Facing the World (10 page)

‘Don’t be so hard on the boy,’ Netta was saying. ‘He’s only ten.’

‘Time he learned to behave. He’s out for hours at a time, only comes in when he’s hungry. And he spends too much time with that couple moving into the Waterstones’ place. Giving him ideas they are.’

‘Better than any he can learn from you!’ Netta shouted.

Jimmy darted in, grabbed some food and ran out again. He had started cleaning off the paddles of the waterwheel at the mill. It was stained with green slime where it occasionally touched the water and there was even greener moss on the higher places. After he’d eaten his lonely meal, he rubbed it with a stone and then a blunt knife and slowly the wood was clear and to his relief was surprisingly sound. There was no purpose to the task but it was very satisfying to see the wood revived, brought back to life. He sat and dreamed of one day starting the wheel turning, seeing the water cascading below the ancient wheel and pressing against each paddle until the weight sent it on its way.

Rick helped him with homework whenever he could and although he was often absent from school once lunchtime was over, he kept up with the class-work, often with information they hadn’t covered in class, which mystified the teachers, unaware of the help he was being given and the books he was able to borrow.

He was at the mill one chilly November day, scrubbing away and clearing the resulting mess of moss and weeds into a pile within the wood. He had found an abandoned trenching tool and with this he was digging out the silted-up leat. He imagined how it would look with the stream running and the great wheel turning and spent hours working towards his dream. He had a cold and insisted his mother
wrote a note to excuse him from attending school. He had food, and a vacuum flask of cocoa as well as a couple of apples given to him by Valmai.

He was just finishing his meal when he heard footsteps. People rarely stayed now summer was gone. Any footsteps he heard would hurry past, but these footsteps stopped. He looked warily out and recognized Sally and saw that she was crying. He didn’t know what to do so he stayed perfectly still and waited for her to move on. But she didn’t.

Sally had still not heard anything from Rhys. Rick had tried to find him, ringing up various schools and colleges and had even driven to Bristol a second time, this time taking Amy with him. No one had heard of him. He even took a photograph in case he was using a different name. He was nowhere to be found.

Where was he? Sally wondered. What was he doing? More
worryingly
, who was he with? There had to be someone else. His shock at realizing she was expecting a second child had been more than a brief reaction. He more or less admitted wishing there was time to arrange an abortion. There had to be someone else. It was the only explanation. Sadie was out with Valmai, who was taking her to the shops promising to buy her a new doll to go in a doll’s bed Gwilym had made her.

Restless and deeply unhappy, she walked with her arms under her coat, around her unborn child as though protecting it from the
troubles
that faced the three of them. Her back ached and she had a few niggling pains that she presumed were what some called false labour. A sudden fast and growing pain made her gasp. It eased and she relaxed. It was two months before the baby was due and she presumed it was only the weight that was causing the backache. She leaned slightly back to ease the discomfort. Another sharp pain alarmed her. She was utterly lonely. When the baby was born, she’d face life as the unmarried mother of two. Yet she didn’t feel any regrets about the pregnancy. As soon as she had guessed she was expecting this baby, she felt a joyful excitement. Now, at this moment, she had doubts. How would she manage?

The sharp pain came again and she began to feel very afraid. They were nothing in themselves but were reminders of the brief time she had left to make plans and start to prepare for life with two children. 

She wanted to turn back to the Martins’ house but decided to rest in the mill. Foolishly she half hoped to find Rhys there, where they had met so many times, until he’d run away and everything had gone wrong.

She stood for a while, her hand on her lower back to ease the discomfort, just looking at the wheel, and to distract her thoughts from her predicament she imagined it working to provide bread for the local inhabitants of the villages many years before. She forced herself to think about the lives of the villagers at that time, trying to take her mind away from the present with its seemingly impossible problems.

