Daniel's Desire (4 page)

“We could try to understand, at least. Mom, you are going to have to come up with answers sooner or later. Ryan, Sean and Michael will come here eventually, and they’ll insist on it. If you try to stonewall them, it will end any chance of a reconciliation for this family.”

Her gaze turned toward the living room, and worry creased her brow. “Your father…he can’t cope with that, Daniel.”

“He’ll have to,” Daniel said, his own gaze unrelenting for once. “You owe them, and us, an explanation. Maybe once all the secrets are out in the open, this family can finally start to heal. Don’t you want that?”

“Of course I do, it’s just that your father feels so much guilt,” she said. “He blames himself for everything that happened, even though we made the decision together. You can’t possibly imagine how difficult it was, Daniel. No one can.”

“Then tell us. Help us to make sense of it. I always thought you and Dad were such good, honorable people. Is it any wonder that this secret of yours took Patrick and me by surprise? What you did was so completely out of character.”

She shook her head, as stubborn as all of the Devaneys. “It’s up to your father. He’s locked that part of our lives away, and I can’t go against his wishes.”

“But you can talk to him, persuade him that talking about this is for the best. What you did back then is still having repercussions today.”

“You said Ryan, Sean and Michael seemed happy and well-adjusted when you met them,” she said defiantly. “And Patrick’s married now, too. How bad can the repercussions be? They’ve all moved on with their lives. Some of them even have children of their own now.”

“They moved on in spite of what happened, Mom. It’s not as if they made peace with it. And those children are your grandchildren. Don’t you want to do whatever you can to be a part of their lives?”

“I’m sure your brothers would never allow that,” she said, her expression bleak.

“But they might. Isn’t it worth taking a chance? And what about me? I’ve lost four brothers and the woman I loved because of what happened all those years ago.”

She gasped at that. “What does you breaking up with Molly have to do with anything your father and I did nearly thirty years ago?”

“It just does,” he said. “Take my word for it. The decision you and Dad made has cost all of us. Maybe it’s cost the two of you most of all.”

“We’ve learned to live with our choice,” she told him, still not backing down.

“And that means you have no regrets?” he asked bitterly.

“Of course we have regrets. We’ve had regrets
every day of our lives since we left Boston, but we can’t go back in time and undo what we did.”

“You can’t undo it, but you can make it bearable for the rest of us.”

She reached out to touch him, hesitated, then drew back. “Talking about it might make things worse. Have you considered that?”

“How? How can the truth possibly be any worse than the explanations that each of us has been forced to consider? Were Ryan, Sean and Michael so unlovable? Or did you just draw straws and choose me and Patrick? Were we cuter than the others? Or less trouble? Maybe you meant to leave us behind, too, but we clung too tightly.”

Tears were spilling down her cheeks as he spewed out all the questions that had tormented him, questions he knew that his brothers must have asked themselves a million and one times, as well. How could boys of nine, seven and five have been expected to cope with being abandoned? It would have been natural for them to have blamed themselves, to have grown up thinking they didn’t deserve to be loved. It was a miracle they’d opened their hearts to anyone.

“Oh, Daniel, don’t do this,” she whispered. “Not to yourself. Not to us.”

“Why not, Mom? You and Dad did it to us.” He pushed away from the table. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

“Daniel, don’t leave. Not like this.”

“I can’t stay.”

“At least say hello to your father before you go,” she pleaded.

“I can’t. If I do, I’ll say something I’ll regret.”

He left through the kitchen door and went for a
walk, too angry and upset to get behind the wheel of a car. Why couldn’t they see that their secrets were destroying their family? What could have driven them to make such a devastating decision all those years ago?

As badly as he wanted answers, he knew that his brothers wanted them even more. They deserved them. He’d tried to warn his mother about that. One of these days, there was going to be a confrontation, and it was going to get ugly. And as much as he loved his parents, as much as he felt he owed them, he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to bring himself to mediate, to be the cool voice of reason in such a volatile situation. At that moment, if he had to choose sides, he was going to be on his brothers’. His parents were dead set on not giving him even the tiniest excuse to be on theirs.

Molly was bone weary by the time she climbed the stairs to her apartment. She’d meant to get away sooner, but the bar had been busy and Retta had been on her feet too long as it was. Molly hadn’t been able to ask her to fill in waiting on tables.

