How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew (9 page)

Bring Home the Bacon
•  •  •

“The money isn’t all yours to spend on yourself. I always felt that I needed to work hard enough to see that my family was taken care of and that’s what I tried to do—to save.”

—C
HUCK
T
ATUM

H
OW TO
S
UPPORT
Y
OUR
F
AMILY

Step 1:
Set goals. By adding meaning to your work, you’ll be more likely to stay committed to it and even enjoy it. Divide a piece of paper in half, and mark one column
IN ONE YEAR
and the other
IN FIVE YEARS
. Then jot down some financial and life goals you’d like to achieve in those time spans. Consider your career, your savings, your home, your kids’ education, any vacations you’d like to take. Whenever you’re lagging in the energy or enthusiasm departments, refer to your list to feel reinvigorated. However hokey it sounds, it’ll be a huge thrill to systematically reach each goal you set for yourself.

Step 2:
Stay focused. Even if you don’t currently have your dream job—you might be delivering pizzas when you want to be a chef or pushing pencils when you want to be in charge—find something to be passionate about in your work. Then, take a deep breath and know that you’ll reach your goals, if you just keep your nose down and work hard. If you’re the best at what you’re doing now, you’ll advance in no time.

Step 3:
Rally the team. Share your financial plans and hopes with your partner and children. That way, they won’t think of money as something that magically appears, and they’ll learn the value of a hard day’s work. Also, you’ll feel like a team, working together to meet your goals, especially if you set a few the whole crew can look forward to, like a trip to Dollywood. (Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. Dolly Parton rules.)

Step 4:
Frame it. Keep a photo of your family at your office. If you’re having a hard day, look at that picture and reset your mind. People are depending on you.

More Handy Tips

• Just because you are filling the family coffers doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook around the house. Don’t let all the domestic stuff fall on your partner, who’s probably working, too. You share the work outside the home. Share it inside as well.
  
• If you have kids, don’t become a walking checkbook. Buying them the fanciest baseball glove may win their squeals, but showing up at the game will win their hearts.
  

Switch Hats
•  •  •

“Don’t chase the almighty dollar. It’s not that important. And make your home a home, a place where everyone wants to be, a place where everyone gets along.”

—B
ILL
H
OLLOMAN

H
OW TO
L
EAVE
W
ORK AT
W
ORK

Step 1:
Create a buffer zone. Whether you take scenic, windy back roads rather than the highway, or a walk around the block after you get off the train, give yourself a few minutes to decompress before you call out, “Honey, I’m home!” The daily ritual will help send a signal to your brain that it’s time to shift gears.

Step 2:
Listen. Instead of walking in and venting about your day to anyone within earshot, try asking your family how their day was first. If their troubles seem insignificant compared with yours, well, good. You want their troubles to be tiny. Celebrate their triumphs and console them for their disappointments, and you’ll find whatever was stressing you will fall away. If it doesn’t, talk about it with your partner, but set a time limit for your bellyaching. Fifteen minutes of venting helps clear the air. Five hours of venting just pollutes it.

Step 3:
Disconnect. Sure, there’ll be occasions when you have to work at night or on weekends. That’s understandable. What’s not? Keeping your BlackBerry on your armrest while you’re watching
Modern Family
or walking around with a Bluetooth in your ear at your kid’s soccer game. If you never disconnect from the office, your work will follow you everywhere and your family or friends will never feel like a priority. When you’re out, be out.

Step 4:
Be grateful. Not to get too terribly morbid, but nobody ever says on his deathbed, “I just wish I spent more time in the office.” Life is too short to spend in a cubicle or tethered to your work via cell phone and email. Remember to be thankful for all the other things that are important to you: your family, your friends, hiking, beer brewing, whatever brings you joy. You may have to give your job forty hours a week, but you don’t owe anyone your life.

More Handy Tips

• If you just can’t get work out of your head, get it out of your body. Go for a run, lift weights, chop wood. Once those endorphins kick in, you’ll feel better in no time.
  
• If you’re lucky enough to have someone lovely meet you at the door with your slippers and a fresh cocktail, then life is good. Just don’t overdo it with the martinis, or you’ll simply be trading one mind-numbing place (your office) for another (drunk town). You’ve got to be in the right head to enjoy the good stuff at home, too.
  
• Remember that your life is not solely defined by your work. Sacrificing all your time and energy on work alone won’t make you successful; it’ll make you boring and unhappy. Strive to live a well-rounded life. Don’t work all your days away.
  

Dry Tears
•  •  •

“Sometimes a hug means more than anything you can say.”

—A
L
S
ULKA

H
OW TO
C
OMFORT A
L
OVED
O
NE

Step 1:
Be there. When you know your loved one is upset, don’t avoid or confront her. Just be available and ready to listen when she’s ready to talk.

Step 2:
Offer a shoulder. Even if you don’t think there’s anything you can do to make your loved one feel better, asking if you can help can make all the difference. Float the idea and see if she’ll accept. Then be prepared to hear what she has to say, and rather than immediately offering advice or trying to fix what ails her, validate her feelings and show her that you understand.

Step 3:
Be patient. Continuing to comfort your loved one beyond the time
you
think she should have bounced back can be a challenge. Just remember that everyone heals at their own pace, and ultimately you want your loved one to thoroughly work through her emotions so she can be happy.

Step 4:
Offer encouragement. Remind her of how much you love and appreciate her, and set a good example of looking on the bright side. Your joy and strength can elevate those around you.

More Handy Tips

• You don’t have to fully understand what your friend or family member is going through to be supportive. Just because you don’t feel her pain doesn’t mean she shouldn’t, either.
  
