Hard to Love (26 page)

Cade chuckled, bringing his hand down to pet my hair, smoothing it back from my face. “Damn, baby, you in a hurry?”

But his laughter died on his lips when my mouth crested around his
swollen
head, pulling him
deep inside
.

“Oh
,
fuck
.”

Pride swelled within me and I put every ounce of energy I had into
the
performance. My mind replayed the images
from
his videos, and I mimicked the
moves I’d seen
—licking his balls and sucking one of them into my mouth. Cade flinched and pulled back. “You don’t like it?” I asked, looking up at him with wide eyes.

His eyes blazed down at mine. “It’s…okay.” He seemed to struggle for the right words. He stroked my hair back from my face, while trying to read my expression. “I like you sucking on my cock better, that’s all.”

“Oh. But in your last video…” I stopped, snapping my mouth closed.

Realization crossed his features, and it seemed
we
were both remembering the way he pulled himself free from the girl’s mouth and directed her to his balls. He stroked his thumb
along my jaw. “That was just for the camera, baby. It was acting. My cock is yours, and there was something that didn’t feel right about her doing that. My last memories were of you sucking me deep into your throat, and I didn’t want anyone else’s lips around me
right then
. I know that probably sounds stupid to you, considering… But it’s the truth.”

I took a deep breath. It didn’t matter what he said at this point, I reminded myself. He couldn’t make this right. I needed to be strong. “Kay.
Got it.”
I returned to my task, gripping him firmly with both hands as
I stroked and suckled at the same time
, forcing all thoughts away from my mind
.

“Damn
,
cupcake.” His knees trembled, and his hands wound their way into my hair, lifting it from my face and arranging it in a ponytail behind my head.

With one hand still planted in my hair, he gripped his shaft in his other hand and pulled himself free from my mouth. “I don’t want to come yet
,” he said through gritted teeth.
“
Let me take care of you.”

He gr
abb
ed my upper arms, pulling me to my feet
,
and planted a series of sweet kisses on my mouth.

“No. I need you inside me.
Now.”
He
read the
insistence
in my eyes
.

“Okay.” He pulled the hem of my sweater dress up and I lifted my arms, suddenly standing before him in just my bra and panties.

I reached around to unclasp my bra ditching it and then quickly remov
ed
my panties. I wasn’t sure why, but I needed to be in control. Not bothering to remove Cade’s shirt, I pulled him in toward me, my back pressed against the counter. His eyes held a trace of hesitation, but I p
ulled his lips to mine. “T
ake me.”

He lifted me onto the counter and rubbed at the lips of my swollen sex. “Are you wet enough, sweetheart? I don’t want to hurt you.”

He needed to cut it out with this nice guy shit. We both knew he wasn’t. This was exactly why my heart was in shreds.

Finding that I was already soaking wet
—
damn hormones
—
he rolled on a condom taken from his wallet.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and
dug
my heels into his ass, urging him forward. Seconds later I felt his cock nudging
at
my entrance. Yes,
this was
what I needed, just to forget about everything else and lose myself in the sensations.
A wave of desire raced through my belly.

He inched forward, slipping inside me slowly.
Achingly slowly.

I arched my back, lying against the cool hard counter
,
and squeezed my eyes closed.
“Harder.
Fuck me harder.”

Cade’s movements picked up, if only infinitesimally, and his fingertips grazed my breasts.
“Alexa?
Look at me.”

I opened one eye.
“
Just do it Cade
.
Y
ou’re not going to break me.”

His hands moved to my hips to pull me forward against his
pelvis.
I watched his movements
for a moment
before letting my eyes drift closed again. I rocked my hips against his, despite the pleasure-pain combo gripping my
insides
from the fullness.
I let out heavy pants, pushing my hips forward in time to meet his thrusts, cutting into his ass with my fingernails.

“
Stop,
Lex
, stop.
This isn’t revenge sex.” He pulled away from me, his cock
,
warm and wet,
rest
ing
agains
t my belly. “What are you doing
?” He took my shoulders,
gently
shaking them until I met his gaze.

I sat up on the counter, tears welling
in my eyes. What the hell was I doing? This wasn’t me. I wasn’t a goddess in the bedroom
—
or kitchen
, as it were
—
I was inexperienced and clumsy.
I was only doing this because my feelings for him terrified me.
I
loved him. I fucking loved him. I sucked in my bottom lip, refusing to cry. “I’m not a porn star
.
I
know I’m not like the other wome
n you’ve been with…”

He released a frustrated breath, and clenched his fists at his sides. “That’s what you thought this was? That I wanted rough sex with you…because of my past…” He yanked up his
boxers and
jeans. “Fuck
.
”
T
he curse ripped through his chest in a low growl. His hands were
trembling
and the look in his eyes was unlike anything I’d ever seen.

