Inside Danger (Outside The Ropes Book 2) (23 page)

I hesitated as I picked up the shot, the vodka spilling over the side onto my fingers. “You didn’t answer the question before.”

“I’ll answer both.”

I was trapped in his icy gaze for a moment, time frozen as I made my decision. The burn was muted this time, my mouth numb, but the liquor bounced in my stomach and rushed back up my throat. I choked it down, but didn’t have any water left to help.

Rusnak’s smirk forced me to keep it down. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me throw up.

“Patience.” He took his time in producing another water bottle from the cooler, and then he kept a firm grip on it, not letting me take it. “These things take time.” He released the bottle to me.

I sipped the water slowly, my stomach rebelling against everything. “I think I’ve shown a lot of patience here.”

He laughed harder, slapping the table sarcastically. “Do you now? You think you’ve been patient? I think you’ve been pushing since you’ve arrived.” His eyes dropped over me and his voice lowered. “You can’t seem to stop yourself, always doing something.” The look in his eyes chilled me as the alcohol heated my veins. “Just like her.”

“Don’t start this shit.” I screwed the lid back on my bottle, but I couldn’t cover my disgust. “What the hell is it with you? It’s sick. And I’m not her.” I stood up from the chair without thinking. “I’m done with this game, you aren’t even answering the questions. It’s a stupid fucking game.” I didn’t feel that drunk, I felt sick, but I watched the words tumble from me as if it was someone else speaking.

I slammed my palms on the table. “Quit fuckin’ laughing.”

He stopped with the stupid chuckle, but the smile stayed on his face. “Sit back down. The alcohol’s getting to you.”

“No shit. Maybe because I had three shots in three minutes.”

“Twenty minutes,” he corrected.

I glared at him. “It’s not the alcohol, it’s you.”

His eyes narrowed and I sat down, clamping my lips between my teeth. The alcohol had thinned the cover on my anger, letting it show. I knew better than to let that slip any further.

“No more shots for you.” He took away the small glass and replaced it with a larger one, mixing the vodka with seltzer water. “You can sip instead. But I owe you some answers. He will be killed, after your fight, but before the next one. It’s taking a while because there’s other business that takes priority first. Once that’s squared away, this will be dealt with.” He sipped from his glass. “Now, enough business. You have to have other questions. I know I have a few.”

I sat still. The alcohol weighed down my limbs, but numbed all emotions, making me feel disconnected from myself. Not an unpleasant feeling.

“Why are you so against talking about your mother?”

I knew the sick bastard couldn’t let it go. The question barely affected me, but I wasn’t going to answer it.

“Why do you always want to talk about her?”

“I asked first and I’ve been drinking.”

I actually laughed. “I couldn’t give a shit about your drinking.”

“Hm, you’re being difficult.” His smile made it seem like a good thing. He sighed and scooted the chair closer to me. “I loved her. And you’re the only person that I can talk to about her. And as much as you hate hearing it, you remind me of her. You look just like her, and some of the things you do… you’re impulsive.” His eyes were intense and broke through the cloud of alcohol. “You should be thankful to be like her. That’s why I want to help you.”

I didn’t like the return of feelings his words caused. I preferred the detachment, the not feeling. I took a sip of the drink in front of me, wanting to wrap myself in numbness again. “I don’t believe you.”

He sat up, pulling his hands off of my knees. I hadn’t even realized they were there.

“I mean, you think you’re helping me? Really? And why? Because of her? It doesn’t make sense to me.” I stopped myself from rambling further questions.

There was a shadow of a smile on his lips as his hands slipped back to my knees. “That’s a lot of questions.” He cocked his eyebrow to my drink.

“See! This is what I mean. If you wanted to help me then it wouldn’t be so manipulative.”

His teeth pressed into his bottom lip, excitement lighting his eyes. “You’re right. You’re always so guarded though, I thought this would help. It’s clearly working.”

My heart was pounding and I finished off my drink, trying to calm it. Nothing was clear, but if I had to choose a path, I’d take the one to emotionless drunk over being painfully sober and aware of my world spiraling beyond my control. I didn’t really see a point in trying to stay in control when I obviously had none. For this one night, I was embracing oblivion.

