HER BABY'S SECRET FATHER (7 page)

Tara startled. Jaynie soothed her.

Terrance covered his eyes and grimaced—again. Sorry, he mouthed.

Jaynie had been spending a lot of time in the nursery, and even more time alone at home. The thought of keeping company with Terrance had a certain appeal.

“Thanks for asking. I’d like that. I’ll need to go home and change, so you can pick me up there.”

Judging by the smile on his face, she’d given the right answer.

J
AYNIE
put her arm around Arpita as the doctors whisked Manish off to surgery. “What’s going on?”

Arpita wrung her hands. “He started passing blood in his diapers. They said he needs surgery for a blockage.” She burst out in tears. “What am I going to do?”

Jaynie’s nursing background had her thinking it was necrotizing enterocolitis causing little Manish’s problems. The earlier respiratory infection hadn’t helped his oxygen level in the least, and she also knew he was anemic on top of that. Adding it all together, his colon had most likely developed an area of weakness, and, being opportunist, bacteria probably found a place to thrive. Manish had been looking bloated and uncomfortable recently. At a mere two and a half pounds, and eating poorly, things must have gotten worse. The surgeon would need to remove the area in question, which would mean an even longer struggle to survive, thrive and finally go home.

Poor Manish.

Jaynie held Arpita’s tense fists and tried her best to offer silent support until her husband, Baldeep, and her mother-in-law arrived. After that, Jaynie sat on pins and needles beside Tara’s bed, praying for surgical success for Manish, and waiting for news.

* * *

That evening, no one answered the door at Jaynie’s when Terrance knocked. He tried again. Nothing.

If she’s not here, she must be at the hospital.

He hopped into his hybrid car and headed for Mercy.

Just before arriving at the NICU, Terrance saw and recognized a couple leaving the ward. The husband supported the wife, who was crying and nearly hysterical. “Baldeep,” she croaked between gasps. “Why?”

A pained look drew Baldeep’s large black eyes together as he wrapped his arms around the young woman. “He was too small, Arpita. Too young.”

Her lively colored sari seemed sadly out of place as he led her away.

Terrance clenched his jaw and his stomach knotted. He knew what they were going through all too well.

He entered the unit and found Jaynie sitting and rocking, looking stunned. Her hand rested carefully on Tara’s isolette for support. A cascade of tears ran down her flushed cheeks.

He rushed to her and knelt, but didn’t need to ask what was wrong.

She stared straight ahead, devastated. “Manish died in surgery.” Jaynie removed her glasses, covered her face with the crumpled tissue she clutched in her hands and wept.

Lifting her to stand, Terrance guided her to the R.T. blood gas room for privacy. After closing the door, he drew her to his chest. She hugged her arms to her heart and buried her head in his shoulder. Rocking to and fro, he stroked her soft curls with one hand and smoothed her back with the other.

He inhaled the fresh scent of her hair and skin, and wanted more than anything to take away her pain. He kissed the crown of her head and squeezed her tighter, feeling her tremble beneath his grasp. The depth of her sadness took his breath away. He knew this pain—pain that ripped the air from your lungs, strangled your heart and took your will to live away. He fought a wave of nausea and concentrated on Jaynie.

She turned her head and tucked herself under his chin, easing her arms around his back.

God, he loved how she felt. An intense desire to comfort her helped him focus solely on the lady in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Jaynie. I’m sure they did everything they could to save him.”

Jaynie gulped and wiped at her tears. “He was so precious and helpless.”

…and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

Terrance recalled the last night he’d put Emily to bed. His ex-wife had had a headache, and he’d volunteered for the job. Her precious gurgles and sparkling elfin eyes had looked at him with all the trust in the world. She’d been teething, and had needed some baby medicine.

He’d played with her chubby toes while he changed her diaper, and his ex-wife had scolded him from the other room. “Don’t get her all riled up.”

He’d looked at Emily and poked her belly button. “I’m not getting you all riled up, am I?”

She’d let out an ecstatic squeal, and he’d shushed her, just before he’d kissed her goodnight…

He kissed Jaynie’s forehead and she looked into his eyes, saying, “I don’t think I could survive if Tara died.”

Biting back the pain that squeezed his chest, he grazed her smooth cheek with his own and whispered into her ear, “Then we’ll just have to make sure that Tara will always be fine.”

