Facing the World (9 page)

Sally was thinking of Rhys, trying to retain her anger, trying to hate him, but she couldn’t. She remembered some of the times they had spent together and knew she was wrong. She and Rhys
had
been deeply in love and she
had
been right to trust him enough to give him support for two years and a large amount of her money. But where was he now? The baby was due in a couple of months, she had no home and she needed him badly. Surely he wouldn’t let her down?

October 1960 was a cold month even though the sun shone weakly and the skies sometimes looked like summer. Sally continued to work although her cleaning jobs had been changed to less
strenuous
ones. Valmai had often offered to look after Sadie for Sally to have some free time but Sally refused. Her intention was to leave, go right away and start again, and she didn’t think it fair for Rhys’s parents to become too fond of the little girl. One Sunday afternoon, however, when her back ached and she was restless but couldn’t relax, she accepted.

She wrapped her swollen form in a loose coat borrowed from Valmai and set off through the woodland path towards the mill. Someone called and she turned to see Rick waving to her. She waited as he ran towards her.

‘Going for a walk? Where’s little Sadie?’ he asked.

‘Mrs Martin is looking after her for an hour so I can get some fresh air.’

‘Mind if I come? Unless you want to be on your own?’

‘As long as you don’t walk too fast. I’m a bit slow these days.’

‘Suits me. I’m a bit slow myself. My muscles are complaining because I’ve been digging a patch of the garden that I hope to call my own. Amy isn’t keen on a vegetable garden, insists they’re untidy, so I’ve got less and less space as she and her mother find ways of filling the plot with other things.’

‘I’d love to grow and eat freshly picked food. Vegetables and a few chickens to provide eggs – I’ve dreamed of that since I was a child. My parents did those things, you see, and although they died when I was very young I still remember feeding the chickens and helping pull carrots, pick peas and marvelling at them. Putting a fork in the ground and potatoes appearing as though by magic is one of my strongest memories.’

‘Perhaps you can help change Amy’s mind,’ he said with a smile. ‘Although I don’t think so. It’s two against one these days as her mother advises her on practically everything.’

‘I don’t suppose many marriages are equal. Everyone has to learn to compromise.’

‘What about you, when will you marry? I presume there’s a
handsome
young man somewhere waiting for the moment when everything is just right.’ 

‘It never is right. He asked me to support him for two years while he studied to become a teacher. The two years are up and instead of coming home and facing everything as he promised, he asked for another year.’

‘But the baby? How does he expect you to manage?’

‘He’s just sorry it’s too late for an abortion,’ she said bitterly.

He could see tears threatening and he put an arm around her and handed her a clean handkerchief. ‘It must have been a shock and he simply spoke his first fearful reaction out loud, that’s all. Most of us can leave it unsaid until we’ve had time to recover. I’m good at that. I need to be with a strong-minded mother-in-law-to-be. Come on, let’s sit in the old mill for a while.’

‘I always come here when things are wrong these days, yet it used to be the place to come when something wonderful happened.’

‘What sort of things?’

‘Exam results, getting my first job, promotion, you know the sort of thing. Then meeting Rhys and realizing he was the most
important
person in my life and I in his.’

‘I’m sure you still are,’ he said. ‘This nonsense about him being the man breaking into houses and stealing, it’s a story invented by the real thief, conveniently made easier to believe by Rhys’s absence.’

‘I don’t even know where to find him,’ she said, wiping her tears away with his handkerchief.

‘Any clues?’

‘He’s just completed a teacher-training course in Bristol and there’s an address where I used to write where he collected the letters. But that’s no longer valid. So many changes, so many lies.’

‘Amy and her mother are going to Cardiff all day on Saturday to choose her going-away outfit.’ He laughed. ‘I hope it clashes with mine. Would you believe that mother-in-law-to-be chose the material and the style of my suit? In a rare brave moment I went in and changed it all. I hope they’re suitably shocked. Amy’s mother had picked a dark navy and a very formal style that I would never wear. I changed it for something more sporty, much to the tailor’s concern. But I insisted and asked him not to tell Mrs Seaton-Jones. It’s light grey with a hint of green.’

