Hard to Love (11 page)

He leaned in slowly, giving me time to pull away before his mouth captured mine in a scorching kiss.
Oh, God, it was
mouthwateringly good.
Slow
and
sensual, worshipping
at
my mouth, nipping at my lips, tast
ing
me
and making my sex wet and n
eedy.
My tongue darted out to
lick
his bottom lip and his responded in turn, colliding with mine in a tangle of
wet heat
.
His fingers threaded themselves f
a
rther
into
my hair while his thumb traced slow circles on the sensitive skin at the back of my neck.

A mix of emotions flooded my system. Everything from desire over this sexy man to fear that Lily might catch us, to shame
that
to my parents would never approve of him as my boyfriend. I knew I was getting way ahead of myself even thinking like that when Cade stopped suddenly, and pulled back.

His eyes studied m
e
, trying to understand what had just transpired between us.  “You’re
going to be the death of me
, cupcake.” He brushed the dampness from my top lip with his forefinger.

I glanced
down and caught sight of
the huge
bulge straining against his jeans.
I pressed my lips into a tight line, trying to avoid grinning like a fool at the thought
that
I’d affected him just as much as he did me.

He lifted my chin with a single finger and made me meet his eyes. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t get shy on me now.”

I swallowed and relaxed into his ha
nd. His thumb stroked my cheek and I automatically moved in to his caresses, my lids drowsily closing.

“That’s better.” He smiled and dropped his hand. “I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, but
if
you
ever really do want
this
,
I’
ll
be the one to do it.
He
ll, I
’d be honored. But
you
should do it when
you’re ready, and with
someone special.
”

I nodded, sucking in my bottom lip so Cade wouldn’t see it tremble.

“It’s late. You should probably get going.” He stood and adjusted his erection. “Come back and see Lily anytime.”

He ushered me to the door and out of the house, and if I didn’t know better I would have thought he was trying desperately to get rid of me.

I drove home, exhausted,
but
most of all
confused
.
But when I pushed the thoughts of Cade aside and remember Lily’s little face smiling up at mine, or her determination to excel at each exercise I showed her, it tugged at my heart and I held onto those memories, wondering if I’d see either of them again.

Chapter 9

Cade

As badly as I wanted Alexa, she deserved better, especially for her first time.
It wasn’t right for her to just
look for someone to get it over with.
She wasn’t that kind of girl. She deserved roses, candles, that kind of shit. And I
was
not that kind of guy.

I’d ushered her out of my house as quickly as I could without seeming like an asshole,
my dick screaming in protest all the while
. I wanted her like crazy. Just the thought of burying
myself
in her tight, wet heat was enough to drive me
insane
. Yes, I’d made the right decision sending her home.
But dammit if I hadn’t hid
inside like some fucking pussy while she walked out to her car alone.
I’d turned on the porch light and watched her from the window until she was safely inside her car and pulling away.
I didn’t trust myself to be near her just then.

It
was for the best.
At least that
was
what I told myself as I climbed into bed with a raging hard
-
on that refused to go away.

The following morning
I met
Ian
at the gym once I got Lily off to school. All she talked about over breakfast was ‘
Lexa
this and
Lexa
that.’
Drove me up a fucking wall.
I had a hard enough time keeping
the woman out of
my own thoughts,
but
with Lily now firmly
planted
on Team Alexa, it was near impossible. 

I’d hoped lifting weights with
Ian
would clea
r my head, but so far it had
proven difficult.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?”
Ian
mocked me from a nearby weight bench.
“You’re lifting like a pansy
ass
today.”

I sent him
a
don’t
fuck with me
scowl and added another
set of forty-fives
to my bench press.
I was struggling under the weight by the fourth rep.
Damn
.

Ian
pulled the bar up and helped me re-rack it.
“Seriously
,
man.
Talk to me.”

“This isn’t Oprah, bro. Mind your own
damn
business.”

He chuckled and shook his head, leaving me alone on my bench.
When I met up with him in the steam room, he kept true to the sentiment. He hadn’t asked me any further questions about my shitty mood, and instead we talked strategy of his upcoming fight.

Ian
was an up
-
and
-
coming mixed-martial-arts fighter. He was much better than me, and I
was man enough
to admit it. I also
wasn’t
afraid to spar with him in the ring, even though he was lightning quick and
his kicks
ripped
the air from your lungs. But m
y left hooks were nothing to fuck with, and I occasionally caught
him off guard
.
M
ore
often
than not,
though,
he didn’t miss a blow
—
and
my ribs had the bruises to prove it.
D
amn, he
had
to be good.
H
e
had a handful of local businesses sponsoring him, and
had parents that
had
paid for ever
y
lesson imaginable growing up. He was
born
to do this. Me
,
on the other hand, I learned on the fly and won fights out of sheer determination.