When she opened the door to the apartment, the TV was on, but Kendra was sound asleep on the sofa, her dark lashes like smudges of soot on her pale cheeks. If Molly wasn’t mistaken, there were dried traces of tears there, as well.

“Oh, Kendra, what’s going on with you?” she whispered as she pulled a blanket over the girl. “I can’t hide you forever, not with Daniel breathing down my neck.”

Not that Molly minded the prospect of going a few rounds with Daniel. In fact, if there was some way she
could turn his life into a living hell, she was all for it. It would be downright exhilarating.

And maybe a little too much like the old days, she admitted honestly. That could be dangerous. She wasn’t over Daniel, not by a long shot. If she hadn’t already known that, the sparks flying between them this afternoon would have been a wake-up call. Anyone with any sense knew that hate was the flip side of love, that so much passion could turn on a dime into the opposite emotion. Hating Daniel was a habit, but so was loving him. It was easy enough to hate him deeply and thoroughly from a distance, but proximity had a way of confusing things. Hormones kicked in, and common sense flew straight out the window.

So, she needed to get him back out of her life for her own protection. And the only way to do that was to resolve the situation with Kendra. Easier said than done.

In just a couple of days the girl had stolen a piece of Molly’s heart. She was smart and full of life. She was eager to help, desperate for praise. She was all the things Molly had been when she’d come to live with her grandfather. Jess had been there for her, steady as a rock. Now it was her turn to do the same for another scared child.

Resolved to stand by Kendra, no matter what, she went into her room and tried to see it as Daniel must have seen it earlier. Had he remembered the times they’d spent together in her bed? Had he noticed that his picture was no longer on her dresser?

She reached into a nightstand drawer and found the photo, taken on a rocky cliff overlooking the Atlantic. His hair, normally so neatly trimmed to keep the natural curl tamed, had been caught by the wind and
mussed. A navy sweater made his blue eyes seem even darker. And his smile…she sighed just looking at it. It was a heartbreaker of a smile, complete with devastating dimples and a flash of pure mischief in his eyes. This was the Daniel she’d fallen in love with, the one with his guard down and nary a rulebook in sight.

The Daniel who’d barged back into her life today was the hard professional without so much as a glint of humor in his eyes. When he was like that, it was easy enough to pretend that she’d never felt a thing for him. Of course, the pretense was just that, a lie to keep her safe.

Her hand instinctively went to her belly, covering the empty womb where her child—hers and Daniel’s—should have been safe, should have grown until ready to face the world. She struggled against a flood of tears.

“I am not shedding one more tear over that man,” she said staunchly. And she’d shed all she could over her lost child.

But despite her intentions, the tears fell anyway. She sank onto the edge of the bed, still clutching the picture, mentally cursing herself for not having thrown it away years ago.

A whisper of sound had her wiping her eyes before she faced Kendra, who was standing uncertainly in the bedroom doorway.

“Are you okay?” the teen asked worriedly.

“I’m just fine,” Molly reassured her, then patted the edge of the bed. “Come sit here for a minute.”

Kendra sat next to her, keeping a careful distance between them. “I tried to wait up for you. I guess I fell asleep.”

“That’s okay.”

“We can talk now, if you want.”

“Sweetie, I need to know why you ran away from home. That’s the only way I can help you.”

“I can’t say,” Kendra said, her expression apologetic. “I’m sorry. You’re being real nice to me, but I can’t. It will ruin everything.”

What an odd thing to say. Puzzled, Molly studied her. “What will it ruin?”

“Can’t I just stay here a little longer, please? I’m helping Retta. She said I was doing good. She taught me to make chowder today, and the customers liked it. I heard them say so.”

“You are good, and if it were just about a job, you could stay,” Molly told her. “But you have a home, Kendra. You have parents who are worried sick about you. I have to think about them, too.”

“Is this just because you don’t want to keep fighting with that man who came today?”

“No, it’s because I feel guilty standing between you and your parents when I don’t know what’s going on.” She tucked a finger under Kendra’s chin and forced the girl to meet her gaze. “What did they do that was so awful?”

“It’s not what they did,” Kendra said at last. “It’s what they’re gonna do.”

“I don’t understand.”

