Discovering Emily (2 page)

“Emily!” Father barked.

Emily's hand froze, then retreated back to her lap, empty.

“You pick your food up, Richard,” Mother said gently. She gave Emily a sympathetic look, and Emily sat on her hands, resolving to take her punishment more stoically for Mother's sake — even if she did feel it was unjust.

After supper, it was time for the children's weekly Saturday night bath. Dede dragged the big tub from the back porch into the middle of the kitchen and set pots of water boiling on the stove. When the tub was full, Lizzie shucked off her clothes and stepped into the steaming water. Dede helped to scrub Lizzie's back while Alice and Emily waited for their turns. Because she was the dirtiest, Emily went last.

By the time Emily climbed into the tub, the water had already cooled down. Dede dumped a fresh pot of boiled water around Emily's knees, nearly scalding her. Then, Dede set to work on Emily's back with the soap and scrub brush.

“Ouch!” Emily protested. She was sure Dede was scrubbing her skin much harder than she had Lizzie's or Alice's.

“Sit still, Emily,” Dede ordered. “Remember, cleanliness is next to Godliness.”

Emily clamped her teeth shut tight on the words that wanted to come out and worked at scrubbing the ink face off of her hand. She didn't want to give Dede any more opportunities to punish her tonight.

After the bath, Emily wrapped herself in a towel and ran up the stairs after her sisters. She put on a fresh nightgown and jumped into bed next to Alice. She pulled her knees up tight against her hungry stomach and wrapped her arms around them. She wished she had a puppy that would curl up next to her, warm and comforting. But Father had already told her he wouldn't allow a puppy. Puppies were hard to control. They made messes, had accidents on carpets, dug holes in flower gardens. Father kept his own dog, Carlow, chained up outside. But it would be so nice to have an animal of her own. A puppy would love her no matter
what. A puppy wouldn't care if she got dirt under her fingernails or slid down banisters or sang too loudly or did things the way she wanted. Whatever that way was.

Emily wasn't sure what it was that she wanted to do or be. Alice wanted to grow up and be a mother. Lizzie wanted to be a missionary. It was easy for them. They were good at things. But Emily didn't seem to be good at anything — except, maybe, getting into trouble.

Emily's stomach growled. Tears stung the backs of her eyes. She felt as empty as her stomach.

Alice touched her shoulder, and Emily pretended to be asleep. Then she felt Alice's arm reach across her. Emily opened her eyes and saw that Alice was holding out something wrapped in a cloth napkin. The something smelled good.

“Thanks!” Emily whispered as she pulled the little bundle under the covers with her and sank her teeth into the delicious thick bread and cold meat.

“Rise up! Rise up! It's Sunday, children,” Father called, stepping into the girls' bedroom.

Even if he hadn't said anything, Emily would have known it was Sunday by Father's smell — Wright's coal tar soap and camphor. Every Sunday Father washed with his special soap and dressed in clean clothes stored in the big camphor-wood chest of drawers, which he'd brought with him on a sailing ship from England.

Father left the room, and Emily climbed reluctantly out of bed. Some things she liked about Sundays and some things she didn't.

“Milly,” Alice said, interrupting Emily's thoughts. She nodded meaningfully at the bed.

Emily took up her side of the bed covers and began straightening them. Once the bed was made Emily went to the wardrobe to take out her Sunday dress. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alice lean over the bed to smooth out some wrinkles Emily had missed.

Emily pulled on her long black stockings, climbed into starched bloomers and petticoat, and wiggled her corset with its loosened laces down over her head. She adjusted the corset around her middle, then turned her back to Alice, sucked in her stomach and held her breath as Alice pulled the laces tight.

“Oh, I hate corsets!” Emily complained. “Why do I have to look like I have a tiny middle when I don't?”

“All ladies have to wear them,” Alice said patiently, as she held in her own small stomach so that Lizzie could tighten and tie her corset laces. “Even young ladies like us.”

“Well, I'd rather not!” said Emily.

