I Hope You Find Me (5 page)

“My plan?” I shrugged, “I don’t really have
one, but we can start with the bus depot. I want to leave something
there.”

“Leave what?” He asked with a hint of
suspicion.

“A note.” I replied simply.

“For who?” He turned in a semi-circle, his
arms outstretched.

When he faced me again, I wasn’t sure what to
say. I was afraid to admit to myself that everyone I knew was gone,
that no one would come looking for me. But I couldn’t just walk
away from my life like I no longer existed. Leaving the notes felt
like I was tethering myself to my past, and I wasn’t ready to let
go, not yet. Several times I found myself wanting to pull out the
folded photo of the kids and trace the contours of their faces but
I knew if I did that, I wouldn’t want to go on without them. I
couldn’t let them down by quitting, not yet.

At the intersection I decided to leave a note
anyway. I wasn’t sure if the area would be safe if the fire moved
off the runway and started down the streets, but it felt right to
at least try and leave a message.

“Hold on a minute.” I mumbled.

Connor watched me open my pack and pull out
the small notepad and large permanent marker. I used the hood of a
car to write on before tearing the paper from the pad. I walked up
to the largest military truck in the intersection and taped the
note to the side. The white paper noticeably stood out against the
camouflaged green paint.
Good.

1/9 4:00pm

I found someone today, he found us actually.
His name is Connor. The airport is on fire – no help there – so we
are heading back to the depot. Tonight I’ll find a place to sleep
before we make a plan to leave the City. I’ll leave a message again
soon. I hope you find me. – Riley

When I turned around to rejoin Connor I was
startled to find him standing directly behind me. My forehead
bumped into his chin and even though I blushed and stepped back, he
didn’t move, but instead peered over my shoulder with interest and
read my message aloud. After shoving his hands into his pockets he
looked at me curiously.

“You leave a note everywhere you go?”

“No, not everywhere,” I replied, defensive.
“If someone is out there, looking for me, it makes sense to tell
them where I’m going. To let them know I’m okay.”

He didn’t say anything, just continued to
gaze at me with curiosity. I realized then how close we were
standing and began to edge my way past him, lightly brushing
against his arm as I passed.

Connor rocked back onto his heels before
turning to follow me. “It’s not a bad idea you know. Smart
actually.” He said when we were walking side by side again.

Not sure if he was being sarcastic or not, I
felt the need to once again be defensive. “Sure.” I quipped.

I walked faster, hoping it gave me the lead
and he would fall back behind me but he kept my pace. I could feel
him glancing at me every few steps.

“Did I upset you?” He asked after a few
minutes of awkward silence.

We had rounded a street corner and were
heading back into the heart of downtown. I sighed, not certain if I
was really upset with him or the seemingly impossible reality we
now faced.

“No,” I started, “I’m not upset with you.
It’s this shitty world we now have to survive. I don’t know what
the hell to do.
Why are we here?”

I felt my cheeks flush with anger and turned
away from him, arms crossed, glaring at the empty street, fuming. A
picture flashed through my mind of my daughter, when she was upset,
standing the same way, her lips pulled tightly together in a pout
so comical it took most my control not to laugh. My eyes instantly
welled with tears and I couldn’t bring my hands up fast enough to
hide them. The warm trickles spilled down my cheeks and I rubbed
them away with disgust. I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to hit
something.

“Shit.” It was all my voice could manage
before cracking.

Connor had squatted down near Zoey and was
scratching behind her ears when I finally turned around to face
them. She walked up to me quickly, rubbed against my legs and sat
directly on my left foot, her head tilted up with her tongue
protruding from her mouth slightly with each pant, eyes gazing
innocently into mine. I wondered if her eyes would forever look
sad. I reached down and rubbed the top of her head and she licked
my hand.

“Okay then?” Connor asked. For a moment I had
almost forgotten about him.

