said something she ain’t like. But she never, ever complained in front of us. She never even raised
her voice in front of us.

Only one other time did I hear her get mad. Her and Mr. Big was in their bedroom arguing about a
policy
or something he wanted her to do. All I kept hearing her say, real clear, was “No, Frank! I’m not going to do it!” I ain’t
never know what they was talking about, but she was pissed for days.

“Mama, are we gonna get something to eat before we get to this thing?” Ja’qui asked. He was sitting right behind her.

“Who knows?” she said, twisting her necklace with her long fingers. “Your father’s so stubborn. I’m sure he’s going to keep
going without stopping when they get back. Like it’s our fault he ran out of gas and now we’re running late. They were supposed
to have a dinner at the church. That man…”

Ja’qui sucked his teeth, and Danica patted his knee.

“If any of you got to use the bathroom, I suggest you do it now,” Mrs. Brinkley said.

“Man, it’s too dag’on cold out there for all that,” Ja’qui said. “I’ll wait till we get to the church.”

“Boy, you better watch your tone,” she said, turning around looking at him. “Besides, your brothers are walking God knows
how many miles in that cold weather.”

“But, Mama, I—”

“
But, Mama
nothing! Stop sounding like a brat,” she said, glaring at him. I pinched Danica again, and this time she pinched me back.
I couldn’t believe it. Mrs. Brinkley was finally pissed off for a change.
You go, Mrs. Brinkley.
I guess having to sit on the side of the road in the freezing cold did it.

“Maybe Jamal’s right. Maybe we have spoiled you rotten,” she said angrily. “Mr. Big-Time Football Star. I pray Jesus keeps
you on the straight and narrow. I really do. You and your father.”

Ja’qui sucked his teeth and looked out the window at passing cars. Danica shook her head and then lied it back on the headrest.
I closed my eyes and finished taking the nap I had started before the little incident interrupted me.

Almost two whole hours had passed by the time we seen Mr. Big walking back with a big red container in his hand. Jayson was
with him, but there was no sign of Jamal.

“Where’s my child?!” Mrs. Brinkley yelled, jumping out of the car. “Frank, where’s my son?!”

Mr. Big ain’t say nothing. He just walked to the gas tank. Jayson climbed in the backseat and closed the door behind him,
shaking his head at the same time.

“What happened, Jay?” Ja’qui asked right away.

“Man, it was crazy,” he said, shaking his head and rubbing his palms together for heat.

We could hear Mrs. Brinkley’s muffled voice rising up and down as she pulled on Mr. Big’s arm. He pushed her away from him,
but she was still asking where Jamal was, her voice was starting to strain out like she was crying dry tears or something.

“What happened, Jayson? Tell us!” Danica begged. We was all holding our breath, waiting.

“Jamal just went off on Daddy. Started talking ’bout he can’t wait to move out and he ain’t tryna be all the way out here
for no church anyway. He said, ain’t nobody ask him if he wanted to come. Daddy kind of like just turned into Incredible Hulk
and tried to grab him up.”

“You lyin’,” Ja’qui interrupted. He looked out the window at Mr. Big trying to calm his mother down.

“Yeah, then Jamal was backing away from Daddy, right? Like back toward the woods, but Daddy caught him and went ballistic.
I was scared as shit.”

“Wait. What?” Danica asked, shaking her head, confused. “He hit him?”

Jayson nodded. “And then Daddy told Jamal to walk his ass back home.”

I got real scared and stayed quiet. Mr. Big was a different man around the boys than he was with me and Danica. They usually
got away with stuff that me and her could never get away with. At first I thought it was cuz we was foster kids, and they
was his real kids, but it ain’t have nothing to do with that. He treated them like that just cuz they was boys. Jamal was
the oldest and he was the same height as Mr. Big. Not as wide but definitely more muscles. He was a senior wide receiver at
McKinley Tech.

“Damn. Where he at, son?” Ja’qui asked, opening the door. I could tell he was getting angry.

“Man, I don’t even know, but he can’t be too far. Wasn’t nothing out there but a gas station and a Subway joint,” Jayson said.

Before Ja’qui got out the car good, Mrs. Brinkley climbed back in the front seat. She wiped tears from her cheeks and said,
“Get back in the car. We’re going to get your brother.”