Deliverance (The Maverick Defense #1) (29 page)

When I’d woken in his bed this morning, Dawson’s side was empty. After texting Hank to let him know I wouldn’t be in for a few days, I traipsed downstairs to make myself coffee. Hank replied that he already knew I was taking some time off, and I guessed Dawson was responsible. Part of me wanted to kick his ass for making the decision for me, but I finally realized he was right—I had to trust him to keep me safe.

Coffee in hand, I went to sit in the living room. Mikey and Lex were already up and informed me that Dawson had gone for a run. When he returned, he acted as if nothing had happened between us last night. Just went about making pancakes like everything was normal. Exhausted and cranky, I went along with it. If Dawson didn’t want to deal with this thing between us, then neither did I.

“My ideas are always the best.” Dawson winked and relaxed back in his seat and memories flooded my mind. How we used to borrow Mikey’s truck to drive out to the old sawmill on the edge of town. We’d pack a basket and sit in the back of a truck surrounded by the abandoned band saw and rotting red cedars. The whole place looked ready to crumble to the ground, yet it was our place. Our escape.

“No,” I gasped. “You wouldn’t. Not after the last time.”

Dawson’s lips turned up into a smile, and he laughed. “Oh yes, I would. I’ll never forget the look on your face when old Cullen Doherty came at us with that pitchfork threatening to call Deputy Pralins.”

“Is it even still out here? I haven’t been since …” I trailed off silently cursing myself for bringing up the past.

“I drove out here the other day. Part of the roof has fallen in and the logs have mostly gone, but it’s still standing.”

Just like us.
I settled back into the seat and watched the fields rush by. Was Dawson trying to find what we once had? This place—the sawmill—was everything to us back then. My heart ached for him. For us. Everything had been so simple then; just two teenagers in love with their whole lives ahead of them. I was set to attend college in California, and Dawson, already out of high school, couldn’t have been more proud. Told everyone he could that his girl was going to make it big. He was going to come with me. Get a job, find a cute little apartment, and we were going to make a life for ourselves. People might have thought us crazy—too young to know that we wanted to spend our lives together, but when you grew up in a town like Chancing, all you had were your dreams.

And Dawson was mine.

“See it?”

I strained my eyes, dusk making it difficult to see into the distance. “I think I see it.”

Easy silence settled over us as I watched the sawmill draw closer. Dawson tapped his finger against the wheel in a methodical rhythm, and I imagined him humming a tune. He always loved music. I doubted he got much time for that in his new line of work.

“What’s it like?” I blurted out.

“What?”

“Your job. What you do. I mean, what the hell are you?”

Dawson scrubbed a hand over his five-o-clock shadow and blew out a long breath. “Shit, Joy, that’s a question I’m not used to answering. It’s kind of a need-to-know situation.”

“Please, try. For me,” I pleaded. I needed to hear this. Needed to know who Dawson was now.

“Okay, but you have to understand, a lot of what we do is confidential. Under the radar stuff. We don’t make a habit of talking about work.”

I nodded.

“The first job I went on with Lex and his team, I was so scared I almost shit myself. Lex took a huge risk taking me in. His old man lost it, but Aidan, his older brother, saw something in me. I can’t go into details, but we ended up in Nigeria. I’d spent months preparing. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw there. Aidan is ex-special forces, Lex, ex-navy SEALS. The rest of the team are like goddamn GI Joes. It was just another day for them, but for me, it changed everything.”

It didn’t feel real, hearing Dawson talk about such things, and a sinking feeling swept over me.

“The scars?” I whispered, unsure if I wanted to know.

“This one here,” Dawson touched a finger to his hairline. “A bullet clipped me. I thanked Jesus that day.”

I inhaled a sharp breath. He made it sound so insignificant when all I could think was ‘you almost died.’ My stomach somersaulted. If something had happened to Dawson, he would have never made it back to Chancing—to me.

“Hey.” His hand brushed my knee bringing me back into the moment. “I’m fine. It comes with the territory. Some jobs suck worse than others do. But I’m fine, Joy. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere again without you.”

We watched the stars through the hole in the roof. The whole building was probably ready to fall at any moment, but it didn’t matter. In a place that would have sent most people running, I’d never felt more at peace. The deafening silence, the lingering scent of dead cedars, and even the rust bucket band saw. It was all perfect. Dawson had brought us here to remember and, despite our strained conversation in the truck, it had worked.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“For what?” Dawson traced his fingers along the curve of my hand, and I closed my eyes.

“For bringing me here.”

Dawson rolled to his side, the wooden platform creaking under his movement. “I needed to show you. To tell you it’s still you and me. It always was. I just-” His eyes flickered away and my chest cracked.

“I know. You can’t be with me. Not after, not after what I’ve done.”

His eyes opened and locked with mine. “I want you so much. I’ve wanted you since I laid eyes on you in Hank’s Diner. I never gave up hope that we’d find our way back to one another, I just never thought …”

Dawson looked like he might he choke on his words, so I finished his sentence. “You never thought I’d be with Donnie.”

