Golden (3 page)

The bamboo cracked, raining torn green leaves into my hair and face, but that did not stop his blows. He thumped my backside with the splintered end of the cane and moved closer so his silks rubbed against the backs of my thighs. “Did he waste that royal seed or plant it in your womb?”

Fear filled me like a dread, cold blast of winter snow. What if he used me to release his rage but never held me in his arms afterward? Never joined our bodies completely, easing the violence done to my soul with the succor of his love? I wanted every dark urge he possessed, but I also wanted to belong to him fully, in every way possible.

I hadn’t come to the palace to become his whipping post, and I didn’t want his pampered son. My first goal had always been to give the warlord father a golden-eyed prince, a future Emperor the likes of which our land had never seen before. I hadn’t known I would give him my heart and soul, as well.

I was crying too hard to speak. I hiccupped and gasped and moaned, fire pouring across my skin. But that was nothing compared to the agony of his scent burning my nose or the fear that I’d never know the heat of his bare flesh against me. I ached with need. So many nights I’d lain alone in the darkness, racked with this secret need. If he didn’t take me as his own, my need for his pain and his touch would drive me insane long before I withered away as just another lost and imprisoned consort.

“Wasted,” I finally gasped. “Twice. He especially enjoyed making me drink his essence.”

The Emperor’s hand wrapped around my neck, pinning me to the table. His grip, so hard, so tight. I couldn’t breathe, and I struggled involuntarily. “I shall not waste such precious seed.”

My heart soared. His words alone almost pushed me over the edge to pleasure. All my hopes and dreams, the years of training, my unquestioning obedience even when he gave me to his son, the nights of tears and desperate need, had all led me to this moment when I would be
his
.

He thrust inside me so deeply that I felt torn apart and cast into a thousand burning suns. Bucking beneath him, I bruised my hipbones and rubbed my wounded back against his chest, relishing that hot, naked flesh against me. Darkness closed. I climaxed with a long scream, my body lost to pleasure. When he spilled his release inside me, I would have laughed with joy if only I could breathe.

My senses returned in fragments. Surely my fierce Emperor would not hold me so gently in his arms, cleansing me like I was made of the most delicate glass. Yet I smelled him, dark and spiced like incense, and I heard his voice murmuring in my ear. He said my name over and over.

“Sweet Jin. Have I damaged you irreparably? Did I break your shining spirit? Wake, my golden girl, and curse me with your eyes once more. Let us fly to heaven, Jin, two birds with the wings of one. No sorrow will water your eyes as long as I shall live.”

He had recognized the poem I’d quoted. I forced my eyes to open, but swayed, disoriented when I did not see his face. His thighs braced beneath me, and I lay across his left arm so he could carefully clean the cuts on my back. Flowers floated in the steaming bath. I must have been senseless for quite some time for the attendants to have brought so much freshly heated water.

“I am well, Your Majesty.” My voice cracked, my throat as raw as though I had swallowed pebbles. “Forgive me—”

“For pleasing me like no other?” Turning me in his arms, he kissed the tip of my nose. “For facing my violence and shining through like your golden eyes? Do not apologize, Jin, or my heart shall splinter like the bamboo I destroyed in my passion.”

My lips wobbled, and my eyes pooled with joy as deep as the ocean. He laughed and wiped my tears away. “Crystals from the blazing sun. Now I have truly seen heaven.”

My cheeks colored, which struck him as even more amusing. It was beyond silly to blush from a few pretty phrases after being beaten and ravished on top of a table. His temper and violence I could handle with ease, but this tenderness and open affection embarrassed me.

My cheeks heated even more when he carried me to his bed and placed me upon the cushions just so on my stomach, fluffing and shifting me like a piece of priceless art. With his own hands, he mixed a fresh ointment. He kissed each mark before rubbing in the stinging medicine, gliding his fingers and lips over my flesh until I moaned.

He took great delight in tracing each cut with his tongue, tormenting me with the moist intimate stroke even while my damaged skin burned. Fire and ice, bitter and sweet, pain and pleasure. For me, they went hand in hand.

