Found by Love (7 page)

I raised my head up out of the covers and he's standing there in nothing but his boxers looking down at me and I see worry and concern in his eyes that makes me bawl even more than I already was.

"I... I... I... Can't talk about it... I just can't... You'll never underst-"

"Shhh..." He wasn't taking no for an answer and he got into my bed with me and laid down and pulled me into his warm embrace. I grabbed ahold of him tightly and sobbed uncontrollably against his chest while he held me tight.  He then rubbed my back and kissed my forehead while my body shook from the unbearable anguish that was pouring out of me. "I'm here Cru, get it out baby because I'm not going anywhere."

I eventually fell asleep knowing that at least tonight I had him to help me get through the pain of dreading what Cash had to tell me the next day. I prayed harder than I had ever prayed that the news wasn't going to be as bad as I felt it was going to be.

CHAPTER THREE

I woke up but haven't opened my eyes yet because I am the most comfortable that I’ve ever been in a long time and I can’t bring myself to move. I'm still nestled in Caleb's arms and it feels so safe, comfortable and warm wrapped up in his embrace. I really didn't think that he would stay with me all night but he did.

I didn't think that I was ever going to quit crying and he held me tighter and told me to get it all out and that he wasn't going anywhere and he didn't. He stayed right here because every time I woke up crying he would comfort me and calm me down and put me back to sleep with his soothing words. When I think of the ways that I've been continually pushing him away I'm at a loss at how to deal with how much he helped me last night when all I ever am is mean to him.

I know it's a defense mechanism because of what happened the last time I got close to a man that I wanted a relationship with. I've dated and had casual, no strings attached sex occasionally but if I'm honest with myself, Caleb is not Jason. He is more of a man than Jason will ever be in his little finger.

Thank God that today is Saturday because the last thing that I need today is to go into work with a hangover and blood shot eyes from crying all night. I open my eyes and see that Caleb is staring at me with a smile on his face. I closed my eyes and hid my face in his huge bicep.

"Why are you staring at me? Stop it. You're making me nervous. I can't believe you stayed in here with me all night. You must think that I'm a crazy person by the way I acted last night."

He rolled over which caused me to have to move my head away from his arm and he pulled me closer to him to where we are now facing each other. I looked into his eyes and all that I see is worry and concern in them still and I know that I owe him an explanation about last night but I have no idea where to start.

He took my breath away by what he did next. He brushed my bangs tenderly with his fingers out of my eyes and leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. His lips lingered a few seconds before he looked back at me and I didn't realize that I was still holding my breath until I exhaled.

"Caleb... I....thank you for... holding me last night. I haven't felt so... Utterly helpless in such a long time that I had forgotten how it felt and I just lost it. I owe you an explanation I know."

"Claud... You don't owe me anything and you're my best friend in the whole world and when you're hurting it kills me to see you like that and I will do whatever I can to help you stop the pain." What he said had me blushing because I didn't realize that he held me in such high esteem than as his best friend.

"I'm your best friend in the whole world? What about Cash?"

"What about him? He's my brother. Yes he's my friend as well but he has a wife that he can talk to and share his feelings with but you're the only person that I immediately want to talk to. Did I not drive you crazy with all of the calls and texts and emails while I was away? You're the only one I wanted to share with what was going on over there."

"You didn't drive me crazy silly. I loved knowing what was going on because I always worry about you when you're gone and especially when you're in a third world country."

This had him pulling me even closer to him and our faces were just a few inches apart. I know that I've always been attracted to him but we've never been this intentionally close to each other and I can't quit looking at his full lips that are slightly parted, without wondering what they taste like and what they would feel like against mine. He must have sensed what I was feeling because he scrunched his face at me.

"Claud? What's going on here? You seem... so unlike yourself this morning. You haven't punched me yet for being too close to you and by the look on your face; I would swear that you want me to kiss you right now."

"I do... I mean..." His eyes excitedly lit up and he smiled and leaned towards me which had me moving away from him as quickly as I could. "I can't do this. I have way too much on my mind for us to go... THERE! I know that you have known all along about my little lie about my so called sexual status. Yes I'm mad that you've been playing me.... But-"

"What? I haven't been playing you-"

"Stop it! I don't want to talk about that... I... Caleb.. I... Oh my GOD! I don't know how to talk to you about this! I'm just so... so... Pissed! And ANGRY! And SAD!! Awwwww!!! I just want to scream and punch somebody and just...just... CRY!!!"

I didn't realize that I was standing in the middle of the floor until I fell and totally lost it again in front of him. This is so not me and I have got to get ahold of myself. When Olivia lost it after Derek and the kids died I stayed strong for her and managed to hold myself together and I can do it again! I rose up and wiped my face off with the bed sheet and looked at him and he's completely shell shocked and I don't blame him really. I don't think that I've ever thrown a fit like this in my life.

"Would you like some coffee? I need some. I'm going to go make us some coffee." I walked out of my room and headed to the kitchen and I heard him slowly walking behind me.

"Are you alright? I feel like I just watched a movie about a woman with multiple personalities just lose it Claud! What in the hell is going on with you?" I notice that he's still in his boxers and oh that naked muscled up perfect chest of his is going to distract me if he doesn’t put a shirt on soon. Why didn't I let him kiss me?

