Read Disasterology 101 Online

Authors: Taylor V. Donovan

Tags: #gay romance

Disasterology 101 (2 page)

BOOK: Disasterology 101
7.75Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads
 

“Have you felt disgusted lately?”

 

Cedric thought about the last two guys he’d been with and shook his head slowly. “They did everything I requested. They were totally clean.”

 

“Then what’s the matter?”

 

Cedric groaned.

 

Normally he didn’t have a problem talking to Dr. Black, as it was in his best interest. He wanted to get better. He wanted to be in control of his mind and body, and he was willing to do anything in order to stop being a bloody wanker.

 

But this was different.

 

He suspected relationships in general were difficult, and often feared a love life would most likely be impossible, which was something he hated. He dreamt often of a loving partner and anniversaries. He wanted a knight in shining armor and happily ever after, but his symptoms got in the way constantly. Dr. Black thought that, as long as Cedric maintained an open communication with the other person and involved him in his treatment, it was doable. But Cedric had yet to meet a man he wanted to talk to about it, and even if he had, he hadn’t reached the point where he felt comfortable disclosing his condition to anyone.

 

And if that wasn’t bad enough, there was also a new development that had him scared out of his mind, not to mention ready to commit murder.

 

“I don’t think I’m ready to date.” He sat up and threw the pillow to the side. “I need to concentrate on getting better.”
While I figure out what the hell’s wrong with my dick.
“No need to put pressure on myself.”

 

“Do you feel satisfied with the sexual encounters you’ve had?”

 

Cedric blanched. “Do you mean physically, or emotionally?” Good Lord. Was his doctor psychic?

 

“Both.”

 

Cedric glanced at Dr. Black and moved the St. Louis Arch closer to the Sydney Opera House. If he was going to talk about this, he needed to keep his hands occupied.

 

“I haven’t been all that interested in sex in the past few weeks,” he mumbled. “But I’ve forced myself to do it anyway, because if I don’t, it’ll get to the point where I’ll avoid it completely.” He got up from the chaise lounge and walked to the only window in the office. The view of Central Park with its green lawns and flowers in full bloom was magnificent. “I feel like a circus freak when I’m with a bloke,” he admitted, “and the last time I couldn’t even finish. Got it up and tried to… you know… but lost my erection two minutes into it.” Cedric rested his forehead on the window and scratched the back of his head. “Bloody hell, this is embarrassing.”

 

“Have you lost your erection before?”

 

Cedric cringed.

 

Dr. Black was very professional, but seriously. They were talking about Cedric’s schlong and his inability to perform. That was never an easy subject for a man.

 

“Just this one time.”

 

“I see.”

 

“You see
what
?” Cedric rolled his eyes. “This is unacceptable. I might not want to have sex all the time, but I want to know I’m functional.”

 

“No need to fret.”

 

Cedric turned sideways and glared at his doctor. “Easy to say when you weren’t the one watching your flaccid dick slip out of some chap’s ass.”

 

Dr. Black didn’t react to his crass statement. He just put his reading glasses on then shuffled through his medical records.

 

Cedric put his hands on the window frame and bumped his head against it. “Is this going to happen again? Am I going to be impotent before my next birthday?” The more questions he asked, the more agitated he became. “I can’t take that. I’d rather slit my wrists than add another brand of abnormal to my persona.”

 

“I see Dr. Hoffman started you on a new SSRI medication.”

 

Cedric turned around to look at his doctor and crossed his arms over his chest. “He did.”

 

“I assume he discussed the possible side effects with you.”

 

“Of course.” Cedric frowned as he remembered the long list. Constipation, dizziness, nausea, trouble sleeping, unusual weight gain or loss,
change in sexual performance or desire
, and so on. “Do you think it could be a side effect?”

 

Dr. Black nodded. “Let’s monitor it.” He made a note on his file and glanced at Cedric. “Don’t forget to mention this on your next visit with him.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

Cedric sighed in relief. Knowing the terribly mortifying episode could’ve been caused by his medication was easier to digest.

 

“Does your incapability to perform have anything to do with your decision to not go out on dates?”

 

“Incapability to—it was once,” Cedric sputtered. “Don’t question my masculinity again.” He moved to the desk, grabbed a stack of papers and organized them the right way. “Christ.”

 

“I’m not questioning your masculinity,” he heard Dr. Black say. “I’m asking about your reasons for not going out on a normal date.”

 

“Why do we need to talk about this again?”

 

“It’s the next natural step after everything else you’ve accomplished.”

 

Cedric realigned the phone and the laptop on the desk, and frowned at the cup of coffee. He needed to get rid of it. “You’ve got to get this place cleaned.”

 

“Come sit down, Cedric.”

 

“I hate you,” he mumbled on his way back to the chaise lounge. “I just want you to know that.”

 

“Thanks for sharing,” Dr. Black said with a toothy grin. “Now let’s talk about what you’d like to be able to do the next time you find yourself interested in a man.”

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

Kevin Morrison blew into the obscenely expensive cup of coffee he didn’t even want, and lowered the newspaper he was pretending to read. In reality what he was doing was staring at the store across the street. It was only a quarter after three on a Wednesday, but eleven people had gone inside in the past fifteen minutes. Women and men alike, wearing suits or business casual attire strolled in and out with the same ease they would into a restaurant. There were also a couple of average Joes who, like the others, didn’t seem to care if anyone saw them stopping by that particular establishment.