Lizzie poked her head over Alice's shoulder and scowled at Emily.

“You'd rather be improper,” scolded Lizzie. As Lizzie turned back to the laces, Emily stuck out her tongue. Lizzie's eyes snapped back suspiciously, but Emily quickly pulled her stiff blue dress over her head, so that it hid her face. Once the dress was on, she had to turn to Alice again for help with all the tiny buttons she couldn't reach down her back. Finally, she buttoned on her tight black boots. Clothes were definitely one of the things she didn't like about Sundays.

Emily, Alice and Lizzie headed downstairs in their matching blue Sunday frocks. Emily's two oldest sisters, Dede and Tallie, said they were too old to dress the same, but Father insisted that at least his youngest daughters dress alike for church.

“I don't want my daughters looking like orphans,” he'd say. “Only orphans have mismatched clothes.”

Emily helped her sisters set the table in the dining room. That was the only work that could be done in the Carr house on a
Sunday. Sunday was the Lord's day of rest, which meant everyone else had to rest too and “think of God,” as Dede said. Everything in the house was cleaned and polished extra well the day before, and all of Sunday's food was prepared on Saturday. The servant, Bong, milked the cow in the morning, then went away until evening milking time.

Once the table was set, it was time to leave for church. Mother was feeling better, but the two-mile walk to church would still be too difficult for her. Emily's second oldest sister, Tallie, and little Richard also found the walk hard, so they stayed home too. Everyone else set out for church, following Father across the back of the Carr property. The walk was one part of Sunday that Emily liked.

The air was cool and fresh. They followed a path through the cow's pasture, then came to a picket fence. Father lifted up a section of the fence that acted as a gate, and Emily's sisters stepped through. Emily came last, walking slowly. She didn't want to rush her favorite part of the walk. Ahead of her, tall pine trees stood amid grassy open
spaces. In spring the grass would be full of wild lilies. Now, Emily stood, breathing in the memory of the flowers. She closed her eyes and saw them, dotting the ground in an unruly dance, their brown hearts bent close to the earth and their white petals reaching for the sky.

“Emily!” Dede called. “Hurry up or you'll make us late for church.”

Emily sighed. She'd much rather stay here in the lily field—even without the lilies—than have to sit and listen to one of Dr. Reid's long sermons. But she followed Father and her sisters to the end of the field and out through another gate to the road.

The road was dry, so Emily, Alice and Lizzie held hands and walked down the middle of it. They only had to get out of the way of a horse and buggy once. This way was never busy—especially on Sundays. When the road was muddy they had to walk on the wooden sidewalk. Sometimes a cow, escaped from its pasture, stood on the sidewalk blocking their way. Dede would poke and wave her parasol, but it was never
the cow that made way. Always it was Dede and the rest of them who had to step down into the mud and go around the cow. Emily was always secretly pleased when this happened, and she'd reach out to give the cow a friendly pat as she walked by.

As they neared the church, the sound of the church bell grew louder.

Bong. Bong. Bong
.

They paused at the top of the hill outside the church and looked back the way they had come. Since Victoria had stopped being a Hudson's Bay Company fort and the fort walls had come down, the town had grown out farther and farther, swallowing more and more of the fields and forests around it. Only Beacon Hill Park still had some of its wildness. Emily could see the trees of the park just beyond her family's property, like the fur of a huge crouched animal looking out over the ocean. Closer to town near the bottom of the hill, the James Bay mud flats stunk with the smell of low tide. Dede wrinkled her nose as the smell wafted up to them, and she hurried everyone into church.

As Emily stepped inside the church, her eyes took a moment to adjust to the hazy light that shone down from the tall, pointed windows. She followed the others toward the front of the church and slid onto the hard bench seat next to Alice. Although the minister, Dr. Reid, had a loud voice, Father still liked to sit near the front, as he was going a little deaf, and he wanted to hear every word.