Now that I sat in the Emperor’s bed, I refused to waste a single moment. I rolled over and reached for his heavy erection, determined to give him the pleasure with which I’d tormented my husband. I could not help but compare the Emperor to his son, and found the son sadly lacking. It seemed he had not inherited much from his father, not in physical bearing or character or strength of will.

My fingers had barely grazed that thick member when he urged me to lie back and open my thighs for him. “I must make amends, Jin.”

His heavy-lidded eyes smoldered like carefully banked coals, sleepy but ready to burst into flame at the slightest hint of fuel. His words sounded pleasant, but I measured the intent in his eyes and couldn’t stop the faint quivering that began in my belly and spread throughout my body.

He lavished me with his tongue until my legs shook restlessly, and I dared to touch his head, winding his sleek hair in my fingers. Pleasure pooled and built, eddying like a dammed river in flood. I didn’t try to hold back or deny him my sounds of bliss as I moaned beneath his tongue.

His teeth sank into my inner thigh, and I jolted up off his bed on a shriek. He did not nip or play; he bit so hard he must surely left a powerful bruise. For long moments, he held me pinned in his jaws, applying enough force that my muscle throbbed and ached. When he released me, I fell back, shaking and blinking tears from my eyes.

And his mouth returned to pleasuring me.

From biting pain to bliss in a matter of heartbeats. I climaxed again, shaking with the intensity. Worse, I knew what he would do this time and yet I was powerless to stop the surge of pleasure. His teeth sank into my opposite thigh, just as deep, just as painful, and I screamed. Waves of release thudded through my body.

Again, his mouth, so gentle and insistent. His teeth, punishing the softest part of my body. When he tired of marking my thighs, he snagged my tender lower lips between his teeth, an even more exquisite pain.

My muscles cramped, tight and strumming. My senses overloaded with pain and need. The tenderness of his tongue and lips, the brutality of his teeth. I could not contain it all. My hands were bound, trapped in his hair. He gripped my thighs, pinning me wide open for his mouth. Sounds spilled from my lips. Not words, for I couldn’t manage a coherent thought. I wanted it to end. I wanted it to go on forever. I wanted him and only him for all time.

In the heart of that storm, I felt him pause and slide up over me. It took me several moments to swim up through the hazed place of shadows sucking me down in order to focus on his face and hear his words. He gripped my face, his fingers digging into my cheeks as he hovered over me. His dark eyes glittered, shining like a midnight sky dotted with stars.

“Jin, my golden one.” His hair tumbled about my shoulders, a black curtain that made me his and his alone. “I am cursed indeed.”

He kissed me, sinking his tongue into my mouth as his body slid into mine. I was lost, consumed, devoured whole by the Emperor, and left begging him to begin anew.

My virginity did not stain the Emperor’s bed. Nevertheless, I bled on those silken sheets.

The Emperor entrusted no one but the chief eunuch himself to see me safely to my chambers, with the standing order to return to him every night. If the Crown Prince requested me for the evening, the chief eunuch would refer him to his father.

My eyes shone so hotly I imagined I would light my meager belongings on fire. Bowing and scraping as he’d never done before, the chief eunuch left and my nurse took over. Muttering beneath her breath, she rushed about brewing a small cup of medicinal tea and tucking blankets about me. It felt nice to be coddled, but my euphoria would only be troubled by one thing.

“Do you think it too early to tell?”

She turned from rummaging in a trunk with a wry smile, the slender chain already in hand. A polished chunk of amber hung from the end, twirling in a lazy circle as she held it over my stomach. Herbs burned on the brazier, the pungent smoke making me sleepier. It would be so easy to cast myself adrift, floating away into dreams of the Emperor, his smile, my hand in his. I simply needed one last element to make the image complete.

My nurse let out a long breath that made me stir, lifting my head to search her face. She beamed and nodded. “Your little prince will have the Emperor’s chin and his courage.”

“His eyes,” I whispered through the constriction of joy and pride in my throat, fighting to stay awake just a little longer. My dream beckoned, the future laid out in front of me. I could almost see my son’s face, but I had to be sure. I had to
know
.

My love for the Emperor had been purified by my pain and my blood. I’d accomplished the first step toward our future together and I could not falter. My son would need his father’s love and protection, as well as mine. I might have the Emperor’s affection, but not even he would always be able to protect me from his Empress. No, I had to protect us myself, and the best way…

“Golden as his mother’s.”

