Let Me Just Say This (4 page)

Shaun's fists were tight and he was sweating more than when he first walked in. Her heart broke for him. She rubbed his hands and wiped the sweat from his face. Before she could stop herself, she was sitting on his lap, pushing her tongue in his mouth. His hands held her close. Her breathing was long and deep; just like their kissing. This is it. This was the night she was waiting for. Tonight she would give herself to him. Before she changed her mind, she turned and started walking towards her room.

“Are you sure?” he asked her when he reached her room.

She didn't answer him. Instead she grabbed him around
the neck and kissed him, pressing her body against his. She could feel his penis through his pants and then suddenly, she knew this wasn't what she wanted. When his hands reached for her zipper, she moved them. When he reached under her shirt, she tried moving away from him.

“Shaun, no,” she whispered, but again his hands were under her shirt. “Shaun, don't,” she said as she stepped away from him. He grabbed her and pulled her back against him and again pressed himself against her.

“Shaun… “

His hand clamped over her mouth.

Her mind was whirling around the thought that he was going to rape her.

He pushed her onto her twin bed and climbed on top of her. She kept squirming under him but he was strong. His hands had gotten into her pants and he was pulling them down. She tried closing her legs but he used his for leverage and she did the only thing she knew to do. She began slapping the side of his face, and clawing at his hands like a crazed animal. It seemed as it wasn't making a difference as he got stronger and stronger until she felt something trying to invade her and then she screamed.

“Baby, oh baby. I'm sorry,” Shaun started saying.

“Yes, you sure are,” she said, sitting up and fixing her clothes.

“Cheryl, I'm sorry. That ain't me, I'm not like him. I'm not.”

She jumped from the bed and snatched her pants up and then saw his face.

“Baby, I'm sorry…so sorry…please, this ain't me, this ain't how I wanted our night to be, you gotta believe me.”

She looked down at him and felt sorry for him. He had been through enough tonight and she didn't want to talk about what might have happened if she didn't stop him.

“I know it's not you,” She said while rubbing his back.

Cheryl had gotten lost in her thoughts and realized the water was getting cold. After stepping from the shower, Cheryl decided to slide on her little red dress. She found her red heels and was set. She decided that instead of curling her hair, she would snatch it back in a ponytail. If he had wanted to leave then he shouldn't have wanted sex, she thought to herself. She was finally ready and walked downstairs and didn't see Kevin, so she walked towards the kitchen, thinking he might already be outside, but stopped when she heard him in his office.

“Nigga please, she ain't going to find out nuttin', less you tell her.”

“Cause I can nigga.” she heard him say.

“I'm going to end the game when I get back. I'm tired of all of the bullshit anyway.”

A smile came across her face because maybe the sex and all of the nice things she had been doing for him lately, finally made him realize what he had in her. She was happy because she didn't want to share her husband any longer.

“Whateva Nigga, just be on time, and make sure you have all of the documents.”

She stepped back into the hallway and went back into the kitchen and waited for him to come in.

“Are you ready?” she said when he finally came in and
put the glass in the sink.

“What; you listening to my conversations now?” he asked.

She turned around, “No, I just got down here and was headed out the door because I thought you were waiting for me.”

“Hell, as long as you took, I should have just gone on without you,” He said and bumped past her.

“You want me to drive?”

She handed him her keys and he put them on the counter.

“Did I say that? Just come on before I change my damn mind.”

“I just thought that since…”

“I didn't ask you, now did I?” he said as he snatched his keys from the hook by the door.

“I just thought you would want to take my truck…”

“Shut up! Goddamn! Can you give it a break? We are taking my car, end of story,” he said as he walked out of the door and let it slam behind him.

She set the alarm and walked out into the garage and got in. The music was already turned way up and it gave her an instant headache. She reached over and pushed the knob to turn it down.

“Don't fucking touch my radio.”

“It's just that it is a little too loud.”

“Well, you could walk,” he said as he pushed the remote and the door came up and he backed out.

They rode in silence as her headache got worse. “Honey, can you please just turn it down a little?” She said as she touched his hand.

He snatched his hand away as if he had been burned by her touch. After about another minute he finally adjusted the sound from the steering wheel.

He finally spoke when she looked at him again. “Look, since I'm going to be gone a few days, why don't you do something for yourself?”

“Maybe.”

“Well at least think about it. Why don't you use one of the many credit cards I give you and go get your hair done or something? Maybe get your feet done and your nails.”

She tried to keep her mouth closed but she couldn't believe he was acting as if she had all the time in the world to do things for herself.

“Maybe if you were home more and did some of the things with the kids, I would have time to do something, like get my hair done,”

“Look, don't start this shit again.”

“What shit? I am only telling you that I don't have time since you are always out and about,” She said as she turned her face towards the window.

“Look, just cool down and let's have some fun tonight for a change.” He continued driving but she heard him mumbling under his breath.

Then he started talking again, “See when I try and do something nice for your ungrateful ass, you gotta act all snotty and shit.”

“Ungrateful? What is that supposed to mean? Just because I say that I wish you spent more time with the kids I'm ungrateful? I am not sure how that equates.”

“You know what the hell I mean. I always tell you to go and do some shit for yourself and then you try and turn it around on me. Just forget I said anything.”

Sometimes silence is golden, but not in the case of the two of them. Silence from Kevin meant he was fuming and hell was about to be open. He pulled the car into an empty parking lot, and sure enough hell opened up and swallowed her.

