Lavender Lies (Historical Romance) (37 page)

Julian stood in the hallway, knowing he had deeply hurt Lavender. He had read the torment in her eyes. Why had he used the baby to torture her, when all he really wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her? Would this agony never end for either of them?

He drew in a deep breath and moved down the hallway to the nursery. He knew he had given his word that Lavender could leave after the child was born, but how could he ever let her go? He did not like to think that he was using their son to hold on to her. But wasn't he?

Lavender carefully slipped out of bed and slowly moved to the bell pull and gave it a hard tug. She felt weak and faint, but she had to call Nicodemus back. Lavender knew she could not stay here. She had to get away as quickly as possible.

She managed to get back in bed, and layback on her pillow, wishing her head would stop reeling.

Only moments passed before Mrs. Forsythe appeared. She hovered over Lavender like a mother hen, fluffing up her pillow and pulling the covers over her. "Your Grace, you should not be out of bed so soon. I placed the bell on your bedside table so you would not have to get out of bed to summon the nurse."

"I did not want the nurse, Mrs. Forsythe, I wanted you. I want you to tell me the truth. Is my baby healthy?"

"Yes, Your Grace. Small, but in perfect health."

"Go below and see if Nicodemus has left. If he hasn't, have him come up to me at once. If he has gone into the village, send someone to fetch him."

"I will do that straightaway." Her smile was warm and sincere. "I would caution Your Grace to have a care with your health. You have just given birth and had a horrible fall. It is going to take time for your body to heal from both."

Lavender was touched by the housekeeper's concern. She reached out and took the woman's hand. "I want to thank you for all your care, Mrs. Forsythe. You have been good to me."

The little housekeeper's eyes softened. "If I might be allowed to say so, Your Grace, it is a genuine pleasure to serve you." She smiled.

"Mrs. Forsythe, may I ask something of you?"

The housekeeper looked taken aback for a moment. "There is nothing I would not do for you, Your Grace."

"Will you always . . . Would you look after my . . . son?" Lavender's voice broke, but she made herself continue. "Would you give him the same devotion and care . . . you have given me?"

The older woman looked distressed. "Nothing is going to happen to you. We have all been assured that you will soon recover from the birth."

Lavender eased herself to a sitting position. "How much can I trust you?"

The housekeeper's eyes burned with loyalty. "You can trust me with your life, Your Grace."

"Then I am going to ask more of you than I should. If you do not wish to do it, you have only to say so." Lavender looked into the woman's eyes and saw they were shining with tears, so she continued before she started crying herself. "Mrs. Forsythe, tonight, after everyone else has gone to bed, will you make sure the nanny has left the nursery so I can see my son just this one time?"

Mrs. Forsythe had known there was something not right between the duke and duchess, but she was not a gossip, and she would not allow her underlings to gossip, so she did not know what the trouble was. She had come to love this gentle sweet girl whose eyes always spoke of sadness. "I will gladly do whatever I can to bring that about, Your Grace. The nanny will not think it unusual if I ask to relieve her for a while. I feel sure she will take it as a kindness."

"Oh, thank you, my dear Mrs. Forsythe." Lavender turned away, knowing that when she left Mannington, she would be leaving more than just her son behind.

Nicodemus shook his head. "No, Lavender, it's madness, and I will not be a party to it. You are in no condition to travel. And besides, when you leave this place, you will walk through the front door, not go sneaking off like a thief in the night."

Lavender had to make him understand she had to leave that night. "I have to go, Nicodemus. Julian has made it impossible for me to remain any longer. He will not even allow me to see the baby."

"Why would he want to keep the child from you?"

"I told you that Julian believes I am responsible for his brother's death. I believe he is using the baby to hurt me. I cannot stay here and allow him to destroy me, Nicodemus. I just can't."

He could never deny her anything. When he saw the tears swimming in her lovely blue eyes, his heart melted, but he stood firm this time, feeling she was in no condition to travel so soon after the baby's birth.

"1 cannot do what you ask, Lavender. I will not jeopardize your health for any reason. We will stick to our original plan and leave when I get back from London."

She breathed deeply. "I suppose you are right, Nicodemus. Julian once accused me of allowing my heart to rule my emotions, and I suppose he was right in that."

"I have always found your heart and your head in perfect accord. You will need to keep them both if we are to get out of here. Do you have any notion as to how I am going to get you away? This place is a fortress."

"Yes, I have it all planned out. You will go to London as planned. You will book passage on a ship that will carry us home. Also, you will have to acquire transportation for us to London, because I know I will not be well enough to ride horseback. I will leave the details to you. Also, I will send word downstairs that you are to be shown to my room the moment you return from London." She watched his face at her next words. "You will need to purchase male attire for me."