She noticed that some of the moss had been cleared and wondered whether Jimmy was responsible, unaware of his presence just yards away from her. She knew he spent time here. Reaching over, she pushed at the green moss and with a finger began to work it free. The water smelt unpleasant as Jimmy’s disturbance had brought rotting leaves to the surface. Picking up a piece of slate from among the stones, she concentrated on clearing a small area, choosing to start on a different paddle from the partially cleared one. It became important to clear one of the paddles and she leaned across to continue, when she slipped.

It hadn’t been a careless move, she told herself as she scrabbled for a hand hold. The pain had been sudden, sharp and taken her unaware. She hadn’t fallen far, just about two feet, and once the pain had again receded she tried to get back up. Stay calm, she told herself as the pain came again. It’s nothing but a warning, plenty of time and I’m not far from the Martins’ house. Then she thought of walking along the path and the distance seemed too great. A pain engulfed her, staying too long and with increasing intensity, and she cried out loud. She had to walk back; she couldn’t stay here.

She tried again to get back up and this time she stopped pretending. Early or not, she was in the first stages of labour. Panic filled her, perspiration burst out on her forehead. All attempts to stay calm were forgotten in the urgent need to get back to where there were houses and people who would help.

In the room at the top of the mill, Jimmy listened and wished he could run away. Then he felt a sneeze coming on and he covered his face with his jacket. Sally heard the muffled sound and called. 

‘Is anyone there? Can you come and help me, please?’

Jimmy stayed perfectly still.

‘Please, help me. I’m stuck and I need to get home.’

Slowly Jimmy peered out over one of the broken walls. Recognizing Sally, he came down. ‘What are you doing down there, miss?’

A pain caused her to grimace and when it had passed she smiled and said, ‘Being stupid, Jimmy. Will you go and bring help? Just knock on someone’s door if you can’t find Mrs Martin, will you? Please, Jimmy, I need a doctor, and fast. I think my baby is about to be born.’

That was enough. He ran. He’d heard about babies, about how they came with a lot of moaning and groaning and a lot of blood and he didn’t want any of that! He ran down the path but when he reached the road he saw Rick Perry and ducked down behind a wall. He was nice enough but he’d ask why he wasn’t in school and wouldn’t believe his excuse of having a nasty cold.

He ran to his house but his mother wasn’t there and his father was sleeping and he didn’t dare wake him and talk about babies being born in the old mill. He ran next door but Gwilym couldn’t help. ‘Go to the phone box as fast as you can, Jimmy. Dial 999 and ask for a doctor and an ambulance. Quick! Sally’s in real trouble!’

His legs began to feel like wet string as he dashed back to the road. ‘I’m only ten!’ he wailed as he ran. Then he saw David Gorse. He wouldn’t worry about him missing school.

‘Sally Travis is at the mill,’ he said. ‘Moaning a lot. Having a baby she says and needs a doctor.’

‘At the mill? You aren’t lying, are you, Jimmy?’

‘Honest! She asked me to run and tell someone and get a doctor fast. Moaning she is and that red in the face you’d think she’ll burst.’

‘What on earth is she doing there?’

‘I just told you, she’s having a—’ He didn’t finish the sentence. David pushed him out of the way and ran into a house and demanded to use their phone.

Jimmy didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to go home but he certainly didn’t want to go back to the mill. He went to tell Valmai Martin but she was still out. To his relief he saw his mother coming, so he told her instead, crying like a baby, afraid something would go
wrong and he’d get the blame. ‘I’m only ten!’ he wailed again after telling her, between sobs, what had happened.

Netta gathered a few things from the house, kicked Walter awake and told him where she was going and ran out towards the mill.

Somehow, Sally had struggled back up from the edge of the
stagnant
water around the wheel and prepared her coat for a bed. The rest was a blur of pain and fear and then the terrible and wonderful sensation of birth. She was trembling and shivering with shock and felt the urge to push again, before being aware of the afterbirth coming away. She wrapped the tiny baby in a cardigan she had taken off in readiness and before she could do anything else help arrived. David saw to his amazement that she lay there, propped against a tree, nursing a small infant.

