In Her Mind (Mountain High Valley Low ) (8 page)

I was happy to see Brian home again, but I wanted him to get the hell out of my way for a while. Anger had a hold on him like a vice grip. Since I was the only one around him, I had to deal with the heat. This whole situation with Shelly revealed a side of Brian I didn’t know existed. But now he was getting on my nerves.

“Brian,” I called his name casually.
“What now, Lex?!” he snapped.
I took a deep breath and tried my best to swallow the foul

words that were perched at the tip of my heated tongue. From ten to one I counted with my eyes closed. This wasn’t about me. It was troubling to know that Shelly was able to disrupt the atmosphere of my home. She and I needed to have a conversation. Brian would never approve, but as far as I was concerned, it was necessary. The only thing that stopped me from paying her an unfriendly visit was the fact that I couldn’t allow her to know that her antics were affecting me in any way. She would take great pleasure in knowing she was able to get a rise out of me. Shelly would never see me sweat unless she brought her venom directly to me. Then I would be justified in lashing out. That would be my chance to give her an old-fashioned, Vaseline-faced ass kicking.

“Don’t answer me like that,” I said tight-lipped, then sighed hard. I wasn’t good at holding my tongue. “Listen, Brian. I won’t have you using me as your dartboard. You have been snapping at me and throwing all of your daggers at me since you came home the other night. It’s not fair and I am not going to take this shit from you any longer. If you want to sit around here and be annoyed, you go right ahead. I’m out of here.”

