Declare (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #4) (16 page)

“I’m just wondering how far down this skin goes.”

I chuckled. “All the way to my toes.”

“I meant without being covered.”

I grinned. “All the way to my toes.”

She gasped. “You’re naked under there?” She wrinkled her nose.

I laughed. “I will be by the time
you
get under the covers.”

She laughed loudly and kissed me again. As she was focused on the kiss, I grabbed her shoulders and flipped her so she was beneath me. In one movement, I pushed my satin boxers down to my ankles and knelt in front of her, my hard-on reaching out for her through the night.

“See,” I said, waving my hand over my body.

She blushed lightly—something I would never tire of—and kissed my thumb.

I groaned at the sensation. “Don’t tease me like that.”

She gazed up at me and licked her lips. “Like what?” She turned her head and took my thumb into her mouth.

I closed my eyes and moaned as she sucked my thumb in and out of her mouth. “Like that,” I groaned.

“Who said I’m teasing?”

I growled as she pushed me off her and scooted up the bed a little, resting against the bedhead. Then her hands reached forward to grasp my hips and guide me toward her mouth. I clasped the wood behind her as she sucked my length into her mouth. I passed control of my hips over to her, closing my eyes and relishing the sensation as her hands gripped my hips tighter.

She hummed around me, and I groaned in response. She certainly knew the right way to get my mind off shitty evenings. I kept one hand tightly gripping the bedhead while the other gently traced through her hair. I tried to express how fucking good it felt, but was largely past words.

Alyssa giggled again and pushed me away from her a little. She licked and sucked her way up my body before reaching my mouth and kissing me deeply. My hands travelled to the hemline of the dress she was wearing, and I pulled it over her head in one tug. My fingers made light work of her bra, and I tossed it across the hotel room. I tasted her greedily, needing to take every part of her in.

I pulled off her panties and helped her gently back onto the bed, laying my body gingerly over hers.

She looked up at me and laughed. “You’re just taking advantage of me ’cause I’m drunk.”

I shook my head. “But you’re not drunk.”

She smiled and kissed my cheek.

I turned my face and traced my nose gently along her jawline before kissing her softly. My hands and lips began to roam her skin possessively, claiming every inch of her as mine. I wanted to ensure she understood just how much I adored her as I slid myself into her.

She moaned as I filled her completely and then again as we moved in rhythm together. We loved each other absolutely, harmonizing together and rolling from side to side in a battle for dominance.

We both burst out laughing when we rolled off the bed. Not that it stopped us from our perfect game of parry and thrust.

After we’d both taken each other to satisfaction, I slid down her body and rested my head on her chest—both still panting and laughing. A few moments later, once our breathing had calmed and our laughter had died down, we began to talk about our days. I told her about my fears on the racetrack, and she told me about the photographers and wedding cake.

I told her about my visit to Emmanuel’s grave, and she seemed genuinely touched that I would even consider visiting on my own. I still couldn’t tell her about meeting my father, at least not just yet.

“How’s Ruby?” I asked, both out of curiosity and to turn the subject away from my evening.

Alyssa chuckled. “She’s doing great. She’s getting really fat now. It’s so funny to see Josh doting on her at every turn. Not that he didn’t always dote on her, but somehow it’s just different now.”

I touched the scar on her stomach lightly. “Will it be different for us when we have more kids?”

Her body jumped lightly before stiffening.

I pushed up onto my elbows to look at her face. Concern and stress were evident across all of her features. All the happiness and light-heartedness was wiped away. Her eyes sought mine out, fear and desperation dwelling in their depths.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth,” she whispered.

I shrugged. “A lot has changed for me over the past few months. Now, I—well, I guess I’m more than open to the idea.” I trailed a few kisses over her stomach.

“Oh, God,” she muttered.

“Alyssa, what is it?” Her body was so tense, and her eyes so afraid, that she was starting to scare me. I quickly scrambled up her body to touch her face. I cupped one of her cheeks delicately.

“Nothing’s changed for me.” Her voice was quiet and her words broken.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want another baby, Dec.” She sounded like she was close to tears.