"So it's the Swallow again, is it?"

"Yes, I fear I will have to resurrect her until we are safely back in Williamsburg."

"We will not have an easy time getting home, Lavender. The war is heating up, and much of it is concentrated in the South. Don't look for me too soon. I will not return until I have made all the arrangements."

She felt guilty that she had not even asked about the war. So many things had happened in the last two days, causing her to forget the war temporarily. "Who do you think will win, Nicodemus?"

"At this point, it could go either way. We are drained of finances and equipment, but our men fight on. If patriotism and determination can win a war, then the final victory will be ours."

A tear trailed down her cheek. "Take me home, Nicodemus. I do not belong here, and whatever happens to my country, I want to be there to share either victory or defeat."

He nodded. "I will be back as quickly as 1 am able. Let us hope that I can make all the arrangements without the duke finding out. I have this strong feeling he would never allow you to leave."

"You are wrong, Nicodemus. He will be happy to be rid of me. But just in case he thinks to hold me prisoner, we must proceed with the greatest secrecy."

He looked grim. "It will probably take at least a month before you are well enough to travel. Perhaps even then it will be too soon. But knowing you as I do, I suspect you would go with or without my help. You can be a mighty stubborn woman when your mind is made up about something."

She managed to smile. "It's just that I am desperate to get home. Thank you, Nicodemus. I knew I could count on your help. You will find a box of jewels on the dressing table. Take them and use them as needed. There are several valuable stones, and if we sell them, there will be more than enough money to see us home."

Long after Nicodemus left, Lavender lay on the bed praying for the strength to leave when the time came. She felt weak, and there was a long, arduous journey ahead of her. She would have to call on all her strength and courage to make it home. She thought of Julian. He would be angry when he found out she had gone without his permission. He would probably even try to find her, but not out of any love he might have for her. No, he would want to bring her back so he could watch her suffer.

She thought of how painful it would be to never see Julian again. Under the law, he was her husband, and she knew for a certainty that her love for him would endure until she died. The thought of never seeing him again was almost more than she could stand. But she would bear it, like she had faced all the tragedies in her life. She watched the clock on the mantel tick away the hours, hoping that Mrs. Forsythe would be able to arrange for her to see her baby.

The clock had just struck ten when the door opened and Mrs. Forsythe poked her head into the room. Lavender could tell by the distressed expression on her face that something was amiss.

The housekeeper approached Lavender's bed with her eyes downcast. "You can tell me what is wrong, Mrs. Forsythe. Were you not able to arrange for me to see the baby?"

The woman nodded. "I am grieved to tell you, Your Grace, that His Grace had the baby moved to another part of the house. The baby is guarded by the nanny, a nurse and a wet nurse. I was told that the doctor advised as few visitors as possible. No one is allowed in his room but those three women." Her eyes were tear-bright. "I am so grievously sorry, Your Grace."

Lavender patted her hand in a gesture meant to comfort her. "Do not distress yourself, Mrs. Forsythe. It was wrong of me to ask you to go against the duke. I will find a way to see my baby."

24

Days passed, and the only people Lavender saw were the dowager, Mrs. Forsythe, and Muldoon, who still delivered the basket of fresh peaches to her each day. Julian had not come to her room, but then she had not expected him to. The dowager gave Lavender glowing reports of the baby. Even though they never discussed it, Lavender could tell by the sadness in the older woman's eyes that she was sorry that the baby had been taken away from her. Julian had not come to her bedchamber since the night he had told her he was taking the baby away from her, and she was glad, because she was too angry to face him since her weakened condition would put her at a disadvantage.

It was a cold and gusty May afternoon. Lavender stood before the window, feeling like a prisoner. She stared out on the garden, while the tension mounted inside her. What was keeping Nicodemus? Why had he not come back? Suppose something had happened to him? She had been frantically counting the days and weeks until he returned.

Hearing the door open, she turned around, expecting to see Mrs. Forsythe, but, instead, her eyes locked with Julian's.

He stared at her as the golden halo of sunlight bathed her in its soft glow. Her face was lovely, her golden hair was spilling across her breasts. She was dressed in a blue silk nightgown and robe. Her blue eyes were seeking and somehow frightened. "I did not hear you knock," she said, spinning around and glancing back out the window.

He moved to stand beside her. "I did not knock, guessing you would only send me away if I did."

His shoulder brushed against her and she moved away. "Am I to be given no privacy?"

"I have left you alone for over a month. Would you not agree that is allowing you your privacy?"

She could feel the heat from his body, and as always his nearness disturbed her peace of mind. Looking up at him, she allowed her anger to sparkle in the depths of her eyes. "I hope you have come to tell me that I can leave England."