“Whatever!” Brian said, dismissing me with a wave of his hand.
“Whatever?!” I couldn’t believe his audacity. “Whatever?!” I repeated. It took only two steps for me to get from the hallway to the couch where he sat. I leaned over and placed my face so close to his that I could feel the heat of his breath. “Listen, partner,” I said the word partner so hard tiny droplets of saliva sprinkled on his face. “I’m not the cause of your strife. You take that shit out on her, not me. I won’t stand for it.”
Brian jumped up from the couch, swatted at the spit on his face and glared at me.
“You know what, Lex? I don’t need this from you right now,” he said and walked away.
My blood began to boil. I just knew steam would come whistling out of my ears like a tea kettle. I followed Brian on his heels as he walked toward the bathroom.
“You don’t need what? I didn’t start this, you did. I simply called your name and you snapped at me. Now you are dismissing me like I’m some kind of nag or something.”
“Well, that’s what you’re doing right now.”
My mouth dropped open. “Oh, so now I’m a nag?!” By now my hands were on my hips and the tips of my ears were burning.
Brian waved me off once again and walked to the bathroom. He attempted to close the door but I blocked it with my foot.
“You need to apologize to me before this gets any worse.” Even in my rage, I tried to diffuse the situation. He was really pushing my limits.
“Apologize to you for what? I’m not the one being a nag.” His attempt to close the door failed because my foot was still in the way. “I don’t need this bullshit from you right now! As a matter of fact…” He paused, then changed his mind about going into the bathroom. “Let me get out of here. I need some space. You women never know when to just let things be,” he said before pushing past me and heading back toward the living room.
That was it. The straw that broke the camel’s back. Rage released tiny needles throughout my body that settled on the edge of my skin. I tingled from head to toe. The room grew dim and my hands balled into tight fists.
“Now I am no different from Shelly?! Well, if you need space, take all the damn space you need!” I ran into our bedroom and began tossing all of his clothes out of the closet. I threw them on the floor in the hallway and kicked them toward the living room. “You can take your shit and get the hell out!” Salt from my tears stung my tongue as I screamed at Brian. “Maybe you need to go back to that sick-ass Shelly! You’re the one acting like her now! The two of you were made for each other and I just couldn’t see it until now!” Brian’s closet and armoire were now empty. I started on the dresser draws. “I waited and waited to accept your hand in marriage because of what might happen! Now I know! I won’t sit around being your punching bag every time Shelly decides she wants to act a fool! No sir, not me!”
Brian started back to the bedroom and his facial expression turned from annoyance to shock when he saw his belongings decorating the hall floor.
“Lexie! Stop! What are you doing?!”
My face glistened with tears and frustration. My breath came in hard, short gasps.
“I can’t do this.”
“Lex, you are overreacting. You need to relax.”
Brian picked up a handful of his garments and brought them back into the room. As he placed them on the bed, I threw them off.
“No, I am not overreacting. I want you out. I won’t let you and her make a fool out of me, and I can’t be with you if you give her power to reign over what we have,” I sobbed as I continued to toss his wears. “I always knew…” My spent energy left me limp and I stopped throwing his clothes as I prepared to finish my statement. The lump in my throat made it difficult for the words to pass through. Thinking it was easy, saying it made it real. “I always knew…one day…she’d win.” I’d arrived at a whisper by the time I was done. I could feel my heart breaking.
Brian dropped the clothes in his hand and closed the distance between us quickly, grabbing my arms. Defeat pushed my head down and my eyes studied the floor.
“Lexie, Stop! You’re being…I’m sorry, baby. Lexie, I’m not leaving you. We are getting married in three weeks.”
When he said married, a dam broke and I fell apart, sobbing, kicking, screaming, and swinging. Brian tried to escape my anguish but only after I had landed a few good strikes.
“Get off of me. I’m not marrying you,” I mumbled, not sounding convinced myself. The truth was I loved Brian like I’d never known love—loved him so much it made me feel like my chest would explode.
Brian took me by my shoulders and shook me slightly. I knew what I was saying. He held my hands to keep me from hitting him.
“Lexie, don’t say that! Calm down, baby. I’ll fix this.”
“No.”
Brian pulled me to him and my tears left small crimson circles on his deep red shirt. He held on tight, rubbing my head. My body shook under the weight of my emotions.
“Baby, listen to me. You are right. I don’t know what got into me. I never should have let her get to me like that. We are not supposed to let anyone else make us fight. I messed up, baby. I’m just stressed. We are going to work this out. I need you in my corner. I need my partner.”
Slowly, I pulled myself away from Brian. He studied my face. I closed my eyes, opening them again to see him still studying me. He tried to look directly into my eyes and I turned away. I didn’t want him to see me in the raw. The eyes told what our mouths and actions didn’t. Distress darkened my vision. My heart was breaking into small pieces. Defeat claimed me and I felt like a failure. Another relationship failed and I should have seen it coming.
“I’m sorry, Brian.” I tried to speak without crying but couldn’t, so I spoke through the pain. “This is what I was afraid of all along. This is also the reason I waited so long to marry you. I can’t be with you with someone else pulling the strings, all these outside forces.” I held my hands up in surrender, shrank from his touch, and walked toward the bathroom. Before closing the bathroom door I turned to Brian. “Maybe it’s me. I may not be woman enough to handle all of this. Either way, this is just the beginning. Brice is not even two years old. Please don’t make this any harder for me. Just go,” I said, breaking down once again before entering the bathroom and closing the door behind me.
As the door closed, the doorbell chimed. For a moment I didn’t care who it was, then decided to go ahead and answer it. Brian was still standing in the same spot I’d left him in when I’d headed to that private sanctuary. The doorbell rang again, followed by a series of knocks. Brian never changed his position, his head hanging low. Reluctantly, I headed for the door. When I peered through the peep hole, what I saw on the other side made the air in the already tense atmosphere even thicker. Pressing my eye closer to the lens to make certain that my eyes weren’t deceiving me, I peered harder. Then I stepped back from the door, opened it, and let Shelly and Brice in.

“You can’t be serious!” I yelled when I realized who Lexie had just let in. Shelly’s and Lexie’s necks snapped toward my direction.

It was bad enough that I was facing the possibility of losing my wife-to-be mere weeks before we were to be united in matrimony. Now Shelly was popping up right at one of the most inopportune times. It was apparent to Shelly from the moment she stepped into the apartment that she showed up at a bad time. Well, a bad time for us, but probably the best possible time for her. The smirk she wore told me she knew her timing was impeccable. Brice could also sense the tension in the air. It was evident in his slow stroll toward me while sucking on his middle and ring fingers.

“What’s up, little man?” I greeted him while checking my anger and emotions. He never lifted his arms for me to pick him up, but I did anyway and pulled him into me.

The suffocating pressure from the atmosphere caused anxiety to settle in Brice’s spirit. Discomfort draped his pudgy little face. I focused on Brice for a moment because I wasn’t sure what was about to happen. If Lexie had written me off totally, I would be able to see that in her actions and comments over the next few minutes. I watched her closely and kept my other eye on Shelly while pretending to be into my son.