I
pulled in
a
shaky breath
.

Cade
scooped me up from the counter, easily
lift
ing
me in his arms,
and
cradl
ed
me against his chest as he stalked
from
the kitchen. He kicked open the door to my bedroom and tossed me in the center of the bed, where I landed with a soft thud.

He crawled towards me, leaning in close to my ear
, his voice low and laced with anger
. “If you want me to fuck you hard, I will. But not because you think it’s what I want. I want you.
Just you, Alexa.
Your
soft curves, your lack of experience, your tight pussy that’s only
ever
been mine. That night with you,
despite what I might have said, we made love
,
and it
was the best sex of my life.” He sat back on his heels, giving me a chance to process his words. “And more than that, it wasn’t just sex that we shared that night.” He rubbed his hands over his hair. “Christ, cupcake. I’m in love with you.”

Chapter 23

Cade

Alexa’s stunned reaction to those
five
little words wasn’t quite what I was expecting.
He
r wide blue eyes stayed locked on mine for several seconds before
they
pinch
ed
closed. She shook her head. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

I cupped her cheeks, and she opened her eyes. “I meant every word. I love you.” A smile blossomed on her lips and I leaned forward to kiss her. “If I have to sacrifice to give you everything you want,
if
I have to change who I am, whatever I have to do
—
tell me. It’s done. I can’t believe I thought I could live with
out
you.” 

She looked down, a rosy blush
staining
her cheeks. “Cade,” she whispered softly
,
gripping handfuls of
the sheets in her little
palms
.

“
I was fucking miserable without you.
An absolute wreck.
Please forgive me, cupcake.”

She looked
up, seeming to draw some strength at hearing me grovel
, her mischievous grin
slipping
back in place. “And you’ll commit
—
only to me. No more filming no matter how tough times get.”

“I promise.” I kissed the back of her hand, her knuckles,
her
wrist.

“And you won’t even
so
much
as
look at another woman when we’re together.”

I
met her eyes
. “I
won’t
need to. I’ve got the most beautiful girl in the world with me.” 
We were making our own vows to each other, and no matter how strange they might
have
seem
ed
they were perfect for us.
“Will you be okay with me sitting on my ass on Sunday afternoons, watching the game and having a
beer?
”

She laughed, deep and throaty.
“Only if you’ll
let
me
have
chicken wings.”

I smirked.
“Done.”

She crawled
o
nto my lap, straddling me and resting her head against my chest. It was strange how I’d come to think of this as her spot. She traced a tender fingertip lightly over my chest
, grazing against the hair
.
“Would you go to the store and get me tampons and chocolate ice cream and cheesy gossip magazine
s
when I need
them
?”

“Damn baby, if I can play Beauty Shop Barbie with Lil, don’t you think I can handle that?”

She chuckled, her chest brushing against mine as she laughed.
My body stirred to life, remembering that we were still
mostly naked
.

I turned and gently lowered her onto the bed, settling myself over her.
I licked her nipples, pulling on
e
into my mouth
, and kept my eyes
locked on hers.
I took my time, thoroughly worshipping her with my mouth and fingers until she was soaking wet and begging me for more. God, I loved this girl.

I arranged her on her back, her legs spread wide for me, and kne
lt
between
her knees
. I inched forward until I was disappearing inside her. Watching my cock slip
between
her pink folds was insanely hot.

My only issue
with this position
, propped up on my knees the way I was,
w
as that I couldn’t kiss her
.
  I had the perfect view of her
hot little body
,
however,
so I used it to my
full
advantage.
Having her laid out before me
this way
allowed
me to
cup her breasts
and
dip between her legs to massage her clit.
“I want you to come for me, baby.”

She moaned softly, her eyes closing in concentration.
“Cade, I want it faster.”

“You sure, baby?”

“Yeah,” she
groaned out, meeting my gaze again.

I gripped her knees and increased my tempo, until I was fully buried with each thrust, my balls
hitting
her ass.

Oh fuck, I wa
s
n
’
t going to last at this pace. Her warmth, her body, her tight little pussy…. Ah, shit. “Baby, I’m going to come.”

“Not yet,” she whispered.

I bit back a curse, and pumped harder, circling her clit faster. Droplets of sweat rolled down my back from the effort of holding off my orgasm.
“Baby?”

“Not yet,” she cried.

I gripped the base of my sha
ft, pinching off my impe
n
ding orgasm, and continued thrusting.
My balls tightened as the
physical ache from holding back
over
took me.