“They’re going to send me away,” she said, barely choking back a sob. “I’m just saving them the trouble.”

And before Molly could ask a single question, Kendra was out of the room and out of the apartment, thundering down the stairs and out into the night.

Molly raced after her, then stopped when she got to
the front door of Jess’s. Kendra was outside, but she hadn’t gone far. Molly pulled a chair over by the door and waited, leaving light from the bar spilling into the street. She wanted Kendra to know that when she was ready, this was one home she could come back to.

D
aniel tried to spend as much time as possible burying himself in work. Even so, for the next few days he made it a point to stop at Jess’s at various times, and at least once a day. He hoped to catch a glimpse of Kendra, but mostly he wanted to keep Molly rattled and aware that he was not letting her off the hook. He hadn’t quite decided what time to show up today—probably around dinnertime, maybe not until just before closing when she’d be breathing a mistaken sigh of relief that he hadn’t turned up.

In the meantime, he went out to do follow-ups on five cases, checking on at-risk kids to make sure that their situations at home were under control. The unseasonably hot temperatures could escalate tensions, and family members who’d been making positive progress could suddenly revert to old ways. He tried to
show up unexpectedly often enough to make sure that didn’t happen.

But as he went from home visit to home visit, he couldn’t shake the image of Molly from his head. Why the devil did she have to be so damned stubborn? Couldn’t she see that she was just prolonging the inevitable? Sooner or later he would talk to Kendra. It would be best if their first meeting wasn’t when he walked through the door with her parents. He liked to make sure such reunions went smoothly, but right now his back was to the wall, thanks to Molly.

He picked up a tuna on rye and a can of soda from the vendor in the basement of his office building in Portland, then climbed the stairs to his office. He found Joe Sutton waiting for him, his feet propped on Daniel’s tidy desk, his chair tilted back precariously, his eyes closed. Though it was barely noon, he looked as rumpled as if he’d slept in his clothes.

“About time you got back,” he said, startling awake when Daniel knocked his feet off the desk.

“Some of us spend our days out in the field checking on clients,” Daniel said.

Joe stared hopefully at the sandwich Daniel was unwrapping. “Is that tuna on rye?”

Daniel sighed. Joe was notorious for always stealing whatever food was around. Apparently there was plenty to be found, because he was at least thirty pounds overweight. That didn’t mean he couldn’t move when he had to.

“Here,” he said, handing the policeman half of his sandwich.

“No chips?” Joe asked, disappointment etched in the lines on his face.

“There’s a vending machine at the end of the hall. You’ll have to buy your own.”

“It’s out. I already checked.”

“Then you’re out of luck.”

“So how’s the Morrow girl doing?” Joe asked Daniel as he chewed.

“Haven’t seen her,” Daniel admitted.

Joe’s eyes filled with surprise. “Why the hell not? It’s not like you to brush off a case.”

“I’m not brushing it off, believe me. I’m at an impasse. A
temporary
impasse,” he corrected.

“How so?”

“Molly refuses to admit she’s there.”

“She’s there. I saw her.”

“I know that,” Daniel said. “I spotted her, too. But it’s as if the two of them have a sixth sense about when I’m going to walk through the door and,
poof,
Kendra vanishes out the back.”

“Any idea why Molly’s lying to you?”

“Because she thinks she’s helping Kendra. She’s not giving her up until she knows what’s going on back at the girl’s home. Have you made any progress on that front?”

“I’ve poked around the neighborhood and Kendra’s school,” Joe said. “From everything I’ve seen and heard, they’re a model family. Mom’s a chemist. Dad’s a brilliant physicist. Everybody’s squeaky clean, as near as I can tell. The kid’s some sort of genius. She’s skipped a few grades.”

“Which is probably why she’s been able to run circles around everyone who’s been looking for her,” Daniel concluded, then added, “with a little help from Molly, who’s no slouch when it comes to making up her own rules.”

Joe studied him quizzically. “What’s that about?”

“What?”

“That edge in your voice when you mention Molly? I heard it the other day, too.”

“Ancient history,” Daniel said, trying to make light of it.

Even so, Joe reacted with dismay. “Why the hell didn’t you say something about having a relationship with Molly when I asked you to go over there? I thought you were just reacting to the fact that the kid was serving chowder in a bar.”