‘Sally? You’ve had your baby out here? All alone?’

‘That’s my life, David. I am all alone, with Sadie and now Samuel to look after.’

‘Samuel?’ He took off his coat and wrapped it around them both then sat beside Sally and held her. She was feeling sick, her eyes were swollen with tears and she was still trembling uncontrollably.

‘Samuel. My father’s name.’ She moved slightly to make sure the baby was covered with the cardigan she had removed. ‘I’m so afraid he’ll be damaged. I didn’t know what to do. Isn’t that ridiculous? He isn’t the first; I should have known exactly what to do. I’m so afraid I haven’t done the right things.’

David leaned over and looked at the tiny face and felt a warm, protective feeling overwhelm him. ‘He’s so perfect. I’ve never seen such a young baby before. I didn’t expect him to be so – so perfect.’

Sally was weary and past tears. She sat staring down at her child as they waited just a few minutes more for the doctor to arrive. Netta Prosser came first, carrying a couple of blankets. After a few words she ran back to hurry the doctor. ‘I’ll telephone again in case he didn’t get the message,’ she promised. She met the doctor on the path and at once scolded him for being so idle. ‘Hurry, man, there’s a newborn baby back there,’ she shouted as she ran after him back to the mill.

‘An ambulance is on its way. Now please keep your voice down – we don’t want the mother panicking. Stay out of the way so I can examine my patient in peace.’ The doctor and David wrapped her in
the blankets then she was carried in a stretcher the ambulance crew had brought, everyone talking soothingly to her, assuring her that everything would be all right. Netta offered to carry the baby but Sally wouldn’t let him go. Netta ran then, to tell Valmai. David went with Sally in the ambulance and sat in the waiting room until there was news. Jimmy had locked himself in his room and drawn the curtains.

Sally complained tearfully as the baby was taken from her, but the nurse assured her it was only for a few tests to make sure the
unconventional
birth hadn’t caused him harm.

Half an hour later the nurse returned with a doctor.

‘I’m afraid your baby is in need of extra care, Mrs Travis,’ the doctor began.

‘Where is he? I want to see him,’ she sobbed.

‘He’s rather ill – a shock birth, you see – but believe me we’ll do everything we can,’ the nurse promised.

An hour later David was told that the infant had died.

‘Samuel,’ he said sharply. ‘His name was Samuel.’ He stared at the doctor. ‘Why?’

‘He was tiny, and he needed immediate help and by the time we got there it was too late, I’m afraid.’

‘But he was perfect.’

‘Oh yes. He was a beautiful boy.’

‘Can I see her?’

‘For a moment, but she needs sleep.’

David felt so emotional he didn’t think his voice would work. Sally was in a side ward and he went over and touched her shoulder.

‘He’s gone,’ she whispered.

David leaned over and kissed her cheek. ‘And I’m so pleased I met him,’ he whispered. ‘Samuel is so beautiful.’

She reached out a hand and he held it until she slept.

WHEN SALLY WOKE
after a brief and very disturbed sleep, there were several people waiting to see her. The nurse told her that David was in the waiting room having been there all night, anxiously waiting to be told that she was going to be all right. ‘But first, Miss Travis, the police want to talk to you and then there’s the childcare workers.’

Hardly taking in the nurse’s comments, her first words were to ask about Sadie.

‘Mr and Mrs Martin are looking after her and she’s fine,’ one of the policemen told her. ‘Now if you’re up to answering a few
questions
, Mrs – Miss Travis?’

‘I want to see Sadie. I need my daughter.’ Her mind was full of confusion. She felt a terrible ache in her arms; they were empty and she had painful need to hold the baby she had lost. She was unable to concentrate on what was being said. All she could think about was the baby, and the urgent need to see Sadie, hold her, make sure she was safe.

‘Miss Travis?’