He pushed the gearshift into park and leaned over almost into her seat.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? I ain't your mothafucking child. I am a grown man and married to the most selfish bitch I have ever known. I give your ass every goddamn thing a woman wants. A truck; that need I remind you, you don't have to pay for or even worry about putting
gas in, a damn house worth more than you could ever hope to make in a lifetime, goddamn credit cards that you don't have to pay for, but miraculously they have no balances every fucking month, and those damn bank accounts with balances any ordinary bitch would appreciate. But do you? You complain every goddamn day. I am so sick of hearing you complain. I don't think you could function if you couldn't complain at least five times a damn day. You are such a selfish, ungrateful bitch.”

She lost it. He had hit a nerve by calling her the one thing that she hated the most.

“I am not! I am not! I hate you!” she screamed and suddenly she found herself swinging at him and she became incoherent. Her words rushed from her mouth like open floodgates at the river.

“You call me selfish? You're the selfish one! Always worried about your damn self. No one else! It's always what Kevin wants, what Kevin needs! I ask for simple shit. Like for you to love me! For you to care about me! But you can't do that, can you! If you cared for me half as much as your stupid business, then maybe I wouldn't complain! I hate you! I hate you!”

She tried to open the doors of the car and failed. She knew they were locked and hoped that he would release her from her prison.

“Let me out of here!” she screamed when it was clear that he wasn't going to release her. She turned and saw the anger building on his face and the tears started to fall from her eyes. “Let me out of here!”

“Cheryl! Calm the fuck down!” he yelled back at her.

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” were the only words that she could say.

“Cheryl! Look you need to get a hold of yourself! Stop it!” he said as he grabbed her and then he slapped her.

“Look, you really need to calm the fuck down before I lose my goddamn temper.”

“Just let me out of this car, unlock the door,” she said again.

“Cheryl, look, we can talk about this. Let's just go home.”

She finally gained enough control to unlock the door herself and climbed from the car and started walking. She didn't know where they were or where she was going, all she knew was that she needed to get away from him.

Kevin caught up to her, spun her around and slapped her hard enough to knock her to the ground.

“Get your ass back in the car or so help me…” he said while standing over her.

She didn't move, but he snatched her up.

“Let me go!” she screamed and snatched away from him and started running. Just as he was about to go after her, he saw headlights turn into the parking lot.

“Cheryl, Cheryl!” he shouted.

She continued to run until she heard music from around the corner. She heard him calling her from behind her but she couldn't stop now. She heard him call her again and this time she heard his feet hitting the pavement behind her.

She half ran half walked as quickly as she could in her five inch heels.

“Cheryl!” she heard him call again and this time she knew he was much closer than he was a few seconds ago.

She rounded the corner and had come up to a little hole-in-the- wall club. She brushed by the people standing in line and tried moving closer but now Kevin was behind her. She felt him grab her arm but she managed to pull away before he had a tight grip.

“Look, Cheryl, if you expect me to keep following you like some dog, you are sadly mistaken.” He yelled as she turned around, only separated by three women in line.

“Then stop following me.” She said, hoping that someone would come to her defense.

“Look, I am really beginning to lose my patience. You need to stop acting all bitchy and come back to the car.” He had finally caught up to her and grabbed her upper
arm.

“Don't fucking make me drag your ass back. Now come on and I am not saying it again.” He said as he pulled her closer.

Her heart was beating faster but her mind was made up, “Get the hell off of me,” she said as she tried to pull away again.

“Stop putting on a show for these people. They could care less that you are acting like this.”

“Then stop acting man-ish and take your damn hands off of me.”

They were standing face to face by now and the crowd was looking like they had just turned on a soap opera.

Kevin squeezed her arm a little tighter this time, causing her to feel her heartbeat in her hand.

She finally snatched free of him and walked as fast as her five -inch heels would carry her. She finally knew where she was and knew if she could get to the corner, there would be a payphone. At least that was the hope. She could get home and leave him to do whatever he wanted to. She was over this evening and just wanted to be home. She needed to get her life in order and being out here in the dark with no ride home was not getting it. What she really needed to do was to figure out how she was going to go about ending her marriage and making a life for herself.

Cheryl woke up and Shaun was sitting in her chair, beside the bed.

“How long you been awake?” she asked as she rubbed her eyes and sat up.

“Not long, maybe thirty minutes.”

“What time is it?”

“About ten in the morning. Look Cheryl, I want to apologize.”

“Come over here” she said, while stretching and yawning at the same time. “Look, I know things weren't what you expected last night and I didn't mean to lead you on. But let me just say this, when it is the time for us to be together we will know it. I shouldn't have tried to rush it. I guess I just don't want to lose you but I'm ok with waiting and I hope you are too.

“Ok, it won't happen again until you want it to,” he said and gave her a slight hug.

“Babe, I gotta go. Gotta make sure my mom is ok,” he said as he rose from the chair and put his jacket on.

“Look, call me so I know everything is ok,” she said as she walked behind him.

“That's a bet. Love you,” Shaun said before hopping off the step and running across the street to catch the bus before it left.

“Love you too,” she yelled but he was already on the bus.

For the next four hours she waited for a phone call that never came. She called his friend but he said he hadn't seen him since yesterday. She wanted to call his house but she didn't know what was going on and didn't want to interrupt in case something was happening. Her sister came upstairs and bounced into her room.

“We are going to get something to eat. Wanna come?”

“No.” she answered her without looking up.

“Dang, even when ma and ‘em ain't home, you still little miss goody two shoes. Ma and them won't even know, good lord, can you not be little miss stuck up for once? Well, your loss. See ya.” Angel said.

“Whateva” she said as her sister continued looking at her while she dialed Shaun's number.