“What would have been the point?” Daniel asked with a shrug “You needed someone to go to Widow’s Cove and check things out. That’s my job. Besides, whatever there was between Molly and me ended a long time ago.” Or at least it had, he acknowledged, silently, if you didn’t count his reaction to seeing her again.

Joe shook his head. “There are other people in the department.”

“But you came to me because Widow’s Cove is my turf. Come on, Joe, we’ve got more important things to worry about than my history with Molly Creighton. Are you ready to pick up Kendra?”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Joe said. “That’s what I ought to do. I ought to call her folks and say I’ve located their daughter and bring on the happy ending.”

Daniel frowned, sensing the unspoken hesitation. “But you’re not going to do that, are you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Gut instinct. Good kids—
smart
kids—don’t take off from perfect parents just for the thrill of it. I want
to know what’s going on. It’s got to be about more than them not letting her wear lipstick or go out on a date with some boy they disapprove of.”

“The department could have your badge for not acting on this sooner.”

“It’s not my case. And I haven’t actually seen Kendra Morrow close enough to ID her beyond a reasonable doubt,” Joe said. “Have you?”

“No,” Daniel admitted. “But we both know it’s her.”

“Do we really?” Joe pressed.

“Come on, Joe, we’re breaking every rule in the book by not reuniting that kid with her family. You know that. Have you even spoken to the investigating officer and told him you think you’ve located her?”

“I’ve told him. He’s willing to let me do some more digging.” Joe leaned forward, his expression intense. “What’s the goal here? Yours and mine? It’s to keep the kid safe, right? She’s not on the streets. She’s with Molly. She’s safe. We don’t know that she would be if we sent her home. I want to know that, in my gut, before I shake things up over in Widow’s Cove. I’m going to see the parents, see what my gut tells me about them. You keep trying to get close to the kid. Go around or through Molly, if you have to. Just see her.”

Daniel chuckled. “You must not know Molly all that well if you think anybody goes ‘around’ or ‘through’ her. That doesn’t happen unless she wants it to.”

“Want to switch roles? You can go talk to the parents, and I’ll work on Molly.”

“No way,” Daniel said quickly. Too quickly.

Joe gave him a knowing grin. “Didn’t think so. Guess that history’s not so ancient, after all.”

“Go to hell.”

“If I’m wrong about this and everything’s peachy keen with the Morrows, I probably will,” Joe said. “But every time I think I might be wrong, I take another look at that picture. That is one unhappy kid. Could be nothing more than hormones and teen angst, but I won’t rest until I know for sure.”

Daniel trusted Joe’s instincts almost as much as he trusted his own. “Then let’s get to work,” he said, rising to his feet, his own half of the tuna sandwich still untouched. He could always eat at Jess’s.

Joe grabbed the sandwich as they headed for the door. “No need to let this go to waste,” he explained.

“You’re gonna owe me lunch when this case is over,” Daniel said.

“Chowder at Jess’s?” Joe suggested slyly.

Daniel shook his head. “I’m thinking a good steak at the fanciest restaurant here in town.”

“Boy, you do have it bad for Molly, don’t you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m never wrong about these things,” Joe insisted.

“You’re a forty-year-old bachelor, for heaven’s sake.”

Joe laughed. “How do you think I’ve stayed that way? Great instincts.”

“Well, you’re wrong about this,” Daniel said defensively. “There’s nothing between Molly and me. Not anymore.”

“Never said there was. I said
you
had it bad. I’d have to spend a little time around the two of you together to say how she feels.”

“Trust me, she’s not interested in rekindling an old flame.”

And much as he hated himself for giving a damn, the truth of that still stuck in Daniel’s craw.

Daniel was about to drive Molly right over the edge. He’d been appearing at the bar more regularly than customers who’d been coming in for years. Midmorning, lunchtime, dinnertime…she never knew when she was going to look up and see him sauntering through the door with that grim, determined expression on his handsome face.

He’d been at it for a solid week now, and she was about to scream from the effort of being polite when what she actually wanted to do was throw a mug of beer in his smug face. At this very moment, he was sitting at the bar toying with the same soda he’d been pretending to drink for the past hour. He wouldn’t even touch a real drink.

Molly braced herself and walked behind the bar. “Are you planning to move in? Given the amount of time you’re spending in here, I should charge you rent, since the cost of that soda hardly compensates for the space you’re occupying.”

