Life of the Party (4 page)

There were
plenty of rumours circulating at school that conflicted with my
state of virginity, which was fine with me. It made me seem more
bad-ass, I guess. And to me, that was not a bad thing. But bad-ass
did come with consequences some times, like Riley’s trip right
now.

About four
blocks later, Ben’s house came into view—a sprawling bungalow
nestled in the back of a cul-de-sac, edged with manicured trees and
expensive landscaping. Ben’s parents were loaded, which worked out
well for us, as they left nearly every weekend in escape to their
cabin on the lake. Ben’s mom even made sure the cupboards were well
stocked before departing and entrusting the house to their youngest
son and his rowdy friends. We really tried to keep it clean and
nice for her though, because she did trust us. I really think she
was quite wise about the whole thing.

“Fuck, Mac, am
I glad to see you.” Ben let out a waft of steamy smoke and stood
from the curb as I approached him. “Its nuts in there.”

“I don’t know
why you’re so glad. I don’t know what to do anymore that you would.
Ugh … my feet are killing me.”

“It’s not me
he’s been asking for all night.” Ben raised his eyebrows. “Were you
having a good time with what’s-his-name? Sorry to spoil your
fun.”

“It’s all
good.” I flicked my smoke into a puddle, listening to the sizzle
when it hit the water. “His name is Grey. And yes, we were having
fun.” I sighed. “Where’s Riley? What’s going on?”

“Go see for
yourself. I don’t know where to begin.”

“Okay. Wish me
luck.” I headed into the house then, somewhat anxious and not sure
what to expect. The upstairs was bathed in darkness, so I went
downstairs into the dim light of the TV room. Riley was there,
alone and slouched upon the loveseat, staring at the empty screen
on the TV—the only light in the room. It tinged everything an eerie
blue.

“Hey Ry.
Whatcha doing sitting in the dark?” I asked. There was no answer,
which kind of creeped me out. I flicked on the lamp nearest me.
“Ry?”

“Shut that
off!” He screamed suddenly, pointing a small toy golf club at me
like it was a sword. “Wait, wait, Mackenzie, is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.
What the hell are you doing?”

“Exactly.
Exactly.” He nodded his head in agreement, which made no sense. His
hood was pulled down past his eyes, and all I could see was the tip
of his nose and his mouth, which was set in a grim line. “See, I
knew you’d understand. I hoped you’d come.”

“Of course I
came. What’s going on?”

“I just ….” He
pulled his hood down further. His voice was hoarse and choking. “I
can’t control it. I can’t. The things I’m seeing … it’s not right.
They’re not right.”

“What are you
seeing?” I sat down in the chair beside the lamp. “There’s nothing
here, Ry. Nothing but me.”

“No, I can’t
tell you. It’s too terrible. Just be here. I think I’m dying.”

“I am here. And
you’re not dying; you’re going to be okay. Remember that one party
when you ate all those hot wings before they were cooked? You swore
you were dying then, but you were fine. You just gotta ride it
out.”

“This is
slightly different than food poisoning, Mac.” Riley growled at me.
“I didn’t see shit then.”

“Oh, yes you
did.” I laughed, trying to lighten his mood. “That’s all you saw
for days.”

“Mackenzie!” He
shouted at me, stopping my laughter abruptly. “Don’t you get it?
I’m in Hell. I’m
in
Hell. I see Hell right now.”

“… What?”

“It’s evil. All
of it is evil, and I see it now. I see it clearly now and I wish
I’d known the truth before. I wish I had the chance to choose
again. I’d choose differently.”

“You are
rambling about who-knows-what right now, Riley. Just relax. You are
not going to die.” I sounded more confident than I felt. “Just take
it easy, think of pleasant things. In a few hours this will all be
over.”

“No, it won’t
ever be over.” His said desperately, clawing at his hood and his
face. “Help me, Mac. Help me.”

“I don’t know
what to do.” I admitted, slightly panicked by his plea. “Tell me
what to do Ry and I’ll do it, whatever you need.”

He shook his
head and then, pressing his hands against his face, Riley began to
cry, silently sobbing into his palms. I had never in the fifteen
years of our friendship seen Riley do that. Not when his dad left,
not when his dog died, not even when he broke his wrist in Phys Ed.
Those quiet tears scared me more than anything he ever could have
said or done. I felt hollow and lost. Riley had always been my
rock—the strong one, manly, emotionless. Now I didn’t know what to
do.