He gripped her by the shoulders. "What if I have decided to keep you?"

She shook her head. "We made a bargain. I have kept mine, now it's up to you to keep yours."

His eyes were gentle as they ran over her face. "What if I cannot bear to let you go?"

She shrugged his hands away. "Make your jests if you like, but allow me to leave." Desperation laced her words. "I am smothering here."

He skillfully turned the conservation. "You have not asked me about the baby. As a matter of fact, I am told you have not even asked to see the baby."

She tossed her head and placed her hands on her hips. "And that bothers you, does it not? You expected to take my baby away from me and have me groveling at your feet, begging to be allowed to see him. Well, it did not happen, Julian, and it never will. I will never ask you for anything."

He reached out, took her arm, and jerked her against him. "What a proud woman you are, Lavender. I admit I have been sorely tested while trying to break you, but it seems I have failed."

"Why should you want to, Julian? Is there something in you that likes to punish me?"

He ran his knuckles softly along her delicate jawline. "I am not sure. Perhaps in hurting you, I am really hurting myself. Can you understand that?"

She shook her head. "No, Julian, I do not understand that. I know about your grief for your brother, but I do not know how you can think that hurting me will solve anything. My father was killed by an Englishman, but I have not held you responsible for his death. I do not want to see you suffer for what someone else did."

He placed his hands on either side of her face and looked deeply into her eyes. "Do you admit you have suffered for my brother's death?"

Her eyes were clear and sparkling with honesty. "I admit you have torn my heart out."

He drew in a ragged breath, feeling as if his own heart had just been torn out. "Perhaps if you ask it of me, I will call our debt even."

"I told you I would never ask you for anything. But I will hold you to your promise to let me go."

His eyelids covered his eyes. "Do you expect Nicodemus to come back and rescue you? 1 can assure you that will not happen. He may return from wherever he has gone, but I have given instructions that he is not to be allowed to see you."

Her lips trembled. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He surprised her when he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against his body. "You are like a fever in my brain. You cannot imagine the battle I wage every day, just to stay away from you. You have bewitched me, and I cannot let you go until I have purged you from my mind."

She was startled by the admission that seemed to have been torn from his lips. "Yes, I remember," she said in a trembling voice. "You rule with your head and not your heart. Perhaps therein lies your trouble. Pity the mighty Duke of Mannington is not in control of his own life."

His face was a mask of fury as he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. "I will show you that I have control over you," he said in a harsh whisper. "1 can most certainly control your body."

She tried to move off the bed, but he moved forward entrapping her in his arms. "Now who is in control?" he asked. "Surely not you." His hand moved down to her waist. Untying the belt of her robe, he pushed the material aside, baring her breasts. He saw desire burning in her eyes and felt an answering desire in his body. "Perhaps, after all, Lavender, you are in control."

"Let me go," she said. "I don't want you to touch me."

"Don't you?" He bent his head, and his lips lightly touched the rosy tip of her breasts, first one, and then the other. He felt her body tense when his hand slid down her stomach, and he heard her intake of breath. Looking into her eyes, he saw the battle-taking place there. She wanted to tell him to leave her alone, but her body reacted strongly to his caresses. "I think you want very much for me to touch you, Lavender."

She moistened dry lips. "I said I would never ask you for anything, but I am asking now. Please do not do this, Julian. Leave me at least some shred of self-respect."

His mouth moved across her face. "Why, Lavender?" he breathed in her ear. "You have left me none. I would come begging at your feet if it was the only way I could have you."

She gazed into dark eyes that were burning with a slow passion. "No, Julian . . . no," she whispered, knowing she could not resist him.

The fury of desire was upon them both as he stripped her clothing away, one article at a time. Lavender did not know how it was accomplished, but soon his naked body was pressed against her soft curves, making it almost impossible for her to breathe. Everywhere he touched, she responded with a sigh.

Lavender could feel the pounding of his heart against her breasts. As if her hands had no will of their own, her fingers laced through his ebony hair. Her movement was sensuous as she silently urged him to take her body. Wild primitive feelings took possession of her when Julian took her body and made it his own. He dominated her mind, bringing her pleasure, and she trembled with fulfillment.

Lavender rolled over, pulling her robe about her nakedness. Julian had sat up with his back to her, making it impossible for her to see the expression on his face. Like her, did his heart beat so fast that he could scarcely breath? she wondered. Did he yearn for an admission from her that it was good between the two of them, as she did?

Julian rolled slowly to his feet and pulled his britches on. Sliding his arms into his ruffled shirt, he pushed the tail of the shirt into his britches. He buttoned the shirt up the front before he spoke. "1 never intended for this to happen, Lavender." His eyes were almost pleading.

