Finding Harmony (9 page)

There were lots of presents underneath the tree in the living area; presents I’d bought for Leo, presents he’d bought for me and some others from friends. I wasn’t in the mood for presents. Today, Christmas meant a little bit more to me than presents.

I started off with a breakfast of cigarettes and champagne. I wasn’t celebrating anything; I just figured that if I wanted the day to be over quickly then I better kick off with the drink as soon as possible.

There’s a loud knocking on the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I make my way over slowly and open up. Freddy was standing in the hall, a massive grin on his face and looking like he’d just rolled out of bed.

“Merry Christmas!”

He pulls me up in to a big bear hug, lifting my feet straight off the ground.

“Freddy… can’t breathe”

“Ooops, sorry”.

He lets me go and places an arm around my shoulders to steady me whilst I catch my breath.

“So, you want to come in?”

We sit together on the sofa, talking aimlessly about the dog I’d just bought on impulse, to the presents Trey and Freddy had gotten each other, but then he asked the very question I was hoping he wouldn’t.

“So, uhm would you maybe want to come over to ours for Christmas? You don’t have to if you don’t want to I was just thinking it would be better than sitting in here alone all day…”

“That’s really thoughtful, but… I mean wouldn’t it be a bit awkward?”

“To be honest, Harmony, I’d really appreciate your company, Trey’s driving me insane right now”.

I really felt sorry for Freddy. I’d bet my fortune that he probably wished he was at home in Germany right now with Simone and Gordon and the rest of his family.

“Ok, give me an hour or two and I’ll be straight over, oh and I’ll have to bring the dog, I hope you don’t mind?”

His face lights up a treat. This was a ‘Kodak moment’ right here.

“Great, I’ll see you in a bit”.

As soon as Freddy leaves, I jump in the shower and start to get ready. The peace I’d found earlier is still coursing through me, and I sing an old hymn I know in the shower.

I blow dry and straighten my hair, spend ages making sure my make-up is just right, and then trade in my dressing gown and slippers for a black Herve Leger mini dress and a pair of gold Miu Miu platforms. This was an outfit made for turning heads.

I grab a bottle of champagne from the fridge, my mother always said it was rude to turn up empty handed, and then make my way along to their apartment with Indi trailing shyly behind me.

Thankfully, Freddy opens the door and lets us in. Their apartment was still a little messy but you could see some effort had been made to clean the place up. A sorry excuse for a tree stood in the corner of the living room, bare except for some lights draped carelessly around it.

The argument I’d overheard last night was still playing on my mind. Was Trey doing drugs? I guiltily looked for any signs to prove my theory correct as Freddy fetched me a drink but there was nothing.

A door opens along the hall and Trey comes stumbling out. Immediately Indi runs over and starts barking at him.

“Indi!”

He stops barking and reluctantly comes back and lies down at my feet.

Trey stands there a while, just staring at me and the dog lounging in his apartment, clearly Freddy hadn’t told him we were coming.

Thankfully Freddy comes back to the living area with the drinks. He hands me a glass of red wine before Trey takes him aside. They’re talking to each other in hushed voices; I can’t really make out what they’re saying. I hope it’s not about me, if Trey didn’t want me here then I had no problem leaving…

I hear my name being mentioned and instinctively turn around; Trey shoots me an intimidating glare before finishing his conversation with Freddy and disappearing out the front door.

Freddy takes in a deep breath and comes over to sit beside me.

“What was all that about?”

“It’s nothing”.

I take his hand in mine.

“Freddy, please?”

He looks down into my pleading eyes and gives in.

“He’s gone to some party with Miranda…”

“What and just left you here?”

I could feel my blood boiling; did Trey not have any consideration for his own brother? The more I was beginning to learn about Trey, the less I liked him. That peace I felt earlier withered a little.

“Its fine, Harmony, I guess it’ll just be me and you for Christmas”.

“No”.

“Huh?”

“No, Freddy, we’re going to this party too, why should Trey be the only one allowed to have a good time”.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean with Miranda and-“

“Awh, Freddy, to hell with Miranda! I barely even know the woman and I’m sick to my stomach of her… Come on, me and you can still have a good time, and if it all turns pear-shaped you can blame it on me…”

He sits back in the sofa, pondering over my offer. I try an attempt at my best ‘puppy-dog eyes’ look and the corners of his mouth pull up into a sly smile.

“Right, you’re on, let’s go!”

              A little old lady and her husband who live a couple doors down graciously agreed to look after Indi for a few hours whilst Freddy and I headed out in hot pursuit of Trey.