‘Can’t it wait? I want to know that Sadie is all right. Can’t I see Mrs Martin?’

‘This won’t take a moment and then we can leave you in peace.’

Peace, Sally thought, was a luxury she would never know again. Samuel had died and it was her fault. How could she have been so negligent of him?

One of the nurses brought a cup of tea and sat with her as she became calmer and able to talk. The childcare people asked very few questions. They asked about her situation but seemed more anxious to reassure her that she wasn’t to blame herself.

‘You were perfectly all right when you left to go for the walk?’ one of them asked. ‘No pains?’

‘Only backache but that wasn’t uncommon in the past few weeks.’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘Why did I go out and walk so far? I should have known.’

‘With two months to go you couldn’t have known. None of this is your fault, please believe that.’

The doctor asked about her health during the pregnancy and she mentioned that Samuel hadn’t moved as much as Sadie, but she’d presumed he was a calm, gentle child. Again tears welled up in her eyes. Seeing that she was shivering, trembling with shock and misery, the nurse said, ‘Now get some rest, my dear. You can see Mrs Martin very soon. We’ll come too and look after Sadie while you talk to her.’

Then, after much protest from the nurses, David came in. She was so relieved to see him. After the professional people, he was someone who might understand.

‘Sally, I’m so sorry. You must be devastated. Samuel was so
beautiful
, wasn’t he?’ He held her trembling shoulders while she cried then said, ‘I’ve never seen a baby so young and his face will stay in my memory for always.’ He didn’t say anything more, just held her, felt her trembling ease and her sobs abate.

‘Not too long, Mr Gorse,’ a nurse called and regretfully, a few minutes later, he left. Sally slept again and when she woke Mrs Martin was sitting beside her bed. After a few comforting words and assuring Sally that Sadie was safe and happy, Valmai said, ‘I’ll never forgive Rhys for this. He should have been with you, looking after you.’

‘I promised to help him through his training and believed he’d come home to us once he had finished the two years and everything would be all right. That thought kept me going through the
difficulties
, the jibes of the Milly Sewells of this town and being on my own through it all. Now I know he was lying. He let me down.’

‘Come back to us as soon as the doctors are satisfied you’re well enough, dear. I love having you and Sadie living in our house. Every day is brighter with your little girl there.’

Sally shook her head. She didn’t know what she would do after this but going back to Rhys’s parents was not a possibility. Living with them after all that had happened would appear to be condoning 
what Rhys had done, make her look even more of a foolish victim. She needed to be on her own, cope alone as she always had ever since her parents had died. Trusting Rhys had been a mistake; she had been a romantic idiot. She could trust no one but herself.

‘Time to leave, Mrs Martin. We mustn’t let our patient get
overtired
, must we?’ the cheerful voice of the nurse called and, after a kiss on Sally’s pale cheek, Valmai left.

Valmai was dreadfully upset and ashamed of her son. ‘How could he have left that poor dear girl to cope alone?’ she asked Netta when she reached home.

They stood near to Gwilym’s workshop and although she tried to avoid actually putting some of the blame on Gwilym, she was angry enough to hope he heard and was ashamed of his weakness. ‘If Gwilym had gone to the phone as soon as Jimmy told him what was happening,’ she said, ‘the outcome might have been different. Minutes later and Sally could have lost her life too. Minutes sooner and poor little Samuel might have been saved.’ In a lower voice she added, ‘Surely in such an emergency Gwilym could have got to the phone and made sure help was on its way. They might not have taken young Jimmy seriously.’

In the workshop, Gwilym listened and felt sick with guilt. When Valmai came in he acted as though he hadn’t heard. Soon. He must do something positive very soon. The thought of Sally being left there with a newly born child was a shadow that would never leave him.

Rick was upset, aware that if he’d been the one Jimmy had met he could have been there when Sally so desperately needed help. He didn’t know how but he was convinced that he would have been able to do more than David and made sure Sally and the baby had been safe.