 

Only in Manhattan could one find this kind of store between a deli and a bank. Even though it didn’t have a name out front, the half-naked female mannequins, vibrators and assorted condoms and bottles of lube in the window gave passersby a big fat clue as to the nature of the place. But in case anyone happened to miss all that, there was also an: “Adult Store Must Be 18” sticker on the door with a lot of red X’s surrounding it.

 

At thirty-six, Kevin was obviously well past the minimum legal age, but he didn’t dare go in.

 

Not yet, anyway.

 

His eyes focused on the sign that had caught his attention earlier in the day when he was on his way to Greenbriar International Builders’ Human Resources office. The blue letters announcing the availability of male peepshow booths had jumped out at him and refused to let go while he renewed the paperwork for his health insurance policy. Kevin could’ve sworn they were calling out to him.

 

He should go in and confirm once and for all what he’d suspected about himself for the past ten years or so.

 

It was time he stopped watching porn and jerking off. Time he acted on his deepest desire.

 

It was time he did something about the reason why there was never a real spark between him and his former wife... the reason why even though he’d gotten divorced a little over a year ago and was horny as hell, dating other women was the furthest thing from his mind.

 

It wasn’t that he was scarred or bitter after the failure of his marriage. Shit happened. He’d done his best. It hadn’t been enough, but he was finally at peace with it. He’d moved on and now he wanted someone in his life. He was ready to try again, but he wanted to do it with a man. He didn’t know how he was going to approach his family and friends with this truth about himself, but it was time he figured it out. He was tired of denying who he really was.

 

Kevin blew into his coffee again and looked over his shoulder. He waved at the little girl who reminded him of his youngest daughter, didn’t even acknowledge the older woman who was practically undressing him with her eyes, and turned his head so that he could check out the patrons on the other side of the shop.

 

A mom with a screaming kid, two cops, an impatient guy in a suit, a guy playing with his phone, some tourists... and
him,
sitting by the far wall of the tiny shop, all by himself.

 

Kevin turned his head away before he got caught staring again, but sought out the stranger’s reflection in the window with as much discretion as he could muster. Plenty of guys had drawn his attention in the past, but he was the first one to tempt Kevin enough to actually consider making the first move.

 

He was fascinated by the stranger’s appearance. Had been from the moment the guy walked into the shop ten minutes ago and his soulful light brown eyes briefly locked with Kevin’s.

 

Jesus, but the dude was
hot
.

 

He was about three inches taller than Kevin’s own five foot eleven, and looked six years younger at the very least. Broad shoulders under a light blue dress shirt emphasized a trim waist. He wore a swirl-pattern tie, dark grey dress pants, and extremely polished black shoes, but Kevin doubted he was one of those professional guys from the area. The outfit was right, but the hairstyle wasn’t.

 

He had the blackest and straightest cornrows Kevin had ever seen hanging all the way to the middle of his back, not something you usually saw on corporate types. He also had mid-size black gauges in both ears and a lip ring.

 

He looked like a thug. An
extremely
pretty, fashionable thug, and he was wearing leather gloves, even though it wasn’t cold. Kevin couldn’t decide if the gloves were sexy or added to the illusion of danger. He knew he shouldn’t be looking at the guy, but his eyes kept darting between the stranger’s blurry reflection and the newspaper in front of him.

 

Was the guy watching him? It sure as hell felt like he was, but when Kevin glanced over his shoulder he was unable to confirm it. He couldn’t see him at all. Damn the two cops for deciding to move two feet too far to their right.

 

Then again, Kevin doubted the guy was even gay. With the way he looked? Not a chance.

 

Giving up on the pretense that he was reading, Kevin folded the newspaper and put it down. Then he pushed the coffee away and focused on the store across the street one more time.

 

He should forget about establishing an intellectual connection and concentrate on what his body wanted the most. It’d be so easy to walk into that store and get laid. Maybe if he got that out of the way he’d stop feeling all kinds of awkward around other guys.

 

The peepshow booth sounded more tempting by the second. Kevin didn’t know that many people in New York City. Nobody would pay attention to him, and he could definitely use the security only anonymity could provide in order to get off with another man for the first time in his life.

 

He could go in. He had an hour before he had to show up for work…

 

Kevin wasn’t quite sure how long he stared at the naked mannequins, but he was incapable of working up the nerve.

 

“Come on, Kev,” he muttered under his breath. “There’s nothing wrong with a casual thing.”

 

He raked his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

 

He was too shy for his own good, and most definitely out of practice. He’d been fifteen the last time he’d hit on somebody, and he’d ended up marrying her. And if that wasn’t bad enough, there was also the fact that he was old-fashioned enough to want to get to know a person before having any kind of sexual contact with them.

 

If he didn’t get over that, he’d be fifty before he managed to talk to someone.

 

He didn’t have to do it today, though. He’d much rather take some time to figure out what he wanted, and how to go about getting it. An anonymous hook-up was going to have to wait.

 

But the damn store kept calling to him.

 

Come on in, Kev. Here’s an extremely easy way to get laid.

 

Kevin glanced at the pretty thug one last time on his way out of the coffee shop, and almost tripped over his own feet when the guy nodded in his direction and sort of smiled. His teeth never showed and his lips barely moved, but Kevin could’ve sworn his brown eyes crinkled a little and shone with mischief.

BOOK: Disasterology 101
7.75Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Full House by Janet Evanovich
Guy Renton by Alec Waugh
Rose Eagle by Joseph Bruchac
Black Tide by Del Stone
Icing on the Cake by Sheryl Berk
A Mighty Fortress by David Weber
The Birth of Bane by Richard Heredia