"Nothing... I'm fine. Did Jason Anderson pay you your retainer yesterday?" Please say no, please say no. I look at the confused look on his face and I can't believe that I just blurted my question out like that after telling him I was fine.

"Um... No. He said that he would be in Monday with a check because he was hoping that we could all three go to lunch and catch up. Why are you asking?" Oh I don't think so! Lunch? Who the hell does he think he is?

"Yeah... That's not happening. We are not and I repeat NOT taking him as a client. There are dozens of divorce attorneys in this town that he could have gone to. Did you ever wonder why he came to our office? Or my office I guess you could say because we haven't broadcasted that you are there yet." I looked over at him and he seemed deep in thought and I guess I should put him out of his misery because he had no idea what my problem was. "Well maybe.. Just MAYBE he thinks that he's going to pick up with me where we left off over 10 years ago. That is NOT going to HAPPEN!!!" My blood is boiling because I know in my gut that that's what he is up to!!

"Wait a minute... Do you mean to say that... you and Professor Anderson... You two... Dated??" I could see the look of disappointment on his face and that look alone is the reason that I'm glad I didn't let him kiss me.

"Wow! You're pretty smart there Nerd Boy. Dated wouldn't exactly be the best word to describe what we did though. Banged or screwed would... for a year, and we spent many nights together laughing about the crush that you had on me. We also created a child together but he paid me to get rid of it.  I found out that he was married so he left town after breaking my heart so... I... Got rid of it! So there it is Caleb... How do you feel about me now? Do you see why I am so damaged now? Why I can't ever be in a relationship with anyone? He ruined me! I will never get that close to anyone again!"

Maybe now he will finally get it. Maybe now he can just move on and forget about ever having anything to do with me. By the look on his face I can tell that I didn't do my part justice because he's not looking at me like I'm crazy. He's looking at me with nothing but love and concern.

"Claudia? Is that how you see yourself? Damaged? Because that's not what I see when I look at you. I don't care what happened in your past other than I would love nothing more than to kick that bastards face in for how he has made you feel about yourself all of these years. You're letting him win by feeling this way. You're not damaged Claud. I'm not going to let you push me away anymore with your crazy talk and insecurities.” As he continued to talk he kept moving closer to me which had me backing up into the wall with nowhere to go. I put my hands up on his chest and started to push him back away from me.

"Caleb... Please don't. I still haven't told you everything. It was mean of me to even tell you all of that in the way that I just did." New tears formed and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep them at bay.

He grabbed my hands when he reached me and pulled them up to his lips and kissed each one while staring at me and then he wiped my tears away with his thumbs. He single handedly grabbed both of my wrists and moved them above my head and held them against the wall and leaned closer against me so that I couldn't move. I felt my nipples harden through my tank top against his rock hard naked chest as he pushed me into the wall and kissed me on the neck and along my jaw and whispered into my ear.

"I'm going to kiss you now Claud and there's nothing that you can say that is going to stop me."

"But……" I didn't get to finish what I was saying because he shut me up with his lips and then his tongue and oh my God why have I been fighting this?! It feels like an explosion inside of my mouth. I've been kissed and kissed a lot but NOTHING compares to this first kiss with him. Every nerve in my body is tingling and I decided to let go and explored his mouth with each deep thrust of our tongues.

I tried to pull my hands out of his grip so that I could put my arms around him but he wouldn't let go of them which had me bucking and moaning against him. I raised one of my legs up and wrapped it around his hip and he pulled my other leg up to where I am now straddling him and can feel his bulge between my legs that is barely being held in by his boxers. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him in even closer to me which has him moaning and growling into my mouth. He raised his head up and looked at me and I've never seen his eyes so blue and beautiful with so much raw passion like they are right now which is turning me on even more. I could feel him harden even more and the only thing between us was his thin boxers and my panties but I wanted more, so much more. I started moving my hips up and down against him and I could tell that he was about to lose control as he growled at me again.

He leaned his head behind my neck and roughly grazed his teeth along my neck and bit my ear lobe and whispered. "Cruella... How would you feel about us taking this to the bedroom?" All I can think about right now is what else I want to do with him besides kissing. If he kisses this good what else is he good at?

I nodded my head and lunged for his mouth again as he started carrying me to my bedroom. He stopped dead in his tracks when the doorbell rang and pulled away and arched his brow. It's taking everything I've got to catch my breath and come down from the high I was on my way to having.

"Were you expecting someone?" I shook my head because I didn't have anything on my mind but him and how he was making me feel all over my body.

"Don't move... Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness or something. We will resume what we were doing as soon as I send them on their way."

I nodded my head as he put me down gently in the hallway and he headed for the front door while I patiently waited for him to come back to me. I heard Cash and Olivia's voice in the entryway and my heart dropped and tears immediately sprung from my eyes. Oh no! This can't be good for them to come all the way to my house so early in the morning and on a Saturday without the kids. Olivia was the first one to walk around the corner and by the look on her face I was expecting the worst.

"He's dead isn't he?" I pulled my hands over my face and started shaking my head. "I don't want to know. Just forget I even asked because I don't want to know Olivia... Please... Don't tell me... I can't bear it." She swept me up into her arms and hugged me.