“I drank. Answer the questions.”

Something dark passed over his features, even with his smile in place. “I’ve helped you more than you know. I was there that night, the night she killed herself. I’m the reason you’re not dead.”

I picked up my glass, but it was empty. Fuck.

I watched as his hand surrounded my shaking glass, catching it before it dropped to the ground.

“I went there to make sure she was all right, I knew Nikolai had threatened her. I went there to help, but she took it wrong. She thought I was there to carry out his threats. She was already high and pulled the gun on me first. Then you walked out of whatever back room you had been in.” He was talking fast, trying to get it out before—I’m not sure, maybe before I threw up on him.

I was trapped in my unmoving body, his hands holding mine.

“What happened next?” My quiet voice surprised me.

“You must have just woken up.” His face pinched with the memory. “Your hair was tangled and ratty and you were wearing an adult shirt that covered you to your feet. I don’t think you even knew we were there in the kitchen behind you. You came out and turned on the TV. Then she pointed the gun at you and shot, you didn’t even turn around to see. She nearly unloaded the gun before you dropped, that white shirt turned red.”

I pushed his hands off of me as they tried to move to my face. “Why?”

“Nikolai threatened to kill both of you, she did it before he could.”

I sucked in much needed air. This didn’t change shit, except now my buzz was ruined and I felt everything too heavily. I looked around the dim barn, the night sky closing in. There was nowhere to run. But I needed to escape. “I need a drink.”

He poured me another drink and pressed it to my hands. “I tried to stop her, but by time I realized what she was doing you were down. I took the gun from her and called the ambulance that came. She’d locked herself in the bathroom. I left before the cops arrived and found out later she overdosed in there.”

“Shut up.” The way his voice broke talking about her overdosing made me sick. I gulped the rest of the drink and he refilled it. “I can’t take anymore.”

He met my eyes and nodded. “All right.” He breathed out, hands up. “I’m done. I just wanted you to know. You’re the only one who knows.”

I nodded, hating the weight he just placed on me.

“I’ve got plans tonight. But you can come with me, I think you deserve a night out.”

I shook my head. “I can’t handle a night out, not now.”

“It’s a poker tournament, nothing big. It’ll be fun. I’ll buy you in.”

What was wrong with him? “I’m not in the mood. I’ll go back to the apartment.”

“What if I make a deal with you?” He gripped my thighs, eyes intent on me. “You come with me and this can be your last fight, if you win.”

What the hell, I couldn’t keep up. Did I tell him that I knew about his deal with Gage? My thoughts were still reeling from his earlier revelation.

“Why?”

“So many questions. I told you I want to help you.”

I grabbed my head, massaging my temples. “It always comes with strings,” I mumbled to myself.

He smiled and stood, pulling me to my feet. “These strings aren’t so bad. It’s just a poker game. Who knows, you might even have fun.”

LAZILY SWIMMING THROUGH MY THOUGHTS, I REALIZED there was no one moment when I broke. But the pressure had cracked me and I’d been desperately fighting to keep the pieces together, a losing battle. Those pieces were now floating away in a river of alcohol and I didn’t fucking care. And that’s how I knew I was drunk. I didn’t fucking care. And I was cussing in my thoughts. And now I was silently laughing to myself.

I swept my eyes around the back of the town car, the partition still up, blocking Boris from view. I rested my gaze on Rusnak and felt my smile slip from my face. He was watching me. Always fucking watching me, even when he wasn’t around.

“How are you feeling?” He questioned.

“Some sort of way.” I couldn’t describe the disconnected feeling, it wasn’t bad or good. It was nothing. I felt like nothing.

“Have another drink.” He handed me the flask in his hand.

I sipped slow, taste buds long since burned away. I wanted to maintain the way I felt, not tilt it over the edge. I was comfortably numb, not concerned about what would happen next and there was a freedom in that carelessness.

“Thanks.” I handed him back his flask with a nod of my head. As much as he controlled, I was at least sure that he wouldn’t let things go bad tonight, or rather if that was his intention there was nothing I could do. So fuck it. I wasn’t worrying. I was with the man with the most power in all this, it was all in his control. Right?