She turned her face ever so slightly, as if she meant to say something. The move brought their lips together. Tentative, as though it was a mistake, he waited for Jaynie to withdraw. She didn’t. Then in a rush, their mouths merged, warm, soft and open, like lovers.

Like parents, united by tragedy.

Hesitant to overstep his bounds, he held back, soon realizing she didn’t seem to mind. Terrance tested the velvet-smooth warmth of Jaynie’s mouth. His gentle kisses turned intense and deep. He found her tongue and explored with his own, savoring the sweet taste. His body flushed with fire when he nibbled the soft pads of her lips and tasted the salt from her tears.

In a flare of excitement she kissed him back, moving her arms from around his waist to his neck. Her warm hands drew him downward and pressed his face closer to hers. Pulling her flush to his chest, he sensed the heat of her breasts, running his hands up her sides, then turning his head to delve deeper into her luscious mouth. The tip of her tongue pressed firmly against his, she brushed and swirled, and he heard himself groan in response. They’d crossed over the line from comfort kiss to raw passion.

Desire ran deep, but, remembering where they were, he regrettably tore himself away.

Breathless, and stunned by what had just happened, he found it hard to focus. Jaynie rested her head on his chest again, this time more relaxed. Perhaps the kiss was exactly what she’d needed. He forced his racing pulse to slow down and embraced her for several more moments, memorizing every tantalizing second of their encounter. He inhaled her sweet fragrance, and when she had had enough he pressed his lips to the crown of her head one last time.

She looked up and smiled at him with wide brown eyes. “Thank you for being here for me,” she said.

“What are friends for?”

They both chuckled at his misstatement.

He grew serious, and tried again. “I can’t think of any place else I’d rather be.”

He saw the look of deep appreciation in her gaze, and longed for something more. He longed to tell her the truth about the situation. But things were too complicated, and he had too many secrets. And one of them—
I’m the donor
—could blow their friendship off the planet for good.

They held hands and went back inside the NICU. They watched Tara’s perfection for several more minutes, which gave Terrance a chance to digest what had just happened.

“Look,” she said, “her little extra fingers are gone.”

He nodded, and thoughtlessly rubbed the faint scars on his own hands. Evidence of the gene he had given her.

When Jaynie’s stomach growled, he gently bumped her with his shoulder. “Let’s go eat.”

She didn’t argue.

* * *

* * *

Later, when he walked her to her door, he didn’t press his luck with another kiss. But one thing was for sure: his feelings for Jaynie went beyond infatuation, and he intended to explore their depth. He owed that much to himself.

They had avoided the subject of the kiss over dinner, and spent most of the evening talking about Manish, and Arpita and Baldeep’s grief. And, of course, they’d talked about Tara.

Just before Jaynie unlocked her door and prepared to go inside, he noticed a large box on the doorstep. “What’s this?”

“Call me crazy, but I bought a satellite dish so I can watch the baby channel. Tomorrow I’m planning to call a handyman to set it up. Or maybe I’ll save the money and do it myself. It comes with instructions.”

“I’m off tomorrow.” He’d postpone his plans to write up his latest biochem lab results and study for the upcoming test. “Just say the word, and I’m all yours.”

She narrowed her eyes and half smiled. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“Why not? Do you think I’d let you climb on the roof and risk breaking your neck so Tara can be an orphan?”

“So I should let
you
risk breaking
your
neck?” she said, incredulously.

“I’m a guy. I was born to climb roofs, sweetheart.” He gave a lopsided grin and hopped onto the porch railing, then hung from the eave, swinging and showing off like a cocky teenager.
The silly things she brought out in him.

Gimlet-eyed, she beamed, and Terrance thought he detected a spark he’d never seen before. He hoped it had something to do with their kiss.

After dangling awhile, giving Jaynie a chance to think, he swung down, landing directly in front of her. She took a tiny step back. Her glance darted to her toes.

“What time do you want me?”

“I’ll be home from Tara’s bath by ten,” she said, lifting her head.

“I’ll be here.” He winked, and darn if she didn’t blush. He liked that.

Jaynie ran her hand along her neck and looked flustered. A moth piloted past her head on its way toward the porch light. Jaynie’s smile made Terrance want to grab her and start kissing her all over again, but he swatted at the moth instead.

