Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) (40 page)

“He’s gone
,” I sobbed and sniffed. Jack bounced off the mattress and disappeared into the bathroom before reentering the room with a wad of toilet paper.

“
Pretend it’s dainty tissues,” he joked, shoving the wad of paper at me whilst trying to inject some humor into the scene.

I kn
ew he hated to see me cry. “He’s gone to London, Jack.” He stared at me in disbelief.

“He didn’t tell you, no one mentioned they were going?” I explained that I never asked the details, just that he told me he couldn’t say goodbye to me. 

“Damn,” Jack spat. “That guy is fucking incredible. So when is he back?”

“Five weeks.” I sniffed and began another round of wailing. Jack cuddled me to his chest and stroked my hair.

“It isn’t that long, Lily. I waited three months to see you again.” I realized that in my haste to run here in Florida, that I hadn’t really understood the effect I would have on other people who may miss me.

I felt selfish after hearing Jack’s comment.  “I’m sorry, Jack.” I looked at him and he smiled widely.

“Lily, seeing you up there performing with XrAid, in all your glory, has made it well worth it.”

I knew when he said it, what a true friend he was. He wanted me to have my dream, just like I wanted Alfie to have his.

I poured out all my doubts and feelings surrounding being with Alfie, and talked about the barriers we would have in making our relationship work. Alfie was on the up, and his music career would always take precedence over mine.

Jack’s head was bobbing in understanding
, and I could see he understood my dilemma about trying to make a relationship when we both had bands and dreams to consider.

He let out a low whistle. “Damn, I’d hate to be in your shoes, honey.” My eyes welled up again
, and he stood, taking my hand. “Let’s go get a drink and sit somewhere comfortable. I have a feeling it’s going be a long night, whilst we try to work this one out.”

He led me through to the sitting room and motioned me onto the couch, before raiding the fridge for drinks and a packet of ham. He climbed up beside me on the couch, sitting down with his legs crossed Indian style beside me.

He peeled open the ham and folded a large slice into his mouth, then pulled the tab on the Pepsi he had brought for himself.

“Okay, you love him. You love your career. You love college. You love being in Miami. You love the band
, and you love all the guys in the band? Agreed?” I pulled the ring pull open the tab on the soda can he had given me as I considered what he’d asked me.

I bobbed my
head, taking a swig and resting it on the couch beside my leg. “Pretty much.”

Jack grinned. “I’m a
counselor in the making, huh?” He stuffed another slice of ham into his mouth before going on.

“Okay, now for the negatives. You hate what? That he isn’t here all the time. His band is more famous than yours. You’re in a band and can’t just walk away. You don’t want to walk away. Your career will never come before his. He hasn’t always been up
-front with you. Should I keep going?” I nodded again. He was pretty much on the button with his analysis.

“He’ll be famous and women the world over
will want to get into his pants.  They’ll drop their panties to get his attention. Every single time you’ve conceded to him, he’s done something that has let you down. If you choose him and don’t choose your music you’ll end up hating him anyway. How am I doing?” He was looking seriously at me. ”So, am I hitting all the lumps in your decision making yet?”

Jack took my hand in his. It felt cold and clammy after holding his soda can. I looked down at it wondering
, at the same time, if I could voice what I was thinking out loud.

“I can’t be with him, can I?”

Jack pursed his lips. “Unless I’m mistaken, you can’t do both, Lily, unless you’ll be happy with what you have now until the status quo changes. It probably means you giving up what you do to be with him.”

I knew that unless music could be part of what I did in life, I could never be truly happy. “I guess I need to cut the ties now, this won’t work for either of us. Apart from the distance, there are lots of things to consider. Plus, I would be hated by everyone who
idolizes Alfie. “

It
had already started. I’ve seen things on Google. Women he was linked with, fans that have grabbed him inappropriately, people wanting a piece of him. I really didn’t think I was cut out for that side of a relationship. Anyway, what about all the temptation he’d face out there. I wouldn’t be able to ignore the snide comments about us.

I sighed
. “This is a crazy situation. I should never have started up with him again. I need to stay in college, I’m ahead, and I only have a year to graduation with my credits from the UK. I need to stay with the band, and I need to play music. That’s why I’m here. I can’t do anything I need to do being with Alfie. Everything I need is here, apart from Alfie.”

Jack rubbed my back and looked sympathetic. “Despite how I feel for him, Alfie’s everything wouldn’t sustain us as a couple. Maybe I would see things differently in the future. For
now, though, there is a very difficult decision looming. I had wanted to test myself when I came to the USA, I just didn’t realize how hard that test was going to be.” Jack hugged me and kissed my forehead.

I picked up my cell
. “I need to do this, Jack. Just be there for me, will you?” He squeezed my hand, and I swiped the lock, hit the green button and hit call log. Alfie’s number was at the top, and I hit it to connect me to the most difficult call of my life so far.

“Hey, gorgeous, can’t sleep?” His voice made me crumble. My heart felt like someone had come along and pushed a lead weight on top of it. I was going to try to be
controlled, but as soon as I heard his voice I blurted it out before I got cold feet.

“Sorry, Alfie, I really can’t do this distance thing. I’ll always love you, but we’re never going to be able to meet in the middle.”

My heart was aching but I continued, “It would be easy for me to give up everything I’m doing to follow your dreams, but eventually, I’d wonder what I could have done. I don’t want to argue, and I don’t want us to hate each other.  Don’t hate me,”  I pleaded.

Alfie’s voice was soft
. “I could never hate you, honey. Don’t do this, Lily. Don’t do this to us.” His voice cracked with emotion. “We’re never going to be over, you know that, right? No matter who we’re with in the future, this is a once in a lifetime love. I get that now… you and me.”

I sobbed into the phone as he tried to reason with me. “I get it, Lily. I know how painful this is, I feel it too.”

I sobbed again, “Please leave me be, don’t contact me, let me recover. I’m begging you, Alfie.”

I was faced with silence, then a long sigh
. “Have it your way, Lily, but know this, I’ll love you my whole life, no matter what, honey, no matter what you see, it’s you.” I heard a click, and the line went dead.

My heart cracked. I felt panicked and bereaved and wanted to ring him back to say I had changed my mind, but I needed to face whatever came next without him. I swallowed hard.
What had I done?

The prospect of life without Alfie was truly devastating.  Jack smiled sympathetically at me
, and I burst into tears wondering if I would I ever truly be able to live without him.

It takes courage to face the past and not allow it to affect the future, no matter how difficult that may seem. Traumatic events and tragic circumstances mar the lives of many people, but the scars remain largely internal.

Moving forward takes great courage and requires the right support. In this book Lily’s friends demonstrate the skills needed to help her, but ultimately Lily herself, has to take responsibility too. Life is about tough choices and staying true to your own feelings.

This book is encouragement to dig deep and test your boundaries in a positive way, and is written for all those who choose to meet those challenges head on.

Acknowledgments
:

Ebook Cove
r: Russell Cleary

Formatting: Kris

Webpage: Russell Cleary

If you enjoyed Enough Isn’t Everything and Everything She Need
s and want read the conclusion to Lily’s story, look out for book 3 of the ‘Everything Trilogy’ 

Everything I Want.(Book #3)

Kindle late March 2014 Date TBC. If you would like to subscribe to be notified when this is released register your interest by clicking the link below, or check out
www.klshandwick.com
for the release date.