Read Just Stupid! Online

Authors: Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton

Just Stupid! (23 page)

BOOK: Just Stupid!
8.25Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

   ‘You have to kiss now,’ says Roseanne. ‘Come on, Andy, kiss Lisa!’

   Somebody throws a handful of glitter over us.

   ‘Lovers!’ they cry.

   Lisa closes her eyes and puts her cheek forward. It is the most beautiful cheek I have ever seen. It is like the cheek of a princess in a fairytale. It is a lovely pink colour and the glitter is making it sparkle.

   I want to kiss her.

   I really do.

   But I can’t.

   What I really want to do is sneeze. For real this time. I think a bit of glitter has gone up my nose. And when you’re holding twenty marshmallows in your mouth and you’re standing in front of the most beautiful girl in the universe, that’s a bit of a worry.

   I’ve got to swallow.

   I’ve got to swallow before I sneeze.

   But I can’t. It’s like trying to swallow a wet face-washer. I’ve simply got too much in my mouth.

   I try to turn away and put my hands over my mouth like when I did the fake sneeze, but I can’t. Lisa’s holding my right hand. Roseanne is holding my left.

   ‘Ah . . . ah . . .’

   There’s no stopping it. I wrench my left hand away from Roseanne and try to put it across my mouth in time.

   ‘Choo!’

   Too late.

   The marshmallow mush comes leaping through my fingers. It’s like the white foam on the edge of a breaking wave.

   ‘He’s frothing at the mouth!’ screams Roseanne. ‘He’s got rabies!’

   The remains of twenty half-chewed marshmallows have gone all over the front of my shirt, my jeans, my shoes and the carpet.

   At least they didn’t go over Lisa.

   Correction.

   At least most of them didn’t go over Lisa. She hasn’t noticed yet but a glob of marshmallow goo has landed right in the middle of her cheek. It looks a lot like—well I won’t say—but it comes out of the back end of birds.

   Everybody is staring at me.

   ‘You poor thing,’ says Lisa, rubbing my back. ‘Are you feeling okay?’

   Hey! She thinks I’m sick! Maybe this is not so bad after all.

   I bend over double, and groan.

   ‘Must have been an off marshmallow,’ I say.

   I look up.

   Danny is dancing around the room.

   ‘I win!’ he cries. ‘I win!’

   Everyone is staring at him.

   I’m trying to signal to him to shut up—to let him know that I’ll concede victory if only he’ll shut up. But he doesn’t take the hint.

   ‘What do you mean, Danny?’ says Lisa, puzzled.

   ‘You spew, you lose,’ says Danny. ‘And he spewed!’

   ‘I did not spew,’ I say. ‘I sneezed.’

   ‘Same difference,’ he says. ‘You owe me a million bucks!’

   ‘What are you talking about?’ says Lisa. ‘What did you win?’

   ‘Chubby Bubbies!’ says Danny. ‘Twenty marshmallows each. But he couldn’t hold his!’

   As what has happened dawns on everybody, their looks of sympathy turn to disgust.

   Danny starts up his victory dance again.

   ‘Twenty marshmallows,’ he sings. ‘Twenty marshmallows.’

   I fold my arms, roll my eyes and shake my head.

   ‘He is so immature,’ I say to Lisa.

   ‘He’s not the only one,’ says Lisa.

   What can I say? How can I make her understand that I didn’t want to play Chubby Bubbies? That Danny left me no choice?

   ‘I know what you’re thinking . . .’ I say.

   ‘You do?’ says Lisa, picking up a marshmallow and squeezing it between her thumb and fingers. ‘What am I thinking?’

   ‘You’re thinking that I’m really immature and gross and disgusting . . .’

   ‘That’s right,’ says Lisa. ‘But that’s not all.’

   ‘It’s not?’

   ‘No,’ she says. ‘I also think you’ve got a very big mouth.’

   ‘Right,’ I say.

   ‘But not as big as mine,’ she says.

   Lisa puts the marshmallow into her mouth without taking her eyes from mine.

   ‘One Chubby Bubby,’ she says.

BOOK: Just Stupid!
8.25Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Doctor's Assistant by Celine Conway
Blood Dance by Lansdale, Joe R.
Beatles by Lars Saabye Christensen
The Cabal by Hagberg, David
Kiss of Heat by Leigh, Lora
Nothing But the Truth by Kara Lennox