Emily was glad they had arrived early enough for her to watch the orphans file in and take their seats in the row ahead. None of them were dressed alike as Emily,
Alice and Lizzy were. The orphans wore clothes that other people had grown out of and donated to the orphanage, and some of the clothes were strange shapes and colors. The matron arranged the orphans so that the ones who were likely to misbehave sat between two who were well behaved, and the youngest ones sat in between older ones. Since the orphans sat in the front row, the stove was right in front of them.

Emily noticed Lizzy lean forward on the other side of Alice and bow her head. She guessed that Lizzy was probably thanking God that she was not an orphan.

When the church bell stopped ringing, a little door in front of the orphans opened, and Dr. Reid came out. He wore a black gown with two little white tabs in front that stuck out from under his beard like the tail of a bird. He carried a roll of paper in his hands, so that he looked like Moses holding the Ten Commandments. He walked slowly between the orphans and the stove and climbed up to the pulpit. The pulpit was wooden and rounded like the turret of a
castle. Dr. Reid opened the Bible that sat on a red cushion on top of the pulpit. He leaned forward, and his deep voice boomed out over the rows of people.

Once he had got everyone's attention, Dr. Reid's voice settled into a fine deep rumble. The heat of the stove and the soothing sound of Dr. Reid's voice soon sent the orphans to sleep. The matron didn't seem to mind, since it kept them from whispering and fidgeting, and Dr. Reid was kind and did not bang the Bible or shout to wake them. Emily struggled to keep her own eyes open and to pay attention to Dr. Reid's words. She knew what would happen once they were home.

Finally, the sermon was over. Dr. Reid said his final “Amen,” and the Carrs hurried home. They stopped only once to gather some catnip for Tibby, the cat. Dinner was waiting — cold mutton, red currant jelly, potato salad, pickled cabbage, bread and deep apple pie with Devonshire cream for dessert. When everyone had finished eating, Father folded his napkin straight
and smooth. He looked down one side of the table and then the other. This was what Emily had been dreading. She tried not to squirm. If Father saw her squirm, he would pick her first.

“Emily.” He'd seen her. “Tell me what you remember of the sermon.”

Emily was silent. She'd tried to listen to Dr. Reid, and she hadn't fallen asleep this time, but the sermon had been so long and so dull. What had Dr. Reid said? All she could remember was something about sheep. She always liked the parts that talked about animals.

Emily swallowed and began, “God loved his people so much he sent Jesus to be a sheep.”

Lizzie and Dede gasped.

“A sheep?” Father repeated, his mouth dropping open.

“Yes,” Emily explained, uncertainly. “Dr. Reid said Jesus was the lamb of God.”

Dede made a “humph” sound, and Father's face went red. Would Father ask Emily to say more? She wasn't sure what Dr. Reid

had meant; she'd just thought it sounded nice. She looked at Father. His face was still red, and if Emily hadn't known better she might have thought he was trying to hide a smile. He cleared his throat.

“And what do you remember?” he asked, moving on to Dede.

Emily relaxed. Her turn was over. Dede jumped here and there through the sermon, easily remembering each bit. When it was Lizzie's turn, she began at the beginning and plowed steadily through, repeating Dr. Reid's whole talk. Emily sighed. She would never be able to remember sermons as well as her sisters. She tried to pay attention, but her eyes kept moving to the window. Outside in the garden, spots of sunlight were dancing. Despite being stuck at the table, Emily felt something inside her give a little skip. She let her imagination sneak out the window and follow the beckoning light.

It wasn't until later in the afternoon, after Father had had his nap and Emily and her sisters had practiced their hymns and Bible
verses, that Emily finally got out of the house for real. It was time for the Sunday walk around the Carr property. Father was ready with his black coat and yellow walking stick, and even Mother was downstairs and dressed with her hat on. Tallie was not strong enough for walking, so she lay on the sofa in the drawing room resting up for her evening visitor. Dede also stayed behind to play hymns on the piano and get the tea ready. Her booming piano chords followed Emily and the rest of the family out into the garden.