I let my head fall back and took my nurse’s hand, pulling her down so my mouth pressed against her ear. “My plan unfolds.”

“Yes, my Empress.”

“His Highness Crown Prince Ping arrives.”

Seated at my dressing table, I tugged on a thin robe and turned to face my husband. I refused to show any nerves, guilt or triumph, but he was sure to have heard the gossip unless he was too arrogant—or stupid—to pay attention. The Crown Prince’s many attendants crowded in the hallway outside my room, listening with glee to every word. Whatever I said here would be repeated a thousand times before the gong sounded the next hour.

I must choose my words carefully.
I touched my stomach lightly, reminding myself of the tiny spark I carried in my womb.
Remember the goal.

Without bowing or showing any respect for my person or chamber, he retorted, “What have you done?”

“I surely have no idea.” Pulling my robe tighter to hide the marks his father had left on my body, I tied the robe loosely at my waist and turned back to the mirror. Dabbing my lips with color, I kept a careful eye on him in the mirror to gauge his responses. “Why are you upset, Your Highness?”

“Everyone is whispering, but as soon as I approach they scurry away like rodents. Your name is on everyone’s lips.”

“Hmmm.” I pretended surprise and looked about my tiny, sparse room. “If I am so popular in the palace this day, why do I not have any attendants? I haven’t even had breakfast.” Because I had slept so long after last night’s activities, but he didn’t need to know.

“Something happened,” he insisted, reaching out to grab my shoulder. He must have intended to whirl me around to face him, but he dislodged the robe enough to bare the bruises beneath. “My lady, who hurt you?”

I tried to tug the material back up, but the damage had been done. I had very delicate skin. To say my back and buttocks were colorful would be as great an understatement as admitting the Emperor was powerful.

Other than the day the Emperor had declared the Crown Prince would marry me, I had never seen my husband so horrified and angry. “Who did this?”

I tried to pull away and cover myself, but he refused to release my robe. “I was punished.”

“But why? Who? Tell me!”

Oh, this game I played was so delicate, the timing so precise and crucial. I would not lie for fear of displeasing the Emperor…but misdirection and implication would plant the seeds of doubt and rumor that I needed. “Many in the palace have cause to punish me. Her Majesty was not pleased when you were given a wife. If you have a son, your future as the Crown Prince and eventual Emperor are assured instead of Prince Zhou,
her
son. Naturally, she is most pleased that I have failed to give you an heir.”

“The Empress Mother had you beaten?” He sounded appalled, which told me he never listened to the rampant palace gossip. Many attributed her rise in power to poison given to the Emperor’s favorite wife, Ping’s mother. Needless to say, I only ever ate or drank that which my nurse made with her own hands, and she was extremely careful in procuring our food.

“I didn’t accuse anyone. Please do not trouble yourself, Your Highness—it doesn’t matter who did this or why.”

“It does matter.” He drew himself up proudly. “I am the Crown Prince. No one shall beat my wife!”

“You have set me aside.” I allowed a bit of bitterness to enter my voice, although I felt nothing more than relief that he’d tired of me so readily. “Your name and position no longer influence my standing in the palace. I am beneath the other consorts’ notice and the target of many. I am of no consequence.”

He grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet. I spluttered and tried to jerk free, but he dragged me from my room. I wasn’t properly attired, and my feet were bare. “Your Highness! I must protest!”

“No, I shall protest. No one beats my wife unless I order it.”

I couldn’t help the rude noise that escaped my mouth, despite the dark look he shot me. It would have been acceptable to have me beaten as long as the abuser obtained his permission first? “What are you going to do?”

He didn’t answer, but with a sinking feeling, I suspected exactly where we were going. To whom would a spoiled prince turn other than his indulgent parent? Attendants scurried ahead of us, people stopping the hallways to snigger behind their hands. My heart raced, wondering what the Emperor might think or say to see me dragged before him so unceremoniously.

Would he admit the truth to his son? Worse, would he suspect my machinations and diffuse my plans before I could even begin? If pressured by his son, would he, too, cast me aside? The thought made me want to fall to my knees, wailing and tearing at my hair.