“What?” I was absolutely confused. “But you always wanted a big family. We broke up because you wanted kids . . . and I didn’t.”
And because I was a fucking fool
.

“That was before . . .” She closed her eyes and scrunched her face in pain. “After . . .
the twins
 . . .” She stopped and took a deep breath before opening her eyes again. As her eyes found mine, she whispered. “I just don’t know if I can go through that again.”

I pulled myself up into a sitting position and helped Alyssa to sit beside me. I wrapped my arm around her, and we leaned against the side of the bed.

“But you wouldn’t be going through it alone,” I murmured. I couldn’t explain the feeling of loss that had settled over me at the thought that we might not have any more kids.

At some point, having to speedily adjust to Phoebe’s presence in my life had become a genuine desire to have kids—lots of kids. I hadn’t realised just how badly—or how soon—I wanted it to happen until the instant Alyssa had said she didn’t feel the same way.

Was that how she’d felt when I’d been so insistent years ago?

“I’m sorry, Declan, I just . . . I thought you knew . . .” She sobbed lightly against me. “I didn’t think you wanted any more either.”

“I guess I just never thought—” I cut myself off, mentally pounding my head against the wall for being so stupid and tactless when raising the issue. I’d just assumed that nothing had changed for her since high school. But she was a different person now. We both were.

She went to apologise again, but I cut her off. “We don’t need to talk about it anymore tonight.”

She sobbed a little more, until I picked her up off the floor and carried her into the bathroom where I ran a warm bath in the built-in spa. I helped her in then climbed in behind her. I didn’t say anything as I gently massaged her back, trying to bring us back to where we were before I had shot off my damn stupid fucking mouth.

After we’d climbed out, we wrapped ourselves up in the huge fluffy hotel bathrobes and fell asleep in a tangle of limbs and terry-towelling.

I LEFT Alyssa asleep in the hotel room to head to the track early on Sunday.

Somewhat surprisingly, given the fucked-up night I’d had, I successfully managed to put the negatives from the previous evening behind me and clung tightly to the positives.

Dad, kids, everything else could wait for another day. I was determined to prove to myself that I could win at Queensland Raceway again. My epiphany stood, reminding me that it didn’t matter to Alyssa or Phoebe how I went, which somehow spurred me on more.

I wanted nothing less than first.

Not because they wanted me to get it, but because I wanted to get it for them. It made all the difference to my on-track performance, and I got my desire, claiming victory in the third race.

The fourth race managed to rattle me a little when another car speared off the track.

Worse, it happened at the same corner that the Mini from race one had lost control. Luckily, the driver hadn’t leapt the guardrail like the previous incident, and no one was hurt. I held on to my sanity and finished in second.

I ended the weekend just a handful of points behind Wilkins in the Micro Challenge leadership table, with four rounds left to race. I had one last chance to claim pole to be able to take Alyssa to London for our honeymoon, but unfortunately I had to get through Tasmania and Darwin first. No Mini, no family, just me alone with Hunter and the rest of the Sinclair Racing team.

Then there was the birthday party Alyssa was planning for Phoebe. A gaggle of twenty or so four-year-olds running around my former bachelor pad.

I honestly wasn’t sure which of the events would be worse.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: LIFE’S A PARTY

“SO, DID YOU get the information we needed?”

Morgan chuckled down the phone. “Oh, I got it all right. Eden is surprisingly talkative when plied with some alcohol and some of my particular brand of torture.”

I smiled to myself as squeals of glee echoed from the backyard, reminding me of the party in full swing—the party I was taking a quick breather from. Watching through the window, I saw Alyssa herd the screaming mass of children around the jumping castle, trampoline, and bubble machine. As if she could feel me watching, Alyssa’s head tilted up to glance at the window. I gave her a smile and a small wave, and though she smiled back at me, it was obvious she was exhausted.

Knowing I had to finish up so I could relieve her before long, I tried to concentrate on the call because Morgan was talking again, running through some of the details about timing and shit for Alyssa’s hen night that he’d been able to find out from Eden.