‘What makes you think you’d have done more than this David Gorse?’ Amy asked. ‘You have no training for anything medical.’

‘I just know that I’d have helped her, acted more quickly. It’s so sad, a little baby carried all those months and born in such
circumstances
then to die only hours later.’

‘It’s probably for the best,’ she said. ‘She couldn’t have coped.’

‘How can losing a baby be for the best?’ Rick said angrily. ‘She 
wanted this baby and she’d have done everything necessary to care for him.’

‘The child would probably be taken into care. What life is that?’

‘Of course he wouldn’t! Can’t you feel any sympathy for a mother losing a child? You must be able to imagine how you’d feel if it happened to us.’

‘Oh, it wouldn’t happen to us, darling. I wouldn’t make a mistake like that.’

‘How can you know? Sally would probably have said the same. She wasn’t careless or negligent. Circumstances she could never have foreseen put her in danger. It could have happened to anyone.’

‘Not me, darling. Not to people like us.’

Rick’s distress at the death of the baby increased after Amy’s glib response but he said nothing more. Amy’s life had been safe and secure, her parents hadn’t allowed anything to upset her or cause her a moment’s worry. How could she understand? He addressed a letter to Rhys, writing down everything that had happened, graphically describing the situation in which his son had been born, and drove to Bristol. His anger made him careless and he knew his driving was a danger to himself and others, but he couldn’t calm himself. The man was a fool to neglect Sally the way he had and someone had to tell him so.

He handed the letter to the café owner where the others still awaited Rhys’s collection. ‘No sign of Rhys Martin then?’ he said to the café owner. ‘Will you put this with the others, please?’ The man threw Rick’s letter carelessly on to the cluttered shelf and went back to his customers. Later that evening, when the café closed, he looked at the dates on the earliest envelopes, shrugged and threw the lot in with the rubbish.

Milly Sewell called to see Amy after seeing her in the garden and called across in her rather loud voice.

‘Isn’t it terrible about that woman having a baby out in the fields!’ She walked closer. ‘As if it wasn’t enough to have two children without a husband in sight, she had to give birth to that poor little scrap in a field.’

‘Good morning, Mrs Sewell,’ Amy called, turning away, hoping to discourage her. 

Milly hurried towards her. ‘I had to tell Mrs Green about her disgraceful behaviour. Sally used to clean for her but now she knows what kind of person she is, she’ll find someone else. D’you know of someone who’d work for her?’

Amy turned to face her, not liking what she saw. The woman was smiling, eyes glittering, obviously enjoying the story she had to tell. Although Amy was inclined to agree with what the woman was saying, she didn’t like her, so she played devil’s advocate and disagreed.

‘Sally has been very unfortunate, being let down so badly. Can’t blame her for trusting someone who purports to love her, can you?’

‘Which one d’you mean, the father of Sadie or the father of the poor little scrap who died? How many other men has she been with? Terrible way to live, don’t you think?’

Angry now, Amy said, ‘One man. Just one, and he let her down.’

Milly had a good idea of the man in question so she said, ‘Good of Valmai to offer Sally and Sadie a home, isn’t it? Terrible shaming for a mother to have a son like that.’

‘I don’t know what happened, but I’m sure Rhys will be home soon to sort everything out and be a proper father to his little girl.’

Satisfied that her suspicions were confirmed, Milly went on her way. Outside the post office she made a phone call.

David came to the hospital again at visiting time and at once Sally asked for his help.

‘Remember the house that Walter Prosser was going to clean and decorate?’ she asked.

‘The one that he was too idle to attempt? Yes. Greenways in Grove Lane.’

‘Will you ask if the job is still available and whether I can live there while I do the work?’

‘You can’t. You aren’t well enough.’

‘Not this week, but if I can live there, I’ll be able to start fairly soon. Once I’m out of here I need somewhere to live – and something to fill the hours. I can’t stay with the Martins, I just can’t. I want a place of my own. For one thing, I’d be afraid of Rhys coming home and I never want to see him again.’

