Few Things Left Unsaid (2 page)

        
Forgive me for all the things I did.

         Sorry for all the pain I gave you.

        No sooner than you went away,

        I realised you were my life. Please give my

       Life back. I need it. I miss it.

                                                                 Yours,

                                                                        Aditya.

It was 11 October morning. I woke up early because of goosebumps that I felt all over. Anxious, afraid, excited, happy and nervous.

All these feelings were running though me and I was speechless. I was continuously listening to our favorite song.

Tujhe dekh dekh sona, tujhe dekh kar hai jagna, Maine ye zindagani sang tere bitaani, tujhme basi hai meri jaan…

Listening to this, I drove my bike to Navi Mumbai. Her place.I saw my watch. It was 2:30pm. Smoking a   cigarette, nervous, I was standing in front of her apartment.

One cigarette over. I saw my watch again. It was 2:40pm.

10 cigarettes over. I saw the time again. It was 3:30pm.

1 cold drink and 15 cigarettes over. It was 4:10pm.

2 cold drinks and 20 cigarettes over. It was 4:40pm.

I thought of giving up.Sameer who was with me for two hours still motivated me.

“She will dude. Just Wait.”

“Why me always. I can’t talk to my love on her birthday.”

However, it was my mistake. It was all because I took the worst decision of my life. I was the one who left her all alone. Why to blame anyone.

It was 4:50pm. I  took my mobile and dialled her number.

“Is it ringing?” Sameer asked.

“Not yet.”

“Is it?” Sameer whispered.

“Ssshhh…. Wait, its ringing.”

I could hear her hello tune.

Jab rulaana hi tha tujhe, to phir hasaya kyu, saath rehkar bhi hai juda, to pass aaya kyu….

My heartbeats increased. I heard a sound. “hello” I said.

The number you have dialed is currently busy.

What the fuck.I will throw my cell away. Why me, why always me?

“Aditya, she came, she came, and she came”

Run…..Sameer shouted.

Yes, she was there. Dressed in white skinny fit top, low waist jeans, earphones hanging, black bag, black eyeliner and hair left loose. Hot and sexy enough to drive me crazy. I was confused how to react.

I just ran away. It was a straight road with a curve ahead to go to other apartments.

I stopped there and watched her coming. Sameer drove his bike wearing a helmet to remain unnoticed. She came forward. My heartbeats became faster. She came closer. I missed a heartbeat. I wonder how I was alive.

I was paralysed, what to do. She was getting into an autorickshaw.Damn, all in vain I thought.

When suddenly my legs responded and I ran in her direction with a box of chocolates in one hand and a gift in the other hand all wrapped up,

“Riya, please wait”.

“Auto, take me to HDFC bank.” she said to the driver.

“Please wait. Just two minutes. Please.”

“I am late Aditya, Please.”

“I just want two minutes. I won’t waste any more time.”

“Ok fine, come in the rickshaw till HDFC and then get down.”

I got in and sat.HDFC was hardly 1km away. Still better to get something than nothing.

“How are you?” I inquired.

“I am enjoying my life.” I knew what it meant. She just wanted to show that she did not care for me anymore. She just wanted me to stop bothering her.

“Oh really, so whats the plan for today?” I asked her eager to hear that
nothing, can you join me with my friends.
However, it was impossible
.

“No need to tell you. Don’t bother.”

Seriously, this was the worst answer anyone could expect. However, I was helpless. If I would have over– reacted at that time she would have thrown me out at that moment itself. I had waited for this moment for a long time,I didn’t want to ruin it. Therefore, I kept mum.But my heart is an idiot. It shouted at her…

“Why are you so rude?”

“Aditya, it’s my birthday and I am going out with my friends. so please don’t spoil my day.”

Was I spoiling her day? I thought I would make her day special by giving her a surprise. However, you can never understand girls. Divine creations by God.

“Happy birthday” I wished her

“Thanks”.” now get down. We are at HDFC.”

She told the rickshaw driver to wait and went to the atm. I was still waiting there. She came out of atm and was bit annoyed watching me still waiting there.

“You are  still standing here. Just leave, don’t make me angry.”

“These gifts are for you.” I was really keeping my fingers crossed. I was not sure whether she would accept them.

“Thanks, but I can’t take them.” I knew this.

“Please take them, please.”

“No, I can’t take them. I will take these chocolates but not this big wrapped thing. Sorry.”

“Riya it’s just for you.”

“So what, throw it away?” My heart cried. It was broken badly. It was shattered. I was helpless. I needed her. I needed her even more badly. My heart needed her much more badly.