“Hey, Ry. It’s
okay. It’s okay.” I struggled to control my voice, realizing that
my hysterics would do nothing to ease the situation. I spoke softly
and soothingly, like my mom did when I was sick or sad, and crossed
over to him. As I put my arms around his shoulders, he jerked
startlingly from my touch. I could feel the heat pouring off of
him.

“What can I do?
Tell me what to do.” I pleaded.

“I don’t know.
Make it stop. Pray. Pray for me.”

Pray? I held
his trembling form as tightly as I could. I didn’t want to mention
that prayer wouldn’t do anything for him, minus the fact that I’d
never prayed a day in my life and wasn’t entirely sure how it was
done. He shut his eyes then and his lips began to move silently,
and I knew he was petitioning God, begging Him with all his might
for this to stop.

“Please
Mackenzie. Pray. Pray for me.” His eyes, completely void of color
in the dim light, were hauntingly desperate and filled with
terror.

“Okay.” I
nodded, hugging him to me. “Lord ….” I didn’t know what to say,
what to even ask for. Help Riley have a good mushroom trip? I
doubted God would be into that kind of thing.

“Lord.” I
started. “Please save my friend Riley from Hell.”

I awoke the
next morning to a horrible kink in my neck. Slowly I strained to
turn my head, rubbing the aching muscles with a stiff arm. Riley
slept next to me, his face pale, but calm and peaceful now. He had
thrown one of his arms around me during the night, and it lay
heavily around my waist, warm and comforting. I was relieved that
our rightful roles had been restored, and he was again taking care
of me. I sighed contentedly and snuggled against him. There was no
safer place in the world than Riley’s arms. None I had found
anyway.

I studied his
face while he slept. Dark smudges lay beneath his eyes, a tribute
to the horrible night we had spent. For hours we sat together, and
I tried to comfort him as best I could, but there wasn’t much I
could do. He had to ride it out by himself, and what he went
through I don’t think I’ll ever comprehend. He tried to keep it
mostly to himself, but at times he trembled so violently I nearly
thought he was having a seizure. Other times he paced the room,
muttering incoherently, trapped in the utter torture of his
hallucinations, at the total mercy of his mind.

But eventually,
like Grey said it would, the terror faded. I felt Riley’s body
gradually relax, the tension unwinding as the mushrooms wore off
and the delusions finally dwindled. Exhausted from the ordeal, I
had passed out sitting up, unable to keep my eyes open once I knew
he’d be okay. My body ached from the uncomfortable sleep in such an
unusual position, but I didn’t regret it. Not for Riley.

“Mmm … what
time is it?” He asked then, his eyes still shut in a grimace.

“I don’t know.”
I looked at the bright sun filtering through the Venetian blinds.
“Mid-morning? Early afternoon?”

“Too early,
whatever time.”

“How you
feeling?”

“Not good.” He
opened his eyes, slowly, and looked up at the roof. “Gut rot.”

“I would
imagine. Among other things.”

“Man ….” He
shook his head.

“You okay?”

He hesitated.
“Yeah. Let’s not talk about it. I wish I’d never put you through
that.”

I scoffed.
“Psssh. I’m fine.”

“Yeah. Well,
I’m sorry. I think that was the last time I’ll ever do mush.”

“I should hope
so. I will personally kick your ass if you ever do them again.”

“Deal.” He
smiled. “How was your first E experience?”

“Umm ….” I
thought. “Pretty awesome. Yeah, I definitely loved it.”

“I thought you
would.”

“What’s not to
like?”

“Yeah ….” He
nodded, but I noticed he looked … worried almost. Like he was
frowning.

“What?”

“Nothing. Sorry
to ruin your night.”

“No, you
didn’t. It was fine, really. Oh, and guess what else. You’ll never
guess.”

“What?” He
smiled.

“Do you think …
could you still get me that job, at your restaurant?”

“What, really?”
His eyes brightened. “That’d be awesome. They’re always hiring, I’m
sure it’ll be no problem. Sweet. What made you change your
mind?”

