Insatiable (26 page)
She didn‟t bother glancing at the priest this time. “And Dillon loved my sister and I, as if we were his own. Just as we loved him.”
When she took a sharp breath, Shawn tensed.
Here it comes.
“The biggest gift he gave me was his son, the man I love. For that gift, among many others, I‟ll be eternally grateful.” Her voice lifted above the murmurs of Insatiable
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conversation, even managing to rise above the rush of blood in Shawn‟s head.
“Dillon may be gone, but he‟ll never be forgotten. All that‟s left is to make him proud, and I‟m going to try.”
She stepped off the podium and went straight to the priest, most likely to apologize, then took her seat with nary a glance in Shawn‟s direction.
Typical. She could declare her love to him in front of a church full of people, but she couldn‟t take the time to squeeze his hand.
Understandably, he didn‟t hear much of the rest of the service, but he did make an effort to memorize the details for when his head was in a better place.
Again and again, his gaze returned to the oil painting of his father propped on an easel beside the cherry casket. With each glance, a few more strands of the ragged knot in his gut unraveled.
It was going to be okay.
* * *
Obligations to fulfill.
Shawn‟s word meant everything to him. As hers did to her.
Whether it took him fifteen minutes or fifteen days to come looking for her, it didn‟t matter. Unless his feelings had changed drastically—and from the fierce flare of emotion she‟d seen on his face during her declaration, they hadn‟t—they‟d be spending the rest of their lives together.
Or until he got sick of her antics and decided to cut bait, whichever came first.
Rachel withdrew a small tray of pills from her purse and set them beside her.
Along with the declaration she‟d made, she had a question to ask. Hopefully his answer would dovetail nicely with her other, spur-of-the-moment, going-with-her-gut decision.
When Shawn came upon her sitting at the back of the church, she realized the place had emptied except for the two of them. “Everyone‟s already left for the cemetery?” she asked, then shook her head.
Of course they had. Why had she asked that?
“Yeah. We just finished loading the casket into the car.” Though he inhaled a deep breath, just the angle of his head revealed his spirits were higher than they‟d been since their return from New York. “I have a few minutes before I have to follow.”
He nudged her aside and sat at the end of the pew. For a moment, they didn‟t speak. Then they both began to talk at once.
“I have the letters—”
“I appreciate what you said, and I know you were trying to make my mother feel better—”
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She blinked when Shawn abruptly cut himself off. “You better be referring to the bulk of my speech, Griffin, and not one particular part, or I may be tempted to deck you in the house of the Lord.”
Much to her relief, his lips twitched. “What did the other letter say?”
“Good save.” She snatched her purse and pulled out the two envelopes she‟d tucked inside. “Your mother gave me mine first because she thought I needed to understand more than you did. And she was right, so don‟t be mad at her.” She tapped the envelopes against his chest when he made no move to take them. “Don‟t you want to read yours?”
“I asked what it said, didn‟t I?”
“How should I know? I wouldn‟t read someone else‟s private mail.” At his narrow-eyed look, she relented. “Okay, so maybe I‟ve held the occasional envelope up to a lightbulb. But not something like this. Not something of yours.”
He cleared his throat and opened his envelope. She watched as he silently scanned the page, then turned her attention elsewhere to give him a moment of privacy.
Birds chirped outside the open doors of the church. And beaming sunshine filled the doorway, a reminder that life always went on. For better or worse.
“Three weeks ago, he found out he had two clogged arteries,” Shawn said softly. “His doctors told him he should schedule surgery immediately. He didn‟t listen. Someone was out at work whose ass he had to cover.”
Thanking God his voice hadn‟t yet taken on that eerily hollow quality she‟d heard from him recently, she rubbed his shoulder. “My fault.” She shut her eyes.
She wasn‟t going to cry today. “Not yours.”
“The day he talked to you was the day they told him he had to get in right away, that he couldn‟t wait any longer. He insisted on scheduling it two weeks out.
He wanted to wait until we got back so he could hear the good news.” He shook his head, smiling faintly. “The man refused to be deterred.”
“Like father, like son.” She rested her cheek against his. “We gave him good news today. Or we will, if you don‟t say really annoying things that piss me off.”
His arm circled her waist. Squeezed. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
“Like even suggesting I‟d say I loved you to please your mother.” Her belly fluttered with nerves. And excitement, even though she knew she had no right to feel anything but grief on a day like today. But part of her hoped Dillon would be happy she‟d finally laid her feelings on the line. Or she would, soon. “I said I loved you because I do.”
“I know that, Rach.” He sounded so tired. “I never doubted that.”
“Then?”
“There‟s love, and then there‟s love.”
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“I know, you explained it to me already. Fruit and honey and all that. And breasts.” She glanced upward and grinned. “Maybe we should take this conversation outside.”