She didn’t see David’s wide smile. At last, he thought, she was trusting him, being honest about Rhys Martin. 

‘I’ll go to see the owner straight after leaving here,’ he promised. ‘But you aren’t to think about working until you’ve recovered.’ He reached over and held her hand. ‘Sally, I’ll help you in any way I can. If I can get the owner to agree, Mam and I will make sure the place is ready for you and Sadie.’

She smiled, the first smile for a long time, grateful for his concern.

A newspaper reporter came to the hospital later that day and the flash of a camera startled her. Other photographs were taken and to her further alarm the reporter had the story about Rhys Martin, the vanishing father. She denied that Rhys was the father of her child but they had talked to Milly Sewell and had all the facts and rumours they needed.

The piece appeared on the front page and included photographs of Rhys and herself. More worrying still, there was a reference to the burglaries that had taken place at the time he had left and again after he had been seen in the area. The wording was carefully chosen but there wasn’t much room for doubt. The implications were clear: Rhys Martin was a suspect in the crimes and had run away, leaving his girlfriend to cope with childbirth alone. Twice.

A week later, when Sally was able to leave hospital, David came with his mother to escort her to her temporary home, Mrs Gorse fussing, making sure Sally knew how pleased she was to be able to help. David had arranged for her to go straight to Greenways, the house in need of decoration, having reached an agreement with the owner Matthew Miller, about her living there rent free and also the promise of a small lump sum when the work was completed.

She was apprehensive about living alone in a large, empty house with the worst of winter ahead of them but she didn’t have much choice. She wondered if she’d be brave enough to use more than one room. Restricting her use to just a kitchen and one room for
everything
else was sensible, it would be cheaper to heat, and more like a home than rattling around in empty rooms with bare boards and hollow-sounding corridors. One room, she decided. As cosy as I can make it.

David and his mother had taken her possessions to Greenways, and they carried her few belongings from the hospital to where a taxi waited. An empty house was not a pleasant prospect and she was uneasy about it being a suitable home.

Recognizing her concerns, Mrs Gorse said cheerfully. ‘Lovely it’ll be. Plenty of room for Sadie to run about. The kitchen is clean and we’ve put a bed and Sadie’s cot in one of the downstairs rooms.’

‘We’ve put food in the pantry and there’s coal in the bunker,’ David added.

‘Thank you both. I’ll pay what I owe you as soon as I can get to the post office. David, I really don’t know what I’d have done without your help.’

‘You’d have managed,’ David said with a smile. ‘You’re the managing type. Come on, Sadie will be waiting for us. She’s with one of the nurses. She’s quite excited about a ride in a taxi.’

Getting into the taxi, Sally hugged her daughter as though she would never let go.

Jimmy was kicking a ball around outside the house and he waved casually when she called to him, before running off.

‘I must go and thank him as soon as I can get out,’ Sally said. ‘He was the one who ran for help.’

‘And thankfully found me,’ David said as he opened the door. Sadie ran in and Sally followed, giving a gasp of delight. Behind a sturdy fire guard a fire blazed a welcome. On a small table, within the circle of the warm glow, plates and cups and saucers. Mrs Gorse, a plump, smiling lady with a thick halo of hair and cheeks so red – Sally always likened her to a rosy apple – busied herself in the sparse kitchen and returned with a pot of tea and some cakes, assuring Sally that there were plenty more in the kitchen.

‘We brought everything of yours from the Martins’ place as well as some pieces we had spare,’ she explained cheerfully.

‘We aren’t stopping long, just time for you to look around and see if there’s anything we’ve forgotten,’ David said. With an excited Sadie running ahead of them, Sally looked at the large, old, empty rooms sadly in need of decoration. This would keep her busy for quite a while, enough time for her to sort out something permanent. Half an hour later, David and his mother left, and she was in the empty house that was already less daunting because of the welcome they had arranged.