It didn’t really feel like Christmas day, following Trey and crashing a party with a bunch of people who neither me nor Freddy really knew, but hell it was definitely exciting!

Freddy had a rough idea of where the house was we were headed to however once we got out the cab we still had to walk around for ages to find it. It was absolutely freezing outside; my bare legs were clattering together as we walked the empty slush covered streets trying to find the damn house. These heels weren’t made for walking in at the best of times but they certainly weren’t made for walking long distances along the slippery sidewalk. It was a death trap out here.

Despite everything, I felt good today. For the first time in months I wasn’t just Harmony, I was Harmony Lindstrom: Movie star, again. It felt good, like I’d been in hibernation for the past year and was just waking up. Some people view the whole make-up, clothes and stage persona as a masquerade but it was the opposite for me. The dolled up version of myself was the real me and, damn, it felt good to be back.

I lost count of how many times Freddy had to steady me as the ground beneath my pretty shoes gave way, sending me off balance and nearly landing me on my rear.

I didn’t really know what to expect from this party. The area of town we were in looked a little too upmarket for Miranda to belong in. I highly doubted this party would be filled with her friends. Maybe Trey had just brought her along as a guest? Either way, we’d soon find out.

The houses in this neighborhood were amazing. Glorious and immaculately decorated Christmas trees sat at the front of nearly all the big bay shaped windows and the drives were all occupied with gorgeous cars: Ferrari’s, Audi’s, Lamborghini’s, Porsche’s… No, Miranda definitely didn’t belong here, but I did, this was the sort of lifestyle that I was accustomed to. It almost felt like I had the upper hand on her, like I was more experienced and clued up on this whole social scene than she was.

Eventually, we come across a house which Freddy seems to think is ‘the one’. Well, it had to be, we walked for what felt like miles and this was the only house that was absolutely jumping and resembled anything like a party taking place within its ornate walls.

We entered through the large steel gates and walked up the driveway towards the house. When we reached the massive oak door, Freddy grabbed my hand, gave me a reassuring smile and led me inside the house.

Directly opposite the front door was a huge marble staircase, decorated with hundreds of fairy lights all wrapped around the railings. A Christmas tree as tall as the house stood in the middle of the reception area, mountains of gold and silver decorations adorning its branches. This truly was grand.

The music was blaring out from the speakers and the house itself was just a sea of bodies as far as the eye could see. I didn’t recognize many people, there were a couple of girls who looked familiar but I wasn’t entirely sure. Freddy takes my coat and dumps it in a small cupboard next to everyone else’s.

The people here seemed to be a very mixed crowd. There were a lot of people who looked really wealthy and whose whole images just screamed money, while others looked, dare I say it, a tad common.

Freddy, still gripping on to my hand firmly, leads us through to a large lounge. Everyone kept staring at us as we walked past them. Were we not welcome here? Did I have something on my face? Or did the image of Harmony Lindstrom and Freddy Frett holding hands simply send out the wrong impression? I was beginning to think it was the latter as their stares soon turned into smiles once Freddy started greeting people and getting us acquainted.

Freddy started searching for Trey through the crowd but Miranda got to us first.

“Freddy! Well, Trey never mentioned you were coming!”

Her voice was horrendous, it was even worse with a drink in it.

She approaches us seductively, clearly pissed off that I was there but trying her damndest not to let on.

“Yeah, well have you seen Trey?”

“Sure, he’s back there in the game’s room”.

She points a crooked finger towards a room on the left and Freddy and I start to walk towards it but Miranda’s scrawny fingers wrap around my wrist. The feeling of her rough hands rubbing against me literally made my skin crawl.

Freddy and I both give her a questioning look.

“You go ahead, Freddy, me and Harmony are going to head upstairs with the rest of the girls”.

What? I didn’t want to be left on my own with the psycho.

Freddy shoots a cold glare towards her as if warning her not to try any funny business. It didn’t exactly make me feel better as she drags me up the stairs.

It was quieter up here; the music wasn’t playing as loudly. The lights along the halls were dimmed down and there were people strewn randomly across the place, gossiping and making out. Still clutching my wrist tightly, Miranda leads me into a small room. There were a few other girls in the room but they were too tied up in their own conversation to really notice Miranda and me.

We head over to the corner of the room where a makeshift bar has been set up and Miranda proceeds to pour us both shots of Vodka. I didn’t really trust drinking something given to me by Miranda but I needed something strong to help get me through this uncomfortable situation.

She hands me the shot and we both down it at the same time.

She props herself up on the bar, her tits spilling out of her dress and the hem of it riding up her thighs. She was an absolute mess.