We crashed into the Emperor’s presence before we could be announced. Ping threw me ahead of him, and I stumbled toward the Emperor’s seat. Keeping my head low, I fell to my knees and hoped my robe kept me at least mostly covered. Through my tousled hair, I drank in a quick look at him. Seated in a low, ornate chair, he wore formal silks in red and gold, heavily embroidered with dragons. Golden ornaments bound his hair tight and sleek at the base of his skull. His dark eyes were heavy-lidded, his sensual lips curled in a slightly wicked, cruel slant that made my blood thunder in my head.

“Father, someone has punished Lady Jin. She’s terribly bruised.”

Through my tumbled hair, I caught the dismissive gesture the Emperor made to his counselors. Everyone bowed and backed away. “What does she say happened?”

At his voice, I shivered. My skin came alive with the memory of his bed, his hands, his mouth.

“She refuses to tell me more than she was punished. Did Mother do this?”

Stroking his short beard, the Emperor pretended to consider the accusation with great concern, and the last of my unease evaporated. He had decided to let the tiles fall where they may, even if it meant I might discredit his current Empress. As General Wan had claimed, the tensions between the Emperor and his Empress were strained indeed. Their political marriage might have borne the fruit of a son, but he did not carry great affection for her.

“Why should you care? You’ve cast her aside. Anyone may punish her.”

My husband averted his sheepish gaze, unconsciously taking a step away from me. “She’s still my wife.”

“A wife is of no consequence. You will have many wives if you are to be Emperor.”

Ping stuck his jaw out belligerently. “I have a right to know. I refuse to lose face because my wife has done something to warrant punishment.”

“Oh, indeed, the Crown Prince must not lose face.” The Emperor’s wry tone was lost upon his son, who nodded emphatically. “Very well. What is it you ask of me, my son?”

“Father, I ask that you make her tell me what happened.”

The Emperor let out his breath in a low sigh. “Come closer, Lady Jin.”

Without fussing with my disheveled clothing, I rose as gracefully as possible and moved to stand where he indicated, slightly to his left before his seat. My robe hung askew. I stared down at my bare toes peeking out from the hem of my dressing gown and felt more awkward than if I were completely naked.

“Remove your robe.”

My husband gasped, but I began untying the belt without hesitation. The Emperor lifted his hand, making me pause.

“You claim she’s been beaten. We must see the damage that has so horrified you.”

“But Father, she’s…she’s…”

He made a curt gesture, and I let the silk slip from my shoulders. Cloth bound my breasts and the long, loose underskirt covered my private areas, but women certainly didn’t present themselves before the Emperor in such clothing.

He pointed at the floor near his feet, so I knelt as indicated. However, I never expected him to drag me across his thighs so I lay upon his lap and made a rather undignified squeak of surprise.

He trailed his fingers over my shoulders, applying enough pressure to the bruises and scabs to make me squirm on his thighs. “Hmmm, yes, Father sees what has so upset you.”

The sight of his handiwork must have satisfied him, for I felt him rising hard and ready beneath my stomach. I moaned, instantly burning with need. It didn’t matter that another watched him touch me. All I cared about was those powerful hands gliding over me.

“So, Son, ask your questions.”

“Who did this to you, Lady Jin?”

The Emperor’s hand slammed down upon my buttocks in a loud crack that made my husband cry out. Not me, although I rubbed my belly harder against the Emperor’s groin. Normally, these slaps would have stung but not actually hurt. After last night, however, my buttocks were tender enough that his hand might as well have been a seasoned cane.

Another stinging slap. “Answer him, Jin.”

His informal use of my name made me burn all the hotter. “His Majesty, the Son of Heaven, saw fit to punish me.”

My husband stumbled forward as though someone had clubbed him in the head. He fell to his knees and wrung his hands. “Father, why? What has she done?”

The Emperor’s hand landed again. Driving me to answer.

“For my failure as your wife!”

With his right hand, he jerked my hair, forcing me to lift my head and look upon his son, who stared at me with such shock and bewilderment that I almost felt sorry for him. He might be the Emperor’s oldest son, but he had no political or common sense. He stared like a child, lost in the dark with the rain pouring down, without the sense to seek shelter or cover his head.

