Authors: Sudeep Nagarkar
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Contemporary, #Contemporary Fiction, #Romance
Few Things Left Unsaid
…was your promise of love fulfilled?
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N-16, C. R. Park
New Delhi 110 019
First published by Srishti Publishers & Distributors in 2011
Copyright © Sudeep Nagarkar, 2011
All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Typeset in AGaramond 12pt. by Suresh Kumar Sharma at Srishti
Printed and bound in India
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publishers.
THE GIRL WITHOUT WHOM MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE A TREE WITHOUT LEAVES AND BRANCHES.TODAY I DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE IS.GOD BLESS HER.
Tujko pane ke liye ,khudko kho chukka hu,
Yakin kar tujhe apna banakar tujme khona chahta hu.
Saal gujar gaye tere aankhon me aankhen dale,
Bas ek baar nazar se nazar milaana chaahta hu
- Sudeep Nagarkar
A SPECIAL THANKS TO PANKAJ GHODEKAR- A DEAR FRIEND.
This work belongs to him equally.
Never in my dream...
The dream which I never had. The ambitions which I never kept. Still some dreams are coming true.Some ambitions are making their mark.
The dream which turned into a wish. A wish which turned into a thought. A thought which was written on a paper. A sheet of paper which turned into a script. A script which is now a product in your hands. I would like to thank all the people who made this come true.
Firstly I would like to thank my love- without whom this would not have been possible, helping and supporting me all the way spiritually, the most beautiful girl I have came across in my life.
Secondly I would like to thank Pankaj Ghodekar who stood by me in all the phases that I went through while thinking and writing this script. I still remember we used to chat all the way for 12 hours and sometimes more than that.
Above all these I really appreciate the presence of my Dad ‘Jayant Nagarkar’ and My Mom ‘Manju Nagarkar’,and ‘Shweta Nagarkar’-my sister.My uncle Ajay Palimkar, My aunt Anuradha Palimkar and last but not the least my Grandparents.Divakar Palimkar & Sulbha Palimkar.
I would also like to thank all my dear friends Rohan Shinde, Saurabh More, Suhas Sonawane, Mugdha Naik, Sunita Shirsat, Pratiksha, Tushar Telang, Anupkumar Rathod, Swapnil Indulkar, Pratik Dahale, Nilesh Pawar, Viraj Bandodkar, Vihar Paymode,Nisha Shetty,Nilesh Yadav,Mitesh Raut,Anup Rathod,Swapnil Indulkar and few more. This list can go on. I apologize if I have missed a few. They have all tried to improve me in some way or the other. It’s a tough job to improve me and still they are trying their level best.
A warm thanks to all the editors and publishing team at Srishti. It was a sweet experience to work with them. Oh I forgot to thank myself.Without me this would have remained just a dream…
AND I CAN’T STOP LOVING YOU…
Why do I love you, why do I want you…?
You always lived in my heart…
Then why did I let you go…
Why do I still care for you…?
Why do I still wait for you…?
When I know, you will never come back…
Why do I think of you…?
Maybe I should think you weren’t mine ever…
My life is just wasted and it’s all true…
Wondering why I exist…
Why does my heart beat…?
When I had lost my sweetheart that was…
More important than this bloody heart…
Why I am ready to die for you…?
Why I am ready to fly for you…?
When I know I can’t do that…
Still I wish I had done something for you…
Why do I love you, why do I want you…?
You have always lived in my heart…
Then why did I let you go…
Now being single, I think…
Why did I let you go…?
hy are you so stubborn, don’t you understand, you are heading towards a dead end.” Sameer told me when I was totally out of my senses .Alcohol was flowing all through my blood.We were sitting on a small bench besides a garage where we usually hung out in the evening. You can call it our smoking lounge.
Sameer was my friend for the last 6 years. An average looking person with an average dressing sense, spectacles, cropped hair, having a weird English tone, which I would always laugh at. I liked him because he was sincere and as the proverb goes ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’.
Things were turning sour as his voice was raised “If you just want to do what you think which is bloody insane, then get lost, I am leaving”.
“Ok sorry” I replied “I understand it’s not right but I just don’t want to face the real world. Not anymore.”
He gave me some water and the argument continued.
If I think about it practically I was really taking my life to that end of the road, which was much darker than what it appeared to be.
No, I don’t care, I don’t love her. No, I don’t want her back. I am happy, I am enjoying my life. Who says my heart is broken? Am I falling for her? Who says?
I will sleep with all the girls and why I should think of just one girl when she just does not care. In fact she gives a damn….
Nevertheless, the fact was that I was just fooling myself by saying all this, as I always loved her, cared for her and will do it forever.
However, I still wonder why did I let her go…
Why does someone love one person so much? I gave a thought to it. Still I could not find an answer. It is an unsolved mystery.
“You never loved me. It was just lust.You loved my appearance. You hurt me, my feelings and my love toward you. You would not have ignored me otherwise.”Riya said this when I called her on 10
September, just to convince her to come back in my life and take me out from whatever was going on in my life.
“No bachha, I never ignored you. Still if you think so, I am ready to do whatever you want. You really think I just loved your appearance, I won’t contact you. But you know what the truth is..” I said furiously
“What matters is trust. Which you broke so easily. TRUST, HEART AND RELATIONS are three things that one should respect. However, you broke all the three and left me alone. Now just buzz off.” Her tone rose as my pleading became more irritating to her.
“Fine I won’t disturb you ever but just tell me one thing, seriously you don’t love me any more.” I really wanted her to say yes I do. I miss u. I want you. I am all yours.
“No, I don’t. I do not even care for you now. Please leave me alone. Bye.”
What the fuck. Lust... love…what does she mean. I loved her. Never did I lust for her. Did she mean that whatever she felt for me was lust? However, she is so beautiful that I do not deserve to be her boyfriend. She loved me. She did. I hope she did. Alternatively, she did not. Was it lust?
Was it the end of everything? Was it the end of happiness? End of friendship? End of relationship? On the other hand, maybe it was the end of life for me…
That was the time I decided on some firm decisions that could have taken my life to the last stage.
The Supreme Court says “dafa 302, sazaa-e- maut, to be hanged till death…”
Seems silly, seems like I have gone crazy, but I got the verdict from my broken heart.
“SAZAA-E-MAUT.HANG TILL DEATH.”
Life goes on. Bang. I fell on the floor unconscious saying I love you, I really love you. I never betrayed you. Situations were against me. Trust me my baccha. I am still crazy about u. My heart still skips a beat whenever I see you.
Nobody heard me. Nobody took it seriously except for few close friends. However, I was ruled by my heart that cried and cried…
“Raat itni tanha kyu hoti hai,
Kismat se apni sabko shikaayat kyu hoti hai.
Ajib khel khelti hai kismat…
Jise hum paa nahi sakte….
Usi se mohabbat kyu hoti hai.”
HER BIRTHDAY …CLOSE OR FAR
October. The day which had utmost importance in my life. I was waiting for it for so long. Everything was prepared. After all it was Riya’s birthday. As I was 5 months younger to her she used to tease me a lot. “You are younger, follow my orders” were the words she always spoke. Missing everything and thinking of bringing her back once again, I was ready with what I wished for that day. Three days prior, I decided on a gift for her. Searched a lot, finally got one very innocent sweet teddy bear for 500 rupees and self made greeting card which said