“You know, Harmony, me and you are more alike than you think…”

I highly doubted that, we were like day and night; all the same I had a good idea of where she was taking the conversation so I act coy and play along with her stupid games.

“Really, how so?”

“Well, we both love our designer clothes”,

She points to a pair of Chanel shoes she was wearing, clearly counter fit.

“Oh and we both love to hit the angel dust, amongst other things”.

She lets out a cackle. She didn’t even know me; did she honestly think she had some divine right to speak to me like this?

“Tell me, Harmony, do you miss coke? E? Heroin? You were quite smacked up on it all for a while were you not? Must be so tempting to just slip back to it… I bet it helped numb the pain when your sister died, helped you forget all you worries and drift off somewhere a little less painful…”

She was hitting a nerve with me right now. I openly admit that I got myself mixed up in drugs, I’m not proud of it but it’s a part of who I am and I’ve come to accept it. The one thing making me different from Miranda right now was the fact that I had the strength in me to get off the drugs, she was clearly still using. That being said though, I hadn’t been clean for very long, if you wave enough drugs in front of a onetime addict, it’s not long before they fall back to their old ways.

She pulls a pouch of white powder out of her bra and starts to cut lines on the bar.

I could feel the blood rushing through my veins at the very sight of the magic dust. My new determination to turn my life back into the fold melts.

“Well, how about it, Harmony?”

I could feel my heart racing. It was only a small line; one little line couldn’t hurt…

I bend down to the bar, ready to sniff it all up and then,

“Harmony!”

I look up to see Trey and Freddy entering the room and making their way over to us. This isn’t a good position to be caught in. I discreetly wipe the coke off the edge of the bar whilst standing up to greet them.

I didn’t know if they’d clicked on to what had just happened but I certainly wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding it. I felt dizzy; I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead.

“Are you ok, Harmony? You don’t look so good”.

Freddy placed a hand on my shoulders to try and steady me. It was so hot in here, I needed to get out.

“No, I just need to… go… out... for a… bit”

My speech was coming out slurred. My throat felt so dry, I needed something to drink.

I stumble towards the door, Miranda’s laughter echoing around me.

“Maybe next time you’ll be able to handle it, Harmony!”

She shouts after me. I should’ve kept on walking but something inside me just ticked.

I turn around, focusing only on the woman in front of me.

“Oh I can handle it alright, but I wouldn’t touch any of yours, I don’t know where the hell it’s been”.

“You want to start something with me, Harmony? At least everyone can see your true colors now, you’re a pathetic junkie mess and now everyone’s going to know about it!”

I laugh at her comment. She moves towards me, our faces within touching distance, and her hot breath hitting my skin. Trey and Freddy stand cautiously beside us, ready to step in if things went too far.

“Listen, don’t come knocking on my door unless you want it answered, you’ve got no idea what I’m capable of and if you value your sorry hide you won’t want to find out, I eat girls like you for breakfast, sweet cheeks”.

My words send her over the edge and she strikes me across the face with her jewelery clad hand, busting my lip open in the process.

I just stand and laugh, licking the blood from my lips.

Trey looks at me, his face riddled with concern before he pulls Miranda away from me.

I blow her a kiss before heading out the door. Oh it was game on; this was far from being over.

Chapter Nine

I follow her silently along the cold streets, her coat clutched firmly in my hand.

Her arms were crossed over her stomach as she walked the silent streets, I could see the muscles tensing in her back as the cold wind attacked her body. Whether she liked it or not, any minute now, she was going to have to turn around and take her coat from me, otherwise she’d freeze to death out here.

She’s aware of my presence but she doesn’t acknowledge me, instead she keeps walking.

A light breeze blows the hem of her dress up a little, revealing her smooth thighs, God how I’d love to be in between those thighs right now.

As if I’d spoken my thoughts out loud, she stops dead in her tracks and turns around to face me. Her lip didn’t look so bad now that the bleeding had stopped, it was a little swollen but that only added to her attraction.

Her honey brown eyes find mine and I gladly meet her stare. All I wanted right now was to bridge the gap between us, to take a step forward and pull her into my arms. Unsure about how she’d react to that, I settle for handing her coat to her.

She stretches her arms out and takes the small black coat from me, her fingers lightly brushing against mine as she does.

All the time I watch her, not straining my eyes from her for one second, eager to hear what she has to say.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

She looks at me like I was stupid for not knowing what she was talking about, her eyebrows wrinkling together.

“Why her? Trey, why are you with her?”

Because she was my drug dealer and I couldn’t get enough.

“You don’t love her… not once have you looked at her the way you used to look at me, the way I know you’d still like to look at me…”

She was completely right. She knew me too well.