He took the handkerchief and wiped her cheeks gently. ‘I don’t know if this will help, but I have a few days’ holiday due and as Amy
will be away all day, I could take a day off and if we went to Bristol early, you me and Sadie, we’d have hours to search for him. The college would be a good place to start. What about it? Shall we try? It would be a day out for you and Sadie if nothing else.’

Sally shook her head and patted her swollen body. ‘How can you spend a day with me in this state and with a two-year-old. What would people think?’

‘That I was a lucky man?’

She frowned, and was about to refuse, her usual reaction to offers of help, but he seemed so anxious for her to agree she smiled. ‘Thank you, I’d love a day out and if we do find Rhys, I’m in the mood to get a few things straight.’

The first shock was when they went to the address to which Sally had been writing and sending money. It was a small café.

‘Sorry, love,’ the proprietor said, ‘but I’ve no idea where you’ll find Rhys. Comes in from time to time and has a meal, then picks up any letters that have come for him.’ The man gestured with his head to a shelf where she could see a neat pile of brown envelopes. They were all addressed to Rhys and all in her writing. He hadn’t picked up his mail for weeks.

The college was closed but the secretary was there until one o’clock and offered to help. She went through various lists and files but came back shaking her head. ‘I’m sorry, but there’s no one of that name registered here at present.’

‘Sorry, I should have told you, he finished the two years last July so he’ll be on last year’s list,’ Sally apologized.

Again the young woman searched through lists and files, then she left the room. It was ten minutes before she returned and again she was shaking her head. ‘The only reference I can find is a student of that name registering two years ago then failing to complete more than three months. I have no idea where he is now. I’m very sorry.’

White-faced, her eyes wide with disbelief, Sally thanked her and walked out, holding Sadie’s hand, Rick following. They went back to the café.

‘Now what do we do?’

‘There must be an explanation. There are other colleges – we just have to find them.’ Rick tried to sound positive, as though what they
had learned had been only a slight glitch in their search. ‘Come on, Sadie, time to find you and your mother something to eat. Not here though.’ He wanted to get her away from the sight of those ignored letters. He picked the little girl up and guided them to a restaurant.

‘Where can we ask?’ Sally wondered, as she tried to eat the food in front of her. ‘We can hardly go to the police. If they’re looking for him he wouldn’t thank us for that.’

Rick wasn’t thinking about what Rhys needed. ‘Look, there isn’t much more we can do here. Saturday was a stupid day to choose, I don’t know what I was thinking of. All the offices are closed. I’ll start making a few enquiries from home. Carefully, not causing any curiosity, and together we’ll work out what to do.’

‘Why should you bother? It’s my problem.’

‘It was, but after you trusted me with the situation, it’s mine too. I don’t think you confide in many people. Now, there’s a nice park somewhere near and I think Sadie deserves some of our time, don’t you?’

There was a shop selling toys near the park and he bought a coloured ball. Sally sat on a bench, aware of aching in every bone, while he and Sadie played a complicated game of football which involved Rick falling over quite a lot. It was a good way to end their visit, with laughter and silly games, and despite the unanswered questions and the discovery of Rhys’s deceit, Sally was surprisingly happy as they travelled home.

It wasn’t until she went to her room, after offering Valmai and Gwilym an edited version of their day out, that reality set in and she began to wonder where Rhys was and what had happened to all the money she had sent to him.

Another sleepless night followed during which she wondered how much – if anything – she should tell Rhys’s parents. Perhaps it would be better to wait until she had at least some of the answers.

One decision she did make was not to send any more money until Rhys had told her the truth. The second was to withdraw some of her money for her own use and cut down on the hours she was working.

The woods and the old mill had always been a favourite place and when the weather allowed she would take Sadie in her pushchair and they would walk down and sit listening to the birds, feeding them to encourage them to come closer, and the sound of the water was
always soothing. Today, after learning of Rhys’s deceit, the water sounded angry and they didn’t stay. Instead they walked on to the next village where, it being Sunday, the shops were closed and the only people about were either going to church or visiting family.