Once he’d given me the information, and we confirmed our own plans for the night, it didn’t take very long for the conversation to steer off onto complaining about Hunter, who was snapping at Morgan’s heels in the championship. I was torn between wanting Sinclair Racing to win the team trophy—which meant both Morgan and Hunter needed to rank as high as they could—and wanting Hunter to come dead last in the series. Of course, I had no real control over the situation, so I just had to grin and bear it either way.

Morgan and I finished our little anti-Hunter rant and said our goodbyes. After all, there was no reason for a drawn-out conversation, as I’d be seeing him later that evening. He probably could have come around sooner, but had volunteered to stay away from Phoebe’s party so as not to put extra stress on Alyssa. Secretly, I suspected it was more that he wanted to stay as far away from the horde of screaming children as possible. Instead, he would be coming around after the kids left—for my part of the birthday celebrations.

Before heading back to the party, I made another call—to Danny. It was that call, the one Alyssa had begged me to make, which was the real reason I’d been allowed a moment away from my party hosting duties, but I’d wanted to take the opportunity to call Morgan first while Alyssa had been otherwise occupied.

When I dialled Danny’s number, I launched straight into an explanation of what I wanted—or more specifically, the request Alyssa had asked me to make. She wanted to give someone the chance of a lifetime with a visit to see the inner workings of a race team. Not surprisingly, Danny had listed out a series of rules and requirements that would need to be met for it to be possible. I agreed readily, knowing the reason behind them instinctively. Once we’d set everything up, I said thank you and goodbye to Danny before heading back down to rescue Alyssa from the rampaging horde, collecting a few stragglers lost in the house on my way.

Eden—who was in the kitchen helping out our latest arrival, Flynn—called out as I passed to let me know that it was time for cake. I had to laugh when I saw Flynn fanboying over Eden. His obsession with all things Sinclair Racing had been off the chain since he arrived in Sydney, and I hadn’t seen Eden anywhere this morning without him glued to her side.

Initially, I’d been a little surprised when Alyssa had told me that Flynn was coming down for Phoebe’s birthday. She’d sprung it on me just after my time in Tasmania—time that would have been nicer if I’d spent it in Hell.

After letting me know that Flynn was coming down, she’d explained that he hadn’t missed one yet and really didn’t want to miss this one either. He’d offered to stay in a hotel, but Alyssa and I had agreed that he should stay with us. After all, I really did owe the life I had to him. If he hadn’t left Phoebe’s birth certificate on my doorstep, I might have never found the courage to fight for Alyssa. I owed a lot to him; it just took me a while to realise it. That was why I had agreed to help Alyssa make his dream come true.

I found Alyssa near the back door, taking a quiet breather herself.

“So?” she asked, wrapping her arm around me. “Is it all arranged?”

I nodded. “There are a few rules, but nothing too outrageous.”

She smiled. “Thank you.” She kissed my cheek as I hugged her gently.

“No problems.” I grinned. “It might even be fun. But for now . . .” I headed in Phoebe’s direction before turning back to Alyssa briefly. “I have a birthday girl to catch.”

I ran off and scooped Phoebe up in my arms. She squealed with laughter as I tickled her stomach before lifting her onto my shoulders.

“You ready for cake, princess?” I asked.

She screamed, “Yes!”

I grabbed her stomach and flipped her until her feet were back on the ground. “Go gather everyone up then.”

She raced off and gathered up her friends. The rest of the afternoon was filled with cake, games, and lollies, resulting in about twenty hyperactive kids.

I put in my share of face time with the other parents, encountering every reaction from awe to indifference. I think in general most were surprised that I was Phoebe’s father. We hadn’t really made much of a deal about it at the day care, and were usually in and out before more of the parents arrived. Plus, for the time being, Phoebe was still a Dawson. After the wedding, both she and Alyssa would be Reedes.

By the time the parents took their children home, the sugar high was wearing off, and I had no doubt most of the kids would fall asleep during their ride home.