“Okay, then,” she said.

He had no intention of moving until she closed the door. “Okay.” He grinned back like a kid, cupping the moth in his fist, resisting the tickle in his palm, savoring the look on her face.

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “Okiedokey,” she stuttered. “G-goodnight.” And she closed the door.

He stood his ground for several seconds, saw her turn around and lean against her hands on the thick beveled glass door, and when he listened carefully he thought he heard her sigh.

Then he released the captured moth into the night, and followed it home.

* * *

Promptly at ten a.m. on a bright and crisp spring morning, Terrance showed up wearing a sleeveless tee shirt and jeans with rips in both knees. A utility belt with an assortment of tools graced his narrow hips. Instead of being pulled back in a tight, low ponytail, his hair hung loose.

Jaynie caught her breath at the sight. She’d been reeling over their passionate kiss all night, and wondered how she could have acted so wantonly in a hospital, after her friend’s baby had just died. Confusion over Terrance and what he did to her didn’t even scratch the surface of the emotions battling inside her head.

Tanned, muscular arms and hands lifted the satellite dish out of the box with ease. A long leg and strong thigh used the veranda rail as leverage to boost both him and the equipment onto the roof.

He didn’t even need a ladder.

Jaynie ignored the flutter of dueling hummingbirds in her chest, and fought off a sigh and a good old-fashioned breast-heave. “Holler if you need anything.”

“Sure will,” he said.

She closed the screen, but left the door open, and went to the kitchen to make him pancakes. The least she could do was feed him.

Forty-five minutes later he tapped on her screen door. Two lines of sweat streaked both temples. All man. She caught a whiff of his pheromones, and almost felt her milk let down.

He wolfed down the buckwheat pancakes she’d made for him, gulped the fresh-squeezed OJ and grinned. “Thanks. That was fantastic. Now, let’s check out your new TV channels,” he said, and slid back the kitchen chair.

Following his lead, she joined him in the other room. And over the next several minutes they watched a woman demonstrate how to make homemade baby food, using some fancy steaming tray, a hand-cranked gizmo that cost $19.99 and fresh vegetables.

Interrupting her thoughts about making baby food, the message from her chest came loud and clear. Time to pump.

Realizing she couldn’t put it off any longer, Jaynie hesitated. “I’m…um…going to have to pay a visit to my…thingie.” She waved her hand toward her bedroom and felt her cheeks flame up.

Clueless, he studied her like a partner in charades, waiting for the next clue. “Your ‘thingie’?”

“You know that, that…deal I used in the hospital?” she stammered. “The machine?” She caught herself placing her fingertips over her chest, and quickly stuck her hands in her jean pockets.

He glanced at the front of her blouse with sloe eyes, comprehension dawning and torturing her.

“It’s…um…” She rolled her eyes and whispered, “Time to pump.”

Unable to help himself, he teased her with a crooked, playful smile. “Don’t mind me—go right ahead. I’ll be writing down the recipe for sweet potato puree. Like she says—” he nodded toward the television and winked “—it’s loaded with beta carotene.”

“Terrance,” she chided, and he relented, instead looking over at two cans of crimson paint, and a drop cloth in the corner of the living room.

“Planning on painting?”

“Yeah,” she said, and motioned. “That wall—this weekend.”

“Can you save it for Monday? It’s my weekend on.”

She thought fast. “I can manage by myself.”

He moved closer. “I’m offering to help. Be gracious and accept. Besides, it will give you more time with Tara this weekend.”

She battled her usual stubborn resolve to be completely independent with the chance to spend more time with Tara—not to mention time alone with Terrance again.

“Well, now that you put it that way,” she said, feeling somewhat foolish. “Okay.” What could the harm be? Painting a wall with a friend? A hunky friend at that.

Neither of them had mentioned the kiss from the night before, but Jaynie thought for sure his eyes watched her mouth a lot more than any regular friend would. Still tingling from his touch, she caught her lower lip with her teeth and noticed he did the same. Her mouth grew dry and she licked her lips, then immediately stopped herself, horrified by how it must look to Terrance. A shiver tickled through her and her milk let down.

Her eyes shot open, and before damp circles could spread out across her shirt she said, “Oh, I’ve got to go.” She ran to her room, shirking her hostess duties, leaving Terrance to let himself out.