Falling In (32 page)

              “Oh, that’s right. You’re the hot single guy that has all the moms in a tizzy.”

              Jake laughs and shakes his head. “I wasn’t aware of that, but yeah, I guess that’s me. Although, I’m not really single.”

              I shoot him a quick glance before recovering my composure.

              “Oh well, I’m sure that will more than disappoint half the moms at the school.” Matt looks back to me, then Jake, and then back to me again.
Double fuck
. “Anyway, I literally just talked to Cole. I wanted to see if he wanted to play some ball later today, but he said something about going to his parents’ house for a while?” He looks at me suspiciously. I put on my best fake smile.

              “Yeah, he’s taking the kids for like a week so I can get some writing done. I’m on a bit of a deadline, and need some peace and quiet.”

              “Oh all right, that makes sense. Well, tell him to hit me up when he gets back.”

              “Will do.”

              “Take care, Evie.” He says, looking directly at Jake.

             
Triple fuck.

              “You too, Matt.” I say as he walks between us, leaving Jake and I in the street, watching his back as he migrates into the swarm of awaiting parents outside the double doors. I let out a huge, shaky sigh.

              “Hey, you okay?” Jake asks, looking concerned. He steps in front of me, blocking the most likely ogling eyes, and lightly touches me hand. “Jesus, Evangeline, you’re shaking.”

              “I know. I’m sorry. I just—that was close. I wasn’t ready for it,” I admit.

              “It’s going to happen, you know? If we do this for reals. People are going to question and talk and judge. It is going to happen. It sounds like it’s already happening. Although, that’s probably my fault—I shouldn’t have kissed you here. I just had to. But if you’re ashamed now, it’s just going to get worse. So tell me now.”

              I look into his beautiful, scared eyes and shake my head. “I have never once felt shame for this. I don’t know if that makes me an awful person because I probably should be at least a little bit ashamed, but I’m just not. And I never will be. Not of you. No matter what happens.”

              The adorably huge and dopey grin that appears on his face almost makes me forget that we have possibly been caught out in the open by none other than Cole’s good friend. Still, I can’t help but smile back, shaking my head at his cuteness.

              After that debacle, we continue our trek to the double doors and reluctantly stop once we reach the masses of moms and random sprinkling of dads, all of whom take turns looking our way once we arrive. We both ignore the attention, and train our eyes on the doors where the kids will be bounding out of in three, two, one…

              And the real circus begins.

Lines and lines of children of all sizes come barreling happily at us. I scan the mess of bodies in search of the kids’ teacher, more than ready to get out of here as quickly as possible. Thankfully, Jake spots her almost immediately. He grabs my hand and pulls me through the ruckus—and the whispers that are getting increasingly louder than before. Once we reach the right line, Cady, Dyl, and Ben all jump into our arms, full of excitement and wonder. We wave goodbye to their teacher and all hold hands as we walk back through the herd and to my car.

On the way home, the kids bombard us with recaps of their day and make plans for the summer, all while Jake and I keep sharing secret glances and little smiles. The whole car is a bundle of such happiness and positive energy that I completely forget about what happened at the school with Matt. That is, until we pull up to the house and find Cole sitting on the front steps looking none too pleased.

Pissed.

He looks effing pissed.

“Shit.” I say under my breath as I put the car in park. I turn to Jake and find his face a mask of worry and agitation. “You and Ben should go home.”

“I’m not leaving you with him. He looks pissed as fuck.”

“He’s not dangerous, Jake. It’s fine. Really. I’ve got this,” I say with as much confidence I can muster. It’s not that I’m scared of Cole. He would never hurt me, or anything like that. I just really don’t want to fight. Especially not in front of the kids. And right now, Cole looks like he wants a fight.

Jake sighs in resignation and gives me a quick peck on the cheek before taking off his seatbelt and telling Ben to get out. I do the same, easing out of the car and opening the door for Cady and Dyl to climb out. I grudgingly make my way around the car, eyeing Cole tentatively. The kids say goodbye to Ben and Jake, running up the stairs and into Cole’s arms. He hugs them back tightly but never takes his eyes off me. The kids run into the house giggling, leaving Cole alone and full of fury. I hear Jake tell Ben to run inside their house as well, and then turn to find him next to me.

“Come over once he leaves, okay? And call or text me if you need me before then. I’ll be right over, I swear,” he whispers protectively into my ear, leaving a light kiss on my cheek.

I see Cole watching us, and all I can do is nod a yes to Jake. I release a sigh of relief when he starts walking to his house, but am no less tense as I watch Cole train his eyes on him with each step. His shoulders are almost up to his ears, and his hands are clenched.

I take my time walking up the pathway, prolonging the inevitable. Once I reach the porch, I brace myself for what’s to come.

And boy, does it come.

“What the fuck, Evie?” he seethes out between clenched teeth. “I got a call from Matt saying you’re at the school with that guy from next door, and I quote, ‘it looked like you had been kissing. It seemed sketchy as fuck.’ Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? Punish me, for some unknown reason? Or are you just becoming the neighborhood slut?”

And that’s when I slap him. So hard, my hand stings a little. He takes a step back, shock and hurt written all over his face, along with a red mark from where my palm connected with it.

“How could you say that? Jesus, how could even
think
that? You know that’s not me. After everything we’ve been through, you know that’s not me, Cole!”

“Do I? I thought I did, Evie. I thought I knew you. But now—now I have no fucking clue who you are. The Evie I knew would never do what you’re doing. Would never do what you did. What you’re thinking of doing!”

“I’m human, Cole. We make mistakes. We fuck up. I’m not perfect. I never claimed to be.”

“Are you saying it was a mistake?”

“Hurting you was a mistake. Keeping a secret from you was a mistake.”