Shelly still hadn’t fully entered the apartment and Lexie kept one hand on the doorknob, the other on her hip. Surely Shelly felt the lack of warmth in Lexie’s disposition.

“What do you want?” Lexie greeted Shelly with blatant disdain.
Shelly stepped into the apartment, uninvited. Lexie put her hand up in the halt position to keep Shelly from moving in any farther, marking her territory and making it clear to Shelly that she wasn’t welcome. Shelly looked down at Lexie’s hand with her lips turned up, but the smirk quickly turned into a slick smile.
“Oh, sorry for the short notice, Brian,” Shelly addressed me but kept her eyes on Lexie. “But I’ll need you to keep our son for a few days. I have to make an emergency trip out of town and there’s no one else that can keep him.”
Lexie tore her gaze from Shelly’s face and landed on mine, shooting daggers across the room. I felt every single one as they pierced my skin. To say that she was beside herself with rage was the understatement of the decade. An undercurrent of rage boiled just beneath her skin, threatening to send her bursting into flames right before our eyes. Lexie’s anger kept mine at bay. I needed to be ready to diffuse any situation that could have escalated at that time. Without taking my eyes off of Lexie, I put Brice back down on his feet and walked him toward his pain-in-the-ass mother.
The daggers followed me as I moved through the living room, stabbing me like heated darts.
“No, Shelly. You can’t do this. You can’t just walk up in here anytime and drop him on me like this. That’s disrespectful. And I don’t live here alone so you are not only disrespecting me but my Fiancé as well, and I can’t let that fly.” My eyes were on Lexie when I said the word Fiancé, but she didn’t flinch. Of course she wasn’t going to let Shelly see her sweat no matter how bad things got between us. “You will just have to work something else out. Besides, I have to work, too. Brice is damn near two years old and you never came to me before with any babysitting emergencies. I have no problem taking care of my son, but I won’t have you pulling this type of shit on me. This is not happening.” I felt like beating my chest because I was putting Shelly in her place. The expression on her face changed.
I wanted her to get upset and to trigger one of her usually dramatic performances, cursing me out and becoming out of control. Then maybe Lexie would kick her ass out. Maybe taking out all of her anger on Shelly’s ass would make us all feel a little better. But Shelly just sighed and looked pitiful. I took that as a license to continue.
“Not to mention—how are you going to just walk up in here and ask me to baby sits like everything is fine? I just came home from jail yesterday because of your lies. What the hell possessed you to tell the police I abused you? Why would you lie like that? That’s fucked up, Shelly. And I don’t have time for games.”
“I apologize, Brian. It’s just that I was upset. You bruised my arm. You really hurt me, Brian. I couldn’t believe you had handled me that way, especially with our son present.”
Lexie’s eyes stretched wide in disbelief at the nonchalant tone of Shelly’s response.
“Are you kidding me? You were swinging on me. I tried to stop you from hitting me…You are on something, you know that?” Unable to keep still, I began pacing the room. Shelly was really working my nerves and it was time for her to leave. My hand gestures became wild and my deportment began to unravel.
“Never mind that—we need to work out something for Brice this coming weekend,” she said as she waved off my apparent anger.
Lexie walked away from the door and took a seat on a side chair to watch our interaction as if she was watching a show. It was obvious that this little episode had become entertaining to her.
I was becoming completely undone and was grasping at my composure, trying to keep it together. The more I grasped, the more it fell away from me. After several deep breaths and one long, heavy sigh, I decided not to let go. I grabbed Shelly by the arm and commenced to throw her out the door.
“Brian!” Lexie called out to me as she stood to her feet. The entertainment was over. “Let her go. Not in front of Brice!” With two steps, Lexie was at my side.
The fuzzy darkness that clouded my vision began to dissipate when Lexie called my name, and even more so after she said Brice’s name.
In a clenched-toothed whisper, I told Shelly, “Get out of my house.” Comfort enveloped me as Lexie remained by my side, solidifying our partnership, signifying our united front. Her small hands rubbed calming circles on my back. Shelly’s face revealed her shock. What did she expect? Her confused expression showed that she realized her power over me was waning fast. I wanted my son in my life, but not at astronomical costs and without an inkling of peace in my own home. Right there and then I decided that I would be in Brice’s life but not by her terms. If she got used to pulling the strings from the start, there would be no turning back, ever.