Ian
wiped the sweat from his eyes with
a
hand towel.
“So what about you?
Are you planning on fighting again anytime soon?”

The money was pretty goo
d
—
if you won. “I don’t know man, you try working construction with cracked ribs and a broken finger.” 
Not to mention
trying to
explain to a six-year-old why you
were
black
-
and
-
blue and watching her eyes well up with tears when you explain
ed
it was from a fight
.
It
wa
sn’t something I ever want
ed
to do again
. She wanted to know who I fought with and why he was mad at me. I didn’t like upsetting her like that. But it
wasn’t
like I could say to my opponent, hey man, no face shots, my little sister gets upset. There was no way around the bumps and bruises
—
and
even
if I won
, I’d still usually be sporting the
distinctive look
of a black eye for weeks.

One way or another, I needed to get my shit together and find a well-paying job that didn’t require me to fight in a ring, or get naked on camera.

*****

By the time
I got home from
the gym, Lily was due home from school.
I had just enough time to make the phone call before I chickened out. I couldn’t get Alexa and the way she’d left
the night before off my mind
. She’d done nothing but help out with Lily and I
’d
practically mauled her on my couch, told her I wanted to fuck her, and then sent her packing. I dialed the number to the hospital and asked to be connected to Alexa in nursing. I
realized I
didn’t know her last name
,
b
ut thankfully, a few minutes later, they tracked her down for me.

“Cade? Is everything okay…
?
”

Her voice was frantic.
Shit
. She
’d
probably assumed this call was about Lily.
“
Everything’s fine. Listen,
I’ll keep this quick because you’re at work, but I needed to call
a
nd tell you
I’m sorry if things got weird last night. That was my fault.”

She hesitated for a minute. “That’s okay. I had a lot of fun with Lily and
—
” she stopped short.

“Me too.
Listen, can I return the favor? I’d like to make you dinner. Or at least buy you dinner, since you probably don’t want me cooking.”

Soft feminine laughter filled the silence between us. “Okay.”

“Are you free tomorrow night?”

“Yes. What time should I come over?”

I liked that she volunteered to come over, knowing it would be easiest for me and Lily if she came to my house again. Other girls I’d tried to date usually pitched a fit that I couldn’t go out much. “Six okay?”

“Yep.
It’s a date. I mean, I’ll see you then.”

“Great. Oh, and I should probably get your number. You know, just in case I ever need help with Lily. You probably don’t want me calling you at work. And I’ll give you my cell number, in case you ever need anything too.”
Like
me
.
 

“Okay,” she said softly
. Just the sound of her voice brought out the alpha male in me. I knew being alone
with
her again probably wasn’t a good idea, but I also knew I was powerless to stop it.

Chapter 10

Alexa

MacKenzie and I sat in a corner booth in the hospital
cafeteria
, taking our lunch break. Well,
we called it lunch, but it was
three in the morning. I stuck with breakfast foods, while
Kenz
usually opted for dinner. The one thing we shared in common
, though, was the consumption
of
mass
quantities of coffee.

“Part of me does want to break out of my Little-Miss-Goody-Two-
s
hoes image
—
do
somet
hing crazy. Grasp onto experiences while I’m sti
l
l young. I mean is that so bad?”
I didn’t mention Cade
’
s invite to her to. I needed to test the water first
.

“Amen
,
sister.” She raised her cup in a
salute
.

“I mean, would it be totally crazy if I wanted to, I don’t know
,
mess around with Cade, see what all the fuss is about…”

MacKenzie
spit out a mouthful of coffee
. “
I didn’t realize we were talking about that!” I mopped
the warm liquid
from the table in front of her with a stack of napkins. “
You do what you want, babe. But you do know he’s not going to be satisfied with straight vanilla sex, right? He’s probably done things we’ve only dreamed about.”

I didn’t know what her dreams consisted of, but vanilla sex was the
extent
of mine.
“Like?”

“Threesomes, orgies, anal sex
…
”

I held up my hand, stopping her. “Okay.
Enough
,
t
hanks.”
My cheeks flamed at her tirade.  I was interested in exploring my sexuality with Cade, but there was no way I was ready for
any of
that. I couldn’t even
hear
the words without blushing.