“Well ….” I
looked away, feeling a blush of heat sweep my cheeks. “That’s where
Grey works, right?”

Complete
silence. I glanced up at Riley, but the look on his face was
totally indiscernible. His eyes were flat, void of emotion, but his
face seemed hard. He looked up at the ceiling again.

“Mackenzie …,”
he gulped, as if thinking out his words carefully. “Do you really
think that Grey would be good for you? I mean, he’s a decent
fellow, but he’s not exactly someone you bring home to mom.”

“You seem to
think it’s that easy, like I’d even stand a chance.” I scoffed.

“I think you’d
be surprised.”

“Okay, let’s
say I do. What’s so bad about him? He seems to have lots of
friends. And his band is doing really well, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, I guess.
I don’t know. I don’t want to bad mouth the guy, but I think you
could do better.”

“I think the
same for you, whenever you meet someone.” I admitted, meeting his
deep brown eyes. “I think it’s a curse of ours, Ry. We care too
much about each other to be only friends, but friends are all we’ll
ever be. Don’t you agree?”

He stared up at
the ceiling, hesitating before he slowly nodded his head.

“Right. Just
friends. That’s all we’ll ever be.”

I thought about
his slowly uttered words, and although I agreed with them, for some
reason they bothered me. It was almost like there was a sudden
separation, a mutual and silent decision we both made in that
moment, to have those words come true. Ever since we’d reached
adolescence the possibility had always been there, like a white
noise in the background, a constant subconscious thought that
flirted with our deep bond of friendship and threatened to make it
more. I had always denied this hidden feeling and curiosity and I’m
sure he did the same. But his words, as they rent the air, brought
with them a feeling of definite, a sudden detachment in our
closeness, as though certain things forever available were now
forbidden to each other and forever-off limits. I wondered if he
felt it too. It was a terrifying feeling, as though we had just
mutually agreed to go our separate ways.

“Riley—” I
tried hard to control my voice. I was searching for an easy way,
any way to make this work without losing my best friend in the
process. “Promise me that no matter what happens, no matter who we
end up with or what we go through; promise me you’ll always be
there. Promise that, that you’ll always love me.”

He turned back
to me then, and a little smile curved his lips. His dark eyes were
the same, warm and comforting. But the detached feeling
remained.

“You don’t need
me to say that, Mackenzie.”

“Why?”

“Because. You
know it’s the truth.”

Dad was waiting
for me on the front porch of our house when I slowly ambled up the
sidewalk, frowning from the lack of sleep and tormented emotions.
He wore the sheen of someone who had just spent the day in a plane,
his suit was rumpled and his face needed shaving. He didn’t look
overly impressed with me.

“Is this a
habit of yours? Staying out all night without telling anyone?”

“Well, hello to
you too.” I squinted. “No, it’s not a habit. And what difference
does it make? No one was here anyway.”

“The difference
is, you are seventeen years old and you have a curfew, which you’ve
only broken by about, oh, twelve or thirteen odd hours.”

“How do you
know? Maybe I came home last night and left really early this
morning. You’d never know.”

He didn’t
answer, just looked at me hard, as if he were trying to figure me
out. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. It was easy to beat
my dad at this game. Most of the time he didn’t have the patience
or the energy to try and battle me.

“Well, you made
it just in time.” He smiled then, his voice overly chipper, his
I-just-want-to-get-along-with-you-today voice. “Marcy’s coming over
to dinner! She just called.” He grinned broadly.

“What! Wow.” My
sarcasm was obvious. “What are you still doing here? The fattened
calf isn’t going to kill itself.” With that I brushed by him,
rolling my eyes, and headed quickly in and up to my room before he
could bother me anymore.

To my horror of
horrors, my mother had laid out on my bed a neat little cardigan
set, bubblegum pink, with a grey plaid skirt to go with it. I made
a noise of frustration and leaned against my door until it slammed
shut. Silently I repeated my mantra, only a few more months and I
would be on my own, away from these people, living in sweet
freedom, a life totally void of anything involving the hue
bubblegum pink. I sat on my bed, purposely seating myself right
upon the offending garments. I wanted a smoke, but since my mom was
a doctor, she’d smell it instantly and then really be a pain in the
ass.