Lexie’s circles calmed me, and I was able to both see and think with more clarity. I wasn’t intending to hurt Shelly physically, just remove her from my presence, with her conniving ways. Brice being in the vicinity and Lexie’s support helped me hang on to reason. Shelly should have considered herself lucky. My partnering with reason must have set her off.
“She might be your Fiancé, but I’m your son’s mother. I will always be in your life. If you didn’t want me back then why did you come looking for me?” Shelly screamed, on the verge of tears. Lexie’s hand stopped moving on my back, creating a crack in our united front. I was sure my neighbors now knew all of my business.
“Don’t even go there, Shelly! You know why I sought you out.”
Lexie cocked her head to the side and gave me a look that said “Really?” as if she’d found out something she hadn’t known before. Her hand was now completely removed from my back and crossed at her chest. Lexie’s head went back and forth between Shelly and me as if she was intently watching a tennis match. I wanted Shelly to just shut the hell up. She was good for causing a scene, and with Lexie’s full attention, I was sure she’d take advantage of this opportunity to showcase.
“What do you mean don’t go there? You came after me. I didn’t come after you. I told you that I was married! Now I’ve left my husband and moved back to Brooklyn so Brice can have a life with his father and this is how you act? I can’t believe you, Brian. I told you from the start that it was all or nothing, that this was a package deal. There is no Brice without me. You knew that, yet you still sought me out. Now you act like you don’t want to have anything to do with me,” Shelly continued ranting while periodically taking in Lexie’s facial expressions to gauge how the bullshit was being received.
Lexie’s face beamed with understanding as if she was connecting some elusive dots. Shelly’s bullshit was working on her. If I had work to do before Shelly showed up at the door, it was nothing compared to what I’d have to do now to save my may-nothappen marriage.
“Shelly, cut the bullshit and get away from my door. You are going too far now and making this into something it never was.”
“Don’t get in front of your little girlfriend and try to turn things around now!”
Lexie’s eyes stretched wide again, and this time her hands moved from her chest to her hips. Up to now, she hadn’t said a word. I wondered just how much digging I’d have to do to get out of this. I wished Shelly would momentarily turn into a man so I could knock her out and not feel like an ass about it. She was really challenging my manhood. Only punks hit women and I felt like being a punk, if only for one night.
“I’m not standing here listening to this,” I said with my hands up. “I’m out of here.” As I turned to walk away, I felt a weight on my back. It was Shelly.
“Brian, wait!” Shelly had wrapped her arms around me from behind. “Okay, let’s work something out.” The back of my shirt was growing damp with her tears, causing it to stick to my skin.
“That’s enough!” Lexie found her voice. “I’ve seen enough! Brian! Shelly!”
“Lexie, wait!” I jumped in before she could say another word. Lexie said our names with such finality it cut right through me. “Shelly, let me go.”
“Listen to me, Brian!” Shelly pleaded.
“No, both of you listen to me!” Lexie asserted. “Brian, you can have this sick bitch. I can’t and won’t be a part of this.”
“Sick bitch?!” Shelly let me go. “Who are you calling a bitch? Bitch!”
I grabbed Lexie and marched her to the other side of the room before she could haul off and sock Shelly in the eye. Shelly was behind me, yelling and carrying on as I walked Lexie toward the kitchen. This whole scene was out of character for everyone involved. Emotions were running high, curse words muddied the air, and venom was shot from every mouth. When Brice began to cry, I realized that someone had to make an attempt to bring things down a little.
“Lexie, baby, calm down. This doesn’t have to be like this. I will take care of this situation. I don’t need you fighting and carrying on. I love you. You’re the one I want to spend my life with and nothing is going to stop me from having you with me for the remainder of my years. I don’t care what we have to go through. That’s it. This has to stop right here and now.”
Lexie tried to push me away from her but I wasn’t having it.
“It’s her that you need to talk to,” Lexie said, huffing and puffing.
“Her has a name, and don’t act like you don’t know what it is!” Shelly screamed. “I don’t care what he says, I still have his baby! Something you don’t have! Something you couldn’t do!”