I nodded and we were off again, walking back
the way I had come just a few hours before with Zoey. I could no
longer see the sun directly, it had moved over and beyond the
buildings. Long, craggy shadows reached out at us from every
stationary object. The dog seemed jittery, and remembering how she
bolted earlier I kept a firm grasp on her leash. She seemed almost
grateful for the bond, as if she thought I might up and disappear
when she wasn’t looking.

“The hotel I’m staying at isn’t that far from
here. There’s plenty of room for you both,” he gestured at the dog,
“I have water and food. I’ve been stocking up.” He said with a soft
laugh, “Sorry, there’s no room service, but it’s clean and safe
enough.”

“You’re staying at a hotel?” I asked.
Why
didn’t I think of this – before I jumped into the bay?

“Well, yeah. I’m not a local.” He shifted his
pack on his shoulders, and continued, “I was supposed to be here on
business. Actually tried to leave the City last week but the
traffic was impossible. So we holed up in the hotel. The emergency
generators kicked on when the power went out and well, it’s just me
now.” He turned to look at me and for the first time, the smile on
his face was completely forced.

We walked the rest of the way in silence with
only the scuff of our shoes on concrete and the occasional boom of
something exploding far away at the airport echoing softly around
us. The shadow of a tree loomed toward me, and for some reason I
felt compelled to step around it. It looked too much like a person
with an outstretched arm.

When we came upon the bus depot, Connor made
no move to follow me; instead he stood at the corner of the
building, nervously glancing up and down the streets. I noticed he
stayed in the sunshine. Maybe he was seeing things in the shadows
too. I told him I would hurry and did just that, but instead of
pulling out my notepad I wrote directly on the glass door.

1/9 5:00pm

On my way to the Grand High Hotel. Plan on
leaving the City soon with Connor and Zoey – will leave another
message before we go. I hope you find me. – Riley

CHAPTER THREE

The air was heavy and stagnant, and rushed by
us on the breeze with urgency. On the more narrow streets, the wind
whistled between the buildings, and rustled the trees with an
unspoken vow that it would return to displace more leaves as the
cloud cover thickened above us with the promise of an oncoming
storm. The change in the air felt electric and made the walk to
Connor’s hotel rushed, taking less than half an hour. Twice we
stopped, thinking we heard people in the distance, but never saw
anyone. We were all on edge with our senses maxed out and we were
exhausted and thirsty but we hurried through the empty streets as
darkness settled around the city, because none of us wanted to be
outside in the dark.

The hotel stood out before us like a mountain
made of concrete and glass and in the fading light it seemed
ominous and sinister. Following behind Connor, I stumbled through
the large and dimly lit lobby and groaned with each flight of
stairs we took up. A small emergency light was on at the top of
each landing, and the dusty yellow hue gave off just enough light
to guide the way up each flight of steps. When I felt for certain I
couldn’t climb any further, Connor pried open one of the stairway
doors and we stepped into the dark walkway of the twentieth floor.
A moment later and his flashlight lit the way to the end of the
hall. I felt my stomach clench with nerves at the thought that I
had followed a man up to his hotel room, with only a 30lb dog for
protection.

What an idiot
, I thought to myself, as
I watched him smoothly stride away from us. Panic began to rustle
inside me, and for an instant, I almost bolted back down the
stairs. But then Connor spoke, and turned to smile at us and even
in the dim lighting, the piercing calm of his clear eyes showed
nothing but kindness. So I walked to meet him.

“I think the bulb burnt out in the hallway.
The others still seem to have the emergency power on.” He said
casually as he stopped in front of a large door. “The locks are
battery operated, see?” He slid an electronic key out of his back
pocket and inserted it quickly into the lock. A dim green light
blinked once and the door clicked ajar.

He held it open and gestured for me to go in,
but I stopped just inside the room. It wasn’t just one room, there
were at least three that you could see from the door, the place was
massive. The style was the same as the lobby, expensive and modern
with clean lines and a handful of solid neutral colors. Two large
windows took up the corner of the main sitting room with glass
reaching from the floor to the ceiling, flanked by massive
plum-colored velour curtains. A door stood open that led to what
looked like a large bedroom, and the complete kitchen was
overflowing with canned goods. Lined up neatly inside the entry way
were large water coolers, all full.