For us though, the evening was just starting. Since I was going to be in Darwin for my actual birthday, we were having an early bash for me. It had just made sense to get it all over with on the one day. Flynn had offered to get Phoebe settled so Alyssa and I could just relax and enjoy the night.

We’d settled on having an intimate dinner with just a few friends around—my pit crew mates, plus Eden and Morgan. It was quiet and low key, but the drinks flowed readily and I had a good time. Once Phoebe was settled and Flynn joined the table, I thought he was going to have a heart attack; he was so fucking excited. The only moment that caused concern was when Alyssa asked whether Flynn was coming to my bachelor party. Unable to answer, mostly because I couldn’t admit what my bachelor party was going to consist of, I’d shifted the conversation onto another path. It wasn’t that I didn’t want Flynn there, per se, just that he would make my plans a whole lot more difficult.

After a great night, people started heading home. Each of them wished me a happy birthday as they left, even though the majority of them would be with me for my actual birthday.

Once everyone was gone, and everything was cleaned up, Alyssa and I headed up to bed. When we got there, Alyssa dragged a box out of the cupboard. It was a surprise because I hadn’t expected her to get me anything, let alone give me something before my actual birthday.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a present, silly.”

“Well, duh, but I mean why now? Why don’t I take it to Darwin?”

“It might be a bit big for your carry-on. Besides, I want you to open it now.” She was right; the box, wrapped in gold wrapping paper, was rather sizable.

“If you’re sure?”

“Yeah. I was going to give it to you earlier, but I didn’t want to in front of everyone else,” Alyssa said, twisting the end of her hair around her finger. “Just in case . . .”

I furrowed my brow. “In case of what exactly?”

“In case you don’t like it,” she whispered, looking at me with such vulnerability, I almost wanted to throw the box aside and take
her
as my present instead.

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” I put the box on the bed beside me and pulled Alyssa onto my lap.

She shrugged and rested her head against my chest. “Why don’t you just open it and see?” she murmured.

I was starting to get worried about what she might have bought me, so I turned our bodies so I could reach around Alyssa to unwrap her gift. With my arms wrapped around her, I pulled the paper off slowly. The box was blank and gave away nothing about its contents.

With my curiosity well and truly piqued, I gently opened the box. Inside was a genuine race spec helmet. It was the same brand that we used at Sinclair Racing, but so different to anything I’d seen before. It wasn’t the style or even the shape that was different though. Instead, it was the decoration.

The helmet was completely black, rather than the usual red, and instead of the Sinclair and sponsors’ logos, I could see the top of two horses airbrushed onto the back.

My arms were still wrapped around Alyssa as I eased the helmet out of the box and turned it from one side to the other to inspect it. One of the horses was airbrushed in pinks and purples of varying shades, all blending together seamlessly. The other was painted almost identically, but in greens and blues. The thing that struck me the most, though, was that it was an almost perfect duplicate of my tattoo. I brushed my fingers over the horses one at a time, surprised by how seamlessly they’d been integrated into the helmet. Alyssa stiffened under my silent appraisal of her gift. I needed to put her out of her misery, but I couldn’t find a way to speak.

“Baby—” I couldn’t continue as my voice chose that moment to give out. I swallowed the emotion that was blocking my throat. “It’s beautiful.”

“I thought of it after you told me about your visit to Emmie’s grave. I thought it would be a good reminder of why you
want
to get in the car each meet. But I wasn’t sure if you would want it or not though.”

“I do. I would be honoured to wear this . . . if I am allowed.” I wasn’t sure whether Danny would agree to me wearing something that wasn’t team colours.

“Danny will let you,” Alyssa whispered. “He actually really liked the idea when I suggested it.” She looked a little sheepish. “I’m sorry I went behind your back to ask him, but I just wanted to make sure the helmet was the right one, just in case you did like it.”

“Like it? Baby, I love it.” I held the helmet in one hand and used the other to pull her tighter into me. “Thank you.”

I felt her sigh of relief and stifled a laugh. She had given me something so personal, so perfect, how could I
not
love it?