“I’m going to lay myself bare for you, Trey because I can’t take any more of these stupid games, I can’t pretend like nothing’s wrong and that I’m cool with this whole situation any longer because it’s all seriously messed up”.

I listen to her attentively. She was so cute when she was angry, the way she scrunched her nose up with frustration and emphasized the words she wanted to make sure I heard.

“I love you, I’ve always loved you, I always will… I wish that wasn’t the case because it’d be a lot easier loving someone else right now but we can’t pick and choose who we fall in love with, and I know that underneath this whole façade you’re putting on to the world, the real you is still in there, begging for release”.

“Look, Harmony, I appreciate what you’ve been trying to do but it’s complicated-“

“That’s the thing though, Trey, it’s not complicated at all, you’re only making it seem that way”.

She hesitates, sighing out in frustration.

“I know more about you and you’re antics than you’d care to believe and it honestly doesn’t bother me, we can work around it… I know you’re on drugs and I know that psycho bitch back there is your dealer… I just don’t know why you’re still doing it, why you’re still hurting yourself?”

I lower my head to the floor. Freddy had been right, she did still think we had a chance, how the hell could I make her see that things between us could never be the way they once were?

“Harmony, I’ve done things-“

“Yeah and so have I… Trey, we’ve both changed but things don’t have to be like this, I don’t understand why you’re making it hard for yourself when it would be so easy to turn this whole mess around.”

I loved Harmony for this personality trait of hers. No matter how far gone something or someone was, she never gave up, she refused to believe that she couldn’t make things better, she refused to accept defeat.

“I want to, I just…”

She moves closer to me, her sweet scent intoxicating my airwaves. She places her hands firmly on my chest, demanding me to look at her, demanding answers from me.

“Please, let me in, open up to me…”

Something inside me clicked when I took in her deep, pleading eyes. I couldn’t reject her anymore; I couldn’t turn down the level of love and adoration she was offering me.

I needed her.

I snake my arms around her waist, pulling her as close to me as possible, close enough to feel her heart beating against my chest. Her fingers reach up and clasp around my neck. I trace her jaw line tentatively before sending my lips crashing against hers. Her mouth was so soft, so moist; I could spend the rest of eternity kissing her. Our tongues delve into each other’s mouths, fighting for dominance before we have to pull away to catch our breaths.

She smiles up at me, her eyes gleaming and sparkling as the snow starts gently falling around us.

I was hers completely and no one else’s. I always would belong to her.

“Come on, let’s go home”.

Chapter Ten

              We lay cuddled on the couch, Trey’s arms wrapped tightly around me, my head resting in the crook of his neck. It was so perfect it was almost hard to believe how quickly we’d ended up here, back at my apartment. If I’d known being blunt with Trey was the way to get moving, I would’ve tried it a lot sooner.

I’d forgotten what an amazing kisser Trey was. He was gentle (although not always…) and caring, always aiming to please and, oh boy, how he managed to please me.

It wasn’t until he had fallen asleep by my side; secure in the knowledge that I wasn’t going to leave him, that I realized how much I had truly missed him. How the hell had I managed to go four years without Trey? My heart needed him as much as my lungs needed oxygen.

My mind drifted back to the first time I realized I loved him. We had only been dating a matter of weeks before Trey blurted out that he loved me in some hotel room in Cannes. It was perfectly romantic but I needed a little more time before I could say it back to him. I wanted to mean those three little words with every inch of my soul.

We were back in Germany. The boys had an interview on some chat show, Trey had wanted me to come with them but I was horrendously ill so I stayed at home, wrapped up in blanket on the sofa, my body pouring with sweat and sick bucket at the ready.

I turned the TV on and watched them being interviewed. It was the same old questions everyone had heard over and over again, and then the interviewer asked the boys if they were all still single. One by one they all answered yes until it was Trey’s turn. My stomach twisted up into knots, we hadn’t discussed going public just yet, and he wasn’t going to reveal all on national TV was he?

He sat up straight in his chair and began to answer:

“Well, there is someone actually, she’s at home right now, she’s not feeling too well”.

There were mixed reactions from the audience. The interviewer made some comment about how Trey might get sidetracked from a serious relationship by all his adoring fans. Trey looked straight down the lens of the camera, as though he was looking straight at me.

“No matter how sick she is or how bad she’s looking at the moment…”

I let out a little laugh. He was right; I did look a mess right now.

“…you still see her as the most beautiful person in the world. And if you’re really in love, you don’t care about all the other girls that are standing in line for you. You don’t want another night with any person. You just want her.”