She went away. I was thinking should I be happy that I saw her or should I be crying that it was a bad surprise for her or should I think I wasted 500 rupees. she didn’t even take it. It was not a small amount. I would have got four bottles of beer for it.

Why God. Why me.

DRINK TILL DEATH-I thought.

But was it really the end of life?

Nothing is permanent. Maybe I thought my love story would take a new turn and give a happy ending. Or will it be viceversa.I was really trapped. My life was at a standstill.

Who knows how Riya will be back? I gave a thought...

But why did I let her go…

I always dreamt of falling in love and when I was in love, everything felt like a dream. It was a dream world with no limits. I got a girl who deserved better than I did. Still she was with me. I was her life. What happened then? Why did I do  this. The dream ended in a way  I never wanted it to. Nevertheless, the dreams hurt, as it was not real. Therefore, does falling in love hurt after all it is a fall. I realised why actually people called it falling in love. I got my answers when I was crushed from inside and left hurt, bleeding all alone from inside….

                                             
FEEL OF GOD….

                                                         
I
always loved you, will always do.However,I will never comeback In fact I cannot come back in  your life. You move ahead in your life AND PLEASE STOP DRINKING AND SMOKING TOO MUCH.

I received a sms when I was just about to study for my fourth paper of 4
^th
 semester.. The result was that book was closed again and I started to think who had told Riya that I drink or smoke too much. However, I could not guess who had done it.

Finally the exam day came. I had studied almost three chapters that carried a weightage of 40 marks. I knew I was going to screw this paper badly. But fortune favours the brave.3 chapters accounted for  almost 80marks and I was sure about clearing the subject. I was sure of getting a golden figure of 40.

Now it was time to have a blast on the big new years night. Leaving all negative vibrations behind.

We friends enjoyed the night as if it was the last day of our life. Food, chicken, beer, cigarettes everything was savoured. I was driving my bike back home at around 3am .I stopped on the highway to smoke. I was just resting on my bike and was not really in my senses. A stranger tapped me from behind. I turned around. He was well built in his mid 40s maybe. White shirt, black trousers Woodland shoes…

He was looking into my eyes deeply. Even he was drunk. I felt it,looking into his eyes. Finally, he broke the silence.

“What is your problem son?”

I was confused and said nothing.

“Are you in love?” he questioned me.

How did he know that I was in love…I never met him. I had never seen him earlier.

“Tell me son, I can see you are not happy.” he continued

Was I so drunk and had lost my mind…what exactly was happening?

I was a bit shocked. If he is dad’s friend then I was going to get flushed out of my house.

“I am deeply in love.” I answered him

“Then what’s the problem? She does not love you or what? Or you never told her? Why are you becoming a devdas?”

Now this was too much. I really could not find an answer to all these questions. Who was this man? Was I looking like devdas? What the fuck.

“Nothing uncle. She loves me too. However, she cannot come back to me and I am not able to bear this pain anymore.I  am just living for my parents.”

“You have to. They are the one who care for you. They are the ones who live for you. They are the one who work hard for your future. They are the one who will have many expectations from you. They are the one who gave you your life.”

Tears rolled down my eyes. I knew whatever he said was true. I realised whatever I heard just now could not be ignored.

“I am 48 years old, A Bengali, we are born romantic.”

Does he mean a born devdas? Not again I thought. Two devdas standing in middle of the road at 3am discussing about Paro.Thank god… late night Chandramukhis were not there.

“I loved a girl, maybe 100 times more than you do. But today I cannot go back to her even if she calls me. I have my family. I cannot leave them. My son. My wife. I just can’t leave them alone.”

“True” I said.

“Look my son, love is never wrong, but a girl can be wrong. Remember these words.”

What did he say just now? Did I ever hear It.?

Love is never wrong but a girl can be.

These words went straight into my heart

“Just carry on with your life.Don’t give up. You still have a long life ahead of you.”

I got serious. Was he a human or an angel from heaven to show me the right way? Who was he?

I did not know him, never saw him. Why was he showing me life, when I never believed in god? Except for my love Riya, who trusted Lord Ganesha a lot. But, I never did. Then why me?

“If I were in your shoes, I would have dated some model. You look really charming. So smart. Why are you ruining your life? Move ahead my son, move ahead. This is my card. I will be happy, if you call me tomorrow.”

He left. I was still standing there. Looking at him going away from me. Bringing my life closer to me. A lot closer than I would have expected. I laid on my bike. Closed my eyes just to get over what had really happened a few minutes back.

Was the girl wrong or am I wrong? Riya can’t be wrong. She is too sweet to be wrong. She did everything for me. I never did anything for her. I wished I had done something for her. I just gave her pain. How can such a sweetheart be wrong? I never believed in it. Never will. I was wrong.It was me.