She realized she would get no confession of undying love from Julian. "It was of no importance, Julian. But it is the last time I shall ever allow you to touch me." Her eyes were defiant, her chin set in a stubborn line.

He flicked her a quick look before picking up his jacket and draping it across his shoulders. "Do you think I could not bring you around if I wanted to, Lavender? I know all the things that you like." He turned to the door. "However, you will not have to endure my presence for much longer. I am taking the baby to the London house in three days' time. He is old enough to be christened."

She scrambled to her knees, hoping she had misunderstood him. "Do you mean that you came here to tell me that you are taking my baby away?"

He watched her face a moment. "If you ask it of me, I may allow you to come with us."

"No, never."

"What a proud woman you are, Lavender. I knew precisely what your answer would be, even though I know you want to be with your baby." A smile curved his lips. "Never mind. I got much more than I came here for."

She picked up a pillow and propelled it across the room, missing him by inches when he ducked. "I hate you, Julian! You are an insufferable beast."

He bowed to her. "I can see where you might think so. Until later, Lavender," he said, sweeping out of the room.

She stared at the door he had just left through, feeling defeated. Hot tears scalded her eyes. When would the hurting stop? she wondered.

One thing was certain, if she was ever going to see her baby, it would have to be before Julian took him to London. She wished that Nicodemus would come. She knew that after today the only way she would ever get away from Julian was to escape.

As Lavender restlessly paced the floor, there was a knock on the door. Thinking it might be Julian returning, she composed herself and jerked the door open. When she saw it was Mrs. Forsythe, she relaxed.

The housekeeper came into the room, glancing nervously over her shoulder. After she handed Lavender a box, she closed the door. "Your man Nicodemus said to give you. this. He also said to tell you he would be waiting for you in the greenhouse tonight."

Lavender felt drained of emotion. "How did he get in touch with you?"

Even though there was no one in the room, the housekeeper whispered. "He sent word by Muldoon that he wanted to see me in the greenhouse. It seems His Grace left word that Nicodemus was not to be allowed access to you."

"Does my husband know that Nicodemus is here?"

"No, he just left the house, and will not be back until tomorrow morning." Mrs. Forsythe moved closer to Lavender. "1 also want to tell you that Nanny is ill, and 1 am supposed to sit with the baby tonight while the nurse goes into the village to see about her sick mother."

Lavender felt her head reeling. She and Nicodemus would have to leave tonight. She was grateful that she would get to see her baby before she left. "Thank you, Mrs. Forsythe. 1 will never forget your kindness."

"It is surely my pleasure to help you, Your Grace. I want to warn you that Muldoon will come to you tonight to lead you to the nursery. He is the only one I could trust."

The housekeeper moved to the door and quietly left. Lavender opened the box and found it contained everything she would need to change her appearance to resemble a young lad. She wrinkled her nose in distaste at the white powdered wig, knowing it was the most vital part of her disguise. She glanced at the mantel clock. It would be hours yet before she could see her baby.

The house was quiet as Lavender stepped out of her bedchamber to join Muldoon in the hallway. The little man's eyes moved over her slender form that was outlined in the trousers she wore, but he made no comment. "I was told to mention to you that Nicodemus has a buggy waiting behind the greenhouse."

She handed him her fur-lined cape, the one thing that Julian gave her that she would not part with. "Will you take this to the buggy and tell Nicodemus I will join him as soon as I have seen the baby."

Muldoon's eyes showed no surprise. He merely nodded. "If you will follow me, Your Grace, I will take you to your baby now."

As they silently moved down corridors, through another wing of the house, Lavender knew it had to be difficult for Muldoon to go against his duke. He had been taught from birth to serve the Westfield family, and he must be feeling remorse for being a party to this deceit. She wished she had not been forced to ask him and Mrs. Forsythe for their help.

By the time Muldoon stopped before a door, Lavender was completely lost. "When you are ready to leave, Your Grace, you have but to go to the end of the hallway and out the back door. When you get to the garden, turn to your right and you will find the greenhouse."

Lavender held out her hand. "Thank you, Muldoon. You have been a true friend."

He touched her hand and then gave her a deep respectful bow and turned away, rushing down the hallway and out of sight.

Lavender moved silently to the nursery. Rapping softly on the door, she was admitted by Mrs. Forsythe. The housekeeper was startled by Lavender's appearance, but was too well trained to make mention of it.

Lavender's glance fell on the cherry-wood cradle. She moved quietly across the room and stood staring down at the tiny infant. An outpouring of love washed over her as she watched him sleep. His dark hair was neatly brushed over his forehead. His tiny fists were doubled up and he was sucking on one of them. She reached out and gently caressed his cheek, finding it silken to the touch.