“Was
he
a mistake?”

I look down to the ground, unable to look him in the eye anymore. Tears are flowing freely down my face, dropping soundlessly onto my feet.

“Evie!” he demands. “
Was. He. A. Mistake
?” I look back up to Cole, and I can feel his pain, see it in his eyes, and it breaks my fucking heart.

I shake my head back and forth. “I wish I could say he was and is. It would save us both from the hurt that I’m causing. But I can’t. I would be lying to you and to myself, and I think I’ve done enough of that.”

“I hate him. I fucking hate him, and I swear, if I see him again, I will beat the shit out of him. Fuuuuck! I have to get out of here. I can’t do this anymore. Not now. I can’t even fucking look at you, Evie, without wanting to march over there and break his fucking fingers for touching you.” He’s clenching and unclenching his hands, pacing up and down the porch, seconds away from doing exactly what he just said. I haven’t seen him this pissed since that night ten years ago.

“
Cole
.” I half scold and half whisper, taking the few steps I need to reach him. I try to grab his hand but he flinches away, taking a few more steps back. “I’ll make sure the kids are ready to go. Stay out here and calm yourself down. I don’t want you to be like this in front of them, especially while driving. Please don’t do anything stupid. It’s not going to change anything, or erase what I’ve done.” He doesn’t answer me, but I can hear him take long, deep breaths. I start to walk into the house before pausing in the doorway. “For what it’s worth, I never meant to hurt you. I would never willingly hurt you. I didn’t ask for this to happen. I didn’t plan it. It just did. I know that doesn’t excuse my actions. But I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

I walk through the door and close it behind me, frantically wiping the tears from my face and fanning away the ones that are beginning to form. I knew this day would be emotional—I just didn’t think it would be this bad.

Fuck. What am I doing?
I know I keep asking myself this same damn question, hoping by some miracle the answer will just magically appear in front of me. But it hasn’t. And it won’t. The longer I put this off, the more I hurt people.

But how do I do it? How do I choose? Do I let go of twenty years of contentment, or do I let go of the man next door who has stolen my heart?

“Mom, we got all of the stuff we need for the trip!” I hear Cady say at the top of the stairs, followed by the accompanying footsteps bounding down. I do a quick face check in the hallway mirror, making sure I look presentable. It’s pretty grim, but hopefully their knack for ignoring the obvious is in full swing today.

“Hey guys, you both ready to go?” I ask them when they reach the bottom step. They have their overnight bags, along with a stuffed animal in each arm. I smile as they both look so cute and small, trying to hold everything. Clearly struggling, I grab the bags from their shoulders just as Cole opens the door. I look up at him and release a sigh of relief because he looks significantly less upset. I turn back to the kids with a genuinely happy smile.

Damn, I’m going to miss them.

“All right, so you each have your tablet, along with crayons and a coloring book in your bags. Plus, I threw in a few goodies that you’ll have to search for.” I laugh at their wide-eyed, excited little faces.

“I’m going to miss you, Mom,” Cady says as she wraps her little arms around my waist.

“Me too.” Dyl adds as he joins his sister.

I can feel the tears forming again, but this time I let them fall. “Oh guys, I’m going to miss you so much, but I promise we’ll talk every night, okay? And you’ll have so much fun with Gram and Gramps that you won’t even notice I’m not with you. Plus, you’ll have your dad there! You’ll be home before you know it, okay?” I come down to my knees so I can hug them even tighter, breathing them in. I hear a throat clear by the door, indicating my time is up. “All right monsters, let’s get you in the truck.” I say after giving them one last squeeze before releasing them.

I watch them run out the door as I stand up and grab their bags. Cole is still standing in the doorway.

“Look, Evie—”

“Why don’t we just not talk until—”

“Until you figure out whether you’re going to leave me or not?” he bites out.

“No, until we can talk without saying something we’ll regret later.” I say as I begin to walk towards the door. I brush past him and make it through the door before he stops me.

“Evie, wait.” He sighs. I turn to face him. “I’ll make sure the kids call you every night, and I’ll let you know when we get there.”

“Thanks,” I say with a small smile. I turn back around and walk to the truck, giving the kids their bags and a few more hugs and kisses for the road.

Cole says nothing more as he gets into the driver’s seat. I don’t, either. I say goodbye to the kids once again before shutting the door and watch them pull out of the driveway, leaving me behind.

I stand there long after they’re gone, already missing my babies. After a few more minutes of wallowing in my patheticness, I turn around to walk back inside, only to find Jake standing a few feet away.

“How long have you been standing there?” I ask in disbelief.

“Since they left.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you needed a moment alone, but I wanted to be here just in case you needed someone.”

I shake my head in amazement and walk right into his arms. They enclose around me lovingly and so protectively that it brings tears to my eyes yet again.

“C’mon, l don’t want you to be alone now. You’re coming over. We’ve got a movie and popcorn all set up.  All we need is you.”

“How can I pass up that offer?” I smile up at him as he takes my hand, leading me through his yard and into his house. The second we step through the door, Ben jumps off the couch and runs towards me.

“Evie! You’re here! I told you she would come over!” Ben exclaims, looking up at Jake as his tiny arms are wrapped around my legs.
Who is this kid?
He is far from the shy boy I met two months ago. He’s full of joy and light. I look over at Jake and see the same look mirrored on his face, and I feel happy and proud that I might have had even the tiniest bit of influence in bringing these two back to life.

“Hey, little man!” I say, hugging him back. “So, what are we watching?”

“
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
!” Ben yells.

“No way!” I say with just as much excitement. “I guess that means you guys finished the book. Well, if you liked the book, you’re going to love the movie just as much, I promise!”