He leveled a look straight into her eyes. “You could get rid of me easily enough.”

“Oh?”

“All you have to do is produce Kendra Morrow and let me talk to her.”

“Give it a rest, Daniel,” she said, grateful that she’d sent Kendra off for the day with Retta’s daughter. Leslie Sue had taken a liking to the girl, and Kendra enjoyed spending time helping her out baby-sitting sev
eral neighborhood children, especially since it meant avoiding Daniel’s impromptu visits to the bar.

“I can’t give it a rest,” he told her.

“Why not?” Molly asked plaintively. Lying to him was beginning to get to her. Honesty and trust were big issues to her, and Daniel knew it. She was violating her own sense of decency, and it didn’t matter that Daniel didn’t deserve any better from her.

“Because she’s thirteen years old, Molly. She has a family.”

“How much of a family could they be if she felt the need to run away from them?” She very nearly blurted what Kendra had told her, that her parents intended to send her away. Molly hadn’t been able to get the girl to say any more than that, but it was just the kind of thing that might make Daniel leap to Kendra’s defense. After all, who knew more about the anguish of kids being sent away by their parents?

He met her gaze evenly. “Kids make some stupid decisions in the heat of the moment. This one could wind up with her getting hurt.”

“That won’t happen,” Molly said, eyes blazing.

“Because she has
you
to protect her?” he asked quietly.

Too late, she saw the trap. So far she’d managed to avoid admitting that she’d ever seen Kendra, much less that she’d provided her with a safe haven. She’d kept their conversations about Kendra purely hypothetical, or at least she thought she had. All the lying was getting to be more and more complicated.

She tried to dance around any admission. “Because she’s obviously a smart kid.”

“How do you know that?” he pressed.

“She must be, if she’s eluded you and Joe Sutton for all this time.”

He gave her a wry look. “She’s had help doing that, though, hasn’t she?”

Molly refused to look away. “I certainly hope so. All children should have someone willing to offer a helping hand when they need it.”

“You’ll get no argument from me on that score. Usually that’s what I am, a helping hand. I could be that for Kendra, if you’d stop standing in the way.”

He said it as if there wasn’t a doubt about Kendra being there, so apparently Molly wasn’t half the liar she’d tried to be. Given the number of opportunities she’d had lately to practice, she was bound to be better before this mess was cleared up.

“I have a legal right and the experience to look out for her,” Daniel added. “You have nothing. In fact, quite the opposite. You’re interfering in a police matter.”

Molly felt her temper kick in at his reasonable tone and at the suggestion that he could be relied on to be anyone’s help in a crisis. “I know all about your kind of help,” she snapped. “Believe me, wherever she is and whoever she’s with, she’s better off on her own.”

Daniel actually winced at the cutting words. Molly hadn’t thought he could ever be wounded by anything she said, but it was apparent that he was. Not that she was going to take back her words or apologize for speaking the truth.

“I’m sorry you believe that,” he said quietly. “I won’t hurt her, Molly, and I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect you.”

“Is that what you call turning your back on your own baby and on the woman you claimed to love?
Protection?” She could hear her voice climbing, so she turned aside before he could see the tears she was trying desperately to blink away.

She heard him move and thanked heaven that he had the sensitivity for once to go and leave her in peace. But before she could even finish the thought, she felt his hand on her shoulder, gentle, comforting.

“Molly, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

When she finally risked looking at him, there was so much torment, so much emotion, in his eyes that it nearly stole her breath.

“I really am sorry,” Daniel said, brushing awkwardly at the tear that slid down her cheek. He’d never been able to bear making her cry. “What I did was stupid and careless, but I honestly believed I was doing the right thing. I had no idea how it would turn out.”

She sniffed. “It could hardly have had a happy ending now, could it?”

“No, but I never thought you’d lose the baby. I never wanted that.” His hand cupped her chin. “Believe me. A part of me would have given anything for you to have my child, even if it meant watching him or her grow up from a distance. You would have been a wonderful mother.”

Because she so desperately wanted to believe him, because a part of her wanted to block out the past and live in the moment, Molly brushed away his hand. “I can’t talk about this anymore. Go away, Daniel. If you ever cared anything at all for me, stay away.”