For the first time I had an inkling of why the Emperor may have given me to Ping. I had more training and knowledge of politics and warfare than him. I could have helped him survive the trials and tribulations of the throne. Guilt churned in my stomach. Not for betraying my husband with his father, but for abandoning him to his fate. He could not possibly survive the bloodthirsty campaign the Empress would instigate in order to win the throne for her own firstborn son instead of the Emperor’s.

“She has not held your attention.” The Emperor’s hand fell upon me again, his voice dark and low with intent. “She has not given you a son.” Again. “Despite Father’s loving counsel that she could serve you well as heir apparent, you have seen fit to replace her with another inappropriate woman.”

Again, his hand slapped my sore bottom, and I didn’t try to hold back the tears, both at his words and the punishment. He was right on all accounts.

“You have rejected her and cannot take her back as your dutiful wife without losing face, so she is wasted upon you. Your brother will not accept your castoff wife. Why do you care if we choose to punish her for these failures?”

“Father.” Ping sounded like he was the one being punished. His voice quivered as though he were in tears. “Forgive her. It’s my fault—”

The Emperor’s hand gripped my buttock in what I hoped was a subtle caress. “Leave her to her fate. Leave her to me.”

“I don’t want her hurt or humiliated. Father, I beg you—”

“Enough!”

I quivered at the roar in his voice. His erection was hard beneath me, another punishment, another humiliation to be brought so needy and vulnerable while my husband watched, oblivious to the desire flooding my senses. If the Emperor opened his garments, I would take him into my mouth, here and now, without any hesitation or concern about who watched.

Finally, Ping backed toward the exit. The poor man actually looked worried for me.

“Get out. All of you.”

I barely heard the scurrying feet and rustling silks over my own pounding heart. The Emperor pulled me upright, his hands merciless on my body. Breathing hard, he tugged my underskirt up as I worked his silks open. He had much more clothing to adjust than I did. Endless seconds, his breathing hot on my face, his hands massaging my bruised hips and buttocks. It brought tears of pain to my eyes even while my sex throbbed for more.

Finally my fingers wrapped around his member and he groaned. “I thought the fool would never leave.”

I didn’t dare speak ill of his son. To do so would also cast blame upon the father, who had spoiled him his entire life. Ping had become the son his father had guided him to be, when he should have received training equal to mine with a general’s instruction. I wouldn’t make the mistake of assuming the Empress had not been coaching Zhou to be the next head of the empire.

Perhaps the Emperor knew full well that Ping would not last to be the next Emperor. Why, then, had he made my husband Crown Prince? Why had he given me to him?

All political considerations flew from my head as the Emperor slid into me. With my knees planted on either side of him on the chair, I stared down into his harsh face, smoothing my fingers over his cheeks, around his mouth, trying to erase the lines of worry and responsibility. To think I was making love to the Emperor outside his bedchamber in a public reception room.

He chuckled at the wicked mirth in my eyes. “Any public room can become private when one is the Emperor.”

I didn’t argue that hundreds of servants waited just around the corner, straining to hear a single squeak. The same people had been listening outside his chambers last night. I tried to think of something to say, but his fingers kneaded my flesh and he surged so deeply inside me that I couldn’t hold a coherent thought in my head. He pulled me down to kiss me, his tongue stroking mine. The change in position made me moan as it applied delicious, exquisite pressure to my core. Clamping a hand on the back of my neck and one on my lower back, he pinned me against him. He ground against my center until I shook with release. On a low, pleased groan, he released inside me and tucked me against him.

It seemed like the whole encounter took only a few seconds, but it could have been hours. When I was with him, I lost all sense of time and pride. I couldn’t remember if I’d screamed or not. I didn’t even care that soon I’d have to walk through all those waiting people even more disheveled than when I’d arrived.

Damp with sweat, we simply sat heart to heart, still wrapped around one another while we waited for our bodies to calm. His heart beat strong and sure beneath my cheek, his hands gentle on my back, playing in my hair.

“I shall gladly give you all you can possibly want,” he whispered against my temple, his lips a caress that made my heart lurch. “I’ll allow your plots to unfold without interference. In fact, I anticipate the drama and look forward to what your clever mind has contrived. But hear me now, Jin. Do not attempt to force me to choose or act. You would not like my choice then, lovely one.”