“I rather like it.” He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing the tips of her fingers.
“It‟s not just the sex thing. Though that‟s important too, undoubtedly. But maybe my mistake was expecting you to feel what I feel, at least on my schedule. Things like that take time.”
“We‟ve had almost thirty years. What more do you want?”
He released a frustrated chuckle. “I‟m trying to give you an out.”
“An out? From what? From loving and being loved in return by the most wonderful man I‟ve ever known? From marrying him and having his perfect little babies, who, by the way, better not be as completely blind as their father.”
Shawn sucked in a breath. “Blind and struck dumb.”
When she chanced a glance into his eyes, they weren‟t flat or emotionless. The green brimmed with heat. With life.
She curled her fingers around his. “I love you,” she whispered, helpless to control the tremor in her voice. But she didn‟t want to. Somehow she knew he needed to see what loving him did to her, without any shields. “If I have to keep saying it until you believe me, I will. I‟ll say it every day for the rest of my life.”
“You want that? Really? Forever?”
His choked question drew out her tears, and she let them run free. “With all my heart.” She squeezed his hand, marveling that her own was steady. Amazing considering all her internal organs were quivering. “I don‟t have a ring.”
“I‟ll get you one—” he said quickly, but she shook her head.
“No. For you. Because I‟m proposing to you.” She noisily cleared her throat. “I don‟t have a ring, but I do have these.”
He said nothing as she picked up the tray of pills nestled next to her hip. She pried each one loose and then dumped the pile in his hand.
His throat jerked. “Are these—”
“My birth control pills. I‟m not going to need them anymore, because I‟m officially going off them.”
“Oh.”
She had to laugh at his complete nonreaction. “If it‟s too soon, we can wait. My eggs are good for another few years.”
“No, no need to wait.” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Sorry, I‟m just trying to figure out how I ended up getting engaged at my father‟s funeral while discussing having a baby. The steps are fuzzy.” He shifted to grin at her. “This is what our life together is going to be like, isn‟t it?”
“Most likely,” she agreed.
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“God, I can‟t wait.” He fisted the handful of pills and reached for her with his other hand, pulling her in for a hard kiss. His mouth gentled, and he kissed her again, tenderly. Showing her all the possibilities she hadn‟t dared wished for until she‟d faced losing everything that mattered.
“Does this mean you‟re saying yes?”
“Show me a ring, and we‟ll talk.” He laughed at her consternation and nibbled her lower lip as his gaze roamed her face. “Of course I‟m saying yes. The answer was yes before you asked the question, and the answer will be yes until the day I die.”
“Oh.” She let out a shuddering breath. “Well, that‟s good then.” She pressed a hand to her jumping stomach. “Excuse me, I may need to go throw up now.”
He laughed again, the sound lighting her up inside. “Might as well start practicing, right? For when it‟s real.” His hand cupped her flat stomach, and she swallowed over the mammoth lump in her throat. “I can‟t wait to see you carrying my child.
Our
child.”
She edged closer to him on the pew. “Just as a reminder, I‟m teaching till May.
So seriously, you‟ll need to get on this in a hurry or your window of opportunity closes till next year.”
His lips quirked. “Duly noted. I‟ll empty my calendar.”
“See that you do.”
Shawn rubbed his knuckles over her damp cheek. “How is it possible the saddest day of my life is also the happiest?”
“Happiest up till now. We‟ll have to get busy making other happy days, a whole chest of them.” Emotion filled her voice, heralding round two of her tearfest.
So she‟d lied. Tears were to be expected on this saddest, happiest day.
“That‟s a promise I intend to hold you to, Rachel Cooper.”
“Ditto.” Smiling, she laid her lips on his. “I‟m so in love with you, Shawn Griffin.”
His breath rushed out, as if she‟d just lifted a giant weight from him. “I‟ve waited so long to hear that.”
“We‟ve both been waiting.” But as happy as she was, she had to be sure. “You don‟t think we‟re getting ahead of ourselves?”
Shawn grinned. “Baby, I think we‟re right on time.”
Loose Id Titles by Cari Quinn
Insatiable
Cari Quinn
Award-winning, multi-published author Cari Quinn wrote her first story—a bible parable—in 2nd grade, much to the delight of the nuns at her Catholic school.
Once she saw the warm reception that first tale garnered, she was hooked. She attempted her first romance in junior high, long before she‟d ever read one. Writing what she knew always took a backseat to what she wanted to know, and that still holds true today. Cari‟s genres of choice include contemporary, romantic comedy, romantic suspense, urban fantasy and paranormal. Recently she discovered erotic romance. Oh, how far she‟s come
Find more about Cari Quinn a
t http://www.cariquinn.com,
or follow her blog at
http://cariquinn.blogspot.com.