A grim smile tugged at his mouth, and a tear slipped from my eye. A surge of hunger shot through me stealing the breath from my lungs. It was like a conditioned response in me—pain equaled needing a high. Because the high would numb the pain. Let me forget just for a second.

“What? What are you thinking?” Dawson brushed his thumb across my jaw.

I shook my head. He didn’t need to know how deep my issues ran.

“Joy, what is it? Why do you look like you’re ready to leap up and bolt from me?”

“Leave it, Dawson,” I snapped losing control to the craving.

Realization dawned on his face and he said, “You want to get high, don’t you? I brought you here to spend time with you, to try and explain things to you, and all you can think about is that shit?” His voice was full of anger, and I reared back.

Swinging my legs over the platform, I stood up and started to pace. “It’s not like that. I just… when shit gets too much, when things hurt, my mind goes there. It helps.”

Dawson came to stand in front of me. “Help? Are you fucking kidding me? That shit will kill you. Or have you forgotten the state Mikey found you in. I’ve tried to understand, give you time-”

“But what?” I beat him to it. “You’ve finally realized that this is who I am and you can’t handle it? Is that it? Or maybe, you don’t want the local junkie to ruin your new shiny badass reputation. Yeah, I bet Lex must think you’ve lost your balls chasing around town after someone like me?”

“Joy.” Dawson stepped forward, but I moved back dodging him.

“No. Let’s get it all out in the open. I’m tainted goods, right? First, you find out I’m fucking Donnie, and then, the double blow—I’m using. That must’ve stung like hell given you went to prison for me. For running drugs. Oh, the irony.” I was screaming now. Wild, I jabbed my hands into the air punctuating each point while Dawson watched me, expressionless.

“Never even smoked some weed? Bet Maverick Defense wouldn’t like that. They make you do drugs testing? Pee in a bottle monthly? Shame, sex on coke is something, but sex on X; you haven’t lived until you’ve had sex on X.”

Dawson grabbed my wrists and yanked me toward him. “Enough.”

“Oh, I’m just getting started.” I smiled up at him like a mad woman, but Dawson didn’t flinch.

“No, I think you’re done.”

M
y mouth crashed into hers, and when my tongue slipped past Joy’s lips and into her mouth, it shut her up. At last. Anything to stop her from saying those things about herself. That was not how I saw her, not at all. The crap she was spewing about herself annoyed the hell out of me, but seeing her so fired up, with the spark in her eyes, turned me on. She wasn’t tainted; the problem was all me. I was the one who struggled to come to terms with the way things had turned out. Hadn’t I already told her the past didn’t matter? I needed to get over it and prove to her that I didn’t care what had happened or that she’d been Donnie’s girl. She was mine now.

Kissing her seemed to be the best solution for both of us. As soon as my lips fused with hers, I lifted her, and automatically, her legs wrapped around my waist, bringing the heat from between her legs into close contact with my diamond-hard erection. A dam burst and our kisses grew frantic. I was done holding back.

Walking over to the platform, I lowered her down onto the blanket. My lips never left hers as I knelt down between her legs, my body curved over her. I wanted her—I had all along—I just needed to turn off the part of my brain that insisted on reminding me she had been with Donnie. Would it have mattered if it had been some other random guy who I didn’t know? What about the few women I’d been with since I got out of prison. Joy had always held my heart, but after my father had told me she’d gotten as far away from Chancing—from me—as possible, there had been casual hook-ups. This was a fresh start for both of us if I could get my head out of my ass and not screw it up by dwelling on Donnie and Joy’s relationship. I wanted to erase Donnie from her mind and his touch from her body, so the only one she would think of was me. No way would I give him the satisfaction of destroying us a second time.

Rocking back on my heels, I looked down at her, lips red and swollen from our kisses, her hair splayed out on the blanket underneath her. The way her chest heaved rapidly as she stared back at me, wild-eyed. Need, want, lust—it was all there in her eyes. It kept me grounded, knowing she was here with me, mind and body—not like when she’d been with Donnie, always needing to be high. The longer I stared, the more restless she became, but I’d missed looking at her. I would never tire of staring at her body.

Her small pink tongue darted out, and she licked her lips, nervous. “Dawson, we-”

“Shhh.” I shook my head from side to side. Her lips pressed together and she dipped her head in a tiny movement. I leaned forward and pulled her up to sitting as my fingers found the bottom of her skimpy tank top and pulled it over her head.

The coolness of the night air caused her to shiver and small goosebumps pebbled her skin. My dark gaze swept down to her full breasts, erect nipples strained against the lace of her bra. Reaching out, my fingertips traced along her collarbone in opposite directions to her shoulders, trailing down between the valley of her breasts to finger the edge of her lacy bra. Joy watched through lowered lids, and I held her gaze with my own smouldering one as I pulled away the cup of her bra, exposing her to me and the night air. A deep moan followed her small gasp when I dipped my head and my mouth closed around her nipple.