“Wow.” It was all I could manage to say.

Connor raised an eyebrow and gestured for me
to follow him. I heard the click of the door as it closed behind
us. “Well, it’s nothing special, but there’s still electricity, so
we can use the kitchen. And I hauled up every water cooler I could
find on the main floor. The canned stuff came from downstairs too.”
He paused and shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other
before adding, “I don’t like to spend too much time down there. I
never feel alone.”

He cleared his throat, and asked, “So, who
gets that shower first…you or the dog?”

***

Two long hours later and I was blowing my
hair dry with the small handheld dryer attached to the hotel
bathroom wall. It had taken both of us to wrestle Zoey into the
master bathtub, and I ended up climbing in with her to keep her
from jumping out. I was wet and soapy from the waist down by the
time we were through. Connor toweled her off after showing me to
the second bedroom, with its own equally impressive bathroom. One
very long, lukewarm shower, and a dangerous amount of
floral-scented soap suds later, I was able to dry my hair after
brushing the tangles out. I actually felt somewhat normal
again.

Before I came out of the bedroom the smell of
cooking food enveloped me and for the first time that day, my
stomach lurched with something other than nerves…hunger. I stood in
the sitting area and almost laughed at the sight of Connor bustling
about the kitchen, wrapped in a large bath sheet, with Zoey perched
atop the closest sofa like a cat, watching his every move.

“I feel amazing. Thanks for the shower and
for dinner too?” I aimed my voice in the direction of the kitchen
but walked toward the windows to take in the view, except there
wasn’t much to see, since most of San Diego was dark. A few of the
nearby buildings still had their red emergency beacons flashing on
the roofs, but from where I could see no one else seemed to have
lights on inside.

Connor smiled over his shoulder and said, “I
showered too. Kinda had to since I was covered in dog hair.” Zoey
mock-sneezed then stretched out along the top of the sofa back. In
so many ways she resembled a cat more than a dog.

“I noticed my clothes are gone.” I said as I
walked over to Zoey.

“Oh yeah, I put our clothes into the wash.
There’s a washer and dryer in the bedroom closet. Hope that’s
okay?” He asked.

“Of course!” I wasn’t going to complain. I
didn’t have many changes of clothes, and after the airport, our
clothes definitely needed to be cleaned.

He turned to look at me and seemed startled
by what he saw. “You look different.” He said after a moment and
made no effort to hide his gaze as he looked me up and down,
twice.

“Different? If you mean dry and not covered
in ash, well then yes, I guess I do look different.” I laughed a
bit nervously as I tucked a wavy strand of blonde hair behind my
ear.

“Your hair is blonde.” He said, sounding a
bit surprised.

“And you’re cooking in a half-lit kitchen for
a stranger and her dog, wearing only a towel.” I rebuffed.

He laughed, but before he turned away I
thought I saw the color in his cheeks darken a bit. Good, I thought
to myself,
let him be the embarrassed one for a bit.

“There’s wine on the counter, help yourself.”
He gestured at the open wine bottle.

“Wine? Well, now I’ll never leave.” I paused,
“Just kidding of course.”

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.
But I don’t know how long the generators will last.” And the
reality of the situation came rushing back to both of us.

I sat down with a less than gracious thud
onto a kitchen stool and poured myself a generous amount of wine
into one of the large glasses. It was a white wine, and tasted
deliciously cold and sweet. I didn’t bother to use the stem of the
glass, and instead, cupped my hands around it to drink.

“What are you making?” I asked him in between
long sips.

“Veggies mostly, and some rice.” He turned
with two plates of heaping food in his hands and placed them down
on the counter. He slid onto the stool next to me, close enough
that our legs touched and I shifted nervously at the heat that
threatened to burn my cheeks crimson.