Visions of a distraught Lexie in the doctor’s office after receiving the news of losing our baby flashed across my mind. I felt my heart go limp. Lexie released a sound akin to a wounded warrior and charged at Shelly. Lucky for Shelly, I was able to get a hold of Lexie before she could rip her face off. The fear that gripped Shelly showed in her eyes. Shelly jumped out of Lexie’s reach in the nick of time. Brice cried louder. Lexie’s wails mixed with the rest of the anxiety that hung in the air. I was exhausted.
“Shelly, you need to leave now!”
“But, Brian, what about us? What about Brice? We need you! What you don’t need is this savage of a woman. Did you see her? She tried to kill me. Tried to kill the mother of your only son!”
“Shelly, stop it and get out!”
Spitting out insults and bad names, Lexie continued her rage under the restraint of my arms.
“So it’s her over me and your child, huh? Is that what this is, Brian? Are you trying to make a point because she’s here now?” Shelly poked, still dodging Lexie’s attempts at getting her hands on her. “Do Brice and I mean anything to you anymore?”
“Brian, let me go so I can beat the shit out of this chick!” Lexie screamed while kicking and swinging around me, trying to hit Shelly.
It was beyond my understanding why Shelly was even still there.
“Shelly, Brice means the world to me. You, on the other hand, are a different story. If I could have Brice without you, things would be just fine. I love Brice, but sometimes I honestly wish it wasn’t Lexie who lost my baby!”
The next thing I knew, Shelly had climbed onto my back and was beating me in the top of my head with her legs wrapped around my waist. Lexie managed to get loose and started pulling Shelly by her hair from behind. I had one hand on Shelly, trying to get her off of me, and one hand covering my head in an effort to block her volley of punches. Lexie yanked Shelly’s hair hard, causing her to fall back on top of her. She then rolled over on top of Shelly and commenced to laying a full case of whip-ass on her, applying a good portion to her fair-skinned face. I tried to pull Lexie back and tripped over Shelly’s feet, giving Lexie the opportunity to land a few more tosses. Breathing hard and having had her fill, Lexie let up before I could make it back to my feet and began dragging Shelly, who was now screaming at the top of her lungs, in concert with Brice, toward the door. Once Shelly had cleared the entrance, Lexie slammed the door with Brice still inside and Shelly banging desperately on the outside.
Completely spent and looking like she’d lost a fight with a bear, Lexie exhaled roughly, narrowed her eyes at me, and headed for the bathroom. My son reached his small hands toward the doorknob to try to get to his screaming mother on the other side. I picked him up, comforted him, and looked back in the direction Lexie had gone before I opened the door.
By the time I opened the door, Shelly had made it back up to her feet. Brice’s head was on my shoulder and I rubbed his back. Using the back of my hand, I wiped away his tears one last time before handing him over to Shelly.
She glared at me as she took him. “This is far from over,” she declared before storming off.
I covered my head with my hands and wondered what else could go wrong. One way or another, I was going to fix things with Lexie. I had a wedding in three weeks that was going to happen no matter what. Somehow I would have to convince Lexie that things would work out. No matter how it happened, I needed her there beside me.
Shelly stomped all the way to the elevator, looking back at me with evil eyes. When she got on the elevator, I went to the window to watch her leave the building and get into her car. The pristine, white convertible and the normally beautiful, wellkempt woman was a stark contrast to the convoluted mind she possessed.
Once I saw her place Brice in the car, I left the window. I didn’t want her to catch me watching her. Flopping down on the couch, I wondered how the rest of this night would play out.
Just then, Lexie exited the bathroom, looking a lot less savage than she had moments before. Her hair was pulled back into a hand-swept ponytail and her clothes were straightened out. She looked at me with a blank expression that she held for several beats before her eyes once again filled with water. I went to her to hold her. At first she pulled back, refusing to let me touch her. When her resolve left her I held on for dear life, hoping my embrace would say the things I needed to say but couldn’t find the words to. Her body rocked under my embrace and she released a flood of emotions. We stood there holding, releasing, and sighing until soft knocks at the door interrupted our private session.
I kissed Lexie on the forehead, then kissed away her tears before opening the door to find my son standing alone in the hallway with a duffle bag at his side. The loud screech of tires peeling from the asphalt snapped me out of my momentary state of shock. By the time I raced to the window, Shelly had recklessly taken the corner, nearly mowing down two young guys crossing the street.