“This Nikolai, do you work for him still?” His name had been swirling in my head since Rusnak told his story.

He jerked the flask from his lips, wiping the back of his hand on his mouth. “What makes you ask that?”

I had surprised him. I pressed my lips together, keeping in the small laugh. “You use to. Does him going to prison change that?”

He eased the flask back to his lips, critically eyeing me as he sipped. “It changes everything. Under my control, this organization has gone farther than he could have taken it. It’s better with me running things, and everyone knows it.”

“So…” I turned to face him, leaning back on the door behind me. “This Friday will be my last fight?”

He pulled the leather flask from his lips and handed it back to me, with a slick smile. “If you win. I believe Nick already gave you those details about what round, that’s all the same.”

If I win. “In the second? That’s a stupid bet.”

His eyebrow rose, but smile stayed. “You don’t think you can do it?”

I took another small sip, the liquor heating me, making me brave and untouchable. “I can. I can do whatever I want.” I could. I stopped myself from kicking him, just to prove the point.

He chuckled leaning towards me, taking the flask from my fingers. “Can you now?”

Sighing I sunk lower in the seat, melting into the smooth leather. “Nope and you know it.”

He shook his head, eyes dancing over me. “Sweetheart, I don’t stop you from anything. There’s always a choice.” His hand slid into my hair. “And you chose to be here with me.”

I closed my eyes, soaking up the feel of his hand gliding through the strands of my hair, sending chills over my skin.

“It doesn’t feel like a choice.” My eyes popped open after the words slipped from my lips. Crap, I shouldn’t have voiced the thought.

“That’s because you know it’s the best choice. I’m the best choice.” His fingers curled in my hair, gripping my head this time. “You should appreciate that.”

I smirked, knowing where this was going. I leaned into him, hands on his chest, and slipped my lips to his ear and whispered, “I’m not in the begging mood.” Laughing, I dropped back to my side of the car.

Biting my lip, I hid my smile. I felt more like my old self, my pre-Gage self, the me that knew how to separate sex and feelings. That’s who I needed to be to survive Rusnak.

“That’s all right. Now’s not the time.” He leaned across the seat to me and extended the flask to my lips.

I grabbed over his hand, keeping him from pouring too much into my mouth.

“I like this side of you.” He tried to tip the flask back into my mouth again, but I pushed his hand away.

“No more.” Gravity increased, pulling me into the seat. “I’m not going to be able to walk soon.” I sat up as a brilliant idea struck. “I’ll stay in the car.” My voice was way too loud, way too excited.

He shook his head, laughing. “No. You’re staying with me.” He grabbed my hand.

“Why? What do you have planned?”

“What makes you ask that?”

“You always do.” I just kept talking without thinking.

“Maybe this time, my plan is only to be near you.” His fingers trailed lightly around my wrist. “Especially since you’re laughing and smiling.”

“I doubt that.”

The car pulled around to the back of his club and my stomach dropped at the familiar location.

His grip tightened around my wrist, making my head snap to him. “Watch that mouth when we get in there,” his voice was sharp.

“Then don’t push me.” I met his gaze with insane confidence, but a laugh slipped out. I was going crazy and knew it.

He gripped my chin with his hand. “I mean it. We’ll be in mixed company, no shop talk.” But his amused smile softened his harsh tone.

I nodded and he released me. That exchange sobered me slightly, but as I slid out of the car my claim of not being able to walk was tested. And it was difficult.

Rusnak kept an arm around me and I leaned into him for balance, not letting my mind jump ahead to where we were going and who might be there.

His arm was still around me when we walked into a large room, thick with smoke, and three poker tables set up in the center. Some people already sat around them, other stood in small clusters and talked with drinks in their hand.

He stiffened next to me and then his arm dropped away.

I lifted my gaze and was immediately drawn to where Gage was standing in the corner, his brown hair and blue eyes easily seen over the group he was talking too. He had a cocky smirk on his lips and the group erupted in laughter at whatever he said.

Then a woman stepped in front of Rusnak and me, blocking my view, and I realized this was the person that had affected him, not Gage. She was tall, thin, and very blonde. Her dress hung on her skinny frame with style.