Goofballs 4: The Mysterious Talent Show Mystery (2 page)

BOOK: Goofballs 4: The Mysterious Talent Show Mystery
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“It might just be a spelling mistake,” I said.

“I sometimes misspell my name,” said Brian. “And
Brian
comes out
Brain
. But it’s not really a mistake. Because I really
am
a brain!”

No one said anything for a few seconds.

“Maybe,” Kelly grumbled finally. “But mistake or not, I’ve got my eyes on that sign.”

“I’ve got my eyes on my face,” said Brian. “They’re easier to blink that way. Watch …”

He blinked over and over and over.

It made us all a little sick, but we couldn’t look away.

Brian finally got so dizzy with blinking that he fell over. We helped him to his feet.

“Come on,
Brain
,” I said. “You can hurt your
Brian
that way.”

“Me, too,” he said as we all entered the auditorium.

2
The Mystery of the Missing Talent

T
he auditorium was as huge as a football field. Except that it was indoors and had rows of seats from wall to wall and a stage big enough to land a plane on.

Our classmates Billy Carlson, Joey Myers, and Tiffany Flynn were already there.

Tiffany wore tap shoes that clacked whenever she took a step.

Billy held a piece of rope. And Joey kept moving his lips and laughing to himself.

Billy and Joey had figured in a couple of our mysteries before. They weren’t all that goofy, but they were okay anyway. Tiffany was pretty new in our class, so I hadn’t noticed if she was goofy or not.

Finally, Violet Boggs walked onstage.

Even though her name was Violet, she always wore pink from head to toe.

“I’m going to the opening of Pinkworld next week,” she said. “It’s a store that sells all kinds of pink stuff.”

Kelly looked her up and down. “Is there any left?”

“Some,” said Violet. “I’m getting it.”

Then Violet dragged a big lumpy thing to the center of the stage.

It looked like a baby elephant on wheels.

“Is that a baby elephant on wheels?” I asked.

“It’s my pink tuba,” said Violet. She lifted away a fuzzy pink blanket, opened the case, and removed what looked like a pink smokestack attached to a pink radiator attached to pink bathroom plumbing.

“Cool invention,” said Brian. “What does it sound like?”

“Just listen!” Violet twisted herself into the tuba and puffed into the mouthpiece.

BWAAAP!

Brian fell over again. “Oww,” he said, rubbing his head. “I really need to rest my Brian.”

“Plus it hurts my mind,” said Tiffany, slapping her hands over her ears.

The curtain whooshed aside, and our principal, Principal Higgins, appeared on the stage. “Hello, children. I want to introduce Tabitha Rinkle, the director of the talent show—”

All at once, a short, round lady with big red hair flew past the principal and bounced across the stage to us.

“I am Mrs. Tabitha Rinkle, the director of the talent show!” she said with a big laugh. “Come to me!”

We did. But Principal Higgins didn’t. He said he had principal stuff to do, and he left the auditorium.

“As you know,” Mrs. Rinkle said, changing her laugh to a smile, “this is an awesome theater. It has a backstage, a fog machine, a music room, and a costume shop, and even a catwalk!”

“I don’t have a cat,” said Kelly. “But if I did, could I walk it here?”

Mrs. Tabitha Rinkle laughed again. “No, no, dear! A catwalk is a walkway for the stage crew. It’s high above the stage. See?”

We looked up. The catwalk was a skinny bridge way up behind the main curtain.

“Now, there will be two acts in our show,” Mrs. Rinkle said.

“That’s a lot,” said Billy Carlson.

“Act one is the talent show,” Mrs. Rinkle continued. “Act two is a play. Let’s start with act one talent auditions. Tiffany Flynn?”

We all stood aside as Tiffany clacked to the center of the stage and clicked on a CD player.

First music started.

Then Tiffany started.

To dance.

Sort of.

Her right foot tapped like crazy.

Tappa-tappa-tap-te-tappa-tap!

Her arms flew all around like wings. But her left foot didn’t move an inch.

It sat like a lump of stone glued to the stage.

“One of her feet doesn’t seem to be working,” Mara whispered.

Tappa-tappity-ta-tappppp!

Tiffany bowed suddenly, and her dance was over.

“Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!” Mrs. Rinkle said, using what we would soon learn was her favorite word. “Next is Billy Carlson.”

Billy bowed. “I call my act ‘Taming the Wild Snake.’ ”

He swished his rope back and forth on the floor in front of him. “Oh, no. A wild snake. Watch while I tame it.”

Billy pulled the rope up. It hung limply in his hands. “Thank you.”

“Write this down, Jeff,” whispered Kelly.

“I shall now tell a series of jokes,” Joey Myers said with a bow. “Here I go. Why did the farmer drive a red truck with a green steering wheel?”

“Why?” we asked.

“Because it was a long way to town. Why is the sky blue?”

“Why?” we asked.

“Because all the other colors were taken. Why do restaurants serve food?”

“Why?” we asked.

“Because barber shops are too busy. Why did the elephant sit down?”

“Why?” we asked.

“Because it was a long way to town. Why were the twins named Henri with an
i
and Henry with a
y
?”

“Why?” we asked.

“So their mother could tell them apart. Thank you.”

When Joey walked off, Violet carried her big pink tuba to the center of the stage and slid herself into it.

“In the hands of a master,” she said, “the tuba can meow like a tiny kitten.…”

BWAAAAP!

“It can play a military march.…”

BWAAAAP!

“It can also play a soft lullaby.…”

BWAAAAP!

I wondered if Mrs. Rinkle would ask the Goofballs to search for all the missing talent. But she just laughed and said, “Awesome!”

Then it was our turn.

“I’ll be singing a song,” Kelly said.

“What is it called?” asked Mrs. Rinkle.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Kelly.

“I’ve never heard that song before,” Mrs. Rinkle said.

That’s because
no one
had heard that song before.

Not even Kelly.

Because she made it up as she sang it.

I’m on a big stage …

There are seats out there …

My neck kind of itches …

I have blond hair …

“Lovely rhyme. Thank you, dear,” said Mrs. Rinkle.

“But there’s a second verse!” said Kelly.

It’s way after school …

I like watermelon …

Polar bears are white …

My name’s not Ellen …

We all clapped before Kelly could sing the third verse.

“Now … Brian,” said Mrs. Rinkle.

All at once, I heard something snap. I spun around to see Brian with the balancing stick from my backpack. He had snapped it in half and was snapping the pieces in half again.

“What are you doing?” I screamed.

“I need a couple of very short sticks,” he said, breaking the pieces in half one more time. Now they were tiny slivers.

“But that’s half my act!” I cried.

“Don’t worry, Jeff,” he said. “My act will completely knock their socks off. While everyone runs home for new socks, we’ll find another stick for you.”

I was about to explode, but Brian dashed onstage. He held up the tiny sticks and tapped them together.

Then his hands began to swordfight!

Brian pretended his hands were two guys in a duel. He even did the voices of each hand out of different sides of his mouth. “Take
zat
!”

“No,
you
take zis!”

“I’ll
vin
zis duel!”

“No,
I
vill vin!”

It was like … it was like … I don’t know what it was like.

Finally, both hands lowered their swords. Brian said, “Thank you.”

So did his hands.


Tank
you!”


Sank
you!”

“Thrilling!” said Mrs. Rinkle.

Mara was next. “I will model this scarf,” she said, lightly touching a green scarf wound around her neck.

She stood there. And stood there some more. And kept on standing.

“Thank you,” she said, and she walked off the stage.

Mrs. Rinkle clapped for a full minute. “Very elegant, my dear! Just brilliant! Now … Jeff?”

I glared at Brian. “No one’s socks came off,” I said.

Brian shrugged. “Probably a good thing.”

But Goofballs don’t stay mad at other Goofballs. And they never give up, no matter how much Brian wrecks stuff.

“My act is … 
not
 … spinning a plate,” I said. I set the plastic plate on the stage. It just sat there. “Look how
not
spinning it is!”

After a minute, I bowed and left the stage.

But Mrs. Rinkle jumped from her seat, shouting, “Excellent! Wonderful! And, well, awesome! I can’t wait to share you with the audience next Friday night!” she said.

Joey turned to Mrs. Rinkle. “You mean Saturday night, right? It sort of says that on the sign.”

BOOK: Goofballs 4: The Mysterious Talent Show Mystery
8.75Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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