Cars emptied and family groups piled into houses, calling
excitedly
, in contrast to the more solemn groups heading for the ancient building from where the sound of organ music came. A car stopped near her, a door of a cottage opened and an elderly couple stepped out and were quickly surrounded by lively children as their parents unloaded the car. She felt invisible, as though, not having a family to visit, she had no importance.

‘At least you’ll have a brother or a sister,’ she said to Sadie as they turned to return home. ‘You’ll have someone who belongs, who’ll always be there.’ She gave Sadie a small biscuit, aware of her own hunger, and thought of the dinner Valmai and Gwilym had promised. A kindness to a person in need. Nothing more. They wouldn’t be her family, not now. Rhys had ruined that dream. She had believed for a long time that they’d be her and Sadie’s family but now she was an intruder in their house even though Sadie was their grandchild. Sadie might be a part of their family but she was excluded. She would never marry Rhys. She was on her own, as she had been for most of her life.

Rick had enjoyed his day out with Sally and her little daughter but he knew he had to tell Amy what had happened. If one of the Milly Sewells of this world had seen them and given her a slightly
exaggerated
report, she might be upset. He waited until they were at the house, where he was painting and Amy was measuring for curtains and deciding on the cupboards she would need in the empty room that would be their kitchen. Stopping for a cup of coffee from a flask he said. ‘I went to Bristol last Saturday while you and your mother were looking for clothes.’

‘Bristol? Why did you go there?’

‘I went with Sally Travis and Sadie. Sally hasn’t heard from the man she’s planning to marry and I took her there hoping she could find out what was happening.’

‘And did you? Find out what had happened to this mystery man? If he exists.’ 

‘He exists all right but he’s in a spot of trouble and is lying low. But no, we didn’t find him. At least the little girl enjoyed a day out.’

‘Lovely, Nick, darling. But I hope you won’t do that again.’

‘Why not? Sally is in trouble and I tried to help, without success, as it happened.’

‘Didn’t you think that you might have succeeded in making me look a fool? If someone had seen you together, you with a pregnant woman and a small child, what would they have thought? How could you do that to me?’

‘Do what? I drove them to Bristol, spent a few hours there and brought them home. I enjoyed it. Sadie is a happy child. I hope when we have children they’ll be as contented and as easy to enjoy as Sadie.’

‘Children? I don’t think so. I can’t imagine being a mother and dealing with a child day in day out for years and years. No, you don’t need practice to play with children. I don’t want any.’ She put down her cup and stood up. ‘I don’t even know whether I want you at this moment. What were you thinking of? Going out for the day with a woman who’s obviously expecting a child. You didn’t think of the embarrassment it would cause me, did you? And as for a mysterious man who will one day marry her, I don’t believe that for a moment. She’s got herself in trouble. Twice. The story of the secretive man is an attempt to cover up her disgraceful behaviour.’

‘No, Amy. I won’t think that badly of her. She’s genuinely hurt by this man who promised her everything. She’s been helping him and now he seems to have let her down. Please, don’t add to the gossip. She doesn’t deserve it.’

‘You’re too gullible. Everyone knows there’s no man. I doubt if this one has the same father as the last one.’

Rick didn’t try to argue any more; it wouldn’t have done any good. He stood and reached out for her. ‘Amy, love, you’re wrong about her, but I shouldn’t have tried to help. I just didn’t think. It certainly didn’t occur to me that you’d be hurt or embarrassed. I can see now how it might have looked, especially as there’s no obvious man in her life and people are quick to gossip. I should have thought. But I didn’t. Hearing Sally’s story, I impulsively offered help. I’m so sorry.’

Eating humble pie wasn’t difficult. Their wedding wasn’t far off
and she was working hard to make their home ready in time. He had been thoughtless. He put aside the jobs they had planned and took her home, where her mother explained all she had done towards planning the buffet lunch. He hugged her and smiled encouragingly even though it was hard to keep his mind on what was being said.

Jimmy struggled with school. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do the work but looking out of the window made him restless. He wanted to be outside. He’d had a row that morning from his father, after the teacher had called to discuss his frequent absences. Then at lunchtime he’d walked into yet another argument between his parents.