• You’ve got to take care of yourself first in order to be able to take care of others. If you need support, too, reach out to your own friends, family members, or even a professional. You don’t have to go it alone.
  
• If all else fails, try to make her laugh. Turn to
  this page
  to learn how to tell a clean joke.
  

Do the Right Thing
•  •  •

“I still haven’t come to a conclusion as to what life is about other than this: Strive to do the right thing. Use the golden rule as your cornerstone. It’s most beneficial to humanity.”

—B
UCK
B
UCHANAN

H
OW TO
B
E A
R
OLE
M
ODEL

Step 1:
Always be yourself. When you have confidence in the skills or qualities that make you an individual, you’ll earn respect and admiration from others. Authenticity, and having the integrity to be who you are, is something to be admired.

Step 2:
Find consistency. Those who look up to you will learn as much from you when you’re “teaching” them as when you aren’t. Be aware of yourself at all times, show off your strengths, and be mindful of your weaknesses.

Step 3:
Be generous. It’s not your success that determines what sort of leader you can be. It’s how you handle that success. Be humble in your achievements and quick to share credit where it is due.

More Handy Tips

• Never bully or look down on others who don’t enjoy your good fortune.
  
• Imagine who you’d like your role model to be, or who you would’ve wanted as a child, and be that person. You can be your own role model.
  

Be Critical
•  •  •

“Turn off your TV and think for yourself.”

—A
L
S
ULKA

H
OW TO
T
HINK ABOUT
P
OLITICS

Step 1:
Get educated. Our government is run by the people (that’s you!) for the people (hello, you again!). So to participate in a meaningful way, first you’ve got to know what’s going on. Go to your local town hall meetings, read your newspaper, talk to your neighbors, write to your congressional representatives, heck, even watch C-SPAN.
Politics
may seem like a word that describes old white guys in suits arguing over things that don’t affect you, but that’s not true at all. Well, at least the part about it not affecting you. Every vote matters in a very real way. You should know where you stand.

Step 2:
Find balance. Just because a news channel calls itself “fair and balanced” or “most trusted” doesn’t mean it’s actually true. But how would you know any different if that’s the only viewpoint you ever hear? Get your information from as many different newspapers, TV shows, radio programs, and websites as possible. If you’re watching Glenn Beck every night, turn to Rachel Maddow every once in a while for a new perspective. Getting your news from the “right” and “left” doesn’t make you disloyal to your party, but it does prove that you’re an independent thinker, not a puppet. Consider all sides to every story before making up your mind on how you feel about it.

Step 3:
Check facts. Never parrot things you hear or read without first checking the source, and then checking the facts. (A great resource:
www.factcheck.org
.) Before you repeat what you heard on talk radio or at the local pub, first ask yourself: What does this person have invested in making this statement? Does it financially benefit him in some way? Does she have a personal bias? Is it really about something else? Nothing will make you look more foolish than repeating false statements or passing on vitriol when you don’t know the facts.

Step 4:
Honor difference. While everyone claims they know the founders’ intent, one thing is indisputable: This country wasn’t founded on just one idea from one person. We came together from all different places and backgrounds to form a union, and our differences are what make us strong. Appreciate one another, listen, put forth ideas (not accusations), and we’ll all be better off for it.

More Handy Tips

• Just because you
  can
  talk about politics doesn’t mean you should do it all the time. While there is often room for healthy debate between friends, there’s a time and place for everything.
  
• Name-calling and ridiculing say much more about you than they do anyone else. Always be respectful of your fellow citizens, and never ever resort to violence.
  
• To find out exactly what the federal government is up to, visit
  www.gpoaccess.gov
  . There you can find the Congressional Record, the full text of all laws, bills, and budgets.
  

Keep Safe
•  •  •

“First, you have to be able to take care of yourself. Then you can take care of your family. Intelligence will get you further than anything else.”

—A
NGEL
R
ODRIGUEZ

H
OW TO
P
ROTECT
Y
OUR
H
OME

Step 1:
Befriend your neighbors. Having a couple of extra sets of friendly eyes on your home may help secure it better than any high-tech burglar alarm. Get to know the people in your neighborhood and look out for one another. Collect one another’s mail when you’re on vacation, and be mindful of any funny business, like a dodgy fella parked outside. It takes more than one person to make a safe neighborhood.

Step 2:
Vary your schedule. The more predictable your days and nights, the easier a target you are. Even if your home is empty from nine to five every day and for the entire month of August when you stay at your in-laws’ lake cottage, make it look like someone is home all the time. Keep your garage door closed and set your lights on a timer.

Step 3:
Secure doors and windows. Make sure they’re properly installed and always locked. And install a light outside (motion detector lights work best) so you can see what’s going on if necessary.

Step 4:
Live modestly. If you’ve worked hard and have the savings, there’s nothing wrong with buying and having nice things. Just don’t brag about it by positioning all your bling—your Bose speakers, your new iPad, your flat-screen TV—so it’s viewable from the street. That may only invite ne’er-do-wells.

More Handy Tips

• Keep your whereabouts private. Don’t post a note on your front door announcing to your postman (and potential burglars) that you’ll be gone through next week. If your neighbor can’t collect your mail, call your post office and ask them to hold it for you.
  
• Don’t post your vacation plans online. Sure, your Facebook or Twitter friends will be impressed with your travels, but they can hear all about it, and see your photos, too, when you get home.
  
• If you have a gun, keep it in a safe. Locking it up will only help protect you and your family.
  
• Invest in homeowner’s or renter’s insurance, so you’ll know your home and valuables will be covered if anything goes wrong. Find the best plan for you, and always keep it up to date.
  
• If all else fails, get a dog. A well-trained watchdog beats any alarm system. A lapdog might work, too, but only if your intruder can be killed by cuteness.